A Standing Ovation

Work- well according to a lot of people, we teachers stink and nothing we do is good enough. We are villains and worse....

BUT, I don't care what anyone says, I have to be doing something right. And though it won't show up on any state EOG or any little "number" these "experts" want to throw around to judge us, I had living proof of my successes and the successes of my students today! And, boy did it make me smile and cry a couple tears of joy!

This week, two of my littlest, youngest, and struggling kinders read their first book with "real" reading or great improvements. One of them was really reading- not just making up a story that matches the picture or memorizing the words, but going back and fixing "boo-boo's" (that's what I call mistakes). And my other little one was pointing from left to right and reading from top to bottom and though it wasn't word-for-word matching YET, it was very, very close, and he was using the pattern of the story and the pictures to help him. These are HUGE, HUGE, HUGE steps I tell you!

We read for anyone and everyone- Barbara (who was volunteering today, and two other staff members that I called to come over and listen to my newest readers. My two little ones were positively beaming and one was jumping up and down with excitement and pride in himself. He even asked if he could read to our whole class.

So these two little ones sat down in front of my whole class of mixed K's & 1st's and read their first book to the group. Part way through, several of my 1st graders realized they were "really reading" (quoting one of them who mouthed this to me) and they were cheering and clapping after each page. When it was all done, my 1st graders, spontaneously got up to their feet and were clapping and cheering and gave these two kinders a standing ovation. I have never taught them this and I did not coax them to do so, but I did join them in it.

That was such a HUGE success for us all- for the boys who are learning to read and things are starting to "click." I LOVE these "lightbulb" moments!!! Oh what joy they had on their faces!!!! And success for my 1st graders who are learning to be supportive, caring, compassionate children. And success for me. A long time ago, I set out to help these children become a little family and to learn to care for one another and support each other on the good days and the bad days. I have succeeded.

My children made me proud today- each and every one of them.

And yes, I stood, unashamedly crying in front of all 16 of them!!!

Five Minutes

I saw this video here, and wow- it is sobering. God please let me not forget and may each of my moments in each of my days count for something to someone and to You.

Next Five Minutes from David Platt on Vimeo.

Robert is a college graduate!

Last Thursday our oldest son, Robert (20 years old) graduated from Guilford Technical Community College. He has two classes this summer before he'll receive his diploma, but he was able to march in the ceremonies last week. We are so proud of him!!! While going to school full time, Robert has held down, at times, two jobs and worked an average of 30-35 hours a week, thus enabling him to pay his way through school. He is a great young man!

Our graduate!

Our family and our two friends, R & J.

As is our usual, we love to be silly.

a child's note

This has been a killer week... EOG's (end of grade testing). Robert's graduation ceremony last night plus keeping two of my favorite kids from school. I am sick and have grad school this weekend plus Robert's graduation lunch for his church family and friends on Sunday. I have photos to post of cards and flowers (for Ruhiyyih) and our oldest son graduating from college (for Momma and everyone else)... I promise I'll be back with those in a couple more days.

But for me, tonight, I wanted to jot down a memory. This week was EOG week. I made cards for the third, fourth, and fifth grade teachers and classes- just something super simple to encourage them on this big, stressful week. Not a big deal really! I had so many kids ask me "Why did you do that?" I was surprised at their asking. Several kids were excited about it, and one class called me and put me on speaker phone to shout a big thank you to me. :) All of these made me feel so wonderful! But I think, without a doubt, the student that touched my heart the most was a third grader that did not attend K at my school so I didn't know her by name (I know almost all the kids from K to 4th now at our school). She wrote me a letter back and she made me cry (no biggie I know!). She wrote, "You are the nicest teacher I never had." I am blown away by the love of children and the love of God He gives me through them! And people say God isn't in public schools. :) They are so, so wrong.

