I MADE IT!!!!!!!!

There are still two days left until I am officially done with this school year, but the kids have gone home, and I am left standing. I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With the help, support, love, and prayers from my heavenly Father and family and friends I got through the hardest year of my 17 years as a teacher. I think I might have learned a thing or two and be a better person for it, I'm not sure yet. :) I want to do a lot more reflecting on that and put my "lessons learned" together more cohesively, but that is for another day.

Today my "baby" graduates from high school!!!!! Our family arrived Thursday/Friday. What an adventure it was for my parents to get here, and they, along with Rob & I are wiped out! Hopefully they got some rest overnight and we will all feel much better today and be able to have a wonderful, fun-filled day today. And let me just say that without a doubt, I have the MOST ADORABLE niece on the planet, EVER! :)

I'm going to the store in a minute for some produce, milk and such, and going to make a yummy brunch for us this morning. This afternoon Matthew wants to make/have "grandma's parmesan chicken," so we'll cook up a delicious supper and head to Winston for graduation. Tomorrow will be at church together and Monday we are all getting photographed at the Arboretum before they have to head back to Illinois.

I will post photos and blab some more soon. I just wanted to say that I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have prayed for me and my kids this year, I cannot say enough, "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Much love,

Rebekah :)

STRESS

Ever have everything go wrong when you least need it to? Yeah, that would be tonight. And I'm frustrated beyond words.

I won't bore myself, let alone you. It will all be okay. In 48 hours I will be done with the teaching part of this year. I have to get there that's all.

Taking my cranky self to bed and going to pray for grace, strength, and a little help in the computer-on-the-fritz department.

Night!

Photos-outside

This is our front porch/steps.

St. Louis Blues' colors with purple and yellow lantana

My little rose plant that was here when we moved and didn't look like it was going to do anything is doing much better this year. I had made plans to dig it out, but was putting it off because roses make me think of my Momma. Then it is making what I hope will be a comeback. :)

My family thinks I'm silly, but I LOVE lambs' ear! It's so soft and fuzzy and the blooms are pretty and boy do the honeybees love it!

Finally got a butterfly bush, and cannot wait. Had this one in the ground one day and am already seeing butterflies and moths. I also bought a white one. :)

Had this little wire basket thing Rob bought me a couple years back for Mothers' Day. I decided to experiment. We'll see how it goes, but for now the vinca is loving its home.

Now for some before/afters. This is my peach tree- my first Mothers' Day tree- as it appeared spring of 2009 when we moved in this house.

My wonderful peach tree this spring :)

My little Japanese maple (2nd M.D. tree) in 2009 when we moved, maybe 2-3 feet tall.

Look at this beauty now!!! WOW, what a lot of growing it has done! I think it loves its new yard home. This is what it looked like a couple weeks ago here in its corner of our yard.

And though we are between a rock and a hard spot this summer in finances, I spent $ I shouldn't have and bought mulch for this corner and a few plants. Here is my beautiful dwarf maple now with its new friends- echinacea, butterfly bush, shasta daisy, delphinium- and upgraded home. I know you can't see the flowers much, but I'm sure in a year or so this area will be full of blossoms and butterflies!

A view from further back

and a deck shot

and a "just because I love this tree" shot

That's it for now Rach. I'll post some photos this summer as things get settled in and start to bloom more. :)

Photos- Inside

So I promised Rach some photos. :) Late, but not forgotten, here we go. Rach, don't get too excited, it isn't much, but hopefully you can see what we did. :)

Love,

Beka

I didn't take a "before" shot last weekend, so this old one will have to do. This is from when we moved in two years ago. We weren't quite unpacked yet in this photo, and the bookshelves were not as full then, but were LOADED with books we've bought since. This is where we had them though so you can see- there were three in the corner of the living room with a corner chair squeeze in against the piano, and the recliner right in the center of the photo. It was a tight squeeze in here. On the other side across from this is a small loveseat in front of the windows and the t.v. plus Rob's desk.

So we moved the bookshelves out, put the corner chair in a corner, where it belongs :), slid the piano down, and now have a great photo corner! I am working on getting Matthew's baby & senior photo up on the wall there in that empty spot this week- he's going to help me pick the photos for his space.

We put one bookshelf on the other wall between the window and t.v., got rid of the corner stand and used the old three-tiered table/shelf that I have had all my married life. It belonged to my Momma and Daddy. :) It is holding our printer and all the kids' game stuff.

The piano and the rest of the photos. I still have to print photos for the frame on the piano- saw that yesterday and liked it.

