Dear God, it's me, the crazy one.

"How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, LORD my God. Give light to my eyes..." Psalm 13:1-3

Please God, I need You,

Rebekah

Working Hard :)

Rob and I are working hard to take care of us. We have been walking consistently for almost two months now. :) And we've been extending our distance/time and pushing even more lately. Rob jokingly now calls me the "taskmaster." So I got this idea that we could walk to our favorite restaurant down the road from us (I knew it was around a mile there). So we did. We walked there, ate supper, and walked home. It was fun, we were tired, but we did it!

Today is our oldest child's birthday- his 21st birthday! I can't believe we have been parents for 21 years!!!!! And now our birthday factory ends for a few months.

My :) List:

• We are still walking, and tonight we did just a tiny bit more than 2 miles! :)
• I had a major meltdown this morning working on my next big grad school assignment, but I pushed through it, Rob checked it for me when I was done, and it is turned in- early too!
• I have about 1/2 my papers graded- it was a HUGE stack, and now it's down to just big. :)

Education is ruined!

Reader be warned: This is probably a rant, and I am going to be honest. Just stop reading now because this is truly me just journaling here to get out some negative feelings so I can get on with all the real work I have to do this weekend.

Yes, our students are failing. Yes, MY students are not passing the benchmark exams or other assessments at the level they need to be (a few are, but the VAST majority are not).

What does that mean, exactly? Why is this happening? How can it be fixed? What can I do to help my students be successful? These are the kinds of questions I ask myself on a daily basis and the kinds of questions others ask of us and ask in general frequently.

I am to the point that I am NOT going to even enter into these conversations other than to be a listener- sometimes active, willing listener & sometimes forced, unwilling listener (that will depend on the speaker's attitude towards my colleagues & me). I have been at that point for a while now because when we try to have honest conversations about this at work, well all we get back is that we are just "being negative, making excuses, not accepting our responsibility...." or "There are no more excuses, you HAVE to get them there."

I think that is what gripes me the most- we are NOT making excuses. We are being honest and saying these are the obstacles we face and how can we get through them? But the leaders of our education system these days don't want honesty, they want a magic cure. Folks, there isn't one! Our society is messed up, there are bad things out there in the real world where people live. Can kids overcome those things? YES!!!! I believe that wholeheartedly! Can they do it on the timeline the feds, the state, the district thinks with 100% success rate right now? Hardly! These problems and issues take years to work through, to struggle with, and fight through. But if we would all work together and support one another, these kids could be more than successful. But as long as we can't have honest conversations, I don't see how much will change. Kids will continue to struggle because they face things most of us middle-class teachers/administrators never even knew about, and they will have to have lots of long-term love and support and great instruction to get through it and come out successful.

Listen up people!!!!!!!! This is what I do on a daily basis. This year has NOT been fun for me- at all. But you know why I get out of the bed each morning? It isn't for you yuckity-shmucks, that's for sure! It isn't for the stupid benchmark exams or the kids' scores. I get out of bed because I see their faces- some days bright & shining and laughing, some days, dark and stormy and filled with anger and hurt and hatred. I get out of bed with the hope that I will love them one more day, teach them a little more that day, and help them live one more day knowing they are loved and that someone at school believes in them and knows they can be successful. I believe in the big picture, that I am just one person in a long line of educators and staff members who pours herself into them heart & soul in the hopes and prayers that someday those children will experience LIFE SUCCESS- not benchmark success.

We should be about helping kids succeed in life. I am who I am today because of a handful of people who loved me and helped me and taught me about life- yes about math and reading and writing, but most of all about life. My Momma, Pop, Daddy, sister, aunts & uncles top that list and one teacher. The one teacher who helped me the most in school probably taught me some amazing things, but you know what he did for me that made such a profound, long-term difference in my life? He loved me through a really hard, dark time in my life when I probably acted out the most, was a big brat, and didn't deserve all the patience he showed to me. He sent me a card in the mail to tell me he loved me and was thinking of me. He showed me daily that patience and love in class and saw past the hurt, confusion and anger that was going on inside me to the real Rebekah. He BELIEVED in me!!!!!!!! Even when I didn't!!!!!!!!!!!! And I went on to real school success later on because I wanted to make him proud. He never saw that success in his classroom, but many other teachers benefited from his work on me. I became a successful person in life because he put up with me and kept working on me. That is the kind of teacher I want to be.

