Random Photos

These are nothing big, but just some photos I took this summer and in my laziness, never posted.

Rob & I have renamed these two. Meet Unstoppable(formerly known as Barbara Rose) and Unmoveable (also known as Matthew). :) These two were being silly. He was sitting on the loveseat and she walked up and said, "Move!" So he laid down (he moved), so she tried to sit on him and it became this game. The poor dog was confused and excited at the same time and jumped up to be in the middle of whatever it was. :) They ended laughing and both refusing to give in. Funny young people!!! My poor loveseat has not been the same since.

The goldfinches love our sunflower patch. Rob was drying these heads to collect the seeds for next summer, but this guy (and his mate not pictured) was having a feast! They come back every day to eat in our garden. The female bird is quite brave; she will hang upside down, tail feathers in the air, to get to some of the more challenging seeds/flowers. :)

This beetle comes around a lot too. We keep seeing him, and I finally caught him with my camera. :)

Summer veggies sauteed up in a tiny bit of olive oil with garlic- yummy!

This huge sunflower is probably now my favorite. It is bigger than even the mammoths but has TONS of flowers and has been blooming for weeks now. :)

Meet our oldest son, Robert. He's a goofball. Here's a little story. He works long hours with a contractor. He always comes home hungry, especially on days he doesn't get to eat lunch or get a break. So he came home, made himself three hamburgers, and carried them all into the living room like this in one hand. He was just carrying them in one hand talking away (like he always does- yeah, he's like me). :) Then he starts giggling and says, "I have an idea."

This was his idea. He actually tried to fit it all in. That picture is too blurry to post from my laughing so hard too.

Here he was dying laughing. He can really crack himself up- and us too. I love my kids!!!

And then there's Matthew again. This is his idea of a "small bowl" of ice cream. :) If you come to our house and we have ice cream, you definitely want to be in front of him. :)

Cooking Chicken- exciting stuff I know

Okay, I know I'm silly. Who else posts pictures of bags of chopped, cooked chicken & pitchers of chicken broth? :) Me- I'm weird, I know.

I promise I had a reason. :) See, we've been trying to be healthier, and I just wonder about all the stuff we use to preserve our foods, so when I can I am trying to avoid processed, precooked, packaged/canned food. I am NOT a health-nut, but am just trying to be more conscious about what we eat. Plus, I am hoping to stretch out our food dollars. I never buy canned chicken; when a recipe calls for it, I cook up my own chicken. But I usually only buy boneless/skinless chicken breasts, and that is expensive to use. I thought I'd try to do this in a more economical way. So today I hit the 5 for $20 that Save-a-Lot does and got five big packages of chicken legs and thighs, came home and filled my stock pot and cooked it all up. It took two rounds of cooking to get it all cooked. I got it all de-boned (Samson LOVED getting some bones!!!) and chopped up. I even used Robert's mini food processor and made a nice bowl of shredded chicken for Rob to make his yummy chicken salad. I have three BIG bags of chopped chicken ready to use, plus over a gallon of strained broth. Matthew helped me work on straining the fat out. I'm going to freeze that up in small portions too.

It was a lot of work, but I think it will save us money and hopefully be healthier- no salt, no preservatives, no chemicals, no corn syrup (Barbara was stunned today as we shopped at how many items have that in it). Matthew and Rob were standing there waiting for me to shred up the chicken tonight, so it must have smelled good. :)

Summer, Happy Trails to You

Happy first day of August! This is my last week of vacation. I'm NOT ready to go back. :( Oh well. :) Such is life.

I have no big plans for this week, just to hang out with the family, work on some things I've started, read, watch movies/Netflix. I have to pay some bills and get groceries in for the family too since I'll be leaving Sunday for a "retreat" for work. I get to see an old work friend and her little girl tomorrow; can't wait to see them! Oh, how I MISS working with Kristen!!!!

I've been putting old recipes online since that's what I've used a lot this past year. It's taking a long time, but I think it will be worth the time and will help me a lot. Yesterday I put together the menu for August and even got each week's grocery list put together! Woohoo, having the grocery list done already will definitely help me a lot as the craziness kicks in soon.

This summer has been a different one for me, but it was what I needed for sure after a most stressful school year and grad school. I have never been such a bum or relaxed so much, and oh how nice it felt! I did next to no school work either, which is just not normal at all for me!!! I'm going to have a hard time getting back into my normal life after five weeks off.

Well, I guess that's it for today. Riveting stuff I write here, huh? :) hahahahaha

That was then, this is now.

I'm not who I was. Before you say it, I know... none of us are. We all change. That's life and how it is supposed to be. But this summer I've had time (something I don't normally have) to think a lot about who I am, who I was, where I'm going, who I want to be and all those "deep" things. There are things I like much more about this Rebekah than "old Rebekah" and there are things I question about the me I am today. I'm just not sure if it's good or bad or if it just is what it is.

I realized a few weeks ago, just how hurt I have been and how far away from the "old Rebekah" I have come. The past three or four years of church and work have left some battle scars and I have tried to heal and move on, but something made me see how hard that has been and how far I still have to go. Now please, before I share, please know that I am not just listing a list of grievances and being an angry, bitter person. I have diligently tried to move on and not be bitter. I'm sharing from my heart, some VERY deep, VERY personal hurts that have shaped who I am today- for better or for worse. If you feel I am wrong, please just pray for me.