Moved one of the other bookshelves into our bedroom by my bed. It barely squeezes into the space between the bed & closet, but it works and actually looks good. The third bookshelf went into the kitchen and holds all my books for school and my grad school books.

My houseplants LOVE this spot! I moved some outside for the summer, but these stay in and grow like crazy all summer! Here is my shamrock. Love this plant! And my spider plants up there, they grow so much I have given away spiders each year and the second one in this photo came from the first one.

Last Week of 2010-11

Whew, it's finally here! I cannot hardly believe it as I typed those words! This is the last week of school for this year, this oh so challenging, full of growth, sometimes good, sometimes not school year. We have so much to accomplish, and it will be a crazy busy week for the kids and me. This is just a bit of the happenings this week:

• Finish memory books (kids) and bind 18 books (me)
• Thank you project for a volunteer (Barbara)
• Teach the Teacher Day (Tuesday)- Some of the kids have chosen a topic and will be presenting their lessons to the class.
• Field Day (Wednesday)
• Water Day incentive, assembly, and class celebration (Thursday) I am super excited because I am working like a crazy woman to create a movie to surprise the kids with at the party. It's almost there, and I have to get copies burned for all of them by then too.

Sometime in there we have to pack up all the kids' things and clean up the room too. I will be out on Friday to be with my family- WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but will be going in during the afternoon to say my goodbyes and see the kids off. I have to get all my cumulative folders done by Thursday too so they'll be ready to check in and have paperwork ready for the big appeals meeting. Oh my, I wish I were still young enough to pull all-nighters! I have tried to act like a 20-something the past two nights and am feeling my body protest today. :)

Have a great week! I will post photos (if my family is willing) from our WONDERFUL visit and graduation this weekend!

homemade proverb

I'm trying my hand at writing proverbs. :)

He who toots his own horn eventually runs out of air.

Sometimes I wish I were better able to write my thoughts in a paper journal as I can't always post the deepest, most personal or "ugly" thoughts/feelings/experiences here. I just know that I really cannot stand people that have to brag about themselves, try to make themselves look like something to others, puff up their own sense of pride by bragging, or who try to make others feel/look like less compared to their "wonderfulness." It may motivate some, but it only aggravates me and turns on my "defiant" side, and I never even had much of that growing up. Makes me want to do the opposite just to show them, though I do try to hide that side of me. :) If you want to do something, do it. You don't have to tell everyone about it and how wonderful you are because you did this. I see this at work. If you want to mentor a kid, do it. If you want to attend a summer workshop, great! If you want to read lots of articles and study outside of work and improve yourself- good for you. If you want to stay after school and do things for kids or help other staff members on your own- you're a wonderful human being. But what's your motive when you have to tell everyone about it? Makes me suspect you, to be honest.

I just know that for me, there's that Bible verse that talks about not letting your right hand know what your left is doing and that good deeds should be "hidden." It smacks to me of being like the Pharisees.

I have this same problem when people post such spiritual things on their FB status too, and I know that's wrong of me. I know I'm judging, and I shouldn't. Probably every single one of them is a better Christ-follower than I am. Oh, the church-people issues I've got! And I do try to work on them, I really do!

Well, I'm off. Report cards & PEP's are due tomorrow. It's after 11 PM, and I still have bills to pay tonight. This weekend, I have to finish some things for my Momma who is working on Matthew's graduation book (I'll have to share more about that soon), and get ready for our BIG week next week! I'm just a WEEEEEEEEE BIT EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell? :) hahaha

Love,

Beka :)

Big I Like Me's :)

Hey, Momma, Crystal, and Rach, this is for me but also for you!

• I have been working hard on being healthier and living longer. I was on such a great roll with walking in spite of some really big challenges with work, grad school and everything else. Then I hurt my back again- ugh- and it was a little more difficult, but I kept going pretty well. Then, life got INSANELY busy here the past couple month with final grad school projects. I was still doing something but it wasn't as much as I had been doing. I was discouraged and worried, "Have I just fallen off the path again?" But I kept telling myself, "No, you have hit a hard time, life is too busy, but it's not that way for long. Do as much as you can. Give yourself some grace. You are still better off than you were six months ago, and still much more active than you were six months ago." And I have done just that- given myself some grace. :) :) :) HUGE HUGE HUGE growth for me, wouldn't you say? :)

