A confession, happy thoughts, and other little bits

First, my confession. Please forgive me. :) I used to be a little judgmental of teachers who started counting down the days until the year's end way out in advance. I have to confess and ask forgiveness, because this year, that is me, sort of. I'm not counting out days, but I do know that I have been counting weeks for a couple months. I hate that, but it is what it is. In my defense, I will say, my counting is somewhat enhanced by the fact that in six weeks not only will I be saying "goodbye" to another group of children, but I will be saying, "hello" to my dear family back home and meeting my sweet niece for the 1st time who will be here at the same time for Matthew's graduation. And as for judging, I don't think I'll be doing that the next time I hear a teacher saying, "Only 179 days until the end of the year." hahahaha :) :) :)

I do love all my kids at school though, and there are a lot of them now. :) Something really nice was said to me today, and I hope you won't think I'm bragging, because HONEST, I'm not. I include it as one of my "I Like Me's" I do as per the instructions of Momma, Crystal, and Rachael. :) So ladies, here I go. A substitute bus driver was on one bus the past couple days, and today she called out to me as I walked by. She said, "I can tell you love these kids. I was watching you as you walked around out here, and it just shows that you really love the kids. I can see it all over your face." Made me feel so stinkin' good inside because I do love the kids at our school- a WHOLE LOT- and I am so glad it shows. Hopefully the kids notice that too.

We made pudding in a cup today as a Friday surprise for the kids. I am trying to do something each Friday afternoon for them to keep their spirits up as we are headed into testing insanity. The pressure is on, BIG TIME, and I want to protect them from that as much as I can, while hopefully motivating them to really try and do their best. A weird and difficult balancing act for sure! Our pudding fun was a bit challenged as we had to vacate the classroom for another classmate acting out, but we pulled it off without too much difficulty and the kids loved making pudding to take to other teachers. :) I always love teaching my kids to do for others and not just think of ourselves. Hope that life lesson sticks in their lives now & down the road!

I'm trying to come up with something fun and unique for next week, and the last week before EOG's, I want to do a dance-off sort of, kind of thing (I don't know, it sounds better in my head, and it's probably cheesy, but kids like cheesy). I am looking for inspirational, fun songs that will help them see how great they are and feel pumped up and excited and happy and all that.... Got any suggestions for me? The last day before testing begins, I am planning an EOG Carnival with review games and snacks and prizes and I hope to make it super fun but, of course, it will have to address learning objectives and have essential questions somehow for the visitors that are constantly criticizing.

Well, that's it for my rambling for now. Two grad school assignments to finish & submit by midnight. Rob & I are going on a lunch date tomorrow after he puts tires on my car, then groceries and grading papers/lesson plans. Church and a walk or two this weekend too. What are you doing this weekend? And if you can think of some good, clean, but pumped up kinds of songs for 3rd graders, leave me a note.

Love,

Beka :)

A Rollercoaster Day

Today has been a roller coaster kind of day for the emotions. Don't want to bore the one person who probably is reading. :) Don't want to bore myself or be a drama queen.

Let's just say I had to take Matthew to the doctor to help him get past the last obstacle to his admission into the Army. I'm about six million emotions wrapped up together, and it's a little hard to juggle today.

I came back from the dr.'s office to be greeted by a colleague yelling at me about my class and finding out that it was a big awful mess- suffice it to say true ugliness and that I am more embarrassed than I have ever been as a teacher. I keep trying to write about the day without saying anything I shouldn't or seeming like I'm just griping again. Best to just be quiet. Let me just say that some think I am not too soft or not strong enough or that I am a bad teacher- well they can take my class anytime. I doubt too many people would have hung in there this long, and I have dealt with a lot of stuff this year and still come back each morning. That seems like someone who is pretty strong and tough to me. I may look like a softy because I hug EVERY kid I know and most adults too. I may seem like I'm a big baby because I tear up and get so wrapped up in my kids, but I have been a momma for 21 years and a teacher for 17, and I have a firm hand and can be the bad guy when I need to be. I may not manage kids the way other teachers would, but I do get results.

So, I'm going to go crawl in bed with my best friend, cry on his shoulder, try to sleep a bit, get up and do it all over again tomorrow. Just, God, pretty please can tomorrow include no racial slurs, threats, chairs, physical attacks, stealing, cursing, or other yucky stuff? And if you could either keep the visitors away or help them to see the good in me and mine, that would be really, really nice and just plain refreshing too. Okay? Thanks!

