Out of the blue...

I had a good day at school. I am enjoying my new students. My daughter and son have volunteered a lot and helped me much more than I could ever say or repay! I came home and have had a nice evening with my husband and Matthew.

Then out of the blue, it hits me. It hasn't been here for a few days. And now it's back. And I hate it. I wish it would go away. Maybe I'm just pyscho.

And, why, I ask myself, am I doing this tonight? Why did the blues hit me hard? Because somebody said something and it made me feel like they think I failed. I'm tired of being told, "You're back where you belong." I can't tell you how many times I've heard that in the past month. And, I don't know why that statement bothers me at all, except that it makes me feel like all these people think I sucked and failed last year. I'm tired of hearing about bad teachers and how badly our school sucks, and then to hear it from people I like or look up to, and I'm hearing it more and more from people I care about. I know my school is a "failing school," and I don't make excuses. I am HARDER on myself than anyone could ever be to themselves. I don't think anybody could push themselves more than I do myself. Yeah, I agree that graduation rates and test-pass rates around the nation are atrocious. I just am struggling to understand how that many teachers are that bad. And am I one of them?

I think anybody who knows me knows I CARE about my kids, probably more than most. But what if that's not enough, because these days it seems it's not in most people's books. And caring a lot doesn't give the almighty test score a boost, and that's all that matters.

I hope I wake up with "it" gone because right now I am just very, very blah.

On a happier note:

• I am so thankful for my WONDERFUL young people. I have the BEST kids in the whole wide world!!!!! Barbara & Matthew have been volunteering in my classroom and helped me tremendously get moved and unpacked and set up. My new kids love Barbara & Matthew too, which is sweet! :)
• Thanks to my kids' help and a lot of work on my part, I am more organized than I've ever been in all my years of teaching- even with two grades in one room!
• My classroom looks nicer than ever before, and I've gotten lots of compliments on it. It's so nice to walk into each morning- just makes me smile. And at the end of the day, I know it's silly, but I just look around my room because it looks so good. :)
• My new class- they're sweet and eager and my biggest problem, so far, is some chattiness and a class clown or two. No violence, no racial slurs, no fighting and bullying, no drugs or weapons. Refreshing!
• Charlotte, who co-taught with me last year and still believes in me- she will never know how much that means to me. She doesn't think less of me and still wants to be my teaching partner. :)
• A 4th grade teacher came to me today and what she said just touched my heart so deeply. She probably will never know how much it meant to me too, but being needed and helping others just makes my day. And she made mine! :)
• Payday- we made it to payday. Sure we are major overdrawn and behind on bills; we didn't have enough to make it all the way, but we made it. Thank God for a job and for money coming back in once again, even if it is less money than last year.

Limeades for Learning- please vote

I'm needing to get serious about work stuff- have Donors Choose screening to do, lesson plans to write, assessments to score and analyze, spelling words to upload online, and bills to pay (thank God, we made it to paydays again!)...

But I have to put my plug in (sorry to seem like such a beggar). It's that time of year again when Sonic does their Limeades for Learning deal. This is such an awesome way to help a teacher you know & love or even one you don't know or love, and it doesn't cost you a dime! :)

All you have to do is go here and vote every day with every email you have. You have one vote per email each day. Plus if you do visit Sonic between now & Sept. 30, you will also get a code to enter online for a bonus vote.

If you don't know any teachers who have projects on Donors Choose, I just "happen" to know a lot of teachers who would love to get some wonderful teaching resources and materials for their students. Here are a few:

• My hubby & best friend, Rob is trying to get netbooks to create a mini computer lab in his classroom. This project is for one netbook.
• Mrs. Hauck is a fourth grade teacher at my school. This is her first Donors Choose project ever, and I would sure like to help her get it funded!!!! :) She is asking for funds to purchase Time for Kids newspapers for her students to read and take home.
• I have a couple projects live right now, this one is for an iPod. I'm hoping to build a small set of iPods to use as a learning station as well as to use in having kids record themselves reading and listen to audiobooks and music. I'm trying to get them one at a time.
• There are lots of other great projects out there. You can search the site by state, city, county, school. If you are looking for other great teachers, search High Point, NC, Allen Jay Elementary!

Many thanks!!!!

Rebekah :)

Hurricanes and Other Things

Irene has come & gone, and other than a very windy day we didn't see anything here in our neck of NC. I have been keeping tabs on one friend to see if they made it through alright. I emailed a second cousin to check on her before/after, but haven't heard from her. I'm guessing she's okay, just without power, but I know her area was hit hard. I watched a photo slide show from the areas of NC & southeastern VA that were hit. OH MY!!!! It was so surreal to see photos of the Outer Banks and Morehead City. Oh, how I love that area- so beautiful!!! I just kept calling Rob, "Come look at this! Rob, come see this!" There were photos of Highway 12 that runs through the OBX, and the ocean has washed the road away in several places!!! I am praying for all the families who have lost loved ones or suffered losses from this storm.

Irene brought me a gift this weekend too. But first, I have to back up a little bit, or a lot.

I was pretty quiet in high school, just sat as far back as I could in class and prayed to not be noticed. I was in the honors classes and graduated high in my class. I knew all the kids I was in classes with, but usually sat there quietly watching and listening and never interacted much with any of them. They were all popular, partied and did things together. I was just the nerdy, shy girl in there with them. I didn't think that any of them would even really remember me, let alone like me. Hmmm... you couldn't get me to relive those teenaged years again for any price in the world!!!! I even graduated early because I was so lonely and miserable in high school.

Fast forward all these years later (23 to be exact) and lo & behold, a few of them do remember me and are now my FB friends. Who'd a thunk it? :) Certainly not me!

Sarah lives in the Norfolk, VA, area. Her hubby is in the Navy and is stationed out there. He had to go with the helicopters before the storm hit, and she decided to leave and not ride the storm out in case in got bad. She FB'd me and next thing you know she was headed to G'boro! So Saturday morning, she pulled up and hopped out, and she hasn't changed much at all- still the ever-present smile I remembered from class all those years ago! It was so nice! We tried to feed her a good home-cooked meal and chatted. Barbara was excited to meet Sarah too, and we ladies had a good time! I was surprised because it didn't feel like I was meeting a stranger I sort of knew from years gone by (which is what I would have expected), but it felt like I was meeting a friend I haven't seen in years. That's, I'm sure due to FB where we've been able to get to know each other a little. And as we talked I realized how a lot of those silly teenaged insecurities were for nothing as everyone else was dealing with their own very similar insecurities and issues. Oh, if this Rebekah could go talk to that one!

And the rest of the weekend- well it was normal life stuff- Donors Choose screenings, lesson plan writing... yeah, like that. And may I just say that I forgot that it is a bit challenging to fit two grades' lesson plans into mine. I am going back and forth between two grade levels' curriculum planners, two grades' lesson plans, plus a lot of other resources too. I better get going- newsletter, seating charts, reading logs, and more are still waiting on me.