Happy Weekend all!

neat video

a coworker shared this with me yesterday. it's pretty neat!

aaaahhhhhh, a peaceful Saturday

it was so nice this morning to be able to sleep in a bit! :) thanks, God!!!!

i have started the stamping on some graduation cards and when i get back from a mom's taxi run i will start doing major lesson planning and homework time. if money allows, i think i am going to go buy myself some plants for my front porch flower pots too.

hope you all have a terrific weekend!!!!

my payday prayer

each month as i drop the bills that i've paid into the post office box around the corner from our home, i say a prayer thanking Him for providing for those bills to be paid. it's not a ritual i go through, but something i do to let Him know i'm a grateful recipient and that i do not take His provision for granted.

today my prayer went like this; i put each bill in the box one at a time and said:
God, thanks for taking care of us.

• for the money to pay these bills in my hand.
• for jobs to earn the money.
• for a warm, safe place to live that provides this sanctuary away from the world where my family can live in love and laughter.
• for insurance that protects our home and cars in the event disaster should ever strike us.
• for Rosie (my car) and Toto (Rob's car). There was a time in our lives and not very long ago at all when we couldn't even qualify for an auto loan on our own. we are so grateful.
• for water and power and heat and a.c. thank You for living in such an advanced place where these technologies make our lives easier and better. please let me not take it for granted.
• for phones to be able to communicate with our kids and each other in the middle of all our many obligations and most of all to be able to just talk and share and hear our "back home" loved one's voices from so far away and not totally lose touch with them.
• for internet to stay in touch with our family, do work at home, go to college and study.
• for these medical bills- well, God- thanks for insurance that paid for most of the bills in hand. thanks for insurance that helped provide much needed medical care for Matthew when his leg was broken. without it he might have not gotten the care he needed- the surgery to fix his broken leg. he could have been in pain and had a badly healed break or been denied care and ended up with a bone sticking out of his leg, or an infection, or so much worse. in another place or time he would not have had that option. thank You that You provided healing for him and now provide for us to be able to pay a portion of his medical needs.

God, thank You that You take care of what we need TODAY! i may now know about tomorrow's needs, or next month's or this summer's, but You already do and just as you keep taking care of us one month at a time, You will continue to provide our needs. You have never left us, and You won't start now. Thank You for that!

Let the Waters Rise

There are two songs that are really speaking to our hearts right now (that'd be Rob and me). One I blogged about the other day here... This song (Let the Waters Rise by MikesChair) is similar and reminds us both that we are doing what He called us to do. It is getting harder than we either one ever would have imagined, but we are trying our very best to remember that He is here with us in the storm and that He promised to never leave us or forsake us.

Some of the lyrics that really jump out at me:
"There's a raging sea right in front of me, wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees. So let the waters rise if You want them to, I will follow You. I will follow You... I will swim in the deep 'cuz You'll be next to me. You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea... God, You know where I've been, You were with me then. You were faithful before, You'll be faithful again..."

My Momma has been sending me verses this week on facebook and it has encouraged me a lot! I found another one today as I was talking with God and thinking about things. If you're going through a hard time, maybe they'll touch your heart to. I hope someone else will be encouraged.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned..." Isaiah 43:2


"You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble..." Psalm 32:7


"If the Lord had not been on our side when men attacked us, when their anger flared against us, they would have swallowed us alive. The flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away.... Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 124: 2-5, 8


This Tuesday, May 4, there will be a court hearing that may decide the future of my school, and will most definitely affect the children who learn there. It may decide the future of the teachers who work there. Please pray.

random wednesday thoughts...

so much to do tonight, but here's a quick peek into my brain for today:

• turned in my last assignment for this semester's grad course- WOOHOO!!!
• have one week without grad school before the next two courses start- double WOOHOO!!!
• robert (our first "baby") graduates from community college on May 13- WOOHOO again!!!
• assessments have started already at school- please pray for good results for all the children at my school and for us teachers who may lose our jobs regardless...
• payday is in 30 hours- but who is counting?
• got to talk to my pop today- two times- so enjoyed our talk!
• parenting teenagers is fun, rewarding, challenging, and sometimes frustrating.
• my dear husband is working four jobs (three part time, temporary jobs plus teaching) right now and so tired. please pray for him to have strength and get rest in the midst of all that work. i miss him.
• trying to trust God and figure out how to pay our summer bills with no summer work for me and only Rob's one part timer this summer.
• thinking on how to do my own "Big Mama's Boot Camp" program to help a certain someone grow up and get with the program. :) hahahaha

that'll about do it for tonight. going to go do a little weeding and planting seeds and then tackle some school work. have a great rest of the week!!!

the kind of "Walk" I want to have

I need to start this journal entry with a disclaimer. Here goes:

I do not claim to be some wonderful person, or an excellent example of what a true Christ-follower looks like.

