Whew!

I HAVE to go to bed- it is already 11 PM. But I wanted to quick post a couple "Whew!" moments for myself.

• I finished my sister's baby shower invites last night/this morning at 1 AM!!! Hooray!!! By far the biggest, most involved single project I've done, and I am in love with my little card. I can't show them yet, but when the shower comes, I will be posting it.

• I am seriously behind in this semester's grad course- it's getting to the "I'm in trouble" point, and if I'd had a couple of my other profs, I'd now be failing the course, but thank God for an understanding, very laid-back prof this semester. Truly God knows what we need, and I needed that this semester with a major grade change, taking on a babysitting job and Donors Choose job and the rest of my busy life. Thanks God, I'm truly thankful!!!!!

• I got my first grade back for this semester, and it was an excellent grade and the prof was extremely complimentary to me about my work, so whew again, and yup- thanks once more dear God!

• I'm getting over this sinus crud, and except for a horrible incident at a fast food joint in the "hood" yesterday which I will spare you the details of, I am finally getting better. Still coughing, still congested, but not nearly as bad as it was three or four days ago. Again, thank you Father!

So, now I'm off to bed- lesson plans done (except for guided reading, but I am making a change in the room and am going to play the "Enforcer" tomorrow in the place of guided reading). My kids last week (over half of them) lied about doing their week's work so they could have Fun Friday. I found incomplete papers shoved in the garbage can where kids thought they'd be sneaky. Soooo, this week- no more Mrs. Nice Guy. Boy, this 3rd grade world is so way different. I'm understanding that old advice teachers give about "Don't let them see you smile until December..." I notice I don't smile as often as I used to, but overall it is getting better. I just can't let my guard down.

Night world. Hope you all have a wonderful week. In spite of the garbage from "above," I am hoping to have one too.

Saturday Nothings

my random, or not so random, thoughts today:

• God please comfort those who lost personally nine years ago today. Please be with them today as they mourn and remember; let them find You there in the midst of their sorrow and pain.
• God please be with those who are lost and don't know it; send a light in a dark place- no matter the nation or place. Help those who are called by Your name to be mindful of Your great love & mercy; remind us to be kind to all those around us, no matter their religion, creed, race and help us all to remember that You love the world and died for the world- each and every one of us.
• I am really sick with something horribly icky. :( Not a good way to spend a weekend, but I am grateful it is the weekend and hopeful that I will be much improved come Monday morning. I CANNOT miss work this year!
• I am super-duper excited because Sonic picked up my "Pix for Learning" project for a document camera and finished the funding $581 worth!!! Thank you to all of you who voted for me at the Limeades for Learning site; I had over 200 votes in about a week!!!! Please go look up Rob's grant "Videos for America" (search for NC, Kernersville) or Dona's "Learning with Projection" (search for NC, High Point) or Lisha's "On Fire with Literacy" (search for NC, Craven County). You can vote with every email address you have each day from now until Sept. 30. Please go vote each day and help out a teacher you love or feel free to vote for one of these I care for! Thanks soooo much! :)
• I started a Giving Page with Donors Choose. I know I'm not Miss Popularity and that I don't have tons of bloggie friends, but in the hopes that I can help someone out as I have been helped and blessed, I posted many grant requests from my hubby, his school, my school (but not me), my cousin, and some schools near where I used to teach back in "highly impacted" part of that community- where I left a small piece of my heart. I hope someone will look through it, give as much or as little as they can, and even more importantly be inspired to pass on the link(s) and share a proposal with another who might, in turn, give or pass it on. Who knows where it might go and who might be drawn to help a child they don't know and make a BIG difference in the life of a child.
• Lastly, I had a very bad ending to the week with a visit from someone who was less-than-impressed with me. I feel a little attacked to be honest, and very, deeply hurt. Though I am down, I am not out for the count, and I will NOT let some outside person determine the success of my students or myself. I will rise, with my God's help, to the occasion and come back fighting again on Monday.