• Next, I HATE hot weather. I feel awful in this humid, hot weather, get light-headed, puny... just not my kind of weather. So, the normal Rebekah would not do much in it. Well, again, we'll see how I am later this summer, but I think I am changing. Here's why. My classroom AC has crapped out; the room is HOT!!!!!!!! Seriously hot! After all day there, I went and stood (not sit) and watched some students play soccer, then ran every which way taking Barbara to work, going to get clothes, mulch and salad supper stuff with Matthew, fixed a delicious salad for the boys and myself, and..... get ready for this...... drumroll please..... Me, big 'ol Rebekah, went outside and opened and spread twelve bags of mulch, trimmed back, weeded, and watered for an hour in the heat! I came in soaking wet in sweat and hit a cold shower. :) I am soooo proud of myself! Oh and my pedometer reading for today - 2.53 miles. :)

I am liking me quite a bit, it's kind of surprising at times to hear a happy voice about myself. :) And as for this summer, I am ready. Rob & I have a game plan- a 5K walk in the mornings before it gets too awfully hot(ter) and then a bike ride in the evenings. Please pray I can do that often and that it has the effects I need/want it to.

Other smiles for my day.

• I now have 2 butterfly bushes- had to have another one.
• My kids and I had a sweet talk (and several were crying) this afternoon about how they don't have to miss me because wherever they go, they will take a piece of me with them, that when they are stressed, hurting, frustrated, discouraged, they're going to hear my voice telling them "I love you. I am proud you. You can do it! Don't give up," and how I will never forget them either.
• My daughter- she is a hot head, she and I can sure fight sometimes (though that gets less & less as she continues to mature and so do I :) hahaha). This 20 year old young lady is working two jobs and taking one summer class. She goes to work at McDonald's on the second shift and gets home usually around 11:30/midnight, and she is getting up with me each morning bright & early and going out the door to work with me at 6:30 each day to help volunteer every day. She works every bit as hard as any teacher or t.a. at my school! She loves my kids, mentors several students in the school, gives hugs to kids she knows and doesn't know (like her Momma) and shines His love to all the kids she sees. Then she comes home, changes clothes, and goes to work to do this all over again. I COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD of this young woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please pray for her. I know she's tired, she has a situation at work that could be bad, and she is applying for work with the school system. I would LOVE for her to be able to get a job so that she could have regular work hours, better pay, some benefits and be able to pay for the rest of her college. Most of all, please pray with me that God will just bless her socks off for all the love and time she has given to a lot of kids and teachers. She really has loved some pretty unlovable kids this year, and I am more in love with her each day that passes!
• Hmmm, what else- oh yeah! My family will be here one week from tomorrow (but who's counting?!?!) And in less than two weeks I'll be through "hellyear"- :) aaaahhhh, that sounds so nice!

Love,

Beka

P.S. Rach, you asked me for photos. I promise I haven't forgotten you. I will have photos, if not before, by the weekend (inside & out). :)

M's Graduation Announcement

So ignore the red line around the outside of this; I took the lazy way and just did a screenshot of it. Here is the last graduation announcement from the Thomas house.

Saturday adventures

I have more school work to do than I can get done, and I should have been doing it, but instead I dreamed up some crazy scheme to rearrange our furniture a little to make a tiny bit more floor space/moving room around the living room in the hopes that it will give us a little more room for our family that is coming to see Matthew graduate. So my sweet family all pitched in and between Dad's taxi service for two to McDonald's and back for their work shifts and Robert & I running to get groceries and go to Lowe's, we got it all done.

Next weekend I want to take the bare wall that is left from the bookcases being moved and make a photo wall, then this room will look much better I think! Rob is so patient with me. I know he didn't really want to do all that mess of work- taking three bookshelves' contents off, moving the bookcases to other rooms and reassembling them, taking one t.v. shelf apart to take to his school, moving the piano and tons of books, photos.... He did it all without a sigh as did the kids (for the most part)! :) :) :) Thanks family o' mine!!!!

So, maybe I better get on the school tasks that are screaming at me. Lesson plans - due Monday, report cards & PEP's- due Friday, and preparations for another week of EOG testing- ugh! Plus I want to make a movie for my class; I did this last year and the kids and parents LOVED it! And I need to prepare end of year awards and plan the party for class. So much to do, not enough time, but soon it will be over!

Happy Memorial Day to you!!!

Matthew's senior/graduation photos

I am sooooo happy with these- I just cannot say. Thank you Hearfelt Portraits; you did a terrific job!!! Most of all I am so proud and so in love with our son, Matthew Lane Thomas!!!!!! :) :) :)

Smorgasbord Post

So belly up to the table. I'm rambling away in my head, so here goes. :)

Can't get Joplin and the other towns hit so hard by tornadoes out of my mind. I stayed up waaaay late last night because when I said I was going to sleep I happened to see that the Joplin area was getting hit by bad storms and possibly another tornado. I started praying and kept updating the weather page I was on to see what was happening. Next thing I know it was midnight and I was still awake praying. Guess that might be silly, I don't know. But I did it and boy, was I tired today. Doubt God moved a storm all on account of me, but oh well.