I have never been an all-trusting, "God is great all the time," "Praise God and pass the mustard" kind of Christian. My walk with God has been rocky at times. I've questioned Him and doubted Him and been angry with Him and told Him so too. I'm not proud of that, I'm just saying... I don't understand a lot of things. I tell Him. I ask Him things. I tell Him when I'm angry about the injustices I see or hurt for the lives Rob and I work with. I am honest with God- it may not be pretty, and I'm working on it. So far He hasn't struck me down or abandoned me. He hasn't given up on me yet, and for that I am eternally grateful. Maybe there is hope for me.

But may I be honest??? I have a hard time with people who are so spiritual that they aren't "real." I know that's wrong. God loves them, and is proud of them. I should love them too. Maybe those people are what I should be like. Maybe they have struggled too and have just reached a higher plane, and maybe someday I'll get there too. I just hope I NEVER forget where I've been. Never forget the hard times. Never forget how much hurt there is in the world. I'm afraid if I do forget these things I won't be any good to God or anyone else. I have no pat answers. I have no great advice to give. I have no great Christian-ese that I can share. All I have is the knowledge that God loves us- a LOT, and that He is always with us- even when it doesn't seem like it, maybe even more so then- and that is what I have. That, and a big set of shoulders and a pair of leaky eyes that will cry for people I know and don't know- even when I try to fight it.

So what kind of walk do I want to have?

Honestly, though it means pain sometimes, I want the kind of relationship with Christ that makes Him proud of me. And not on the easy days- anyone can say "Praise God" when the sun is shining and the coffee is good and the bills are paid.

I want to make Him proud of me on the worst days- when it's pouring rain and I have a broken umbrella, when I lose my job and can't pay my bills, when my kids are fighting and driving me nuts, when the dog pukes all over the floor and I step in it, when the kids I love are suffering and I love them through the ugliness, when my coworkers aren't happy and the "judge" or the state or the feds may can us all. When life is hard- if I can say "I love You Father and I'm trying my best to trust You..." and my life can show His love through and in spite of my crabbiness or emotions or tiredness... then I will know that I am walking the walk I want.

Trying for Tech

I have been using DonorsChoose.org for almost two years now. I have been BLESSED with so many learning materials for my classroom and my kids!

• homework backpacks
• TONS of learning materials to put in those homework bags (I currently hae 15 lending bags for the kids to check out to use for homework- each has at least one book and puzzles, games, and other learning activities that center around the theme of the bag: colors, numbers, shapes, rhyming, alphabet, family, art, etc.)
• a sand/water table
• a listening station
• TONS of science materials: an incubator & egg turner (which we are using right now!), a butterfly habitat, a see-through garden window box, life cycle materials, and tons more!
• a photo printer & lots of ink
• a classroom digital camera

Now I am trying to get some technology for my classroom. I am starting with this proposal. It's my goal to find tech tools that will help make the learning even more fun & engaging but more important will allow the kids to use and learn about technology as they will be surrounded by it in their adult lives and will need to know how to use it.

If you know anyone who would be willing to give any amount at all, I'd be so appreciative if you'd pass the link on. The really neat thing about Donors Choose is that donors can give any amount - even $1, and it really does add up. So even though my grant proposal is more than I could ever afford to do on my own, if I give, and a lot of other people give even small amounts, my children could be the recipients of some GREAT learning!

Thanks!!!

a child's compliment cheereth my heart

Today one of my kids (at school) stopped working, looked up at me and said, "Mrs. Thomas, you're still a kid in here," and then pointed at his chest (heart). Oh how that made me smile! I've been told something similar before by a little boy who told me I was "brown on the inside" then he paused and added, "where it counts."