One funny thing before I go. Saturday afternoon, while the wind was gusting pretty good and the clouds were swirling around (the sum total of the non-drama we saw from Irene), I heard an ice cream truck go through our neighborhood, and I PROMISE, I'm not lying, it was playing "Silent Night!" In August, with a hurricane brewing just an hour away and the wind, clouds, humidity churning up here quite a bit. I was sure that if I looked out my window, I'd see Rod Serling telling me I had just entered "the Twilight Zone." :)

School supplies

I'm going to be a beggar here. Sorry. If you don't want to read, please just come back another day. I promise I won't do it too much.

We were told on Friday that there would be very limited to no funds for instructional supplies this year. One ink cartridge for our printer, limits on paper, no money for field trips....

So as I sit here tonight trying to make my school supply list, I am stuck. Many (probably most) of our families at school can't afford much for supplies. Every year, I end up supplying a majority of what my room uses- extra glue, crayons, kleenex, soap & sanitizer, pencils, toilet paper even... I don't mind; it's what Rob & I do. We buy what our kids need to help them learn and don't even think about it.

But this year, it's August 21 & I've been overdrawn for at least two or three days. I have $100 cash to get us groceries and gas for the rest of the month. I can't buy anything for school right now.

And I am NOT the only teacher who is feeling the pinch after several years in a row of paycuts or pay freezes. So if you're a friend or family from home or just a stranger who visits here, and ONLY if you felt so led, I'm asking you to consider helping a group of hard working teachers at a school I know so very well. If you know of ANYONE who might help, would you please pass this info on? If your employer is looking for something good to do, could you share this info?

All of us could use, and would be SO grateful for extra supplies (if you're shopping some of these great back to school sales):

• looseleaf paper
• single subject spiral notebooks
• copier paper
• pencils
• erasers
• glue sticks, glue sticks, glue sticks
• hand sanitizer or soap
• crayons, colored pencils, or markers
• pocket folders
• page protectors
• Sharpies
• whiteboard markers and/or cleaner
• staples
• tape refills

Someone on Facebook also suggested gift cards to Walmart, Staples, or Office Max. That would be great too!

If anyone wants to help, please leave me contact info & I can send you my address at school. I will share anything we can get with my fellow teachers, or if someone has a particular grade they want it to go to, I will direct your gift to those teachers. I would be so thankful if you'd pass this info on to your colleagues, family, boss, church, anyone. THANK YOU!!!!!

Making this quick since it's right at 10 PM and I need to do lots of stuff still tonight. Just finished cutting out 70 yarn necklaces/chains and over 300 pieces of yarn for one of the activities tomorrow at staff meetings.

This was the fourth day of training, and I have to admit I got SUPER stressed when the tension level rose in the room. I think that's the problem- me and conflict are not bff's. I HATE when people are rude to one another, when people get snotty and are condescending. By lunch I wrote a note to myself and the teacher next to me. It said, "I've had enough estrogen for one day!" :)

But I made it. Getting a couple more students tomorrow! :) I like to have larger classes, and if there's anything I want it is to NOT get preferential treatment (combo class or not). I want to give no one room to say, "She has a smaller class." or "She has all the 'good' kids." or anything else like that. I pull my own weight!

One more day this week; praying the meetings go quickly and that we get a nice chunk of time to work in our rooms. My dear, sweet daughter has worked hard this week to help me get unpacked. We're almost there. Matthew came also and has helped and is going with me tomorrow to help me finish unpacking and get bulletin boards up. That's my goal for tomorrow. Then next week, I have to get the library, discovery, math, and literacy areas set up plus nametags, cubby tags, and all that other stuff ready plus my materials for Open House. Here come the long days! I'll post some photos next week as I get my room finished.

My :) for today:

• as always, having my daughter nearby makes my day- seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, when she stops and gives me a hug, when she can sense that I'm having a bad day or see the stress and she just grabs my hand and gives me our "secret" family I love you signal or a hug, and says, "I love you Mommy," seeing her love the kids I love- well all these things make it easier to get through hard days
• all the help my family has given me- moving me to my new room, helping me unpack and get set up
• my daughter's FB comments in defense of her ideas and in defense of her mommy :)- Go Barbara, you ROCK!!!
• my sons- Matthew & Robert- who sometimes don't mind me being mushy, let me give them hugs & kisses still, and help me out from time to time (Matthew, as I mentioned, has been a big help to me this week. Robert went out tonight and bought yarn for me with his own money tonight for this school project.)
• a lunch out with a coworker who insisted on paying- thank you friend!
• playing with some of my coworkers' kids today- chasing them in the hallway, playing tag, sticking out tongues, tickling... I love kids! :)
• made it through another day- thank you Father for helping me!!!!!!!!
• yummy grilled salmon and a salad for supper
• a back that is still hurting a LOT but is not quite as bad as the other day- thank you God!!!!

We heard today that we are not going to have money for basic school supplies that we might normally get some help with. This means that on top of everything I spend money on, I will now have to buy my own paper (lesson plans, learning materials, worksheets, newsletters, etc.), staples, tape, glue, etc. We can't ask our families for more since many of them are strapped for cash too. Pray for our school please- for our kids to have a good year, that they will grow & learn and make leaps & bounds in their learning! Pray for our staff to be in unity, to be encouraged and lifted up and to grow in their abilities, pray for our families that their needs will be provided and that they will grow as families. Pray for our nation and its leaders. We need some major changes in the education system.

Love to you all!

Rebekah :)

Day 1 is done

Today went pretty well. This training was good- well at least I liked it better than anything else we've had. Usually PD is hit or miss (often miss). This presenter was good, knows her stuff, was sharing very useful info and teaching us things many of us didn't know or clarifying misinformation.

I found out today that I do not have a class assigned to me yet; hoping maybe that will change tomorrow but who knows. I'm trying to relax and go with the flow, but I hope I do get kids soon. It's hard to listen to everybody making plans, to decorate and set up a new classroom, to work with grade levels when you don't know exactly what you will end up being.

And don't let me leave this out- let me just say I have the BEST young people around! Barbara & Matthew got up early and came to school with me. While I was in training all day, they started setting up the furniture in my new room, unpacking boxes and baskets and working on getting my room ready. Matthew made my door display- the neatest tree with a little owl and got the words cut out and everything laminated. Barbara is being the organization queen for me. THANK YOU YOUNG PEOPLE O' MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love my family, and am so very, very blessed!!!

My back started really hurting last week on the retreat by the end, and I am in horrible pain this evening. I went and fished out the pain medicine the doctor gave me back in March when it flared up then. So anytime now I am going to get sleepy (I hope). The recliner and I are going to be good friends for a few nights I'm afraid. I hate that because I missed Rob a lot today, but I cannot sleep in the bed when my back is hurting. :(

So, good night. Hope wherever you are, your Tuesday is filled with lots of laughter, some good hugs and tons of smiles!