Tonight the storms are in the area where we are from and where our families are. Praying for all of them tonight and those communities too.

Last night Momma texted to check on us as she'd heard on the news that our area was getting bad storms. Tonight I called to check on her and asked Rob to check on his mom. We are Midwesterners through & through. Grown up and lived there our whole lives. Never thought about storms like this before- they happen all the time; you get used to watching the weather, being aware of what's going on, and living life. Just makes me think about living my life the way I ought to and reminds me that each day I get to wake up is a blessing and one I ought not to waste. That old song says, "I don't know who holds tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand." Important thing to know in times like these.

My smiley list for right now:

• Two weeks from tomorrow, we will all be reunited again- the N.C. part of our family and the Illinois part of our family, and I can HARDLY wait!!!! :) :) :) :) :)
• Two weeks from tomorrow will be my last day with students and we will have our celebration. I will be missing our last day for the first time in my life as a teacher to stay home with my parents, sister, brother-in-law, and niece. Though I am taking the day off, we will be going over to the school so the kids can meet Zoe and the rest of my family and for me to wave goodbye to my kids on the bus lot as they leave for the year. This year my Momma, Pop, and sister will join me and be with me at a very emotional moment for me. I hope they can see the love my kids & I share and why I do what I do.
• Sidebar- We teachers all do this every year, line up along the bus gates and wave to the kids as they leave. The kids all hang out the windows shouting to us. I cry, I am the only teacher that does, and I do it every year. I can't help myself. They take away a piece of me, and I cry to see them go. I worry about them, I love them, and yes, in spite of it all this year, I will miss them. Today one of my kids said, "You wave to us kids every year don't you? You cry too, don't you, Mrs. T.? Will you be there to wave goodbye to us? Will you cry when you say goodbye to us?" Hmmm.... I hope they know how much I really do love them in spite of their ornery side, their stealing, cussing, fighting, lying.... I really do love them. I can't help myself. :) Jesus loves me; guess He can't help Himself either. I really am so thankful for that.
• Two weeks and two days from today our "baby" will graduate from high school. I plan to make that whole weekend as special and fun for us all as I can. We're getting family photos done at the Arboretum, and I'm looking forward to that! I want to make as many memories and write them in my heart and mind. Can't wait! Did I say that already? :)
• Three weeks from today and I will be temporarily "free" (sort of) of some of this insanity called NCLB, AYP, EOG..... I will have training the two weeks after school is out and then again in August, so I don't really have much time off, but at least July is looking slow. Praying they don't find any training for us to have to attend in July. I plan to read, spend time with my family, read, make lots of cards, walk & ride my new bike, read, enjoy my flowers, eat homegrown, fresh tomatoes to my heart's content, read, go to the farmers' market when I want to, and relax, and oh yeah, read. :)

Well, folks that's it for tonight. Love to you all and wherever you are I pray you are safe from the real storms and the other ones life can throw at us.

Beka :)

Matthew's senior photos- sneak peak

The photographer just posted a couple photos to Facebook. I had to share them as a sneak peak until we get ours. Oh my, I love these first two already! :)

I love this young man!

They say God moves in mysterious ways...

There is a song out right now with a title that would offend many Christians. My daughter posted a link the other day to it on Facebook, and she got a comment or two that was negative. I don't know what it says about me that it doesn't, and I'll leave that to others to decide. But I have listened to the song and if you can get past the title the words are really something. This is the song I mentioned the other day. I think it sounds kind of weird perhaps to say that God would use a song with vulgar language in it, but I promise you that is sure what it seems like to me.

You might not know me personally, but I want you to know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the children at my school- the ones I have taught and the ones I haven't. I get hugs and visits daily from many of my "old" kids and from kids I don't even know by name, only by face that I never taught, and I try to hug them all and give them a bit of my attention. This year, as every year, I have several students who have touched my heart yet drive me crazy with their behaviors. I don't know why I love them some days because they can be quite obnoxious, but I honestly do. I see something in them, and know that kids don't just come out this way. They don't get to choose their lives and the circumstances they find themselves in, they are not emotionally, mentally, or physically equipped or empowered to cope with much of what they see and hear and they see things most of us have never, things we can't fathom, and things they should NOT ever see, hear, know. So, I get up each day and try to love them like Him, put up with all the drama, and help them learn the academics, but most importantly learn how to live and work with others and work out difficulties in better ways. I feel like a failure more this year in so many ways; it's been a year of discouragement and frustration.