Oh how these little moments (tiny seconds of time) bring joy to my heart and lighten my load at the moment. They let me know that I am important to someone. I know I am to my family, but outside the Thomas/Lane/McCracken household I don't matter much to anyone but God. I'm not well-known and will never have any far-reaching effect or change the world. I am just me, a very large, big-mouthed, child-adoring, crazy-silly mom, wife, daughter, teacher kind of girl. But to some little people I matter; I am important. When I think about it, this is so much more important than feeling like I fit in with my fellow teachers and coworkers, more important than having friends or not as the case may be, and more important than almost any of the stupid, little things that sometimes get me down. I love and I am loved. And in the end, that's all that really matters!

It's like an amazingly awesome little circle- God loves them through me, and I get loved back by God through them. He's just amazing to me! Thank you Father for Your love, for the love You give to me for children, and the love You give back to me through children! I am forever grateful!

once again- Embryology 101

Three years ago, I did a project I have always wanted to do with my students- we hatched chicks, well we tried to. Chicks take 21 days to grow in utero and then hatch. The project went beautifully. We shared it with a lot of the other children and teachers at our school; it was truly WONDERFUL. We watched the chicks growing inside (Did you know you can see inside the egg with a special light? We made one and could watch them moving inside! So utterly amazing and beautiful!) Then hatching day arrived and it was so amazing to watch. I stayed late that evening and watched almost all the chicks hatch successfully, only to come in the next day to disaster. My t.a. (God bless her) and I drove the dying chicks to a nearby vet and paid for them to be put to sleep. She and I stood there crying messes (me mostly) with a box of dead & dying chicks; it (I) was pathetic I'm sure!

I never did the project again; parents and students asked me to, but I've been too afraid. Jump ahead to last summer when I, for some strange reason, wrote a donorschoose grant proposal for an incubator and egg turner- it was funded. So now I'm about to start this project again. "Why?" I am sitting here asking myself. Why????

Because, Rebekah, you've always told your children and "your children" that they cannot let fear stop them, that they have to always keep trying even when it's hard and they're afraid. So am I going to be a good role model or am I going to just be another person who talks the talk but doesn't "walk the walk?"

So, tomorrow we fire up the incubator, build a wet bulb thermometer and prepare to receive a batch of chicken eggs that will- PLEASE GOD- hatch successfully in three weeks into some cute and fuzzy chicks. If you are a praying person, please, please please pray for my chicks, for my students and others who may visit, and for me (to be brave and not a nervous wreck!), but mostly please pray that our chicks hatch well and have no complications like the last time but have a high survival rate this time around. I will be more crushed than I can say if disaster strikes again.

And this week, I will share those old, original posts for myself and anyone else who wants to go there with me. I need to remind myself of the wonder and beauty and joy of life and the amazing lesson I learned from a 5 year old last time around.

post # 1 from May 2007- Embryology 101

Until next time, hope you have a blessed, wonderful, happy week!
Love,
BekaBoo :)

help out a teacher and his/her students!

This is such a neat & FREE way for you to help out a teacher/students you know or don't know, near you or far away. DonorsChoose is a nonprofit that teachers can submit grant requests to; then donors can go online to their website and find projects they want to give to. Donors can give anything from tiny to grand ($1 to the-sky-is-the-limit!). Once a teacher has reached full funding, DonorsChoose orders and ships the materials to the teacher, the teacher and students take photos and write thank you letters to send to their donors. It's AWESOME! I've given and received through DonorsChoose, and it is just a great experience all the way around!

Here's where the FREE part comes in. If you go to www.earthdayphotocontest.com you can choose your favorite photo, provide your email and birthdate and Microsoft sends you a $5 giving card to use on a project of your choosing. So, let's review- all you have to do is vote for a photo and enter your email & birthday. Check your email and get the online code for the gift card and go visit DonorsChoose to choose the class/teacher you want to give your $5 to. You can do this EVERY DAY until April 19th. What a great deal!!!

If you've never given to this organization, I promise you that you will TREMENDOUSLY bless a teacher when you do, not to mention his/her students! I've written and received about 20 funded projects in not quite two years and have so many wonderful, rich learning materials now that have helped my kids learn so much more! It's AMAZING!!!