I won't bore you with details, but let's just say that growing up in church, I've seen a lot of God, but also a lot of not-God. As a church member, I've seen a lot. As a preacher's kid from my late teen years through adulthood, I've seen a lot. Rob & I (and our young children) have been escorted from church & asked to not come back because my shoes were "offensive" (a clean but cheap pair of canvas sneakers bought at Walmart). I've been told by a pastor's wife to have an abortion because God doesn't like unplanned pregnancies in poor folks apparently. I've been the subject of sermons after confiding in a pastor. Apparently insomnia is caused by hidden sins and God was trying to strike me down for my arrogance. Rob had to be called out by a church committee because he was not really a Christian due to his bad habit of tardiness and his desire to befriend a lonely guy in the church instead of going to pray at pre-worship prayer time. Suffice it to say that in more than one place we've not measured up to the ideals/standards of God or a particular church's view of God. When I look back, I don't think I've felt accepted at a church for a long, long time. We always fall short somehow, someway. I have felt like a misfit for years now.

After the last time- two years ago- I told Rob I would NEVER step my foot across the door of any specific denomination, I would NEVER join and become an official member of any church, and that I would NEVER go to church in a small church where people would be able to be "up in your business" and know you and watch you to judge you. So we looked and visited and struggled for a while. I am so thankful though because we do have a church we truly do like now. I am always glad when we get there, but I still get stuck and can't get through it. I know it, and yet I don't know how to fix it. It's been two years now since the last "church thing." It's now the summer of 2011- my cousins, Pam & Regina, come to visit us. We go to church together. It is communion Sunday. I get sick to my stomach as soon as we walk in and I realize what today is. See, I haven't gone up and taken communion in all this time. Rob has brought communion to me sometimes, but very few times have I taken it even then (and mostly because I wanted to set a good example for my kids). I have not taken my own self up to the front of a church and received communion in all this time because I know the truth about me- that no one (except God who knows it all and Rob who lives with me) knows. It really hit me that Sunday morning how far I've gone from that "old girl." It got me thinking...

The "old Rebekah" (let's call her OR for this part) was in church every time the doors were open- morning service, evening service, Bible studies, prayer nights, revivals. OR was very involved in church- Sunday School, Children's Church, playing her saxophone, singing occasionally, cleaning the church, helping with every event that came along in whatever she could find to do. OR knew these were the ways you expressed your love to Him. OR knew that a faithful Christian did these things. OR tried to not let anyone down, tried to get out of her bashfulness and greet others, invite people to church, always took communion after reflection and prayers for forgiveness. OR had it together in "church-ways." She was a good Christian, or at least she met the "good Christian" standards found in most churches.

This Rebekah- well I've already talked this through with Rob and called my Momma to share with her, so I guess I'll take the risk and bare my soul with you too. This Rebekah, well I'm none of those things, and that's a lot of why I've felt like and called myself a bad Christian for years and years now. That's why I do really live in fear that I won't "get in" to heaven someday, why I worry about it sometimes. It's why if I do get in, I will be more than content to just sit quietly in some corner of heaven and be quiet and not bother anyone. God doesn't even have to speak to me, look at me, or mess with me at all. I won't even try to bother Him or come near Him. I'll just be oh so thankful for being there. See this Rebekah, she isn't faithful in her church attendance; I do go to church, don't get me wrong. But I also miss church more than I'd admit to anyone, and it's not because I want to miss church. I'm always glad once we've gotten in the doors, but the path from my home, out to the car and down the road is an awful, really awful, weekly battle. This Rebekah hopes to just sit in the back and not be noticed by anyone. It's taken me over a year and a half of going to this church and I just talked to two of our pastors for the first time in the past couple months. I don't do anything in the church; I used to try to get involved, but now, after all these "church things" I know I'm not worthy to be teaching anyone's kids or doing anything in the church. I greet others at the "meet & greet" times and smile and am friendly to those I sit near and pass coming in/going out, but I don't really know anyone there. I would like to sometimes, but I'm terrified to at the same time. I feel like I'm keeping the real me a secret because if they find out, well like all the others, they won't like me/us either. No one has in a long, long time. Or worse yet, you think they do, but then you find out they don't really and you just were stupid and thought they did. That hurts even more, and I don't want to do that again- ever!

The thing is, I actually feel closer to God, in the craziest place. I am a teacher in one of those "failing schools" - I've taught in worse schools before, but it's certainly not an easy place to work. The past two years I've felt like I've been walking through hell honestly; it is certainly a challenging place to be many days. But, I feel God with me, know His pleasure and love more in my public school classroom than anywhere else I go. When I am hugging kids, holding a crying/hurt child and secretly, and sometimes not-so-secretly, praying for them in my head, when kids run up to hug me, when I love an angry, violent child in spite of their issues... well it's those times when I almost think God is smiling at me. When I get love back from countless kids (and honestly, it's almost embarrassing how much love I get from the kids at school), I feel like it's God giving me a hug back. I feel His warmth and love so much in what is supposed to be a "heathen" place. I feel like I please Him there. I feel like He is happy with me and I am where I ought to be. I KNOW that I KNOW I am a better teacher for having felt the sting of rejection, for knowing how the criticisms and disapproval of others feel. I am glad for having experienced it for I know how to not do that to my students and to their families. I feel like a misfit amongst adults at work too, but when I'm with the kids- OH, the love and acceptance I feel- nothing else really matters to me. I am loved by my family and by a host of kids and their families and when I am at work, I KNOW I am loved by God.

