Daddy's Fishing Place

Our daddy used to go fishing a lot. He spent a lot of time in the Mississippi River, and I remember our family going to this place with him. I loved this place. Rob took me back there before we left Illinois so I could get some photos.



When I was a little girl, I used to play on the sandbar while Daddy fished and I would pretend that there was a princess locked away in these "castles" by an evil witch. :)

Low Water Dam- This is a really rocky area- goes all the way across the river- normally and has a lot of rapids, but there was a lot of rain while we were home and it was underwater a few days later when we returned with the camera.

Chain of Rocks Bridge- this old bridge was closed to traffic when I was very young.  Rob remembers it being open, but I was just a toddler then.  It is open for foot/bike traffic now, and we walked across to get some photos.

That's St. Louis in the background.

a log floating down the river- here in Central NC, there are no big rivers of any kind of size- was hoping my students could get an idea how big the river is with this picture

Goodbye Daddy.  Thanks for some good memories. :)

Where I Come From

Rob and I took a lot of photos when we were back in the St. Louis area.  I am sure it was the circumstances, but we were both reminiscing a lot about our childhoods and memories-good and bad.  A few of these photos were taken for my students who can't quite understand what it is like "where I am from."   I didn't honestly have time when we got back to do anything but try to get caught up and I didn't feel up to looking through my photos either, but am going to try to do so today. 

This is where I come from- the Midwest, home of the mighty Mississippi River, flat land, and cornfields as far as you can see.

Sunrise and fog as we leave Illinois to head back to NC

winter wheat fields

snow fence in front and a wind farm in the back (sorry for the dirty window picture)

flat land, farms as far as you can see



crossing the Mississippi River into St. Louis



Rob waving hello to my students. :)

me being silly :)

This is where the flood of '93 was measured.

flood walls and measuring tool

Watching a barge moving upriver before we left the landing.

Landscaping work in Progress (for Momma and Pop)

I know these are nothing spectacular to look at, but I promised my Momma I'd share some photos for her and Pop so they can see what we are up to.  So here goes.  Robert and I took out the dying boxwood bushes in front of our house; we have left the firebushes for now anyway.  We have replaced the bushes with some ornamental grasses, delphinium, coreopsis, shasta daisy, and English daisy and left the small blooming grass that was here up front between the little daisies.

 I wish my camera could catch the real shade of blue on this!  It is GORGEOUS- so much prettier then the camera/computer shows!

English Daisies- I love these too!

 Can't see the flowers much, but the house looks so different without those big bushes in front now!

I bought cheap brick-like stones to try to keep the yard out of the bed and the mulch out of the yard.  Hopefully I can add to this as we go.

 A side view

 The side of the house- these hostas came from Illinois with my parents one year when they came to visit us.  Pop dug them up from his flower beds.  They lived at our old rental home and when we bought our 1st home, Matthew and I dug them up again and brought them with us. :)  They are starting to really take off and get bigger now.

 Just loved these flower pots- and of course had to make them St. Louis Blues colors for Rob.  I love gerbera daisies and these also fit the Blues color theme, so voila. :)

Does God have a tomato garden?

I'm a weird person, I admit it freely.  If you don't know me you'll probably think this is really stupid or totally strange, and it probably is.  If you do know me, you will probably think this is weird too, but at least you'll already know I'm a bit off. :)   But for the past few years (sometime after we moved to NC), I've been saying goodbye to kids and telling them to look for me in God's tomato garden in heaven.  Don't even know where this idea came to me and can't remember which kid I started this with.   Weird, huh? :)

I should also tell you I really, truly love my school kids.  I had a lot of teachers growing up that were good teachers; several that really cared about kids, but only a few who "got through" to me, who really truly showed they cared a great deal about me. Only one that went beyond the school doors to show that he cared like that.  Weird as I am, I get attached to my kids and they do to me too. I don't know quite how or why this happens; I just know that I really do love my school kids. I love God first, my husband, children, parents, sister, brother-in-law, and niece. And right behind them, come my school kids- I really would die for them and spend a lot of time and money to show them I care.