There is NO ONE at my school that cares about my students more than I do! No one wants them to be more successful than I do! Their parents, for sure! But as far as staff, I am the one who is in this day-to-day fight with them, working more closely with them then others, being with them almost solid from 7:30-2:30 (and sometimes longer). I am the one who has to help them through the daily dramas, has to break up their fights, help them solve the constant aggravations they give each other, and work though their anger issues. I am the one who collects knives, assorted stolen items, and even things that appear to be drugs. I am the one who has to help them try to have a good day when they come to school in the morning hungry, having not eaten since lunch at school yesterday, or exhausted because they were up much later than an eight year old ought to be. I am the one who has to make the child abuse reports or listen to their stories from home which are not the shiny-happy people ones most of us grew up with. I am the one trying to help my English-language learners to understand grade-level concepts, read at grade level, work at grade level all while also learning this new language. I am the one trying to teach reading, writing, math, science, learn a new grade & a new curriculum with no support or help, NO observations, no constructive feedback, nothing but negative comments based on no actual classroom observations. How can you even criticize when you don't ever come into the room and sit down and watch me teach? I just do NOT understand that!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't see my principal or CF or regional superintendent or her peeps, let alone the superintendent, the governor (oh, don't get me started there) or anybody else in power coming in the room to actually observe what we really deal with, let alone help. Just this past week, I was "helping" an angry student down the hall trying to redirect them. I was hurting my back dealing with this student, and could have used some support. Someone "higher up" walked right past me, saw the situation, smiled and said, "It sure is warm today isn't it?" and just kept right on walking. But she'll be sure to tell my grade level chair how we aren't working hard enough????? REALLY???????? Where are these people when you try to teach and have to stop to deal with behavior issues? Where are they when the kids have real-life problems that we don't face, and I have to stop teaching to try to help them work through these things? NOT there!

So go away and stop talking to me about how much I stink, how little I do, how I am not doing enough or trying my best or working hard enough. Go do something else, but get out of my face!

The truly sad thing is that this is happening not just in my school, district, state, but all over our nation. Education is ruined, and the poor kids in "those" kinds of schools are suffering for all this mess. Teachers are too. Good teachers who work in schools that many educators wouldn't touch, teachers who should be supported for giving their all to kids and families. Instead, those same teachers who work long, LONG hours, give a lot of their family time and family $ away to the school/classroom/kids they serve, are being scapegoated, blamed, maligned to save the administrator's jobs. I try to understand, I really do, but I just don't see how any of this helps kids. So instead, I will move on if God will allow. Not sure where that will be, but for the first time in my life, I am going to at least look outside the field that I KNOW GOD CALLED ME TO. I cannot believe I am going to do that. I hope He will forgive me, but I am broken. Truly broken. I used to be a good teacher. Now I'm just a piece of junk trying to survive four more months, trying to help those kids I adore as much as I can in that short time before I say goodbye. Because in spite of what "they" think about me, I truly do care about my kids. I truly do.

Friday Eve

One of our "interventionists" at school today told me "Happy Friday Eve" as I walked with my class to lunch. I like that! :)

This school year continues to roll out loads of stress and ugliness at the teachers I work with (and me), but I'm trying to hang on. I have made it a lot longer than I had thought I could, and I'm down to four months. And at the almost end :) of those four months, I'll get to see my parents, my sister & brother and new, sweet niece, Zoe! They'll be here for Matthew's graduation, if God allows. Boy, that will be an emotional time- my youngest child's high school graduation & the last for Rob & I as parents, meeting my niece for the first time, seeing my far-away, deeply loved family, and hopefully for Matthew, letting my baby go off to join Uncle Sam. I better stock up on tissues as I cry for every emotion under the sun, so I am sure to need them. :)

In the mean time, I have a TON of grad school work to do- this course is the equivalent of at least two grad courses and it is kicking all of us in the backside! At work, some of us are going to have to visit other schools in the hopes that we will quit being bad teachers and start doing our jobs. I have a resume to update and start sending out and some prayers I am praying and need to keep praying for guidance about the next step for myself and my family.