So I am struggling with all this, trying to figure it out. I know I need to fix these "church issues" I have. And without realizing it, I have put up a wall- not a wall between me & God. He & I talk frequently, and I feel Him around and in my life all the time. But I do have a big wall when it comes to church and other Christians. I never meant to; I didn't really even realize I had done it. I have started knocking this wall down. I did go get communion with my family that Sunday- got out of my seat, walked in the aisle and took it. Funny thing- for whatever reason, the servers actually came down the aisle that day- they've never done that before that I've seen. :) Maybe God was meeting me halfway??? I don't know- maybe I'm just silly and see God in everything when He's not (well I do that I know!). I've also started reading my Bible again- something I'm not proud to admit, but I wasn't doing faithfully. I've just felt so unworthy for so long, but I'm trying to fix that.

Where I am going, I don't really know. I am sure I will not drop this wall tomorrow because inside there is a very scared Rebekah, but I will keep trying to take out one stone at a time and peek out carefully and keep going. I know I'll get hurt again because people are not perfect, just like I'm not. I know I'm going to have to accept that and let it happen and be okay with that. And honestly I'm not there yet, so my wall is going to stay up a little until I can let God really get in there and heal my heart. In the meantime, I'll keep reading my Bible, loving and being there for my family, loving on kids & families with all my heart, trying to accept me for who I am, going to church more and more faithfully, making myself get out of my seat to take communion even when I know I am awful, and as always talking to Him (He probably gets tired of hearing from me some days :), but I know He loves me so it's okay.). I'll get there eventually.

And when you get to heaven, if you see me in the corner of heaven, off hiding, well you'll know I made it. You don't have to speak to me if you don't want to, but if you do, I promise I'm a good hugger. :)

Summer Projects

I don't know why exactly but I'm sure not being my normal self. I mean, I usually come on here and write boring stuff from my life pretty regularly. I know the two people who used to come by here probably really miss my boring life. :) hahahahahaha I seriously think I was/am burnt out, and I am actually concerned about that, but it's not what I really want to think about or deal with right now, so moving on... :)

Anywhoo, here is a photo of a project I started - well I'm embarrassed to admit this- but two years ago. It was going to be a Barbara and me project, but then she didn't want to do it and grad school started and work became insane... I've worked on it a bit here and there, but finally I'm getting it done!

It's a homemade braided rag rug. I cut the cloth myself, and had to make one HUGE, long braided strip. It is seriously long- I should have measured it before I started. :) Now I am sewing it together. This is what I have gotten sewed today- after I had to rip it apart and start over when it wasn't staying put the way I wanted.

This is a project Barbara and I worked on together too. We practiced our sewing by making Zoe a grocery cart seat cover for when she goes shopping with her momma. :) It's got lots of mistakes too, but I was happy with how it turned out for my first attempt. Thanks Jessica for letting me/us practice on you and Zoe! :)

I am also working on making baskets. My cousin, Pam, taught Barbara, Regina (another cousin who came to see me and brought Pam with her), and me how to make them. The first one is full of mistakes, but I'll share photos soon. I'm making a new one now with the prettiest blue prints. Hoping it turns out better! I bought "teacher" fabric and am going to try to make small teacher baskets too to give to the new art teacher at our school and then use as gifts or something.

I miss being on here, and need to get back to it. I guess I just was tired, have been being relaxed (or a bum- depending on how you want to look at it), and feeling kind of "blah" after graduation, dealing with continued run-around from the Army, and family being here and the loneliness that comes after they're gone. Most of all, though, I've just truly relaxed and been with my family and enjoyed this time. It's the first summer in years I haven't worked summer school, babysat, or tutored and it has been sooo nice. Tough on our finances, but oh so wonderful to be home with my loves and just be me. I'm sure going to hate going back to reality. Like Scarlett O'Hara, I'm not going to think about that today. I'll think about that tomorrow. Maybe. :)

Love,

Beka :)

Sweet Sunday

I'm back. :) I don't know why I haven't gone blabbing on here or posted photos sooner. I made it through the end of the school year (one of the worst, busiest, stressful times of the school year), survived my goodbyes, had a WONDERFUL WONDERFUL WONDERFUL (but very short) weekend visit with my family, made it through Matthew's graduation and the cookout/party the following weekend. And a packing up my room to get ready to move classrooms/buildings again, and then a week of literacy training. Oh, and a surprise, AWESOME visit from my cousin, Regina, and her family one day as they were passing through the state on vacation. :) :) :)

And then, I don't know, I've just been a mix of blah, kind of "aaahhhh" relaxed, kind of just being a bum. I have watched my kids play video games, but never could get the hang of the controllers, then I found a computer version of Plants vs. Zombies, and I've been playing it and just been an at-home with my hubby, hanging around the house, going for walks, kind of bum this past week. I don't think I have EVER done that before!

So here I am. I will be back tomorrow or Tuesday to share photos from graduation and our family portraits. I just figured I better come back and say something. For tonight I will just say this has been the nicest Sunday in a long time- church, lunch out at Elizabeth's Pizza (yummy!) with Barbara, Matthew, and Rob, cooking a French roast with Robert, a short Sunday nap (haven't taken one of those in months and months and months- oh so nice!), finishing cooking a delicious supper, a movie with Rob and Robert, and then a walk just the three of us and Samson. Now I'm going to shower, climb in bed and read a book. :)

I MADE IT!!!!!!!!

There are still two days left until I am officially done with this school year, but the kids have gone home, and I am left standing. I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With the help, support, love, and prayers from my heavenly Father and family and friends I got through the hardest year of my 17 years as a teacher. I think I might have learned a thing or two and be a better person for it, I'm not sure yet. :) I want to do a lot more reflecting on that and put my "lessons learned" together more cohesively, but that is for another day.