Rebekah :)

What I got right today:

• no complaining or griping
• no words I regret from my mouth
• I'm still reading my Bible and doing my God-journal :)
• I volunteered (you did hear that right?) to lead two group activities at this Friday's opening staff meeting!!!!!! Do you know how huge that is????? I know it's going to hit me in a day or so, and I'm going to be wondering, "What in the world was I thinking?!?!?!?!" :)

My prayer requests for tonight:

• My cousin, Laura Beth, just had her first baby. I'm praying for her healing physically, lots of rest, and for God's help as baby, mom, and dad all learn each other and make all these big adjustments.
• My back- I NEED this to be healed. I cannot go like this much longer without a dr.'s visit, and I don't have the $, the time, or the desire to see the dr. again- especially when they'll just give me drugs and send me home.

Goodbye Summer, Hello 2011-12 School Year

Staying up late, sleeping late, reading, movies, Plants vs. Zombies, walks, laughter, visits from my family back home, cooking, relearning how to sew, family time- that's how I've spent my six weeks off. This was the first summer that I have not taught summer school, babysat, or tutored. This is the first summer I have not worked on school stuff, and oh how nice it has been! I started summer with my Momma, Pop, sister, brother-in-law, and niece here for graduation. On Fathers' Day, my cousin, Regina and her family popped by for lunch with us, and then in July, Regina came back and brought another cousin, Pam, to see us. They stayed for a few days, and oh, what fun we had- staying up WAY late, laughing like crazy women, shopping at every craft/fabric store in G'boro plus countless trips to Walmart- hehehehe, eating Regina's delicious cheesecakes, sewing and sewing and more laughing!!!! I've really relaxed and taken me-time this summer, which is something I don't think I've ever done before.

But all the time, I've been scared inside. I've told Rob and my Momma, but it's been more than I've even told them. The bad dreams about work started two weeks ago, and my stomach has bothered me more, but the anxiety has really hit this week. I have never been one to have anxiety/panic attacks, but I think that is what I am experiencing, and it is NOT fun. I know I'll get through this. I just wish I didn't have to. I wish that teaching had not become what it has. I wish it was still all about the kids and the politics and pressures weren't ruining it. I wish I didn't feel so burned out, so stressed, and so useless. But being totally honest, I feel completely like a waste of space and a failure as a teacher. I hope & pray I am not. Momma told me yesterday (and deep down inside-where it counts- I think she is right) that once I am with the kids it will come back.

I have some goals for myself for this year:

• get better organized- After moving around grades and classrooms for the past few years I have a lot of stuff and it's not well organized. Barbara is going to help me this week unpack my new room, declutterize :), and organize.
• be a better reading teacher- I feel that I am stronger at teaching math, so I want to work really hard on becoming a better reading teacher. I have bought a couple books that I am working on reading towards that goal, and am excited to try some new structures in my literacy block.
• have the data to back up myself- Last year I was burned by the "data-god loving people." Not this year! I plan to have a BIG data notebook prepared as I did before when I was in the lower grades, and it will include behavior data. See I'm pretty good with kids who have behavior issues, and if only I would have documented in cute, color-coded charts and graphs last year the growth... well I would have at least had that on my side. "That" woman still wouldn't have liked me, "those" people at work still would have said their snotty things and had their data to back them up, but I would have had something at least. I learned my lesson, and this year, it's all about the data! I will have data for math, reading, behavior, you name it- I'm going to have it! I don't have to like the game, but I will learn how to play it and play it well!!!! I have to avoid the dreaded "ineffective teacher" label so that I can keep doing this thing I was called to do.
• continue the good things I started this year, namely, taking care of me- I am leaving at a decent hour at least three days a week (not letting myself get sucked in more than I have to), walking regularly, wearing my pedometer - I love that thing!, eating well, drinking more water, writing down here some positives about myself, my day, my life- "I Like Me's" as Crystal called them. Plus I have started a God-journal, and I want to keep that with me daily so I can write down things between God & me no matter where I am.
• learn to forgive myself- now THERE is a challenge!!!!!

I have really come to the end of myself, but I am finding that God is there, as He always is. I'm so thankful for that because if He weren't, I couldn't walk into that door tomorrow. He was really with me this past week when I had to go to a leadership retreat- I felt so peaceful (of course the mountains have that effect on me too, but this was definitely God!). I know He will go with me and help me; I'm counting on that!

There is a Matthew West song, "Strong Enough" that I have heard but it really hit home with me this week. He sings, "I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be. I give up... Lord I'm asking You to be strong enough for both of us..." That's me- I can't be what I'm supposed to be on my own, Lord. There are some kids and families who will count on me, and I can't let them down. I don't know how to come back from the burn-out, betrayal, and hurt I feel inside, and I'm scared that I can't "come back." But this I know. I was made to be a teacher; I have no doubt that God formed me for this work. I know He called me, and I know He is carrying me through this rough time. I wish I wasn't experiencing this, but I know I will learn something useful and when I look back I'll be glad for the experience.

God, walk in there with me and help me come back, please. Because this is a big part of who Rebekah is and she truly does adore those kids.

Ready or not, God, here we go. The school bell is calling us, Father.

***************************************************************************************************************************

For those who pray for me (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU), I might start putting prayer needs here too if that's okay.

• My back is really giving me trouble after last week's retreat and sitting in chairs all day. I need God to heal this permanently and help me. When it gets bad like this it interferes with my walking.
• I also have all the symptoms of a stress fracture in my left foot (have had one there before) and it is bothering me. I want to keep walking to get healthier. Please pray for these with me.
• All my old kids as they move to 4th grade, a few at new schools. Pray God will help them have good teachers who will see the good inside them and love them too.

Here is the Wordle I created for my classroom door! I LOVE the blues!!!!

Wordle: Mrs. Thomas 2" style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd">

I'm going to use this for a getting to know you activity too- let each kid make one for him/herself to share with the class. I have my "all about me" word list ready for myself to model and make mine for the kids! :)

Why am I like this???

God, I know You are forgiving and merciful and full of love. Why can I not just forgive myself and accept myself the way I am? Why do I treat myself so meanly? Why does it matter to me so much that a few people might be offended or not like me or not think I am "Ms. Wonderful?" Why am I like this?

Please help me Father.

I forgive other people so much more quickly than I do myself. You can be mean to me, lie about me, walk all over me, and I'll find a way to forgive and still like you. But when it comes to myself, I can't seem to forgive myself for any little thing, real or perceived. I know where the roots of some of this lie, but don't seem to be able to totally get through it. I start to better and feel better and then something comes along and sabotages it. This week it was hearing that two colleagues were telling others were talking/complaining about me to another teacher. Do I need to see the shrink or take a pill, Lord? You are the healer. Can't you heal my messed up mind?