My :) List for this Friday eve:

• Rob & I walked even further tonight!!!! 40 minutes and we did almost 2 miles tonight! :) :)
• I got a spine yesterday and spoke up two times!!! I may have caused some harm to my future, but I was NOT ugly, did not yell, and said how I really feel and spoke up for the kids. It felt good to say it, though it angered me to have to do so.
• I ate salad without salad dressing tonight!!!! I'm not a huge soak your salad in dressing person, but this was a big step for me. I used some of the vinegar from the kalamata olives and a little salt & pepper and it was good!

I'll be working all weekend on grad school and trying to prepare paperwork and lesson plans and sub plans for work. I have three HUGE projects and papers due in the next week in my grad course plus the weekly readings, math assignments and online postings. In a few weeks, the capstone exam and portfolio are due, and I haven't even started those yet. YIKES!!! Plus somewhere in all this busy-ness, we have one last birthday and still have two birthday dinners to celebrate. It's going to be a busy weekend! Hope wherever you are, yours is sunny & filled with laughter and love!

18, 20, 20

Those are the ages of the kids in our house. "Kids" is a relative word I guess. They are my kids and always will be just as I am still my own Momma's kid at 40 years old. :) I am smiling as I type because I remember when Barbara loved her birthday for obvious reasons, of course, but also because she loved being the same age as Robert for five days. Oh, how she used to torture him! Sweet memories! (Jessica, makes me think of you and that whole, "I was there when you were born" thing.) :)

Barbara had to work tonight :(, so Rob, Robert, and I went to McDonald's in hopes of seeing her for a second. She was working the back drive-thru window, so we bought Robert a shake, got back in the car and went through the drive thru just to shout "Happy Birthday" at her, drive through and tell her we love her and go home. :)

I'm continuing to walk. Tonight I noticed that we are slowly inching the distance up and the time. So this is pathetic to those of you who are fit & healthy, but I still want to share it. Hopefully you won't think less of me for being a fatso. :) In the six weeks since I started walking, I've doubled the amount of time and distance I was walking, and I've increased the number of days I walk too.

My :) List for today:

• I made time for Rob & me this weekend. Paid a big price for it perhaps, but I am getting MUCH better about putting family and even myself first.
• I continue to walk, drink more water, eat less.
• I like making fun memories with our kids and Rob. I LOVED going to see the kids at McDonald's tonight, especially hollering Happy Birthday to Barbara through the order screen. :) hehehehehehe

Happy Birthdays begin again

This is the birthday week at our home! Rob's was last Friday. He & I headed off on a little weekend adventure so we didn't do his traditional birthday dinner then. We are having that tonight; he always asks for my homemade lasagna. :) Kind of predictable, but you don't hear me complaining. Barbara helped me get prepare my giant pan full of lasagna and in a little bit we'll be munching away on that and salad, homemade bread, and fresh fruit.

Tomorrow is our daughter's 20th birthday!!! Who can believe that much time has gone by since she was born?!?!?! Happy Birthday Barbara Rose! Your family loves you very, very much!! We are so proud of the young woman you have become and who are you learning to be!!!!!