Today my "baby" graduates from high school!!!!! Our family arrived Thursday/Friday. What an adventure it was for my parents to get here, and they, along with Rob & I are wiped out! Hopefully they got some rest overnight and we will all feel much better today and be able to have a wonderful, fun-filled day today. And let me just say that without a doubt, I have the MOST ADORABLE niece on the planet, EVER! :)

I'm going to the store in a minute for some produce, milk and such, and going to make a yummy brunch for us this morning. This afternoon Matthew wants to make/have "grandma's parmesan chicken," so we'll cook up a delicious supper and head to Winston for graduation. Tomorrow will be at church together and Monday we are all getting photographed at the Arboretum before they have to head back to Illinois.

I will post photos and blab some more soon. I just wanted to say that I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have prayed for me and my kids this year, I cannot say enough, "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Much love,

Rebekah :)

STRESS

Ever have everything go wrong when you least need it to? Yeah, that would be tonight. And I'm frustrated beyond words.

I won't bore myself, let alone you. It will all be okay. In 48 hours I will be done with the teaching part of this year. I have to get there that's all.

Taking my cranky self to bed and going to pray for grace, strength, and a little help in the computer-on-the-fritz department.

Night!

Photos-outside

This is our front porch/steps.

St. Louis Blues' colors with purple and yellow lantana

My little rose plant that was here when we moved and didn't look like it was going to do anything is doing much better this year. I had made plans to dig it out, but was putting it off because roses make me think of my Momma. Then it is making what I hope will be a comeback. :)

My family thinks I'm silly, but I LOVE lambs' ear! It's so soft and fuzzy and the blooms are pretty and boy do the honeybees love it!

Finally got a butterfly bush, and cannot wait. Had this one in the ground one day and am already seeing butterflies and moths. I also bought a white one. :)

Had this little wire basket thing Rob bought me a couple years back for Mothers' Day. I decided to experiment. We'll see how it goes, but for now the vinca is loving its home.

Now for some before/afters. This is my peach tree- my first Mothers' Day tree- as it appeared spring of 2009 when we moved in this house.

My wonderful peach tree this spring :)

My little Japanese maple (2nd M.D. tree) in 2009 when we moved, maybe 2-3 feet tall.

Look at this beauty now!!! WOW, what a lot of growing it has done! I think it loves its new yard home. This is what it looked like a couple weeks ago here in its corner of our yard.

And though we are between a rock and a hard spot this summer in finances, I spent $ I shouldn't have and bought mulch for this corner and a few plants. Here is my beautiful dwarf maple now with its new friends- echinacea, butterfly bush, shasta daisy, delphinium- and upgraded home. I know you can't see the flowers much, but I'm sure in a year or so this area will be full of blossoms and butterflies!

A view from further back

and a deck shot

and a "just because I love this tree" shot

That's it for now Rach. I'll post some photos this summer as things get settled in and start to bloom more. :)

Photos- Inside

So I promised Rach some photos. :) Late, but not forgotten, here we go. Rach, don't get too excited, it isn't much, but hopefully you can see what we did. :)

Love,

Beka

I didn't take a "before" shot last weekend, so this old one will have to do. This is from when we moved in two years ago. We weren't quite unpacked yet in this photo, and the bookshelves were not as full then, but were LOADED with books we've bought since. This is where we had them though so you can see- there were three in the corner of the living room with a corner chair squeeze in against the piano, and the recliner right in the center of the photo. It was a tight squeeze in here. On the other side across from this is a small loveseat in front of the windows and the t.v. plus Rob's desk.

So we moved the bookshelves out, put the corner chair in a corner, where it belongs :), slid the piano down, and now have a great photo corner! I am working on getting Matthew's baby & senior photo up on the wall there in that empty spot this week- he's going to help me pick the photos for his space.

We put one bookshelf on the other wall between the window and t.v., got rid of the corner stand and used the old three-tiered table/shelf that I have had all my married life. It belonged to my Momma and Daddy. :) It is holding our printer and all the kids' game stuff.

The piano and the rest of the photos. I still have to print photos for the frame on the piano- saw that yesterday and liked it.

Moved one of the other bookshelves into our bedroom by my bed. It barely squeezes into the space between the bed & closet, but it works and actually looks good. The third bookshelf went into the kitchen and holds all my books for school and my grad school books.

My houseplants LOVE this spot! I moved some outside for the summer, but these stay in and grow like crazy all summer! Here is my shamrock. Love this plant! And my spider plants up there, they grow so much I have given away spiders each year and the second one in this photo came from the first one.

Last Week of 2010-11

Whew, it's finally here! I cannot hardly believe it as I typed those words! This is the last week of school for this year, this oh so challenging, full of growth, sometimes good, sometimes not school year. We have so much to accomplish, and it will be a crazy busy week for the kids and me. This is just a bit of the happenings this week:

• Finish memory books (kids) and bind 18 books (me)
• Thank you project for a volunteer (Barbara)
• Teach the Teacher Day (Tuesday)- Some of the kids have chosen a topic and will be presenting their lessons to the class.
• Field Day (Wednesday)
• Water Day incentive, assembly, and class celebration (Thursday) I am super excited because I am working like a crazy woman to create a movie to surprise the kids with at the party. It's almost there, and I have to get copies burned for all of them by then too.