Yesterday I said goodbye to another student :(, a dear, sweet little 2nd grade girl.  Her family is moving away to a neighboring county.  It was such a joy to be her teacher and watch her blossom this year!  She changed from a VERY painfully shy child to a child who let her classmates and teacher see the real her- a bubbly, happy, love-to-pick-on-her-teacher, devilish laugh, intelligent, creative, wonderful kid.  I loved being there to watch this transformation, loved having her company as a lunch buddy and special helper, enjoyed her sense of humor and wit, loved reading her writing and poetry and books, being the recipient of her notes and drawings.  Oh, I will miss this child in my life!

I tried really, really hard to not let myself tear up when the kids talked about her leaving all week.  I really HATE goodbyes and we've already had to say goodbye to two other kids this year.  Every (well most anyway) year, I seem to get this sense of family in my room, and when a kid leaves us it is hard on us all.  I knew this one would especially hurt and I wanted to be strong for my kids.  I've tried to talk to them a lot about how goodbyes are part of life and not an easy one but one we must learn to deal with.  They have watched me very recently deal with this and have asked me about it more since my mother-in-law just passed away.  My little girl, D, tried hard to not think about it too, I could tell.  When D grabbed me yesterday to hug me goodbye at the end of the day, she began to sob and I had to hide my face in her long hair so the kids wouldn't see my face.  She wouldn't let me go either so it was a really, really long hug. 

Public school teacher or not, I whispered in her ear, "You go to church, don't you?"  She nodded yes.  I knew she did from our conversations.  "You love Jesus, don't you?"  Another nod.  And next came a private conversation I've had now with several sobbing children over the last few years.  "Then this isn't goodbye kiddo.  We're going to see each other again because I do too.  Someday when you get to heaven, ask Jesus where his tomato garden is.  I'll be there working in His garden and eating His tomatoes  I'll be waiting for you there.  It will be our meeting place."  (Side note, my kids know I adore tomatoes.  They think it is one of the strange qualities of their teacher, and you'd be surprised how often it comes up that Mrs. Thomas likes tomatoes, seriously- don't know why but this fascinates them for some odd reason.)  This got her and I both grinning as we cried, and helped us both take the walk to the bus.  I promised her I would wave to her as her bus pulled out, and as I did, I wondered, "God do you have a tomato garden?  I hope so.  I would hate to disappoint all these kids I've told that to." 

So, God, I know I'm not much of a Christian.  I know I've got a lot of sin and failings.  I know it's not about me or what I've done or not done.  I know it's all about mercy.  I'm really, truly counting on that.  And God, if it's possible, could you please let me just be a simple tomato gardener in heaven?  I mean, I really do love tomatoes- You already know that. :)  But, God, I've got some kids to meet someday in heaven, and that is our designated meeting spot.  Sort of like a family reunion place for that crazy Mrs. Thomas and the kids who just happened to get placed in her care at some time or another. 

hanging on

We came home from STL two weeks ago.  Rob and I had to jump right back into work and our normal life things.  I was so exhausted and have just been telling myself, "One more day, just get through today..." for two weeks now.  I am a star member of Insomniacs Are Us, and have been tired, worn out, exhausted, whatever you want to call it many times, but I have never known this level of exhaustion.  Whether it is just really all a mental "in my head" thing, allergies, or my body just having enough, I started feeling really icky this week and by the time I got to yesterday afternoon I wasn't sure I was going to make it home.  Matthew wanted to take Rob and I to see Hunger Games last night so we went.  I really didn't feel like it, but wanted to do something with our "baby" while he wanted to do something with us still.  With Robert about to leave home, I am making sure I grab every moment we get with our kids.   I got really, really sick about halfway through the movie and almost didn't make the very short ride home.  I am just so thankful I have made it to the Easter break- oh, excuse me "Spring" break. :)  Now I can relax if I need to, and apparently I need to. :)

I am having some strange emotions from time to time too- ones I wouldn't have thought I'd have.  Twice now I've seen someone who looked like my m-i-l.  It bothered me, and I don't know why.  Then today we received a card from the State of Illinois offering her free transit rides on any of their public transit routes.  Stupid, I know, but it irritated and saddened me at the same time. No idea where those feelings come from.  I just wish things had been/were different.  I wish for what never was and never can be. 