Sunday will be Robert's 21st birthday. Once again, WOW!!!! How did these tiny babes I brought home get to be so old, and Robert now a legal adult!?!?! This young man texted me today to ask me if lamb and asparagus sounded good. He showed up at my school with freshly cooked (by him) lamb chops, roasted veggies, and steamed fresh asparagus. OH. MY. WORD. Can I say DELICIOUS???????????????? I have never eaten lamb before; it was yummy! This young man can sure cook! He went out and bought the food, went home and cooked it, and then brought it to school and even brought plates from home, silverware and everything, sat with me at my table and with my kids and ate lunch with me. SO SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so thankful for this family of mine! Thank you God for these blessings!

Ocracoke Island

We Love Our Niece!!!!!!!!!

Rob and I are off on a little weekend adventure. I needed to get away from some things, and so did Rob. It was his birthday Friday, so we just took off.

We are so excited to be an aunt & uncle!!!! We went beach combing to find a shell for our niece, Zoe, from each of us, and I left her a note in the sand!

Skype :)

We got to "see" our niece/cousin tonight!!!! The hospital where my sister is at has internet, so we were able to Skype with Jessica, Scott, and Zoe tonight. It kept cutting out and the quality was rough, but at least we got to talk a bit, joke around and be our usual, silly selves, and most important of all see the precious gift God gave to my sister and brother-in-law (and all of us). :)

She is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Sis & Scott!!!! It's not as good as the real thing, but it is all we have, and I'm so thankful for that!

I'm off to finish packing a change of clothes, get my shower, and put together all the grad school homework I'll need for the weekend.

Tomorrow is my best friend's 44th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROB!!!!!!!!!!! I love you so very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

quick post

I was "going to go to bed" ages ago- famous last words! Now it's 11:30 P.M. Me and my sore throat are still sitting here, but at least I'm in my pj's. :)

We had a dinner date with one of my third graders tonight; he had to earn this and worked very hard the past few weeks to improve some things. He giggled and smiled the whole time; kind of sweet! :) I hope it made a wonderful memory for him. He picked Cici's pizza and was hilarious watching how much pizza Matthew ate. He & Matthew played some video games afterwards, and Matthew helped him with the claw game. Rob took him to buy some flowers to give his mom as a "thank you" for letting him go, and was whispering to him gentlemanly clues, so my little friend opened doors for me all evening. :) He told me he's going to tell the class all kinds of things about me and my family tomorrow. He was telling his momma about my family and about my car named, Rosie; said his sister asked, "What kind of people name their car?" He told her, "My crazy teacher!" :) :) :)

I have stared at the hospital photos of my niece most of the evening since we got home, haven't done a single thing I needed to do, and now I'm headed to bed.

Rob & I are going on an adventure this weekend. I'll have to take a ton of school and grad work with me, but it'll still be fun and away from my employer and this county- so tired of "them." I'll miss the kids. We've NEVER left them alone; never left them with anyone but parents/my sister. I feel really weird about that, but I guess since they're 18, 19 & 20 (about to turn 20 & 21), this is probably totally silly of me. :)

Have a great weekend everyone!

Rebekah :)

Welcome to the World Zoe!!!!!!!!

Meet my niece, Zoe Nicole Rose, born today at 8:01 A.M.!!!!!!!!!!!

My dear little niece,

Welcome little Zoe!!! You are so very loved, and you don't even know it yet! I haven't met you in person yet, but this first photo looks JUST like your Momma. I hear you've been quite active in Momma's tummy like I was in Grandma's. Way to go, kiddo! :) Now, though, you have to rest, eat plenty, and let your momma heal up from today's big action. You keep growing and learning and then we'll give your momma some fun together. :)

We are going to have so much fun when we get to be together; I'll tell you lots of stories, read to you, teach you fun things, help you play pranks on your momma, do art projects, make cookies, go to church, and whatever things you like to do. I wish that I lived closer to you, and it bugs me a lot that I won't be there to see most things in your life, but I'll write you letters, send you homemade cards, mail you packages of books and cool things, birthday presents and gifts at Christmas. When I go to the mountains, I'll find neat things and send you photos of all the pretty things I find. If I venture to the ocean, I will hunt for the prettiest seashell I can find and send it to you.