Sometime in there we have to pack up all the kids' things and clean up the room too. I will be out on Friday to be with my family- WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but will be going in during the afternoon to say my goodbyes and see the kids off. I have to get all my cumulative folders done by Thursday too so they'll be ready to check in and have paperwork ready for the big appeals meeting. Oh my, I wish I were still young enough to pull all-nighters! I have tried to act like a 20-something the past two nights and am feeling my body protest today. :)

Have a great week! I will post photos (if my family is willing) from our WONDERFUL visit and graduation this weekend!

homemade proverb

I'm trying my hand at writing proverbs. :)

He who toots his own horn eventually runs out of air.

Sometimes I wish I were better able to write my thoughts in a paper journal as I can't always post the deepest, most personal or "ugly" thoughts/feelings/experiences here. I just know that I really cannot stand people that have to brag about themselves, try to make themselves look like something to others, puff up their own sense of pride by bragging, or who try to make others feel/look like less compared to their "wonderfulness." It may motivate some, but it only aggravates me and turns on my "defiant" side, and I never even had much of that growing up. Makes me want to do the opposite just to show them, though I do try to hide that side of me. :) If you want to do something, do it. You don't have to tell everyone about it and how wonderful you are because you did this. I see this at work. If you want to mentor a kid, do it. If you want to attend a summer workshop, great! If you want to read lots of articles and study outside of work and improve yourself- good for you. If you want to stay after school and do things for kids or help other staff members on your own- you're a wonderful human being. But what's your motive when you have to tell everyone about it? Makes me suspect you, to be honest.

I just know that for me, there's that Bible verse that talks about not letting your right hand know what your left is doing and that good deeds should be "hidden." It smacks to me of being like the Pharisees.

I have this same problem when people post such spiritual things on their FB status too, and I know that's wrong of me. I know I'm judging, and I shouldn't. Probably every single one of them is a better Christ-follower than I am. Oh, the church-people issues I've got! And I do try to work on them, I really do!

Well, I'm off. Report cards & PEP's are due tomorrow. It's after 11 PM, and I still have bills to pay tonight. This weekend, I have to finish some things for my Momma who is working on Matthew's graduation book (I'll have to share more about that soon), and get ready for our BIG week next week! I'm just a WEEEEEEEEE BIT EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell? :) hahaha

Love,

Beka :)

Big I Like Me's :)

Hey, Momma, Crystal, and Rach, this is for me but also for you!

• I have been working hard on being healthier and living longer. I was on such a great roll with walking in spite of some really big challenges with work, grad school and everything else. Then I hurt my back again- ugh- and it was a little more difficult, but I kept going pretty well. Then, life got INSANELY busy here the past couple month with final grad school projects. I was still doing something but it wasn't as much as I had been doing. I was discouraged and worried, "Have I just fallen off the path again?" But I kept telling myself, "No, you have hit a hard time, life is too busy, but it's not that way for long. Do as much as you can. Give yourself some grace. You are still better off than you were six months ago, and still much more active than you were six months ago." And I have done just that- given myself some grace. :) :) :) HUGE HUGE HUGE growth for me, wouldn't you say? :)

• Next, I HATE hot weather. I feel awful in this humid, hot weather, get light-headed, puny... just not my kind of weather. So, the normal Rebekah would not do much in it. Well, again, we'll see how I am later this summer, but I think I am changing. Here's why. My classroom AC has crapped out; the room is HOT!!!!!!!! Seriously hot! After all day there, I went and stood (not sit) and watched some students play soccer, then ran every which way taking Barbara to work, going to get clothes, mulch and salad supper stuff with Matthew, fixed a delicious salad for the boys and myself, and..... get ready for this...... drumroll please..... Me, big 'ol Rebekah, went outside and opened and spread twelve bags of mulch, trimmed back, weeded, and watered for an hour in the heat! I came in soaking wet in sweat and hit a cold shower. :) I am soooo proud of myself! Oh and my pedometer reading for today - 2.53 miles. :)

I am liking me quite a bit, it's kind of surprising at times to hear a happy voice about myself. :) And as for this summer, I am ready. Rob & I have a game plan- a 5K walk in the mornings before it gets too awfully hot(ter) and then a bike ride in the evenings. Please pray I can do that often and that it has the effects I need/want it to.

Other smiles for my day.

• I now have 2 butterfly bushes- had to have another one.
• My kids and I had a sweet talk (and several were crying) this afternoon about how they don't have to miss me because wherever they go, they will take a piece of me with them, that when they are stressed, hurting, frustrated, discouraged, they're going to hear my voice telling them "I love you. I am proud you. You can do it! Don't give up," and how I will never forget them either.
• My daughter- she is a hot head, she and I can sure fight sometimes (though that gets less & less as she continues to mature and so do I :) hahaha). This 20 year old young lady is working two jobs and taking one summer class. She goes to work at McDonald's on the second shift and gets home usually around 11:30/midnight, and she is getting up with me each morning bright & early and going out the door to work with me at 6:30 each day to help volunteer every day. She works every bit as hard as any teacher or t.a. at my school! She loves my kids, mentors several students in the school, gives hugs to kids she knows and doesn't know (like her Momma) and shines His love to all the kids she sees. Then she comes home, changes clothes, and goes to work to do this all over again. I COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD of this young woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please pray for her. I know she's tired, she has a situation at work that could be bad, and she is applying for work with the school system. I would LOVE for her to be able to get a job so that she could have regular work hours, better pay, some benefits and be able to pay for the rest of her college. Most of all, please pray with me that God will just bless her socks off for all the love and time she has given to a lot of kids and teachers. She really has loved some pretty unlovable kids this year, and I am more in love with her each day that passes!
• Hmmm, what else- oh yeah! My family will be here one week from tomorrow (but who's counting?!?!) And in less than two weeks I'll be through "hellyear"- :) aaaahhhh, that sounds so nice!