With lots of love for God, my family & friends, and those blog friends I have made,

Your Beka :)

Available for Hire

Available for hire: One experienced, but slightly disgruntled & hurt teacher. Any takers???

What to do when you have taught as long as I, aren't fit to do anything but teach, are decent at it & don't really want to do anything else? What to do when your best is never, ever going to be enough? When no one even notices a single positive thing about you or your class, let alone the growth in the students or you in just a short, short time? When strangers who don't even know you as a teacher, observe you unannounced, don't take time to share what they observed, or allow you to share your planning or thoughts, or take time to get to know a single thing about you except what they want to see? And if you DARE to offer any added info, you're just making excuses.

I go back to how I treat my kids. I would never treat my kids this way. Somehow, somewhere, we teachers have become these "monsters" in the view of many, and I am so deeply hurt tonight. How I can ever do this for the number of years I have left to retirement is beyond me. I'd pack up & go overseas if God would let me. Maybe they'd take a big fat, corny, big-hearted teacher and not mind her if she had a less than perfectly clean white board, one missing EQ, or any other # of faults my current employers seem to find in me.

God, please come down and help me. I can't do this anymore and it hurts so much more than I can say. :(

For my teacher friends

Limeades for Learning- please vote

Sonic is doing their "Limeades for Learning" run again this year, only it's better because you don't have to purchase a drink. You can go to this site and vote every day with only your email address. It is really super easy & takes just a minute each day.

Please go visit, find a grant request you like and give it your vote every day. You'll be surprised how much good you'll do and how happy you will make one classroom!

If you are looking for a teacher/classroom to vote for :) :) :), I just happen to know of one or two. Ha ha!

I have three grants up right now, but the one I'm putting all my votes on is my more expensive one for a document camera ("Pix for Learning")- search by location for NC, High Point. My cousin, Lisha, has three up too- search by location for NC, Craven County. You can also find all my fellow AJE teachers' grants by searching for NC, High Point. I can't find Rob's up there right now- going to check on that. Maybe he's gotten funded. :)

Thanks again!!!

tired

Yeah, I know what I said here. And in my heart of hearts, that is so what I feel about the children & families at my school.

But I have to say, it's the stupid 6th day of school, and here goes the same old theme. Feel free to stop reading now, because it's not like I haven't whined about this before and probably will again. I just need to get it off my chest, as it were. The junk is about to start again, and I'm just so tired. Tired of being blamed, tired of working yourself to death never being enough, tired of late nights not being late enough to do what "they" want, tired of the sacrificial spending & giving I and my colleagues do not being recognized, appreciated, or acknowledged, or when it is, it's done in some "yeah, but" kind of way, tired of being condescended to by people who didn't teach long enough to really know what they are talking about or who stunk at it when they did so they now do something else.

Tired, plain & simple.

I don't know if I can do this much longer. But what else am I fit to do?

Fourth Day of School

I am already back in that stay up late working like a crazy person mode. :( And I am feeling a wee bit frustrated with some of my students, and a whole lot frustrated at me that this beginning of the year is not going perfectly. I find myself worrying that the well-behaved ones are going to hate me and be miserable and that the kids who need more help are not going to get better. I know it will all get better, but can't it just get better now??? Pretty please with sugar on top? :)

I had things rolling into a better day and then it all went haywire at the end- really haywire. Grrr.... I hate this schedule we were given- it's awful!!! I try to be flexible but I need a routine, let alone the kids.

I will keep learning and working on it until it gets better. Third graders are definitely different creatures in many ways, yet they are amazingly not any better than little ones in many other ways. Hmmm, who'd a thunk it? :) hahahaha

Good news though? The heartburn is waaaaay better- and I am finding a technique (prayer & something that I feel silly sharing but it works) that helps when I start to feel it, so that it is one HUGE :) for the day!

Adventures of a 3rd grade teacher

Today was the 2nd day of school for the kids. Here are some of the highlights of the week so far & there's still one more day to go.