And maybe you can send me pretty pictures and drawings you make, and write me when you're old enough. We can be pen pals. :) We'll skype each other and text (yeah, I'm going to be one cool aunt!), and as you learn more tech things that they'll invent in your life, you can teach them to me too!

Zoe, you have to learn all about Jesus. Momma & Daddy will teach you all about Him and how much He loves you. I know you will love Him too.

Zoe, there will be hard times in life. I wish there weren't, but that'd be a lie. But NO MATTER WHAT, never forget that you are loved. LOVED, LOVED, LOVED!!!!!!!!!!!! We all waited for you; you were an answer to prayer. Your momma & daddy are going to be AWESOME parents. You are very blessed to have them. Some days they will make you mad. You will feel like they are so unfair and mean and awful, but I promise you they are not. Listen to them and try to be as obedient, respectful, and thoughtful as you can be.

Zoe, you are one beautiful little girl! I cannot wait to see you grow up.

With all my love,

Aunt Rebekah :)

Daddy, do you know?

Do you know up there in heaven, that you're a grandpa again? Does God let you see anything of our lives without you? Does He show you the important things to us? Do you ever think of us girls or Momma?

Do you know that Jessica is a great mommy already, and she's just started on this journey? Do you know that your grandkids are amazing people- all four of them?

I don't understand the workings of heaven so I have no clue if you get to see us or even remember us or think of us up there. And I'm pretty sure that God doesn't show you stupid blogs of silly people like me, but I wanted to tell you that you are still loved and thought of all these years later. Your girls still wish you were a part of their lives and now their children's lives.

Rebekah

Early Morning Ramblings of an Overtired Crazy Lady :)

I am having the ever lovely insomnia problem again lately. So this morning, I decided to just get up, quit lying there awake, and come say hello since I haven't been on in a few days. I had a big research paper due in my class this past weekend, so I was working like crazy on that plus I continue to try to keep afloat with school work, and I am still walking almost every night.

I hit a wall or something last night. Robert was teasing me at supper; he said I looked like I could hardly lift the food to my mouth, and that was about the truth. I didn't do a thing for college or work or anything else last night and got in bed at 9:15. I don't feel too hot, not sure if it's just the lack of sleep or a bug. Today's going to be hard.

I am eagerly awaiting news from home about Baby M. Hopefully soon he/she will be making their big debut into the world. I am so happy for Jessica & Scott and for my parents who will be wonderful grandparents to him/her! I look forward to seeing some photos of little man/woman. I wish I could be there. My sister and Momma say how I'll be important in this kid's life, and I know I will to some extent. But honestly, I will mostly be a stranger, and that hurts. Yeah, I'll be the aunt that they get to come spend the summers with someday maybe, and of course I'll do neat things with him/her. But I won't get to see him/her on a regular basis, go to the ballgames, concerts, recitals, school programs. I won't really be part of that life, and it makes me sad. I will not dwell on it, and I don't want to have a pity party. It is a time to celebrate!

So for now, I think I'll try to catch a few minutes of snooze or relaxation hopefully before the alarm tells me it's time to start the day officially. Another full day of laughing with my kids, learning about fractions and figurative language and then another lovely afternoon of meetings.

My :) List for the past few days:

• I persevered through that horrible paper! Now on to another pile of homework assignments, readings, postings, and the next big project due in two weeks, and hopefully soon I can start the capstone portfolio and studying for my capstone exam.
• Continuing to walk, stretching it out a little further again- baby steps. I'm working on being healthier, and in April I will be walking in a 5K for one of my special friends, Matthew. I've never done that so it will be exciting, and I want to do a good job for him too!
• My sister is going to have a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am an Aunt Rebekah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This makes me very, very, very happy!
• Having a colleague in your corner, a compatriot, or maybe we're just fellow partners in crime- hehehehe- whatever way you look at it, I'm so thankful God put someone else new in my corner this year. It helps to not be the only "newbie," especially when the others think we stink.
• I may be getting to spend some time with my best friend, just the two of us, for his birthday. That will be so nice!!!!