Love,

Beka

P.S. Rach, you asked me for photos. I promise I haven't forgotten you. I will have photos, if not before, by the weekend (inside & out). :)

M's Graduation Announcement

So ignore the red line around the outside of this; I took the lazy way and just did a screenshot of it. Here is the last graduation announcement from the Thomas house.

Saturday adventures

I have more school work to do than I can get done, and I should have been doing it, but instead I dreamed up some crazy scheme to rearrange our furniture a little to make a tiny bit more floor space/moving room around the living room in the hopes that it will give us a little more room for our family that is coming to see Matthew graduate. So my sweet family all pitched in and between Dad's taxi service for two to McDonald's and back for their work shifts and Robert & I running to get groceries and go to Lowe's, we got it all done.

Next weekend I want to take the bare wall that is left from the bookcases being moved and make a photo wall, then this room will look much better I think! Rob is so patient with me. I know he didn't really want to do all that mess of work- taking three bookshelves' contents off, moving the bookcases to other rooms and reassembling them, taking one t.v. shelf apart to take to his school, moving the piano and tons of books, photos.... He did it all without a sigh as did the kids (for the most part)! :) :) :) Thanks family o' mine!!!!

So, maybe I better get on the school tasks that are screaming at me. Lesson plans - due Monday, report cards & PEP's- due Friday, and preparations for another week of EOG testing- ugh! Plus I want to make a movie for my class; I did this last year and the kids and parents LOVED it! And I need to prepare end of year awards and plan the party for class. So much to do, not enough time, but soon it will be over!

Happy Memorial Day to you!!!

Matthew's senior/graduation photos

I am sooooo happy with these- I just cannot say. Thank you Hearfelt Portraits; you did a terrific job!!! Most of all I am so proud and so in love with our son, Matthew Lane Thomas!!!!!! :) :) :)

Smorgasbord Post

So belly up to the table. I'm rambling away in my head, so here goes. :)

Can't get Joplin and the other towns hit so hard by tornadoes out of my mind. I stayed up waaaay late last night because when I said I was going to sleep I happened to see that the Joplin area was getting hit by bad storms and possibly another tornado. I started praying and kept updating the weather page I was on to see what was happening. Next thing I know it was midnight and I was still awake praying. Guess that might be silly, I don't know. But I did it and boy, was I tired today. Doubt God moved a storm all on account of me, but oh well.

Tonight the storms are in the area where we are from and where our families are. Praying for all of them tonight and those communities too.

Last night Momma texted to check on us as she'd heard on the news that our area was getting bad storms. Tonight I called to check on her and asked Rob to check on his mom. We are Midwesterners through & through. Grown up and lived there our whole lives. Never thought about storms like this before- they happen all the time; you get used to watching the weather, being aware of what's going on, and living life. Just makes me think about living my life the way I ought to and reminds me that each day I get to wake up is a blessing and one I ought not to waste. That old song says, "I don't know who holds tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand." Important thing to know in times like these.

My smiley list for right now:

• Two weeks from tomorrow, we will all be reunited again- the N.C. part of our family and the Illinois part of our family, and I can HARDLY wait!!!! :) :) :) :) :)
• Two weeks from tomorrow will be my last day with students and we will have our celebration. I will be missing our last day for the first time in my life as a teacher to stay home with my parents, sister, brother-in-law, and niece. Though I am taking the day off, we will be going over to the school so the kids can meet Zoe and the rest of my family and for me to wave goodbye to my kids on the bus lot as they leave for the year. This year my Momma, Pop, and sister will join me and be with me at a very emotional moment for me. I hope they can see the love my kids & I share and why I do what I do.
• Sidebar- We teachers all do this every year, line up along the bus gates and wave to the kids as they leave. The kids all hang out the windows shouting to us. I cry, I am the only teacher that does, and I do it every year. I can't help myself. They take away a piece of me, and I cry to see them go. I worry about them, I love them, and yes, in spite of it all this year, I will miss them. Today one of my kids said, "You wave to us kids every year don't you? You cry too, don't you, Mrs. T.? Will you be there to wave goodbye to us? Will you cry when you say goodbye to us?" Hmmm.... I hope they know how much I really do love them in spite of their ornery side, their stealing, cussing, fighting, lying.... I really do love them. I can't help myself. :) Jesus loves me; guess He can't help Himself either. I really am so thankful for that.
• Two weeks and two days from today our "baby" will graduate from high school. I plan to make that whole weekend as special and fun for us all as I can. We're getting family photos done at the Arboretum, and I'm looking forward to that! I want to make as many memories and write them in my heart and mind. Can't wait! Did I say that already? :)
• Three weeks from today and I will be temporarily "free" (sort of) of some of this insanity called NCLB, AYP, EOG..... I will have training the two weeks after school is out and then again in August, so I don't really have much time off, but at least July is looking slow. Praying they don't find any training for us to have to attend in July. I plan to read, spend time with my family, read, make lots of cards, walk & ride my new bike, read, enjoy my flowers, eat homegrown, fresh tomatoes to my heart's content, read, go to the farmers' market when I want to, and relax, and oh yeah, read. :)

Well, folks that's it for tonight. Love to you all and wherever you are I pray you are safe from the real storms and the other ones life can throw at us.