Home at last- hopefully to stay for a while

I am keeping this short and sweet.  Rob and I just returned home from our 2nd trip to St. Louis.  I'm feeling pretty lost on what day it is, what time it is, or where I am.  So is Rob.  Guess driving about 4,000 miles back and forth across country in two weeks will do that.
Rob's mom had heart surgery on March 1st and had complications.  She stayed in ICU until she passed away last Saturday, March 17.  We left NC to go visit her for a few days, and as we were on our way back home to NC, she began to deteriorate even more.   Rob had to make a difficult decision last Saturday to let his mom go, and as the dr.'s turned off her life support and she slipped away to heaven, we turned around, loaded the car and took off for STL once again.

Last week was really rough, and though I'm glad that part is over and I wanted to see my kids, I didn't want to come home because that would mean this was all real.  Add to that, being out 8 days of school this month, and I'm feeling a little lost with school too.  I know it's real, and I know we will deal with it.  I just don't want to.   We have the cremation/memorial service behind us, her apartment emptied out, most of her financial things dealt with.  Now I just have to finish the money stuff, file the death certificate with her various insurance companies and utilities and creditors and write thank you notes.

Today was also the day my daddy went to heaven 30 years ago.  I miss him more the last two years or so than I did when I was younger- weird I guess, but it's true.

Think I'll take my tired, worn out self to put on some jammies now and try to sleep.  Night world. 

love the ones you're with

I haven't written anything in quite a while.  I've been swamped with work (teaching two grades is a lot of work, just so you know) :).  I've had more issues with my stupid ankle and what appeared to be a gall bladder attack.  Between those I've spent more time in a dr.'s office then I care to say. :) 

And mostly, I have just felt quieter of late.  Nothing important to share, no deep thoughts (Sis, I went back to the shallow end to splash and play). :)

My mother-in-law died this past weekend, and the past two weeks have just been hard.  That's the short version.  I don't feel like the long version today.  This experience is definitely teaching me a lot- not sure where I'll file all this new knowledge though- probably in the "this stinks" file.

I've always felt like I am too "clingy" with the ones I love, and I probably bug them to death with all my "I love you's" and talking too much, and I know my kids probably wish I didn't hug them so much.  I don't mean to be a pain, it's just that I learned very young that no one is guaranteed tomorrow.  When my daddy died, I was 11 and I found out that you can't always say goodbye or tell someone one last time, "I love you."  Now I see that even when you do get to say goodbye or I love you, you still wish you could say more.

So family, I'm sorry, but you're stuck with this clingy, hugging, big mouthed, "I love you" ten million times person.  Because when my time comes, I want you to KNOW in your heart that I loved you, that I was proud of you, that I thought more of you than I could ever say, that I will always love you, that you were important to me, and that I will not forget you in heaven.  I don't want to get to heaven with regrets, and I don't want you to have any either.

I know they won't all see this, but I am saying it here anyway.  Rob, Robert, Barbara, Matthew, Momma-mine, Pop, Daddy (though you're in heaven, still), Jessica, Scott, and Zoe- I LOVE YOU.

Hug your family today and tell them you love them. 

Goodbye

I have been a part of your life for 24 years, and for most of that I have felt like an outsider around you.  I grew used to it and wished it were otherwise, but tried to make the best of it.  I wanted to have a good relationship with you, but my efforts never seemed to reap any results. I have shed so many tears over this, and spent countless hours feeling guilty about the situation. 

Now you're gone.  I am going through your belongings and personal things.  I see little things that make me wonder- Did you like me after all?  I found the posts from my blog that you had printed off and had with your Bible study things.  Oh, how that has made me cry these last few hours.  We found the photo of B in  your firebox, and I wish you would have let her know she meant more to you than she knew.

I see how bad your health was and how limited your abilities were these last few months, and I wish you would have told Rob and me.  I don't know what we could have done from NC, but we should have known.  I'm so thankful now that we came at Christmas. 

You had a hard life I know, and I would have liked to have been closer to you.  The kids and I would have brought you much joy and laughter if you'd have let us in more.  I am saddened for you that you didn't because you missed out on something good, especially with the kids.  I am saddened that you didn't have a better relationship with Rob.  He is a wonderful man- one that you would be proud of.  He's been my best friend since we started dating.  He's stuck with me and never left me or been unfaithful to me even through so many hard times.  He's a terrific dad!  He is a compassionate, gifted teacher; I wish you could have seen him or talked with him about his daily life as a teacher. 