Matthew Made Me So Happy

Matthew made my day today! He was disappointed when Rob said he'd get groceries so I could keep working on my research paper. He stood there and said, "Awww, I wanted to spend time with Mom." :) :) :) :) :)

So, I procrastinated a little more on the paper and went grocery shopping with my "baby" and my "baby girl." I don't know how much longer I'll have Matthew around, so I am grabbing EVERY opportunity to be with him.

But most of all, this just made me so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matthew Lane Thomas, your momma loves you so very much!

"real" weather!

Just thought I'd share this link for anyone that wants to see why I am always talking about the not-real winter weather here in North Carolina. This is real winter weather! Stay warm my family, I'm thinking of you & praying for you!!!!

:)s for today

Keeping it short. I'm "supposed" to be working on a research paper for grad school, but I must confess that I am struggling with this course!!!! I'm not sleeping well, so I think, honestly, I may just try to go to bed at a decent hour and hope & PRAY for sleep tonight!

My happy list for today:

• My pants are getting really lose on me in several places- I love this feeling!!! :) :) :)
• I didn't get the materials needed to complete mandatory assessments until last Thursday and couldn't start until Friday, but I am working like crazy to get them done by the deadline. I am done with one assessment- WOOHOO!!! and close to the halfway point on another. Hopefully I'll get done by next Friday so I can get back to teaching which is what I want to do desperately!!!!
• Another walk with my hubby- and the past two nights, I have to say were harder because I was just plain wiped out, but I did it anyway. Don't know why or what it is, but Rebekah is definitely changing for the better.
• I saw an "old" coworker and dear friend today. Kristen came by the school and brought Elizabeth with her. It MADE MY DAY to see them both. Oh, how I miss working with her. She was a dear!!!! And Elizabeth, what a smile that kid has!!! My class was oohing & aaahing over her. :)
• I did something tonight that I've NEVER done before, and though Jesus probably wouldn't have done it, I don't think I did anything wrong or sinful (I hope not!). I stood up to something rude and it felt so nice!!! My two oldest were with me, and though I think they were a little embarrassed (Sorry you two!!!!!), they both commented to me afterwards that they noticed the rudeness and were proud of me for speaking up. They both said how stunned they were and shocked that "their mom was doing that." :)

hodgpodge

Heard today in my room:

C: Mrs. Thomas, are you perfect?

Me: No I am not! No one is perfect except for God of course.

J: Mrs. Thomas, you are too perfect!

Me: Really, J, I promise you that no human being is perfect. We all make mistakes and do things we shouldn't.

J: Mrs. Thomas, don't say that. You are perfect for me! :)

Awww, J doesn't know how much this touched me. He is quite a challenging friend many days, but together we are working hard, and he is growing up. I am NOT perfect, but I can live with "perfect for him." :)

On the family back home front- My mother-in-law lives in St. Louis which was forecast (according to the Weather Channel) to get an inch of ice! And my parents & sister & brother-in-law are supposed to get 18" of snow. This sure has been a big storm winter so far, and this one will definitely go in the record books. Rob talked to his mom a little bit ago, and she is safe inside her apartment. My momma is home from work and said everything is shut down for tomorrow so unless Baby M decides to make an appearance, they'll all be safe inside and staying put.

We're about to eat dinner- fried chicken, Rob's DIVINE mashed potatoes, salad, and peas. Then I'm hitting the streets before I start trying to put together this research paper. I need to pay the bills and get my February menu together since it is February.