And if you don't know a teacher and have no idea who to share your money with, you can just choose a teacher/class from their site or I "just happen" to know this great guy, named Rob, who teaches in the inner city, rough part of Winston-Salem, who is trying to get a document camera for his students. :) :) :)

The Biggest Loser

Today we were told we are in even more trouble. We may be closed or all fired. Someone must go to court to represent our school. We were told, "our usual 'excuses' will not be acceptable anymore." We were told, "You cannot blame the kids; you cannot blame the parents. It is your fault."

I, for one, do not blame the kids. I do not blame the parents either. I am not saying I am perfect, or have never done these things, but I always have given a lot of credit to our kids and to their families. I firmly believe that all but the smallest percentage of parents care deeply about their kids, but not all are well equipped or ready to deal with the issues, stresses, and commitment involved in parenting, let alone parenting well. Many are dealing with their own issues and problems. Many are working multiple jobs to just keep a roof over their head or food on the table. Many are dealing with drug or alcohol addictions or trying to stay alive or facing abusive situations or trying to make bad relationships work. Many parents care a great deal, but just don't know what to do or where to turn. Whether "the judge," or the county higher-ups, or the president, or anyone else for that matter, likes it or not, these are not excuses, they are facts. The facts that so many of our students live with. The facts that many of us teachers are trying to find ways to work around. That many of us teachers are trying to help our students rise above.

Unless we acknowledge these facts, nothing is going to change. Making the teachers the scourge of society, blaming it all on us, and even firing all of us will not fix this mess of an education system either. All that is going to happen is politicians keep their jobs a little longer because they can put it on our backs. But in the end, the children will be the biggest losers in this reality show that's not a "show" but true reality. That is what is most discouraging to me.

He is Risen

Dear God,
Thank you just doesn't say what my heart wants to express. How can I ever in my lowly human form express it? There is no way. No way I can even really understand Your love for me.
No way I can ever, this side of Heaven, fathom who You are, the sacrifices You made, the depth, breadth, unconditional, unending love.

Thank you for coming to our world. For living as a weak human and experiencing what we do so that You could really understand who we are and how we think, feel, and all we must go through. For suffering a most horrible, gruesome, torturous death. For rising again and sharing all that will be with us. For being so long suffering and merciful, even when I am slow, stubborn, just plain stupid, and just plain wrong.

Thank You God for it all.

Happy Easter!

love my cousins!!!

My dear cousin, Regina, came to see me this week. She even brought us Roma's pizza all the way from Bethalto where I went to high school!!! OOOOOHHHHH, Roma's has the best pizza ever, and I had forgotten how good it is!!!!! The best thing she brought to us, though, was her love and these two sweet little ones who call me "BekaBoo."

Thank you Regina, Bella, and Sarah for coming to see us. Thank you Phillip, Paige & Caleb for sharing your wife/mom with us! I love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The girls loved our pets, and were especially fascinated with Cinnamon. They tried to coax him downstairs to play with them. Here they finally got him to come down for some cat treats.
Bella is a sweetheart! She loved posing for me every time I snapped photos. Such a cutie!

Look at that grin! How could you refuse such a face??? She's a doll, and her voice is even more adorable, especially when she said, "BekaBoo, I love you!" awwwwwww

Bella loved picking the flowers on the "mountain" at the school playground behind our house.

Loved this photo of Sarah! She was playing in the playhouse at the school playground, and I snuck around and caught her photo through the window.

Blowing the dandelion to make a wish

Matthew was a good sport and played Hide & Go Seek/ Tag with the girls.

my baby girl, Barbara Rose, a.k.a. Pippi Longstocking :)

Regina and me

Joe Cool just chillin' while we play

Loved this one! Bella copied Matthew soaking in some rays on the hillside

Barbara Rose and the girls making cookies

the girl cousins before we said goodbye

God listens... I cry... yeah, that's about the norm

Please see my heart when you read this (if you read this). I am honestly not trying to be melodramatic, but just sharing where my heart is at this point in my life.