Then, I hear this song on the radio while driving with my daughter. I didn't know it had this "naughty" word in it, because it was on the radio and edited. I looked up the words when I got home, and oh my goodness- this song just grabs me. I feel like I should buy it and play it for my kids. I feel this very strongly. This first verse is the life many of my kids may have and I hope they'll find their way out of it somehow. The chorus is what I would like to say to them. And that second verse- it's what this rough, rowdy, troubled class of third graders that many people don't like say to me constantly- "Mrs. T, don't put yourself down. It makes me sad when you... Stop saying bad things about yourself Mrs. T...."

So I bought it and waited for the right moment to play it for my children. After the big reading EOG test, where my kids were persistent through that long, awful test and I didn't have any serious behavior problems (which was an absolute miracle and a FIRST for my class this year- THANK YOU GOD!!!).... I just felt moved to tears with pride in these kids. I turned on my computer and told them I wanted them to listen to the words of this song, that it was our song- my message to them and the message they'd given back to me. I went around my room and as they ate their lunch and listened, I gave each of them a kiss on the top of their heads. When I got around to one particularly troubled child, the chorus "just happened" to come on at that exact point. I said his name, he looked up at me, and I pointed to the speaker and his whole face contorted in tears, he covered his face with both his hands and SOBBED loudly for ten minutes- this street-smart, hardened, tough, prone to angry outbursts, threats, and outright violence- kid. He couldn't even speak. I went on and told every child that no matter what the day, what the problem, how they behaved, I loved them each and every one and thought they were perfect to me and always would. Finally, this young man came up to me and bear-choked me and wouldn't let go. I asked him why he was crying, and could barely talk, but said, "Because you love me." Oh. My. Word. Now it was my turn to try to remain composed. I just held him and cried silently with him. And prayed like I have never prayed in my life. God, I don't know how a simple teacher's love (which is really Your love I know) can overcome all the stuff in his life. He has a lot of his life left with a lot of "stuff" to overcome I'm sure. But somehow, let this moment stick in his young mind. Let it be enough. Let it never be far from him. Let him remember these words and know that somewhere, someone (You and me) love him. Let him, and all my kids, be able to overcome and rise above the "stuff" they are facing.

And today, another one of my kids came up to me out of the blue at breakfast, grabbed onto my waist and squeezed. When I bent down to hug him back, he whispered to me, "Mrs. T. you are absolutely perfect to me."

And as always, I turn to mush inside. ALL, yes all, Rebekah Rose Thomas, all this garbage- the administrator from hell, the stupid criticisms like the slight haze on the whiteboard, the old bulletin board display, the pencils on the floor, the bickering, fighting, cussing, knives, drugs, threats, the daily soap opera drama that drives me insane- all of that was worth it if just one (please, God, let it be more) of these kids can make it. How could I ever put a price on their lives? Who am I to think that my life, my peace of mind, my comfort, my daily life, peace, ease is more important than their success in life and eternity? I felt like a failure all year because "they" were judging me based on the test scores. But the growth that is happening and is yet to be really, truly measured may not be seen by me or my principal or school. If these kids can make it through all their stuff and grow up to like themselves, be well-adjusted adults who love their families and friends, then I was perfect to them.

So on this, the last night of the first round of EOG's- I am reminding myself that my comfort and so-called "ease" is not what this life is about. Thank you God for songs to remind me, for letting me hear the message behind this song, helping me to see how I could use this to touch my children one more time with an important message, and for letting me be the one this year to hang with these kids, love them in spite of the drama, and be a small part of their lives. And thank you for a group of rough, hurting kids to teach me something so many people have tried to tell me.

And though they'll never see this, Chris (and all of you 3rd graders of mine), I am changing those voices, day-by-day-by-day, just like you. One of these days, we're going to like ourselves and overcome all that "stuff" we all have in our lives. Thank you for loving this "old lady" teacher of yours who doesn't always like herself. That is a gift no one can ever take away from me!

Love to you all!

Rebekah/Beka/Mrs. T

xxxxx Perfect by Pink

Made a wrong turn
once or twice
dug my way out
blood and fire.
Bad decisions,
that's alright.
Welcome to my silly life.
Mistreated, misplaced
misunderstood,
Miss "No way its all good."
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken,
always second guessing,
underestimated;
look I'm still around.

Pretty, pretty please
don't you ever,ever feel
like you're less than
less than perfect.
Pretty,pretty please
don't you ever,ever feel
like your nothing.
You are perfect to me.

You're so mean
when you talk
about yourself.
You were wrong.
Change those voices
in your head.
Make them like you instead.
So complicated
look how big you'll make it
filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough I've
done all I can think off.
Chased down all my demons
see you do the same.