I developed a wall this past year after so much garbage at work, and got angry. That wasn't good, but neither is being this mealy-mouthed, "I'm sorry for everything under the sun" person either. God, please help me to find the right balance in You. I can't go on like this crazy person.

I made my own purses! :)

When my cousins, Regina & Pam, were here, we had a lot of fun, laughed a lot, ate a bunch of good food, went to every craft store we could find in Greensboro and to Walmart so many times I lost count, and just had a wonderful, wonderful time!!!!

Regina bought me a springform pan, which I've wanted for a long time, and she made a cheesecake which we all loved. We loved it so much, in fact, that she made us a different one the next day, and then, the next thing you know, she made us one more the following day- so we got to try different flavors and compare. My kids LOVED it because I've only once or twice made cheesecakes since I didn't really have a good pan for it. It was like a cheesecake of the day club. :)

Pam taught us how to make bags/baskets and got me sort of out of my creative slump- or on the road back to being creative. After making one while Pam was here, and one after she went home, I got braver and have tried to make the bag with handles. I did it, and it turned out pretty good, so I tried again and have made myself my very own teacher purse/bag. :) So cool!!!!

Here they are:

I know you're going to think it's silly, but I keep looking at them thinking, "Hey, I did that! I actually made my own purse! Who'd of thunk it?!?" :)

I love the colors of this one! Blues are my favorite colors, and these prints just jumped out at me at Walmart! Then I found the lining fabric at JoAnne's another day & I was so happy with how well it went with the quilted part!

And now, my very own teacher bag. I am sooooo excited!!!!! I can carry this with me to my work retreat this weekend. When I get uptight, bored, frustrated, or whatever else, I can look at my purse and think happy thoughts. :) hahahahahahaha

Now that I think about it though, Pam & Regina did all that, and I didn't do anything but eat, laugh, and learn. I always was a deadbeat! :) I definitely owe them something for sure. :)

Not that they will see this, but Regina Baldwin & Pam Brown, I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

Rebekah :)

My Guys

Last night Rob had gone out for a bike ride and when he came back in, he was clearly in distress, but was having trouble telling us what was going on- he was obviously being attacked/bitten by something but we couldn't see what was going on. He was just standing in our kitchen, twitching and saying, "Oh!" Robert & I were trying to figure out what was going when finally Rob made it to the bathroom and the dog started tangling with a wasp/bee in the kitchen that followed Rob into the house and was chasing him into the bathroom. Rob got his clothes off and there were two more still on him, stinging him. Robert ran and got him Benadryl, and Rob is okay, but he has been hurting from the stings. He says he got stung four times, but I think he had more on his back. So thankful to God he is okay!!!!

Robert has had a horrible case of poison crud (I don't know if it's ivy, oak, sumac or something else- he's done this before and is VERY allergic to something out there). He is starting to heal from that, but is still really, really broken out all over his legs, stomach... Then Sunday while working he thought he got into more and came home breaking out in new places and was miserable. He showed me, but it looked different, and I wasn't sure. Yesterday he showed me again, and it was clearly spreading, but it was really odd- his hands have developed thick callouses from his work and whatever this is has spread under the callouses and not on top of his skin. He woke me up early this morning in great pain from this and asked me to pray. After we prayed, I looked at him closely, and whatever this is has spread on tops & bottoms of his hands and arms up to his elbows and he has it on his legs (around/on top of the poison crud he already has). I recommended he go to Primecare and be there when they open so he could get seen before he had to work today and maybe make sure he is self-treating it correctly. He called me later, and he definitely has poison crud but the new stuff is chemical burns from industrial cleaners he was using at work. Poor guy!!! They gave him steroids and some other drug to take.

I teased Matthew to look out. It clearly is not a good time for the Thomas men in our house. :)

Today Barbara & I went to Kristen's house and hung out with Kristen & Erin (gals I used to work with who have moved on to other schools). Kristen has the SWEETEST little two year old girl, Elizabeth. She was such a ham- she counted to ten, followed by "Here I come!" She sang songs for us, and was HYSTERICAL when she rolled her eyes at her Mom's request- best eye-roller I've ever seen! We laughed and cut up and shared "war stories" about school. I am always nervous when I get together with people (even my family for some weird reason), but once we got there I was perfectly at ease and fine and had a nice time. I forgot how they just take me for who I am and are okay with this Rebekah.

I came home and fixed a new recipe for supper. It was good- Gazpacho Salad- it was cooked cheese tortellini laid on a bed of lettuce, topped with chopped tomatoes, cucumber & red onion, drizzled with a homemade vinaigrette and topped with croutons. It was done in no time too! Plus more sweet watermelon, and Robert brought home cookies & milk. :) I've done some crafting and am going to call it a night now.

Random Photos

These are nothing big, but just some photos I took this summer and in my laziness, never posted.

Rob & I have renamed these two. Meet Unstoppable(formerly known as Barbara Rose) and Unmoveable (also known as Matthew). :) These two were being silly. He was sitting on the loveseat and she walked up and said, "Move!" So he laid down (he moved), so she tried to sit on him and it became this game. The poor dog was confused and excited at the same time and jumped up to be in the middle of whatever it was. :) They ended laughing and both refusing to give in. Funny young people!!! My poor loveseat has not been the same since.

The goldfinches love our sunflower patch. Rob was drying these heads to collect the seeds for next summer, but this guy (and his mate not pictured) was having a feast! They come back every day to eat in our garden. The female bird is quite brave; she will hang upside down, tail feathers in the air, to get to some of the more challenging seeds/flowers. :)

This beetle comes around a lot too. We keep seeing him, and I finally caught him with my camera. :)

Summer veggies sauteed up in a tiny bit of olive oil with garlic- yummy!

This huge sunflower is probably now my favorite. It is bigger than even the mammoths but has TONS of flowers and has been blooming for weeks now. :)

Meet our oldest son, Robert. He's a goofball. Here's a little story. He works long hours with a contractor. He always comes home hungry, especially on days he doesn't get to eat lunch or get a break. So he came home, made himself three hamburgers, and carried them all into the living room like this in one hand. He was just carrying them in one hand talking away (like he always does- yeah, he's like me). :) Then he starts giggling and says, "I have an idea."

This was his idea. He actually tried to fit it all in. That picture is too blurry to post from my laughing so hard too.

Here he was dying laughing. He can really crack himself up- and us too. I love my kids!!!

And then there's Matthew again. This is his idea of a "small bowl" of ice cream. :) If you come to our house and we have ice cream, you definitely want to be in front of him. :)

Cooking Chicken- exciting stuff I know

Okay, I know I'm silly. Who else posts pictures of bags of chopped, cooked chicken & pitchers of chicken broth? :) Me- I'm weird, I know.