• boys bickering, tattling, & pecking-order-figuring like girls usually do (wow, didn't expect that one!) "He better quit looking at me or I'm goin get him." "He's messing with me." "He said a bad word." "I'm gonna fix him if he don't quit messin' with me." and that list goes on & on & on & on...... I swear I'm going to see them pee-ing on things next to mark their territory. Oh brother!!! And I usually prefer a classroom full of boys over girls for just that reason, but not this year I guess. :)
• knife brought to school
• my daughter volunteering today :)
• lots of whining and shouting of my name over & over & over from some kids

I kind of forget every year how much work goes into these first few weeks, how icky it can be some days, and how tired I am at the end of each day. Guess it's kind of like childbirth. :)

Ready or Not, Here I Go!

My room is ready & the desks await the children bright & early in the morning.

My library corner is looking good & thanks to some other teachers at school who shared, I have a well-stocked, wide-ranged set of books appropriate for my kids. :)

The B.E.E books are done!

I am more organized this year than I think I have ever been in 16.5 years of teaching. :) For sure, I am more organized than I have ever been here in N.C. I spent way too much time working on this room in the past month and gave up a lot of summertime to do it, but I feel better about myself as a human being tonight and am proud of my classroom, so I guess it was worth it.

It has really begun to sink in that I have left the world of Kinderkids & 1st graders. I know I will miss it at times, but this will be time for me to grow and learn as a teacher and have some fun with the big kids. :) And as I prepared to leave my room to go home at 6 PM tonight, I looked around and saw my EZ Grader, the grade book all prepared & ready for the first grades to be entered, and the kids' desks (never had those in my room before), and it hit me, "I am a 3rd grade teacher!" And you know what? I liked that thought. :)

Good night world! Hello 3rd grade!

And Father, please will You help me be something special to this group of kids & help me to help them be all that they were meant to be? Thanks!

Happy Anniversary Picnic

Today is our 22nd wedding anniversary! After he got out from his school, Rob came to my school and waited in my classroom, like the great guy he is, for my open house to end, then we came home, grabbed our picnic supper basket and headed to the park. It was a wonderful way to celebrate our special day.

Here we are 22 years later, hopefully a little wiser, and obviously a whole lot sillier!

Our yummy picnic supper basket & our meal: Greek salad w/ steak strips (Robert cooked the steak for us- DELICIOUS!!!), feta cheese, bread & pesto, and for dessert- grapes & cherries. Totally YUMMO!

Found these two trees- really neat! One's limb is growing across the trunk of another and it's trunk is growing around the limb. Cool!!!

my new classroom

22 years

Twenty-two years ago, on August 20th, 1988, I married my best friend, Rob Thomas. I was 17; he was 21. A lot of people said we wouldn't make it; probably a lot more thought it. But, with God's help here we are. :)

I could say so much, and have written about him and our marriage more than once. :) Tonight, I just want to share this video. I LOVE this song even though I'm not a country music fan.

Rob, I know you rarely come here, but I love you very, very much, and yes, I still do.

Rebekah :)

School is coming!

School is coming, school is coming, school is coming. :)

I would so like to be home this week- these are my last days of "freedom" for a long time, and I am spending them in my classroom. I hate that I have to do this, but I have to get the room finished before Open House. I am not really happy that open house is being held on Friday- not really leaving most of us any other choice but to come in on our "free" time and work.

My kids are so good to me to help me as much as they do!!! The boys spent Monday helping Rob move to his new room at his new/old school, then came over to my school to help move a couple things and ended up staying and hanging out and helping me with a few little things.

Barbara is giving me Tuesdays & Thursdays (her only days not in class) this year and she started today helping me in my room. We did a home visit with one of my kids from last year (what fun!!!), and we went to lunch with the world's BEST guest reader- Melissa Painter! :) We even stopped & got an ice cream cone on our way back to school after lunch. I can't even remember the last ice cream cone I ate- that was fun!