Pretty,pretty please
don't you ever,ever feel
like you're less than
less than perfect.
Pretty,pretty please
If you ever,ever feel
like your nothing
You are perfect to me.

EOG's- we're almost there!

We're almost through round 1 of EOG's! I CANNOT say enough how thankful I am for all your prayers! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please keep praying- one more day of this for third & fourth graders and two more for fifth graders. Then a week of "remediation" and more retesting for many kids.Whatever the scores are, I am very proud of my children! They have worked hard, behavior has been good, very little in the way of frustration, quitting, bad attitude... hopefully that will pay off and result in great scores, but either way I am thankful that they have cooperated and tried. :)

I have some stories I may share, but I am just hopping on here quickly tonight. Let me just say that I find God to never cease to be amazing. He used a song most Christians would not approve of from the title to help me share His love this week, and the result blew me away. God, please let that memory stick in the mind of my friend and never leave him. Let it come back to him over & over & over again when life gets hard.

Last night was Matthew's last concert (and ours as parents). Very moving night for Rob & I. I videoed all his songs, and will try to get one posted this weekend. Here he is with his band teacher afterwards. This kid young man hates to smile for photos, I don't know why. He was smiling two seconds before,

but then... this. :) Go figure!

Tonight we had a photo shoot at the arboretum.

I can't wait to see the photos and share some here!!! Our photographer was great, took TONS of photos, and let Matthew change from his BDU's (all Matthew wears anymore), to his dress outfit, to his cap/gown, to his JROTC Army uniform. She was terrific! Matthew was his goofy-don't-smile-for-the-camera self, but she got some good ones of him I think. The one thing that really hit Rob & I tonight was when Matthew helped her fold up her flag they'd used as a prop. We stood there watching our son, soon to be a soldier, fold up an American flag. God, if it is possible, please let us never receive one of those folded flags on his behalf. And if it is what the future will bring, please help us make it. No matter where our son goes, let him never forget that You love him and that his family (all of us) love him. Keep him IN You. That is, in the end, the single most important thing to me- that my three kids live for Christ all their days.

Those big hands... once upon a time they belonged to a little baby boy who could barely breathe, who was covered in tubes and monitors and we couldn't even hold. His little finger could barely grasp ours and we didn't think he'd live. Now he is this gentle giant of ours about to leave home and go serve his country.

And on a silly note- notice how high water his pants are- yes, that is how much this young man has grown! He is TALL! :) He just told me tonight that MEPS measured him at 6'6"!!!!!! WOW, that is tall! :)

Well, I'm outta here for tonight. Going to try to crash early. That concert last night was LONG- almost three hours- didn't get out of there until 9:40!

EOG week- Day 1 is done

I am wiped out! We did a very short survey questions section today, and then my class worked on a service project. They enjoyed it, and as always it was nice to make others smile. Hope that lesson sticks in my kids' minds!!! The kids, Barbara, and I made and delivered over 80 little paper cones filled with candy and a thank you note for all the staff at our school and the bus drivers.

After school Barbara helped me (THANK YOU sweetheart!!!!) finish emptying my walls and spaces of everything. Personally, I find the level of sterile-ness we are told we have to go to absolutely ridiculous, but I have to comply. The new seating arrangement is set, desks moved, and I just have to cover the bookshelves in the morning and we're set for the big, bad EOG. I'm really nervous about messing up and getting in trouble, but praying I can do this. More nervous for my kids and praying they do their best and that all of our hard work will be enough. It's in God's and the kids' hands now. I've given it my all.

Matthew is headed to MEPS next Monday, and hopes to finish the medical exam now that the tube was removed from his ear. If he passes that small part of the medical, then he'll be swearing into the United States Army sometime next Tuesday afternoon. He goes to the recruiter this Wednesday to do paperwork for that and get his job assignment.

Between the enlistment/child leaving home/graduation emotions and the stress at work with the EOG and everything else, my brain played a mean trick on me last night. I woke up in the night from a nightmare about my daddy. He hasn't bothered me in my sleep for a while, and though I did love my daddy, I HATE when I dream about him because it's never good. It's weird how the mind works and how stress, lack of sleep, milestones, life events.... can all work in the mind and produce strange dreams. This was definitely one. I hope this doesn't happen again tonight; I need to sleep and I need to be at my best tomorrow. Mostly I wish I didn't dream about him.

I'm tired, really, really tired. Going to read through my test booklet for tomorrow, take a shower, and try to sleep in the recliner tonight for my poor old, hurting back.

Hope you had a great Monday.