I promise I had a reason. :) See, we've been trying to be healthier, and I just wonder about all the stuff we use to preserve our foods, so when I can I am trying to avoid processed, precooked, packaged/canned food. I am NOT a health-nut, but am just trying to be more conscious about what we eat. Plus, I am hoping to stretch out our food dollars. I never buy canned chicken; when a recipe calls for it, I cook up my own chicken. But I usually only buy boneless/skinless chicken breasts, and that is expensive to use. I thought I'd try to do this in a more economical way. So today I hit the 5 for $20 that Save-a-Lot does and got five big packages of chicken legs and thighs, came home and filled my stock pot and cooked it all up. It took two rounds of cooking to get it all cooked. I got it all de-boned (Samson LOVED getting some bones!!!) and chopped up. I even used Robert's mini food processor and made a nice bowl of shredded chicken for Rob to make his yummy chicken salad. I have three BIG bags of chopped chicken ready to use, plus over a gallon of strained broth. Matthew helped me work on straining the fat out. I'm going to freeze that up in small portions too.

It was a lot of work, but I think it will save us money and hopefully be healthier- no salt, no preservatives, no chemicals, no corn syrup (Barbara was stunned today as we shopped at how many items have that in it). Matthew and Rob were standing there waiting for me to shred up the chicken tonight, so it must have smelled good. :)

Summer, Happy Trails to You

Happy first day of August! This is my last week of vacation. I'm NOT ready to go back. :( Oh well. :) Such is life.

I have no big plans for this week, just to hang out with the family, work on some things I've started, read, watch movies/Netflix. I have to pay some bills and get groceries in for the family too since I'll be leaving Sunday for a "retreat" for work. I get to see an old work friend and her little girl tomorrow; can't wait to see them! Oh, how I MISS working with Kristen!!!!

I've been putting old recipes online since that's what I've used a lot this past year. It's taking a long time, but I think it will be worth the time and will help me a lot. Yesterday I put together the menu for August and even got each week's grocery list put together! Woohoo, having the grocery list done already will definitely help me a lot as the craziness kicks in soon.

This summer has been a different one for me, but it was what I needed for sure after a most stressful school year and grad school. I have never been such a bum or relaxed so much, and oh how nice it felt! I did next to no school work either, which is just not normal at all for me!!! I'm going to have a hard time getting back into my normal life after five weeks off.

Well, I guess that's it for today. Riveting stuff I write here, huh? :) hahahahaha

That was then, this is now.

I'm not who I was. Before you say it, I know... none of us are. We all change. That's life and how it is supposed to be. But this summer I've had time (something I don't normally have) to think a lot about who I am, who I was, where I'm going, who I want to be and all those "deep" things. There are things I like much more about this Rebekah than "old Rebekah" and there are things I question about the me I am today. I'm just not sure if it's good or bad or if it just is what it is.

I realized a few weeks ago, just how hurt I have been and how far away from the "old Rebekah" I have come. The past three or four years of church and work have left some battle scars and I have tried to heal and move on, but something made me see how hard that has been and how far I still have to go. Now please, before I share, please know that I am not just listing a list of grievances and being an angry, bitter person. I have diligently tried to move on and not be bitter. I'm sharing from my heart, some VERY deep, VERY personal hurts that have shaped who I am today- for better or for worse. If you feel I am wrong, please just pray for me.

I won't bore you with details, but let's just say that growing up in church, I've seen a lot of God, but also a lot of not-God. As a church member, I've seen a lot. As a preacher's kid from my late teen years through adulthood, I've seen a lot. Rob & I (and our young children) have been escorted from church & asked to not come back because my shoes were "offensive" (a clean but cheap pair of canvas sneakers bought at Walmart). I've been told by a pastor's wife to have an abortion because God doesn't like unplanned pregnancies in poor folks apparently. I've been the subject of sermons after confiding in a pastor. Apparently insomnia is caused by hidden sins and God was trying to strike me down for my arrogance. Rob had to be called out by a church committee because he was not really a Christian due to his bad habit of tardiness and his desire to befriend a lonely guy in the church instead of going to pray at pre-worship prayer time. Suffice it to say that in more than one place we've not measured up to the ideals/standards of God or a particular church's view of God. When I look back, I don't think I've felt accepted at a church for a long, long time. We always fall short somehow, someway. I have felt like a misfit for years now.

After the last time- two years ago- I told Rob I would NEVER step my foot across the door of any specific denomination, I would NEVER join and become an official member of any church, and that I would NEVER go to church in a small church where people would be able to be "up in your business" and know you and watch you to judge you. So we looked and visited and struggled for a while. I am so thankful though because we do have a church we truly do like now. I am always glad when we get there, but I still get stuck and can't get through it. I know it, and yet I don't know how to fix it. It's been two years now since the last "church thing." It's now the summer of 2011- my cousins, Pam & Regina, come to visit us. We go to church together. It is communion Sunday. I get sick to my stomach as soon as we walk in and I realize what today is. See, I haven't gone up and taken communion in all this time. Rob has brought communion to me sometimes, but very few times have I taken it even then (and mostly because I wanted to set a good example for my kids). I have not taken my own self up to the front of a church and received communion in all this time because I know the truth about me- that no one (except God who knows it all and Rob who lives with me) knows. It really hit me that Sunday morning how far I've gone from that "old girl." It got me thinking...

The "old Rebekah" (let's call her OR for this part) was in church every time the doors were open- morning service, evening service, Bible studies, prayer nights, revivals. OR was very involved in church- Sunday School, Children's Church, playing her saxophone, singing occasionally, cleaning the church, helping with every event that came along in whatever she could find to do. OR knew these were the ways you expressed your love to Him. OR knew that a faithful Christian did these things. OR tried to not let anyone down, tried to get out of her bashfulness and greet others, invite people to church, always took communion after reflection and prayers for forgiveness. OR had it together in "church-ways." She was a good Christian, or at least she met the "good Christian" standards found in most churches.

This Rebekah- well I've already talked this through with Rob and called my Momma to share with her, so I guess I'll take the risk and bare my soul with you too. This Rebekah, well I'm none of those things, and that's a lot of why I've felt like and called myself a bad Christian for years and years now. That's why I do really live in fear that I won't "get in" to heaven someday, why I worry about it sometimes. It's why if I do get in, I will be more than content to just sit quietly in some corner of heaven and be quiet and not bother anyone. God doesn't even have to speak to me, look at me, or mess with me at all. I won't even try to bother Him or come near Him. I'll just be oh so thankful for being there. See this Rebekah, she isn't faithful in her church attendance; I do go to church, don't get me wrong. But I also miss church more than I'd admit to anyone, and it's not because I want to miss church. I'm always glad once we've gotten in the doors, but the path from my home, out to the car and down the road is an awful, really awful, weekly battle. This Rebekah hopes to just sit in the back and not be noticed by anyone. It's taken me over a year and a half of going to this church and I just talked to two of our pastors for the first time in the past couple months. I don't do anything in the church; I used to try to get involved, but now, after all these "church things" I know I'm not worthy to be teaching anyone's kids or doing anything in the church. I greet others at the "meet & greet" times and smile and am friendly to those I sit near and pass coming in/going out, but I don't really know anyone there. I would like to sometimes, but I'm terrified to at the same time. I feel like I'm keeping the real me a secret because if they find out, well like all the others, they won't like me/us either. No one has in a long, long time. Or worse yet, you think they do, but then you find out they don't really and you just were stupid and thought they did. That hurts even more, and I don't want to do that again- ever!