Every once in a while, you hear a song that just grabs you. This year has been probably the hardest year I have ever had as a teacher so far. It has torn me to pieces and made me question a lot- about God, about myself, about my calling and who I am. I've been praying about my future and talking to God about why we left home and came here and what He wants and why it matters (and does what I do even really matter to Him or make a difference for heaven??? 'cuz it sure doesn't seem like what I do can have any eternal, lasting effect most days), and where He wants me to go from here... for a long time, this year He was quiet (please know I am NOT saying He wasn't there, wasn't listening, or that He didn't care, just that He was quiet for the time). Then I heard this song on the computer one day when I had K-Love streaming in my classroom after the kids had gone home. I sat down at the computer and cried my eyes out. It was like God finally spoke to me, directly, and He had my attention!!!!

Though we are so blessed here in America (a fact I am keenly aware of and do NOT take for granted!!!!!), Rob & I do work with some very broken kids and families. Children who are not loved, children who have no food at home or parents to take care of them, children who have to parent themselves and their younger siblings, children who have seen too much of an ugly world many people out there have no idea exists. Children who have given up and are just trying to survive. Children whose eyes haunt me sometimes with the pain in them. Children who have captured our hearts and who will go with me to my grave in my heart and in my mind's eye.

Since that day I have heard this song on the radio many times. This past two weeks it has been playing in the mornings as we've gone to school a LOT- Rob & I have both heard it on the radio at the same time on a morning when we were both really struggling (Rob's school and my school are both "under fire.") I have heard it four of the last six days on my way to school. I suppose it might just be a coincidence, just the radio station playing a popular song, or just a total fluke... but for Rob & I it has meant a lot. And whether God was using a song that just happened to be written and just happened to be played at the exact time when we were both in the car (not something that usually happens with our school schedules) or at the time when I was on my way to the "battleground" each day, or whether He would have taken the time out of so much more pressing things to hear me and answer me, I cannot say.

This is what I do know- this song is true. How can I complain? I cannot. And the Bible says something to the effect of "if you've been given a lot, then a lot may be asked of you." I have been given a lot. How can I not, then give a lot? I cannot.

And I cannot turn away, though it would be easier for me- so much easier. It would mean less heartburn, less sleepless nights, less heartache and tears shed. It would mean less pain for me to not know, to just go teach in a "better school" where the kids and families are more intact and less "impacted" (just love that term- NOT!), but I do know now. It's like the homeless people I pass on the corners... I cannot pass them by and turn my face. I may not be able to solve all the problems of this world and the things my kids face, but they deserve to not be alone in their time of need.

So until God sends me somewhere new, I will "follow You" with all my heart God.

Follow You
You live among the least of these
The weary and the weak
And it would be a tragedy
For me to turn away
All my needs You have supplied
When I was dead You gave me life
So how could I not give it away so freely?

And I'll
Follow You into the homes of the broken
Follow You into the world
Meet the needs for the poor and the needy, god
Follow You into the world

Use my hands, use my feet


To make Your kingdom come
To the corners of the earth
Until Your work is done
Faith without works is dead
On the cross Your blood was shed
So how could we not give it away so freely?

And I give all myself
I give all myself
I give all myself to You

spring photos continued

more photos from this week

this is my peach tree; it survived the move to the new house last spring and it's looking great this year! :)

matthew took this one for me
forsythia- love this bush!!!

don't know what this is- but i LOVE it!!! so beautiful!

jealous

i hate feeling jealous. but i confess i have my moments. of jealousy. wrong i know. dwell on it i don't. but sometimes i just am. jealous.

jealous of the ones who got to know them, and we didn't.
jealous when they talk about all their happy, wonderful, good times, and we had none after him.
jealous because they know each other and we don't.
jealous because i remember them and they probably don't even know we exist.
jealous of their memories and the good times they represent.
jealous because something that should have been, could have been was stolen from us and we can never get it back. no matter anyone's good intentions now, it's gone and can never be given back.

i don't wish any of them ill. i am happy for them that their memories are so wonderful, happy that they have them, happy that they have a better relationship and family ties.

i just wish we did too, and it hurts. really bad.