Beka :)

Matthew's senior photos- sneak peak

The photographer just posted a couple photos to Facebook. I had to share them as a sneak peak until we get ours. Oh my, I love these first two already! :)

I love this young man!

They say God moves in mysterious ways...

There is a song out right now with a title that would offend many Christians. My daughter posted a link the other day to it on Facebook, and she got a comment or two that was negative. I don't know what it says about me that it doesn't, and I'll leave that to others to decide. But I have listened to the song and if you can get past the title the words are really something. This is the song I mentioned the other day. I think it sounds kind of weird perhaps to say that God would use a song with vulgar language in it, but I promise you that is sure what it seems like to me.

You might not know me personally, but I want you to know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the children at my school- the ones I have taught and the ones I haven't. I get hugs and visits daily from many of my "old" kids and from kids I don't even know by name, only by face that I never taught, and I try to hug them all and give them a bit of my attention. This year, as every year, I have several students who have touched my heart yet drive me crazy with their behaviors. I don't know why I love them some days because they can be quite obnoxious, but I honestly do. I see something in them, and know that kids don't just come out this way. They don't get to choose their lives and the circumstances they find themselves in, they are not emotionally, mentally, or physically equipped or empowered to cope with much of what they see and hear and they see things most of us have never, things we can't fathom, and things they should NOT ever see, hear, know. So, I get up each day and try to love them like Him, put up with all the drama, and help them learn the academics, but most importantly learn how to live and work with others and work out difficulties in better ways. I feel like a failure more this year in so many ways; it's been a year of discouragement and frustration.

Then, I hear this song on the radio while driving with my daughter. I didn't know it had this "naughty" word in it, because it was on the radio and edited. I looked up the words when I got home, and oh my goodness- this song just grabs me. I feel like I should buy it and play it for my kids. I feel this very strongly. This first verse is the life many of my kids may have and I hope they'll find their way out of it somehow. The chorus is what I would like to say to them. And that second verse- it's what this rough, rowdy, troubled class of third graders that many people don't like say to me constantly- "Mrs. T, don't put yourself down. It makes me sad when you... Stop saying bad things about yourself Mrs. T...."

So I bought it and waited for the right moment to play it for my children. After the big reading EOG test, where my kids were persistent through that long, awful test and I didn't have any serious behavior problems (which was an absolute miracle and a FIRST for my class this year- THANK YOU GOD!!!).... I just felt moved to tears with pride in these kids. I turned on my computer and told them I wanted them to listen to the words of this song, that it was our song- my message to them and the message they'd given back to me. I went around my room and as they ate their lunch and listened, I gave each of them a kiss on the top of their heads. When I got around to one particularly troubled child, the chorus "just happened" to come on at that exact point. I said his name, he looked up at me, and I pointed to the speaker and his whole face contorted in tears, he covered his face with both his hands and SOBBED loudly for ten minutes- this street-smart, hardened, tough, prone to angry outbursts, threats, and outright violence- kid. He couldn't even speak. I went on and told every child that no matter what the day, what the problem, how they behaved, I loved them each and every one and thought they were perfect to me and always would. Finally, this young man came up to me and bear-choked me and wouldn't let go. I asked him why he was crying, and could barely talk, but said, "Because you love me." Oh. My. Word. Now it was my turn to try to remain composed. I just held him and cried silently with him. And prayed like I have never prayed in my life. God, I don't know how a simple teacher's love (which is really Your love I know) can overcome all the stuff in his life. He has a lot of his life left with a lot of "stuff" to overcome I'm sure. But somehow, let this moment stick in his young mind. Let it be enough. Let it never be far from him. Let him remember these words and know that somewhere, someone (You and me) love him. Let him, and all my kids, be able to overcome and rise above the "stuff" they are facing.

And today, another one of my kids came up to me out of the blue at breakfast, grabbed onto my waist and squeezed. When I bent down to hug him back, he whispered to me, "Mrs. T. you are absolutely perfect to me."

And as always, I turn to mush inside. ALL, yes all, Rebekah Rose Thomas, all this garbage- the administrator from hell, the stupid criticisms like the slight haze on the whiteboard, the old bulletin board display, the pencils on the floor, the bickering, fighting, cussing, knives, drugs, threats, the daily soap opera drama that drives me insane- all of that was worth it if just one (please, God, let it be more) of these kids can make it. How could I ever put a price on their lives? Who am I to think that my life, my peace of mind, my comfort, my daily life, peace, ease is more important than their success in life and eternity? I felt like a failure all year because "they" were judging me based on the test scores. But the growth that is happening and is yet to be really, truly measured may not be seen by me or my principal or school. If these kids can make it through all their stuff and grow up to like themselves, be well-adjusted adults who love their families and friends, then I was perfect to them.

So on this, the last night of the first round of EOG's- I am reminding myself that my comfort and so-called "ease" is not what this life is about. Thank you God for songs to remind me, for letting me hear the message behind this song, helping me to see how I could use this to touch my children one more time with an important message, and for letting me be the one this year to hang with these kids, love them in spite of the drama, and be a small part of their lives. And thank you for a group of rough, hurting kids to teach me something so many people have tried to tell me.

And though they'll never see this, Chris (and all of you 3rd graders of mine), I am changing those voices, day-by-day-by-day, just like you. One of these days, we're going to like ourselves and overcome all that "stuff" we all have in our lives. Thank you for loving this "old lady" teacher of yours who doesn't always like herself. That is a gift no one can ever take away from me!

Love to you all!