The thing is, I actually feel closer to God, in the craziest place. I am a teacher in one of those "failing schools" - I've taught in worse schools before, but it's certainly not an easy place to work. The past two years I've felt like I've been walking through hell honestly; it is certainly a challenging place to be many days. But, I feel God with me, know His pleasure and love more in my public school classroom than anywhere else I go. When I am hugging kids, holding a crying/hurt child and secretly, and sometimes not-so-secretly, praying for them in my head, when kids run up to hug me, when I love an angry, violent child in spite of their issues... well it's those times when I almost think God is smiling at me. When I get love back from countless kids (and honestly, it's almost embarrassing how much love I get from the kids at school), I feel like it's God giving me a hug back. I feel His warmth and love so much in what is supposed to be a "heathen" place. I feel like I please Him there. I feel like He is happy with me and I am where I ought to be. I KNOW that I KNOW I am a better teacher for having felt the sting of rejection, for knowing how the criticisms and disapproval of others feel. I am glad for having experienced it for I know how to not do that to my students and to their families. I feel like a misfit amongst adults at work too, but when I'm with the kids- OH, the love and acceptance I feel- nothing else really matters to me. I am loved by my family and by a host of kids and their families and when I am at work, I KNOW I am loved by God.

So I am struggling with all this, trying to figure it out. I know I need to fix these "church issues" I have. And without realizing it, I have put up a wall- not a wall between me & God. He & I talk frequently, and I feel Him around and in my life all the time. But I do have a big wall when it comes to church and other Christians. I never meant to; I didn't really even realize I had done it. I have started knocking this wall down. I did go get communion with my family that Sunday- got out of my seat, walked in the aisle and took it. Funny thing- for whatever reason, the servers actually came down the aisle that day- they've never done that before that I've seen. :) Maybe God was meeting me halfway??? I don't know- maybe I'm just silly and see God in everything when He's not (well I do that I know!). I've also started reading my Bible again- something I'm not proud to admit, but I wasn't doing faithfully. I've just felt so unworthy for so long, but I'm trying to fix that.

Where I am going, I don't really know. I am sure I will not drop this wall tomorrow because inside there is a very scared Rebekah, but I will keep trying to take out one stone at a time and peek out carefully and keep going. I know I'll get hurt again because people are not perfect, just like I'm not. I know I'm going to have to accept that and let it happen and be okay with that. And honestly I'm not there yet, so my wall is going to stay up a little until I can let God really get in there and heal my heart. In the meantime, I'll keep reading my Bible, loving and being there for my family, loving on kids & families with all my heart, trying to accept me for who I am, going to church more and more faithfully, making myself get out of my seat to take communion even when I know I am awful, and as always talking to Him (He probably gets tired of hearing from me some days :), but I know He loves me so it's okay.). I'll get there eventually.

And when you get to heaven, if you see me in the corner of heaven, off hiding, well you'll know I made it. You don't have to speak to me if you don't want to, but if you do, I promise I'm a good hugger. :)

Summer Projects

I don't know why exactly but I'm sure not being my normal self. I mean, I usually come on here and write boring stuff from my life pretty regularly. I know the two people who used to come by here probably really miss my boring life. :) hahahahahaha I seriously think I was/am burnt out, and I am actually concerned about that, but it's not what I really want to think about or deal with right now, so moving on... :)

Anywhoo, here is a photo of a project I started - well I'm embarrassed to admit this- but two years ago. It was going to be a Barbara and me project, but then she didn't want to do it and grad school started and work became insane... I've worked on it a bit here and there, but finally I'm getting it done!

It's a homemade braided rag rug. I cut the cloth myself, and had to make one HUGE, long braided strip. It is seriously long- I should have measured it before I started. :) Now I am sewing it together. This is what I have gotten sewed today- after I had to rip it apart and start over when it wasn't staying put the way I wanted.

This is a project Barbara and I worked on together too. We practiced our sewing by making Zoe a grocery cart seat cover for when she goes shopping with her momma. :) It's got lots of mistakes too, but I was happy with how it turned out for my first attempt. Thanks Jessica for letting me/us practice on you and Zoe! :)

I am also working on making baskets. My cousin, Pam, taught Barbara, Regina (another cousin who came to see me and brought Pam with her), and me how to make them. The first one is full of mistakes, but I'll share photos soon. I'm making a new one now with the prettiest blue prints. Hoping it turns out better! I bought "teacher" fabric and am going to try to make small teacher baskets too to give to the new art teacher at our school and then use as gifts or something.

I miss being on here, and need to get back to it. I guess I just was tired, have been being relaxed (or a bum- depending on how you want to look at it), and feeling kind of "blah" after graduation, dealing with continued run-around from the Army, and family being here and the loneliness that comes after they're gone. Most of all, though, I've just truly relaxed and been with my family and enjoyed this time. It's the first summer in years I haven't worked summer school, babysat, or tutored and it has been sooo nice. Tough on our finances, but oh so wonderful to be home with my loves and just be me. I'm sure going to hate going back to reality. Like Scarlett O'Hara, I'm not going to think about that today. I'll think about that tomorrow. Maybe. :)

Love,

Beka :)

Sweet Sunday

I'm back. :) I don't know why I haven't gone blabbing on here or posted photos sooner. I made it through the end of the school year (one of the worst, busiest, stressful times of the school year), survived my goodbyes, had a WONDERFUL WONDERFUL WONDERFUL (but very short) weekend visit with my family, made it through Matthew's graduation and the cookout/party the following weekend. And a packing up my room to get ready to move classrooms/buildings again, and then a week of literacy training. Oh, and a surprise, AWESOME visit from my cousin, Regina, and her family one day as they were passing through the state on vacation. :) :) :)

And then, I don't know, I've just been a mix of blah, kind of "aaahhhh" relaxed, kind of just being a bum. I have watched my kids play video games, but never could get the hang of the controllers, then I found a computer version of Plants vs. Zombies, and I've been playing it and just been an at-home with my hubby, hanging around the house, going for walks, kind of bum this past week. I don't think I have EVER done that before!