EOG week is here

Please pray for the children at our school, and the teachers and staff. The End of Grade tests are here. Stress and pressure are at crazy levels for us all. I could say a lot about the insanity of our system, the injustices I feel exist, the stupidity of so much time lost for assessments all year long and the amount of time we lose for teaching with these assessments... I could say much, but instead I am going to just pray, try to sleep and ask for your prayers.

Marking the milestones

Matthew spends a great deal of his free time in the backyard just walking around. He has worn a path in the yard where grass just simply refuses to grow. We've lived here for two years now and last summer we began to tease him about it, and Rob fought the good fight all last year trying to coax some grass seeds to sprout but to no avail.

But now as Matthew's graduation is looming on the near future and his enlistment is looking more and more likely, we are becoming quite the pair of sentimental fools. :) (Okay, I admit it, I already was quite the sentimental fool to start with!). :) We decided that we should just let the path stay. If Matthew doesn't get into Uncle Sam's club, he'll still be here pacing away any grass that might pop up. And if he's gone this fall.... well, we want to keep this to remember our youngest by. We don't have the finances now to do much with it, but sometime down the road we're going to mulch it in and put walking stones down it.

In the meantime, I got this maybe goofy idea to put a little flower bed in one spot where he's walked a circle and left a patch of ground with about six blades of grass trying to grow. :)- snicker, snicker- I should also tell you that it's very shady back there and any grass that does come up just won't do much because of the lack of sunlight for most of the day. As you can see in the picture down there, the new grass that is coming up is after two years of Rob seeding, reseeding, watering, chasing off the boy and the dog and nursing, digging, transplanting...

Sooooo... Rob and I went out and bought some plants, and then Matthew and I went back and bought some cheap stones and mulch and the hook and basket. It's not much I know, but after a little work with my son, voila! If Matthew stays here, I've decided to call it "Matthew Knoll," but if he goes away, Rob is going to name it "Homecoming Park" and plans to etch Matthew's dates of leave into the stones for all the times he gets to come home to us.

I was thrilled too because I finally found a way to have one of my favorites- this fuschia! When we rented the other house we had a really shady front yard so these did well there, but this house, well the shady part is at the back of the yard, so I can't do fuschias hanging up at the porch or on the deck- way too sunny. But then we did this, and I got the idea that I could hang one in this spot and it would be perfect! :)

This thing is LOADED with blossoms. Just gorgeous too!

And the hummingbirds love these too. :)

Pondering

The Bible says that Mary "pondered these things in her heart" or something to that effect. I think I am beginning to grasp what that might have felt like as I have been trying to grab every memory of every day, even the little things- no especially the little things, and writing them on my heart and mind so I won't forget them. I want to remember these last days of being a mom to a high school student. I want to remember how fun, crazy busy, hectic, frustrating, sometimes aggravating, and full (of life, busy-ness, laughter, joy, silliness and so much more) our lives are right now. It will come to an end, and I will miss this. God, please don't let me forget how blessed I am. Ever.

I'm feeling very sentimental; I usually am anyway, but this is big. It has really hit me that this is the end of a loooong stage of our lives as parents. I knew this all year, but now that we have less than a month to go to graduation, wow!, it has really sunk in. I will not be a mom to a school-age kid anymore, ever again. No more sports, band concerts, awards programs. No more running to pick kids up from activities or going to the school to give them a ride. No more, "Mom I need such and such for school." This next fall, Rob & I are going to not have to take kids to buy school supplies, shoes, socks, or backpacks. How will I feel? Will I be okay? What's next after 21 years of parenting kids through diapers, bottles, toilet training, learning to use a fork, ride a bike, tie your shoes, read and write and do math, chores- oh lovely chores!- growing up, learning to be an adult, balance a checkbook, work, drive a car, dealing with heartbreaks and the trials of adulthood????

This is definitely going to be different. I'm at times ready for this stage, ready to not have so much hustle and bustle, ready to start living a little more for me, ready to have a house that is more quiet. But most of the time I'm not ready for that yet. And this "hurry up and wait" game with Uncle Sam is getting old too, for I just want to know if my baby is going to be enlisting or not. But then I remember, these 21 years flew by- MUCH. TOO. QUICKLY! Let it go slowly, Rebekah, because it's all going to be gone before you know it.

So for these next few days I am enjoying and writing it all down in my heart: the last band concert, the "little" 6'5" boy who sleeps on my couch with his camo pants & soldier boots on, that young man who walks around in my back yard talking to himself and playing with the dog, the occasional "I love you Mommy's" that I get and the tender moments when they come. Soon enough, he will leave for the Army and I'll never again get back these moments.