Wonder what the groundhog will see tomorrow. :)

Things that made me smile today

• I introduced fractions to my class today. I have never taught fractions at this higher level before, so I was/am nervous! :) I brought fruit to class and after we made bubble maps of the word "fraction" (a sort of pre-assessment for me), and after I introduced some vocabulary, the kids & I cut up fruit into fractions. They each got to "order" their fraction fruit using the correct vocabulary. OH MY WORD!!!!! This was a HUGE hit!!!!! You'd have thought I brought gold or Christmas toys, they were so excited about fruit. I have many kids that I know for sure/or have strong suspicions don't always get to eat at home and this just confirmed it for me. I think I'll start bringing a bag of fruit a couple times a month. And several kids kept asking me, "Where did you buy this fruit, Mrs. T.? I'm going to ask my mom/dad to go there and buy this!" Like they'd never seen it before!
• One of my girls just tickled me how much she loved the little fresh mandarin oranges after she'd finally got brave enough to try one. She kept coming up and asking me, "Can I have 3/10 please?" "4/10?" "9/10?" :) She'd have eaten all my oranges if I let her!!!! Then it finally dawned on her, "Mrs. Thomas, are these the ones you wanted me to try last week at lunch?" :)
• Eating at our favorite Mexican restaurant tonight with Rob, Matthew, Barbara, and one of my self-claimed daughters, Rita. I LOVE that young lady, and was so happy when I got home and she was there! So since it was payday, and we had survived to the day (thank you God!), we took everyone out for supper. YUMMO! I couldn't finish my plate (a good sign!!!) so Matthew helped me finish my meal.
• Getting almost all my papers from last week graded- about 1/3 the stack remains, but it will have to keep for another night!

I'm off of here to email, check facebook and get ready for work tomorrow and head to sleep. Hope you are all having a great start to the week. Thinking of my family back home and hoping they stay warm and safe in the blizzard! Wishing I could be snowed in with you.

Love,
Rebekah :)

Baby M

Soon, my sister & brother-in-law will be meeting their baby. I am getting excited to see the photos of my little nephew/niece and to know which it will be.

Pray for my sister if you will as this is her first child, and she has some other health issues that may make things more difficult. Please pray she has an easy delivery without complications and that mom & Baby M will be healthy and fine.

Thanks!!!!

Just because I'm "sensitive"

Yes, I am sensitive, thin-skinned, hard on myself, etc.- too much so at times. I admit that! Yes, I am hormonal; I admit that too. Yes, I am my own worst critic, too hard on myself, don't see the good that others see in me, only take the negative things, yada, yada, yada...

But that doesn't make what I say not true or somehow, slightly less than the whole truth. I can be all those things, and what I say still be exactly what it is.

And for the record, I hate that I am too thin-skinned, hate that I can be sensitive, hate those hormone swings. I TRY like the dickens to let things roll off my back. I try to look for the good and let the less than good things go. I will keep trying. I wish God had made me some other way and not this way because it is a fault of mine I know. But also because people don't take me seriously. And sometimes it is just an excuse for others to be ugly and then blame it on me for being too sensitive.

My :) list for this weekend:

• I continue to put in the walking, and it's starting to become a habit, I think. :) But even better, I am liking it and it's not so much "exercise" as just a time with Rob and stress relief. I find myself wanting to go for a walk- craving it, kind of. :) I HAVE to get some new tennies though soon as my current ones are totally shot!
• I am totally feeling inadequate for this semester's graduate projects, but I am not quitting (though I'd like to drop out and quit my job both). I'll get through the next six months and then, hopefully, be glad I did.
• I found a way to relieve some of my personal stress during a difficult day this week, and it was funny to boot! :)
• I stood up for my class this week. Don't know if it will do any good or if I'll even get a response, but I have made up my mind that no one else will treat my class like that again. They may "be the 'worst' third grade class at our school," and I may "be the 'worst' third grade teacher," but my students don't deserve to be told that, and for that matter, neither do I. Enough is enough!
• I am working on forgiving myself when I mess up, when I am less than I ought to be. Not an easy thing for me to do, but I'm working on it!
• I am also working on forgiving others and at the same time, though, not letting myself be a doormat. So I have kind of removed myself and gotten a little aloof. Trying to not be ugly, just not be available as much for the drama, comments, or other negatives. If I'm not around, then I can't be so "sensitive," and can't get my feelings hurt. :) Hope I can find the right balance between these two.