So here I am. I will be back tomorrow or Tuesday to share photos from graduation and our family portraits. I just figured I better come back and say something. For tonight I will just say this has been the nicest Sunday in a long time- church, lunch out at Elizabeth's Pizza (yummy!) with Barbara, Matthew, and Rob, cooking a French roast with Robert, a short Sunday nap (haven't taken one of those in months and months and months- oh so nice!), finishing cooking a delicious supper, a movie with Rob and Robert, and then a walk just the three of us and Samson. Now I'm going to shower, climb in bed and read a book. :)

I MADE IT!!!!!!!!

There are still two days left until I am officially done with this school year, but the kids have gone home, and I am left standing. I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With the help, support, love, and prayers from my heavenly Father and family and friends I got through the hardest year of my 17 years as a teacher. I think I might have learned a thing or two and be a better person for it, I'm not sure yet. :) I want to do a lot more reflecting on that and put my "lessons learned" together more cohesively, but that is for another day.

Today my "baby" graduates from high school!!!!! Our family arrived Thursday/Friday. What an adventure it was for my parents to get here, and they, along with Rob & I are wiped out! Hopefully they got some rest overnight and we will all feel much better today and be able to have a wonderful, fun-filled day today. And let me just say that without a doubt, I have the MOST ADORABLE niece on the planet, EVER! :)

I'm going to the store in a minute for some produce, milk and such, and going to make a yummy brunch for us this morning. This afternoon Matthew wants to make/have "grandma's parmesan chicken," so we'll cook up a delicious supper and head to Winston for graduation. Tomorrow will be at church together and Monday we are all getting photographed at the Arboretum before they have to head back to Illinois.

I will post photos and blab some more soon. I just wanted to say that I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have prayed for me and my kids this year, I cannot say enough, "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Much love,

Rebekah :)

STRESS

Ever have everything go wrong when you least need it to? Yeah, that would be tonight. And I'm frustrated beyond words.

I won't bore myself, let alone you. It will all be okay. In 48 hours I will be done with the teaching part of this year. I have to get there that's all.

Taking my cranky self to bed and going to pray for grace, strength, and a little help in the computer-on-the-fritz department.

Night!

Photos-outside

This is our front porch/steps.

St. Louis Blues' colors with purple and yellow lantana

My little rose plant that was here when we moved and didn't look like it was going to do anything is doing much better this year. I had made plans to dig it out, but was putting it off because roses make me think of my Momma. Then it is making what I hope will be a comeback. :)

My family thinks I'm silly, but I LOVE lambs' ear! It's so soft and fuzzy and the blooms are pretty and boy do the honeybees love it!

Finally got a butterfly bush, and cannot wait. Had this one in the ground one day and am already seeing butterflies and moths. I also bought a white one. :)

Had this little wire basket thing Rob bought me a couple years back for Mothers' Day. I decided to experiment. We'll see how it goes, but for now the vinca is loving its home.

Now for some before/afters. This is my peach tree- my first Mothers' Day tree- as it appeared spring of 2009 when we moved in this house.

My wonderful peach tree this spring :)

My little Japanese maple (2nd M.D. tree) in 2009 when we moved, maybe 2-3 feet tall.

Look at this beauty now!!! WOW, what a lot of growing it has done! I think it loves its new yard home. This is what it looked like a couple weeks ago here in its corner of our yard.

And though we are between a rock and a hard spot this summer in finances, I spent $ I shouldn't have and bought mulch for this corner and a few plants. Here is my beautiful dwarf maple now with its new friends- echinacea, butterfly bush, shasta daisy, delphinium- and upgraded home. I know you can't see the flowers much, but I'm sure in a year or so this area will be full of blossoms and butterflies!

A view from further back

and a deck shot

and a "just because I love this tree" shot

That's it for now Rach. I'll post some photos this summer as things get settled in and start to bloom more. :)

Photos- Inside

So I promised Rach some photos. :) Late, but not forgotten, here we go. Rach, don't get too excited, it isn't much, but hopefully you can see what we did. :)

Love,

Beka

I didn't take a "before" shot last weekend, so this old one will have to do. This is from when we moved in two years ago. We weren't quite unpacked yet in this photo, and the bookshelves were not as full then, but were LOADED with books we've bought since. This is where we had them though so you can see- there were three in the corner of the living room with a corner chair squeeze in against the piano, and the recliner right in the center of the photo. It was a tight squeeze in here. On the other side across from this is a small loveseat in front of the windows and the t.v. plus Rob's desk.

So we moved the bookshelves out, put the corner chair in a corner, where it belongs :), slid the piano down, and now have a great photo corner! I am working on getting Matthew's baby & senior photo up on the wall there in that empty spot this week- he's going to help me pick the photos for his space.

We put one bookshelf on the other wall between the window and t.v., got rid of the corner stand and used the old three-tiered table/shelf that I have had all my married life. It belonged to my Momma and Daddy. :) It is holding our printer and all the kids' game stuff.

The piano and the rest of the photos. I still have to print photos for the frame on the piano- saw that yesterday and liked it.

Moved one of the other bookshelves into our bedroom by my bed. It barely squeezes into the space between the bed & closet, but it works and actually looks good. The third bookshelf went into the kitchen and holds all my books for school and my grad school books.

My houseplants LOVE this spot! I moved some outside for the summer, but these stay in and grow like crazy all summer! Here is my shamrock. Love this plant! And my spider plants up there, they grow so much I have given away spiders each year and the second one in this photo came from the first one.

Last Week of 2010-11

Whew, it's finally here! I cannot hardly believe it as I typed those words! This is the last week of school for this year, this oh so challenging, full of growth, sometimes good, sometimes not school year. We have so much to accomplish, and it will be a crazy busy week for the kids and me. This is just a bit of the happenings this week:

• Finish memory books (kids) and bind 18 books (me)
• Thank you project for a volunteer (Barbara)
• Teach the Teacher Day (Tuesday)- Some of the kids have chosen a topic and will be presenting their lessons to the class.
• Field Day (Wednesday)
• Water Day incentive, assembly, and class celebration (Thursday) I am super excited because I am working like a crazy woman to create a movie to surprise the kids with at the party. It's almost there, and I have to get copies burned for all of them by then too.

Sometime in there we have to pack up all the kids' things and clean up the room too. I will be out on Friday to be with my family- WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but will be going in during the afternoon to say my goodbyes and see the kids off. I have to get all my cumulative folders done by Thursday too so they'll be ready to check in and have paperwork ready for the big appeals meeting. Oh my, I wish I were still young enough to pull all-nighters! I have tried to act like a 20-something the past two nights and am feeling my body protest today. :)

Have a great week! I will post photos (if my family is willing) from our WONDERFUL visit and graduation this weekend!

homemade proverb

I'm trying my hand at writing proverbs. :)

He who toots his own horn eventually runs out of air.