I know you are at peace today, having a wonderful time in heaven.  I can see from your things that following God was important to you.  I'm so proud to see all the Bible study things you printed off, the things that show how involved in your church you were while you were able-bodied and knowing how even when you became more limited in mobility, you kept involved in a Bible study group.  I am hearing all these wonderful things about you from your neighbors and friends, and I am glad you brought joy to others around you.

I hope that somehow in heaven you can know that Rob loves you, that I do too.  I'm sorry that I wasn't a better daughter-in-law.  I hope you will be able to watch your son as he grows older and that you will see the good he does for God.  I hope you will know about your grandkids as they continue to grow and mature and begin their own adult lives.

I hope you know that I did care.

Goodbye.
Rebekah

Prayers

Please pray for my mother-in-law.  She's been having health problems and is not feeling well.  She spent about a week in the hospital earlier this month and has had just about every test known to man run it seems with more to come.  Thank you!

Other stuff for tonight:

• Two days of half day "data meetings"-I don't like to attend meetings that leave me feeling "Ugghhh."  Teaching children- I LOVE! :) The education system leaves me just tired and disgusted. :(
• Went back to the ortho doc today.  I'm on medicine now to heal up the inflammation/infection in my ankle and have been put back in the ugly, uncomfortable brace to immobilize my ankle.  If it's not better in three weeks, I'll be getting cortisone shots and maybe an even prettier walking cast/boot.
• Three more hours and we will have made it to payday.  Is it bad that I am counting hours until payday? :)
• One of my second graders brought me a pint of grape tomatoes today- her parents let her buy it for me because she knows I love tomatoes.  :)  Cute, sweet, funny. :)  I do so love my kids!!!!  
• My kids have had a little trouble completing their work the past couple weeks with the "testing" phase going on in our room.  I told them they couldn't pick on me anymore until they started getting their work completed- a real motivator for some of them.  We have a mutual pick-on-each-other thing in my room. :)  They LOVE to pick on me- punch buggies, calling me "Rebekah" (they think that's just awesome), sticking their tongues out at me, "stealing" my lunch bag or cell phone or other stuff. :)  Today one of them said, "Oh yeah, we can't pick on you yet.  I'm GOING to get my work done this week so I can pick on you again!" :) :) :)  Too funny!

Well, I'm off to pack up for tomorrow and try to be crashing by 10 PM for a change. :) Night world!

Hope the week is good to you wherever you are!  Praying for many of you!

Rebekah :)

Dear Person,

Something was said this week, and the more I think about it, the more it bothers me.  I would just like to say...

Dear Person,

From your comments to my six year old student, I assume you are anti-war/pro-peace.  Whatever label you put on yourself, I can respect your viewpoint.  I don't like war either.  I hate the death it brings, the loss and sadness people have to live with as a result, the horrors that come from war, and the aftermath.  I have never had to face those things directly really, not up front and personal in my own town, on my own street or in my neighborhood. Neither have you.  We are so lucky, no blessed, here.  We have never had to hide from the enemy, worry about going to the store and being killed by a stray bullet or blown up by a bomb.  We don't have to worry about our children playing in the yard and being killed in the crossfire...

But, I understand that you have your personal views, just as I do.  Here is where I disagree with you, however.  Whether we like war or not, whether we think our soldiers should go into foreign countries and fight or not, we live in an imperfect, flawed world filled by fallible, messed up human beings who cannot live perfectly.  Conflict happens.  And our soldiers do what they're told to do.  It isn't always what they want, and I'm sure that many times they personally disagree with what the country does, but they serve our nation to protect us- the people.

It is an honorable thing to serve our nation in this way.  Somebody has to do it.  If we have no military, we would be sitting ducks for everyone out there who hates us and wants us dead.  I recognize that I have a biased viewpoint here, and want to tell you that up front.  My grandfather fought in World War II.  My daddy was wounded in Vietnam. My Pop served in the military for twenty years.  I have relatives who have been in all the branches of the military.  My cousin's husband was nearly killed serving in Afghanistan and will have serious lifelong health issues now as a result.  His family paid a heavy price allowing him to give back to our nation- to protect us! My youngest son's greatest desire is to serve his country by being an infantryman, and at the time, he is not able to because of an ear problem.  Many, many soldiers pay a price (and their families right alongside them) to allow us the freedom to dissent, to speak our minds, to publish our own opinions, to meet in public and so many other rights we often take for granted.