What Easter is All About- He Loves Us Anyway!

This is one of my all-time favorite songs- I love the message.

"I am the thorn in His brow, but He loves me anyway. I am Judas' kiss, but He loves me anyway."

I cannot fathom why or how He loves me, but I am so thankful that He came, died, and rose again to show us all His love- a love that no one else has ever been able to duplicate.

I hope wherever you are, you have a wonderful Easter, but most of all I hope you see His love in Your life, and that you experience Christ in a way you have never known before.

With much love & Happy Easter,

Beka :)

My Catch-up List

I have been so far behind on home, grad school, sleep, and just barely keeping up on work these days. I have a huge list of things to do over this three days off, and I usually plan way more than I can do- both in the classroom and at home, but I am working on getting some things done. So far, so good. One grad school project started (out of the three last big projects left), the capstone exam is done (now just one final exam to go), working on mopping & the bedroom closet tonight.

Thank you Heavenly Father for some time to get a little caught up. Only You know how truly overwhelmed and behind and frazzled I was starting to feel on the inside. It truly was approaching a panic level, and if I hadn't gotten this time off, I'm not sure what I would have done.

Back to my work I go. Making a breakfast casserole for the fam for tomorrow morning and next up, dinner & mopping. :)

You will have to smile!

Saw this today on Facebook and had to laugh. How could you not when you see this cute baby laughing hysterically?

I made it to spring break!

Today began my three day reprieve from all things insane :). I had to work like a crazy woman, but I was able to leave Tuesday afternoon with EVERYTHING planned and prepared for both myself and my tutor- all copies done, spelling words loaded online, lessons prepared, copies done and stapled and filed... kind of scary being that with it. :)

I was beyond thrilled when my body and mind mostly cooperated and let me sleep in- something I can rarely ever do. After Rob and the kids all left for work, college, and high school, I drifted off to sleep and dozed until mid-morning. I felt guilty because I am Rebekah, it is what I do. But it felt sooooo wonderful, and I felt more rested than I have in ages and ages! I stayed in my pj's until I left this afternoon to pick up my kids. :) The rough draft for one of my grad school projects is now done. Tomorrow I hope to start polishing it up. I have that and the summative 2 year program capstone exam to do this week. Then two or three more projects/assignments, the course final exam and the capstone portfolio and I will be done in one month.

This afternoon, I picked up Barbara, ran her to High Point to trade uniform pants, went to Winston/K'ville/Walktertown-wherever East is actually at???? to get Matthew and take Rob supper. We came home and ate the YUMMO chicken/bean tacos I had started in the crockpot, took Barbara to work, and then Matthew and I took Samson along for my walk. Matthew was my DI and did cadences for us to walk to and set a pretty brisk pace for me. I shaved a few minutes off my time today. :) I sure wish it would get a smidge easier so I could go further or that I could walk faster, but I'll get there eventually. I keep telling myself to be patient, that in a year I will see a big difference.

As Matthew and I were dropping Barbara off a song came on the radio, can't remember the name of the song, but it's about wishing for one more day - "One more day, one more time, I'll be satisfied.... but it'd leave me wishing still for one more day with you..." Couldn't help thinking of how my "baby" is soon to graduate from high school. Soon this stage of our lives as parents will be over. We're still waiting to hear from the Army as to the disposition of Matthew's enlistment. He has an appointment next week to see his ENT to schedule a surgery/procedure that the Army is requesting. Matthew is hoping that this will remove the final block to let him in. If you'd be in prayer for this, I would appreciate it as would Matthew.

I am so thankful for God's help in making it to this small break, for time spent with my children and husband, for still working on living healthier and getting smaller eventually, and for a little rest- I am soooo in need of that!

Hope you are having a great week wherever you are!

Beka :)

God so loved the world...

Yesterday there were severe storms here in NC (and throughout the Southeast). According to the news, this is the worst outbreak of storms and tornadoes here in 30+ years. At least 20 people died from the tornadoes in NC yesterday.

Today, as I was looking on a weather website, I saw a few comments about God's judgement on people as they talked about those storms and the people who died from them. One person even said, "God didn't like the people who died."