Pondering all this in my heart today.

Thank you Father for them and for every moment I got to have and will still get to have with them. If it all ended tomorrow, help me to cherish what I have had. I have been a very blessed woman!

I love you babies of mine, always have, always will.

Mothers' Day 2011

This was a wonderful day. It is looking likely that Matthew will be sworn into the Army in the next few weeks, so this very well may be my last Mothers' Day with all my kids home. It hit me hard on Saturday (I'm only 40 and my kids are all grown- how did this happen???). It is so bittersweet, and I had no idea how hard letting go would be. I am determined, though, to live for the sweet and not dwell on the bitter. I hope I do this stage with grace and laughter, that I adjust quickly to a new stage of parenthood, and that I make God, my parents, my best friend & hubby, and my kids proud of me throughout every stage of my life. :)

My family has been so much fun. I live for days home with Rob and the kids!!!!!!!!! I am so thankful for them!!!!!

So today's photos (sorry, there's a lot), in no particular order:

My personal chefs for the day :)

Matthew made bruschetta- doesn't this photo make your mouth water? Yummy!

Robert has cooked professionally, so he always has everything prepared and ordered and ready before he will start cooking. Here he is getting everything ready for my chicken marsala. :)

This photo is for my Momma & Pop (Grandma & Papa, here he is 21 years old and he still spins in "spinny chairs." :) hahahahaha Just hope there was nothing breakable around him. :) snicker, snicker

the final product- yummy, yummy in my tummy- Boys, you did an outstanding job. This was an absolutely delicious day! :) Thank you for cooking some of my favorites for me!!!!

A few years ago Rob and the kids started a tradition, only they didn't know it was going to be a tradition. They decided to buy me a flowering tree to plant for Mothers' Day. Matthew picked a peach tree that year; he was in 8th grade. This year, Rob and Robert and Barbara did something else, but Matthew insisted that he wanted to keep the tradition, so on his own he bought me another tree and planted it for me. This year's tree is an ornamental pear.

This is our loyal, loving dog, Samson, also known as Sam and Sammy. He is particularly fond of Matthew and me and follows us around. He sniffed and explored the front yard where he doesn't get to go often and then came and laid down by Matthew and I while the tree was planted.

Matthew asked me to take photos of my other Mothers' Day trees. This is the peach tree from the first year. It was well established at the house we rented at the time we bought this house and moved. I was sad to leave it behind so Rob said we should try to bring it. Matthew dug it up and he & I replanted it here at this house in the rain. We weren't sure it would survive, so we even stood outside, he & I, and prayed for the tree in the rain. Look at it today- doing great!

This is my second tree- a dwarf Japanese maple. It moved with us too and is doing great- really filling out. I hope to work on this part of our yard and slowly over the summer dig it up with the boys' help and find cheap/free mulch and fill it in.

I love lambs' ear, and this patch is just looking pretty to me! :)

Rob & Robert bought me a bike to match Rob's (his was a Fathers' Day gift last year from us). Now Rob & I will be riding bikes together in the evenings and walking in the mornings this summer. :)

Matthew watering the trees. The redbud on the right is the Mothers' Day tree from two years ago, and the dogwood on the left was last year's tree. The redbud had something eat away all its leaves last summer, and we weren't sure it would live. It didn't bloom much at all this year, so I was worried about it, but it's doing very well now. :) Someday these trees will fill up our front yard and make for more privacy.

My Army-bound son, his tree, and me. I asked him what he would do next year when he was gone; he said he will send me money to buy a tree and continue the tradition. :)

I REALLYREALLYREALLY hate photos of me, and it is very rare for me to post them in public, but I decided to do it anyway since this was a special day for me. I hope to have a skinnier photo to share next year. My clothes are getting baggier on me; I don't know if you can tell in the photo, but they are.

I made crepes for us as a special treat. We filled them with fruit preserves. I haven't made crepes since I was a newlywed so it was a bit of an adventure but fun. My silly Barbara Rose made hers into a smiley face. :)

This young lady and I have some doozy of arguments sometimes, but I simply, absolutely ADORE her!!!!!!!!!! She is a terrific young woman, and I am so proud of her!

My crazy, silly, joking, smart-aleck, make me laugh until I pee my pants, drive me crazy, love you to death family.

Thank you God for this family. All I ever wanted to be growing up was a wife, mommy, and teacher. I got to be all of those, and I never had any idea how much love and joy it would bring to me. Rob, Robert, Barbara Rose, and Matthew, thank you for a truly wonderful Mothers' Day. I LOVE YOU all very, very much- much more than words could ever say. I will be eternally thankful for each of you and the love and memories we share.