So when you treat a kid rudely because you disagree with his desire to be a soldier someday (and yes, even a sniper in the Army), I take offense.  There is NOTHING wrong with his desire.  Maybe his dad or uncle or grandfather or neighbor or a friend of the family did that job.  Maybe he just thinks it would be cool.  Maybe he's just a kid who is, like many kids, fascinated by those things.  Perhaps in your manicured, middle-class world that is unacceptable, but please recognize that not everyone lives in your world.  Please recognize that many people have fought, died, and yes, killed people, so that you could have that viewpoint and express it freely.

You have that right, but in MY classroom, you do NOT have the right to put my students' thoughts and ideas down, even if you don't agree with them.  Because in MY classroom, everyone has a right to say what they think and feel, even when I don't agree with them.  That's because in MY classroom, we are a family- a family I am trying to teach and lead by example to be respectful, thoughtful people who can treat others well even when they don't like what someone else eats, thinks, says, wears, or does.  If the world would be more that way, maybe in the end we wouldn't need soldiers to go off and "kill people" as you put it to my child.

end of week thoughts

Just a few things I want to write down so I can remember some other day:

• Today I did something I don't think I've ever done- I confronted someone about something I thought was unprofessional and inappropriate. I stood up for a student.  It was HARD for me to do- way more than you know- but I did it.  Might not have done it well, but I did it.  May cause me problems later, but I did it.  I felt so proud of myself that I pushed myself past a roadblock in my personal growth! 

• One of my kids lost a tooth this week.  She forgot to take her tooth home that afternoon, and when I saw her after that evening's concert, she wanted to go get her tooth from the classroom, but our building was locked so I wasn't sure she could get in.  Her dad asked her to wait until tomorrow and being the super sweet, obedient child she is she agreed, but I could see it in her face that she was very disappointed.  I leaned over and whispered that I was pretty sure the Tooth Fairy would visit the classroom for her.  When I got home and just started mentioning this to Rob, before I could get two words out, he pulled out a dollar bill and gave it to me and said, "This is for ...."  Sweet man!  I wrote my kiddo a letter from the Tooth Fairy and printed it off in a different font than I ever use to try to throw her off, and left the money and the note on her desk with the tooth.  She was so excited and it was so stinkin' cute!  Then today I got the nicest email from her mom thanking me for the note and dollar.  She told me that last night she found her little girl brushing the tooth (which the school tooth fairy let her keep to show her family) so that it would be nice and shiny for the home tooth fairy. :) :) :)  Awwww....

• And the last thing for tonight...

This is a chalk portrait drawn by one of my first graders while I was at a mandatory meeting this morning.  On our way to the buses she stopped me to show me and said, "Look, Mrs. T. that blond girl on the ground over there... I drew that. It's you. She's pretty."  Now as I sit here thinking about this, it seems kind of "deep" to me.  Maybe it's just the end of a long week, a lot of tired and being in pain, but this makes me think...  Maybe my kids see something, the real me, beyond the blubber that I see.  Maybe they see who I am way down deep inside- a lady who loves them an awful lot, but most of all I hope they see God's love.  And when I think of that, this photo just makes me cry. :)

craft club adventures

I've been so busy and wish I had more exciting things to say here.  I'm not that exciting I think. :)

But these craft club projects were exciting! Matthew taught kirigami today, and I taught quilling. I loved how our work is going so far on these! :) Next week we will continue these two and add pop-up cards for Valentines' Day.

Nothing Much, Just Life

I wish I had more interesting things to say.  I would love to come on here and write profound things every day, but I'm not that exciting a person. :)
I hope 2012 has been good to you so far.  Time sure does seem to go by faster and faster; we're already halfway through January!  I've gotten back into my school groove and am hard at work completing the eighteen million assessments we have to complete with our children.  So far this week I gave five 2 different minute math "probes." I love that word-probe- think it is just a really ironic word for educators to have to use. :)  I completed my spelling assessment with all the kids, completed the DIBELS testing and the next math chapter pretest with my second graders. I also started the lovely TRC reading assessment this week.  I did all that while continuing to teach some actual real lessons too. :)  Now all I have left is to finish the TRC with ten kids and administer two grade level writing prompts.... and there seems like there should be something else I should do..... oh, yeah, wait for it-  TEACH! :)  I almost forgot that's what it is I started out to do- be a teacher. :) hahahahahahaha  In all seriousness though, I am happy with the testing results for my kids so far.  No one will be able to label me a "bad teacher" this year- thank God!!!!