Sometimes I wish I were better able to write my thoughts in a paper journal as I can't always post the deepest, most personal or "ugly" thoughts/feelings/experiences here. I just know that I really cannot stand people that have to brag about themselves, try to make themselves look like something to others, puff up their own sense of pride by bragging, or who try to make others feel/look like less compared to their "wonderfulness." It may motivate some, but it only aggravates me and turns on my "defiant" side, and I never even had much of that growing up. Makes me want to do the opposite just to show them, though I do try to hide that side of me. :) If you want to do something, do it. You don't have to tell everyone about it and how wonderful you are because you did this. I see this at work. If you want to mentor a kid, do it. If you want to attend a summer workshop, great! If you want to read lots of articles and study outside of work and improve yourself- good for you. If you want to stay after school and do things for kids or help other staff members on your own- you're a wonderful human being. But what's your motive when you have to tell everyone about it? Makes me suspect you, to be honest.

I just know that for me, there's that Bible verse that talks about not letting your right hand know what your left is doing and that good deeds should be "hidden." It smacks to me of being like the Pharisees.

I have this same problem when people post such spiritual things on their FB status too, and I know that's wrong of me. I know I'm judging, and I shouldn't. Probably every single one of them is a better Christ-follower than I am. Oh, the church-people issues I've got! And I do try to work on them, I really do!

Well, I'm off. Report cards & PEP's are due tomorrow. It's after 11 PM, and I still have bills to pay tonight. This weekend, I have to finish some things for my Momma who is working on Matthew's graduation book (I'll have to share more about that soon), and get ready for our BIG week next week! I'm just a WEEEEEEEEE BIT EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell? :) hahaha

Love,

Beka :)

Big I Like Me's :)

Hey, Momma, Crystal, and Rach, this is for me but also for you!

• I have been working hard on being healthier and living longer. I was on such a great roll with walking in spite of some really big challenges with work, grad school and everything else. Then I hurt my back again- ugh- and it was a little more difficult, but I kept going pretty well. Then, life got INSANELY busy here the past couple month with final grad school projects. I was still doing something but it wasn't as much as I had been doing. I was discouraged and worried, "Have I just fallen off the path again?" But I kept telling myself, "No, you have hit a hard time, life is too busy, but it's not that way for long. Do as much as you can. Give yourself some grace. You are still better off than you were six months ago, and still much more active than you were six months ago." And I have done just that- given myself some grace. :) :) :) HUGE HUGE HUGE growth for me, wouldn't you say? :)

• Next, I HATE hot weather. I feel awful in this humid, hot weather, get light-headed, puny... just not my kind of weather. So, the normal Rebekah would not do much in it. Well, again, we'll see how I am later this summer, but I think I am changing. Here's why. My classroom AC has crapped out; the room is HOT!!!!!!!! Seriously hot! After all day there, I went and stood (not sit) and watched some students play soccer, then ran every which way taking Barbara to work, going to get clothes, mulch and salad supper stuff with Matthew, fixed a delicious salad for the boys and myself, and..... get ready for this...... drumroll please..... Me, big 'ol Rebekah, went outside and opened and spread twelve bags of mulch, trimmed back, weeded, and watered for an hour in the heat! I came in soaking wet in sweat and hit a cold shower. :) I am soooo proud of myself! Oh and my pedometer reading for today - 2.53 miles. :)

I am liking me quite a bit, it's kind of surprising at times to hear a happy voice about myself. :) And as for this summer, I am ready. Rob & I have a game plan- a 5K walk in the mornings before it gets too awfully hot(ter) and then a bike ride in the evenings. Please pray I can do that often and that it has the effects I need/want it to.

Other smiles for my day.

• I now have 2 butterfly bushes- had to have another one.
• My kids and I had a sweet talk (and several were crying) this afternoon about how they don't have to miss me because wherever they go, they will take a piece of me with them, that when they are stressed, hurting, frustrated, discouraged, they're going to hear my voice telling them "I love you. I am proud you. You can do it! Don't give up," and how I will never forget them either.
• My daughter- she is a hot head, she and I can sure fight sometimes (though that gets less & less as she continues to mature and so do I :) hahaha). This 20 year old young lady is working two jobs and taking one summer class. She goes to work at McDonald's on the second shift and gets home usually around 11:30/midnight, and she is getting up with me each morning bright & early and going out the door to work with me at 6:30 each day to help volunteer every day. She works every bit as hard as any teacher or t.a. at my school! She loves my kids, mentors several students in the school, gives hugs to kids she knows and doesn't know (like her Momma) and shines His love to all the kids she sees. Then she comes home, changes clothes, and goes to work to do this all over again. I COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD of this young woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please pray for her. I know she's tired, she has a situation at work that could be bad, and she is applying for work with the school system. I would LOVE for her to be able to get a job so that she could have regular work hours, better pay, some benefits and be able to pay for the rest of her college. Most of all, please pray with me that God will just bless her socks off for all the love and time she has given to a lot of kids and teachers. She really has loved some pretty unlovable kids this year, and I am more in love with her each day that passes!
• Hmmm, what else- oh yeah! My family will be here one week from tomorrow (but who's counting?!?!) And in less than two weeks I'll be through "hellyear"- :) aaaahhhh, that sounds so nice!

Love,

Beka

P.S. Rach, you asked me for photos. I promise I haven't forgotten you. I will have photos, if not before, by the weekend (inside & out). :)

M's Graduation Announcement

So ignore the red line around the outside of this; I took the lazy way and just did a screenshot of it. Here is the last graduation announcement from the Thomas house.

Saturday adventures

I have more school work to do than I can get done, and I should have been doing it, but instead I dreamed up some crazy scheme to rearrange our furniture a little to make a tiny bit more floor space/moving room around the living room in the hopes that it will give us a little more room for our family that is coming to see Matthew graduate. So my sweet family all pitched in and between Dad's taxi service for two to McDonald's and back for their work shifts and Robert & I running to get groceries and go to Lowe's, we got it all done.

Next weekend I want to take the bare wall that is left from the bookcases being moved and make a photo wall, then this room will look much better I think! Rob is so patient with me. I know he didn't really want to do all that mess of work- taking three bookshelves' contents off, moving the bookcases to other rooms and reassembling them, taking one t.v. shelf apart to take to his school, moving the piano and tons of books, photos.... He did it all without a sigh as did the kids (for the most part)! :) :) :) Thanks family o' mine!!!!

So, maybe I better get on the school tasks that are screaming at me. Lesson plans - due Monday, report cards & PEP's- due Friday, and preparations for another week of EOG testing- ugh! Plus I want to make a movie for my class; I did this last year and the kids and parents LOVED it! And I need to prepare end of year awards and plan the party for class. So much to do, not enough time, but soon it will be over!

Happy Memorial Day to you!!!