I have a HUGE list to accomplish before Friday afternoon. I know I will be working hard to get it all done, but hopefully my room will look nice and I will feel calm and READY- last year was a nightmare and I was bawling my eyes out 20 minutes before Open House.

I'm so, SO, SOOOOOO thankful for such supportive kids! I don't know what I'd have done without their help; they've moved me the past two summers from the K building to the 1st grade building and now on to the "big kids' building" and helped Rob and worked in my room TONS & TONS!!!!!!!!! I love my kids!

Oh, and before I go, I have to share this- our oldest son, Robert, worked his 1st day of his new job today!!! He worked with a contractor doing some service calls to several houses & apartments, and he is at least working the next two days as well! :) WooHoo!!!! He is keeping his restaurant job (five days a week) still, so he's going to be one tired guy by tomorrow night- working at least 12 hours. I am so proud of that young man!!! And so VERY, VERY thankful to God!!!!

Hope you are all having a great week!

P.S. I am really working hard on my exercise deal. Hope to share some accomplishments in maybe a month or so. :)

August Giveaway!

I had a lot of fun doing my first giveaway last month at BekaBoo Creations, so I am doing it again. :) This month I am going to give away some school-themed note cards. If you'd like to enter, you have lots of ways to earn multiple entries- check it out here.

It's going to be a fun, busy day tomorrow. And next week we go back to school- TONS to do. I will write soon & post photos next week of my new classroom- 3rd grade here I come! :)

last days of summer

A new school year is rapidly approaching. I am so thankful for jobs that allow us more time than most to be "off" and home with our family. I know that is something to not take for granted. I do wish this summer's "off" had been more "off" than "on," but in a couple years I'll be through grad school, the kids will head off someday, and Rob & I won't have to work odd jobs to help pay the bills. This summer's off time was not really a big break because of grad school, babysitting & tutoring, and moving to my new classroom. But there's always next summer to hope for, God willing. :)

In the meantime, we are grabbing a few last minute chances to spend some family time together. I have a list of things that didn't get done this summer or still need to get done but I am not sure it will all happen- well, actually I am sure it won't ALL happen. But I MUST get a haircut before Open House next week. Can't have families & kids seeing me like this. :) :) :) hahahahaha

Speaking of haircuts, Matthew gave himself another mohawk. :) Got to love that young man- he always wanted one when he was little, but for some reason I don't quite get now- I would never let him. So now he does it and I've mellowed enough to know it doesn't really matter. It's hair, it grows back, and I am more relaxed now about a lot of things then I used to be. Here is our goofy boy with our goofy dog, Samson (aka Sam/Sammy).Have a great end to your week!!!

Butterflies- God's object lesson in my backyard

Rach, I thought of you when we took these photos and wanted to share. Rob took the zebra swallowtail's pictures yesterday in our sunflower patch. SOOOO beautiful. You can even see where something has taken a chomp on him, but yet he's still here to grace our yard with his beauty.

After Rob came home from a bike ride the other day, this pretty butterfly came for a rest on his bike handles. I loved the beautiful blues in his wings.

Of all God's creatures, this is probably my favorite. I love their grace & beauty. I love how they love flowers. I love watching them unfurl their proboscis to drink and how gracefully they flutter their wings. Most of all I love their life cycle. It is so symbolic of what God does to us if we allow Him. We are in a growth process, from an egg to larvae to growing caterpillar (some of us prettier or uglier to the natural eyes than others- but God sees the beauty we will become, the beauty inside us even when others or ourselves don't). And then there's that whole metamorphosis process. A hard time of change & growth that produces something new & different than the creature that was. A bit of the old creature is retained, yet it is more beautiful than anything before and this creature brings beauty, grace, joy, and pleasure to others.

There have been some chrysalis moments in the past few months for me. Hard months with lessons to be learned, changing to be done in my heart & mind, growth and changing in who I am as a person. I hope I emerge from this time some kind of beautiful creation that pleases my heavenly Father, that brings love, joy and peace to those I am around, and that I become a more beautiful (not on the outward) person for the process.