Everything at home is good too.   Robert is hoping to buy his first vehicle today; he's going to with Rob to make an offer on a used truck in a little while.  By May, he'll be back on the road with his job and gone most of the rest of the year (out of town on the weekdays travelling and working- home hopefully some weekends).  Barbara was able to get two classes this semester and is still working at McDonald's while hoping for more gainful employment with more than two days a week soon.  She found out she has enough college credits to substitute so she's started that ball rolling.  I hope she can get some sub jobs before too long. :)  Matthew is looking for work and starting to move on as it looks as though his ear will not cooperate and will prevent him from following his dream to join the Army.  I know it's been hard for him, and I'm praying that he will be able to find his place in the world soon.

My mother-in-law was in the hospital pretty much all week this week.  It was hard for Rob to be here and not know really what all was going on.  I was trying to scramble some grocery funds together for him to go home, but she's home from the hospital and hopefully doing better.  Please pray for his mom that she will continue to heal and feel better. 

What other minute details can I bore you with? :)  I made my third grocery cart seat cover this week for a coworker's baby shower, and it looked really nice! :) I'm actually getting better at sewing!  I'm almost ashamed of that first one now that I finally figured out a tricky part of the pattern/directions (thanks to my awesome hubby!), but thankfully the last two have looked nicer and probably not too many people see all the mistakes I know about.  I'm so thankful for the nice machine I was blessed with last summer and the push to get back to sewing my cousin gave me!  I wish we had an extra room where I could set up a little studio.  I haven't done as much with card making or crafting this past year, and a large part of it is there is no place to do it unless I just permanently take over the small kitchen table and clutter up our kitchen.   My next project is to make a walker bag for my mother-in-law.  Barbara and I found a really pretty quilted fabric for her, and I hope to get it done this week. Someone at work said I should open up a shop.  I think about that a lot more than anyone knows, actually. I would love to have a small gift shop where independent crafters/artists could sell their stuff- including me, of course.  I just don't have any idea if that's actually a good idea or how to go about finding out or getting started. 

Barbara, Matthew, and I are doing an after school craft club still, and we started paper mache snowmen this last week.  We used small styrofoam balls as our base and I think they're going to be really nice when we get done.  Now I need to start practicing (in my spare time) how to do origami and kirigami because I have to be able to teach the kids how to do that in a couple weeks!  I have a couple books for my research; I started that over break but I didn't have the paper with me to try it out.

Well, I have probably put you to sleep by now.  I should get my grocery list finished and get on out the door.  I have a TON of assessments to score this weekend and data to enter into excel forms.  Report cards are due Friday too, and I have projects I need to do. 

So bye!  Hope January brings you something wonderful!  Love from NC!
Beka :)

Uncle Rob

Rob LOVES Zoe!  And it seemed that Zoe kind of liked him too.  I share evidence of these two facts here.

 Eating and talking and just hanging out on our last day in their corner of the world.

 playing with the blocks together

 I know she's a bit blurry- she doesn't sit still so it was not easy to get a photo of her without her being " in action." :) 

 Loved this one!!!!  Uncle Rob was reading and making all the animal sounds for her as they read together.

These are my absolute favorites!!!!  These tell another story.  Rob and Zoe would play "chase" and then he would hide around the corner and call out to Zoe.  She turned around to come chase/find him.

 Not sure what she was doing for sure, but she would holler and point at Rob.  So stinkin' cute!!!  She knew where her Uncle Rob was hiding though!

 Or, she thought she did.  "Where did he go???"

 "Boo!"  "Oh, there you are!"  hahaha  Zoe has the best laugh!!!!

Zoe and her Uncle Rob from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.


Untitled from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.

And the last one, Zoe gave Rob some kisses and hugs.