Rebekah/Beka/Mrs. T

xxxxx Perfect by Pink

Made a wrong turn
once or twice
dug my way out
blood and fire.
Bad decisions,
that's alright.
Welcome to my silly life.
Mistreated, misplaced
misunderstood,
Miss "No way its all good."
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken,
always second guessing,
underestimated;
look I'm still around.

Pretty, pretty please
don't you ever,ever feel
like you're less than
less than perfect.
Pretty,pretty please
don't you ever,ever feel
like your nothing.
You are perfect to me.

You're so mean
when you talk
about yourself.
You were wrong.
Change those voices
in your head.
Make them like you instead.
So complicated
look how big you'll make it
filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough I've
done all I can think off.
Chased down all my demons
see you do the same.

Pretty,pretty please
don't you ever,ever feel
like you're less than
less than perfect.
Pretty,pretty please
If you ever,ever feel
like your nothing
You are perfect to me.

EOG's- we're almost there!

We're almost through round 1 of EOG's! I CANNOT say enough how thankful I am for all your prayers! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please keep praying- one more day of this for third & fourth graders and two more for fifth graders. Then a week of "remediation" and more retesting for many kids.Whatever the scores are, I am very proud of my children! They have worked hard, behavior has been good, very little in the way of frustration, quitting, bad attitude... hopefully that will pay off and result in great scores, but either way I am thankful that they have cooperated and tried. :)

I have some stories I may share, but I am just hopping on here quickly tonight. Let me just say that I find God to never cease to be amazing. He used a song most Christians would not approve of from the title to help me share His love this week, and the result blew me away. God, please let that memory stick in the mind of my friend and never leave him. Let it come back to him over & over & over again when life gets hard.

Last night was Matthew's last concert (and ours as parents). Very moving night for Rob & I. I videoed all his songs, and will try to get one posted this weekend. Here he is with his band teacher afterwards. This kid young man hates to smile for photos, I don't know why. He was smiling two seconds before,

but then... this. :) Go figure!

Tonight we had a photo shoot at the arboretum.

I can't wait to see the photos and share some here!!! Our photographer was great, took TONS of photos, and let Matthew change from his BDU's (all Matthew wears anymore), to his dress outfit, to his cap/gown, to his JROTC Army uniform. She was terrific! Matthew was his goofy-don't-smile-for-the-camera self, but she got some good ones of him I think. The one thing that really hit Rob & I tonight was when Matthew helped her fold up her flag they'd used as a prop. We stood there watching our son, soon to be a soldier, fold up an American flag. God, if it is possible, please let us never receive one of those folded flags on his behalf. And if it is what the future will bring, please help us make it. No matter where our son goes, let him never forget that You love him and that his family (all of us) love him. Keep him IN You. That is, in the end, the single most important thing to me- that my three kids live for Christ all their days.

Those big hands... once upon a time they belonged to a little baby boy who could barely breathe, who was covered in tubes and monitors and we couldn't even hold. His little finger could barely grasp ours and we didn't think he'd live. Now he is this gentle giant of ours about to leave home and go serve his country.

And on a silly note- notice how high water his pants are- yes, that is how much this young man has grown! He is TALL! :) He just told me tonight that MEPS measured him at 6'6"!!!!!! WOW, that is tall! :)

Well, I'm outta here for tonight. Going to try to crash early. That concert last night was LONG- almost three hours- didn't get out of there until 9:40!

EOG week- Day 1 is done

I am wiped out! We did a very short survey questions section today, and then my class worked on a service project. They enjoyed it, and as always it was nice to make others smile. Hope that lesson sticks in my kids' minds!!! The kids, Barbara, and I made and delivered over 80 little paper cones filled with candy and a thank you note for all the staff at our school and the bus drivers.

After school Barbara helped me (THANK YOU sweetheart!!!!) finish emptying my walls and spaces of everything. Personally, I find the level of sterile-ness we are told we have to go to absolutely ridiculous, but I have to comply. The new seating arrangement is set, desks moved, and I just have to cover the bookshelves in the morning and we're set for the big, bad EOG. I'm really nervous about messing up and getting in trouble, but praying I can do this. More nervous for my kids and praying they do their best and that all of our hard work will be enough. It's in God's and the kids' hands now. I've given it my all.

Matthew is headed to MEPS next Monday, and hopes to finish the medical exam now that the tube was removed from his ear. If he passes that small part of the medical, then he'll be swearing into the United States Army sometime next Tuesday afternoon. He goes to the recruiter this Wednesday to do paperwork for that and get his job assignment.

Between the enlistment/child leaving home/graduation emotions and the stress at work with the EOG and everything else, my brain played a mean trick on me last night. I woke up in the night from a nightmare about my daddy. He hasn't bothered me in my sleep for a while, and though I did love my daddy, I HATE when I dream about him because it's never good. It's weird how the mind works and how stress, lack of sleep, milestones, life events.... can all work in the mind and produce strange dreams. This was definitely one. I hope this doesn't happen again tonight; I need to sleep and I need to be at my best tomorrow. Mostly I wish I didn't dream about him.

I'm tired, really, really tired. Going to read through my test booklet for tomorrow, take a shower, and try to sleep in the recliner tonight for my poor old, hurting back.

Hope you had a great Monday.

EOG week is here

Please pray for the children at our school, and the teachers and staff. The End of Grade tests are here. Stress and pressure are at crazy levels for us all. I could say a lot about the insanity of our system, the injustices I feel exist, the stupidity of so much time lost for assessments all year long and the amount of time we lose for teaching with these assessments... I could say much, but instead I am going to just pray, try to sleep and ask for your prayers.