I'm lovin' it! :)

I don't put too many photos of my cards on here because I have a blog for the card making business, and because I am nowhere nearly as good as Rachael who visits here sometimes! But I LOVED these and wanted to share them. They turned out really nice. The best thing about them was that I got this stamp & the little paper clips at Dollar Tree! Pretty cool! I haven't made myself any cards yet- just for others and to sell, but I think I might have to make some more of these. :)

thankful for TODAY

I don't usually take life for granted. My daddy died when I was 11- that was a hard way to learn that life is not a sure thing. I have seen my own children's lives be in question, been to enough funerals, and watched my momma struggle with the big C to know that life is fragile and precious and not to be taken lightly. But yesterday, I was once again reminded that we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Reminded that I should always be thankful for each day I am given.

Yesterday I watched the 12 year old son of a fellow teacher be buried. He was killed by gunfire Monday night as he hung out and played basketball with his friends right in front of his home. Last night I was sitting in my kitchen making some cards as a sort of self-prescribed "therapy," and I was just about to finish when I heard a gunshot from the road behind us. There was a shootout between two men right there on the other side of the field that separates our home from Groometown Road. With the school's field and playground between us and the scene of the shooting Rob & I were a bit concerned about our family's safety so we were up late trying to find out what was going on.

This happened around the time we normally go pick up kids from work and Robert had just gotten home from work right before this happened. We could have been there. Thank God Robert got off a bit early and Barbara worked a bit late tonight, or we might have. It is a busy road, I'm surprised no one else was hurt or caught in the crossfire. Thank God no one else was hurt!!!!

God, thank You for keeping us safe from the violence that happened just behind our home, that no one else was hurt on this busy road, that my kids were in safe places. I don't understand why Nesrine's son was killed or why a lot of bad things happen in this world. Why do kids have to die and people who commit such evil things on this earth get to live? Why do some families get torn apart and others get to go on with their happy lives? I am angry about it God. It's not fair God. It stinks God. But I know I need to trust in You no matter what happens.

Thank You for letting me question things, even question You without feeling Your wrath.

Thank You for understanding that my mind wants to understand and sometimes gets frustrated like a little kid because I want all the answers right now, and I don't always get to have my way.

Thank You for Your love and for being born to the parents I was born to.

Thank You for today. Let me make You proud of today.

Where can I go from Your spirit?

Today I sat in a place I would never have pictured myself. It was a difficult day, but I am honored to be able to be present to show my love and support for a fellow teacher and mom. I know there is nothing I can do to ease her pain or burden, but I know that I am obligated from love to be there to love her, pray for her, and walk beside her in anyway I can.

Today, my daughter & I went to a mosque to attend the funeral services for the twelve year old son of a teacher at our school. He was killed in a shooting incident in front of his home Monday night. His name was Ali, and he would have been in the eighth grade this year. My heart is broken for this family and especially for his mom.

As a Christ-follower, I wanted to not in any way offend the family and friends of my coworker. I have tried to love my colleague and show respect to her always. I have not hidden who I am as she has not from me. In fact, she & I have supported each other & prayed for each other for a couple years now. Today, I wanted to be a good representative of God. So Barbara and I put on long sleeves and covered our heads with scarves and baked in the heat along with many others to show our love to our friend.

And though I was in the house of Allah, the place of worship of another god, I felt the presence of the GOD, the maker of the universe. I felt the love of the ONE who died for every man. I was reminded of this verse, Psalm 139: 7-8- Where can I go from Your spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there. If I make my bed in the depths of Sheol (Hell), you are there.

God, please be with this family and this dear mom. Please, Father, comfort them like no one else can, lift their hearts from the blackness, hurt, and despair. Help them to find the strength to walk through the days, weeks, months, and years to come. Fill their hearts with love and a peace that none other can give.

prayer request

Please pray for a teacher at my school and her family. Her son was killed last night; he was only 12 years old.