May I just say that makes me just really, really sad and mad all at the same time? Because it does. I am not God. I won't even pretend to know how His mind works or why He does what He does or allows what He allows. But seriously???? I'm pretty sure the Bible says "For God so loved the world that He sent His only Son..."

Unless I'm mistaken, those people that died, or the people who died in Japan's earthquake/tsunami, or the people who died in the tsunami a few years ago, or the people who died or are still suffering in Haiti or the people who have died in any other number of natural disasters or tragedies, or the people who just die because they get cancer or are in the wrong place at the wrong time....

ALL those people were part of the "world" God so loved. So maybe God is sending judgement, I don't know. But to say that He didn't love those people is just biblically wrong. At least in my opinion. I'm so tired of Christians and those "well-meaning" people who say those stupid things out in public or, even worse, to the hurting who are left behind after these things.

Maybe God did it, maybe God allowed it, maybe it had nothing to do with God at all, but was instead just part of the world/nature. Either way, I'm pretty sure God loves the people (all the people in the world) and it pains Him to have hard things happen to the ones He loves.

Perhaps if we all stopped trying to make bad things some one's fault, and just tried to comfort those who are hurting, help those who are injured, house those who are homeless, love those who are lonely, maybe the world would be a better place. Maybe we'd hurt people less and do more for the God we are trying to live for.

Just my thoughts tonight on the day after a rainy, stormy day.

Is it Friday yet?

I am so weary. But I'm home with my family- most of them. I am not sleeping well; I am working like a crazy person and haven't even gotten the taxes or my grad school assignments started. I am so overwhelmed with what I have to accomplish and am truly not being dramatic when I say that I cannot get it all done. I'll keep plugging away at it and juggling everything, but I am so tired and ready for this to be over. :)

I was told by the boss this week that after we return from break next week they will be ramping up the pressure on us teachers even more. Don't even know how that is possible at all, and honestly I'm afraid to see what is coming next.

Going to get back to work. Tackling things bit by bit and tonight's bit includes grading, starting lesson plans and a walk with Rob though I don't honestly feel like I can put one foot in front of the other. God help me through this and let me live to see the other side.

Whew, is it Friday yet?

Boy this has been quite the week already, and today was only Tuesday. Only.

Yesterday I got pulled into another drama at the soap opera, As the School Turns. Boy, do I hate drama! Nothing like being yelled at by a colleague!

Today's fun included getting slugged by a student amongst other "normal" daily fun.

Here's to hoping for some peace & quiet tomorrow. For us all!

My :) for today:

• a cancelled staff meeting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How often does that happen? and YEAH!!!!!!!!
• getting to pick up Matthew from school, go home and meet Robert and do the grocery run with them- THANKS boys for helping your mom!
• time spent with my sons!!! I sure do love those two young men!
• pizza from Elizabeth's Pizza- delicious!
• sore legs- hopefully that means something is going on good inside them :)
• my pants were falling off of me as we walked around the store- felt so nice to have to keep hiking them up :)
• BEAUTIFUL clouds and the sun trying to peak through this evening as the boys and I came home from the store
• a new MP3 player to replace the one that died- and I know this is totally silly but I like my new little player- when you turn it on, it says "Hello" and when you turn it off it says "Goodbye"- cool! :)
• getting picture mail from my sister of my ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL niece, Zoe!!!! She is so pretty! I cannot hardly wait to see her!

For Those Who are Perfect (or close to it)

Just an observation from someone who is so very far from perfect. If you feel you are gifted, talented, saintly, heroic, wise, patient, or any other admirable characteristic and you want to share it with those of us who are much less than you, a bit of advice.

You might approach someone less than you with a little sensitivity. Just a tiny bit of humility, sensitivity, or compassion would go a very long way. Remember what Mary Poppins sang- "Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down..." It may be a silly movie and song, but there's a whole lot of truth in that line!

I Did It! I really, really did it!

I got to do something new today- an adventure I really was nervous to try but enjoyed and made it through with flying colors. :) I participated in my first 5K! (Yes, I did say 1st!) And though tired, and a little winded from that last hill, I made it without having to be pushed, pulled, or towed to the finish line.

That's right! Big ol' Rebekah, who would NEVER in her wildest imagination have dreamed this up, walked for a really long time! :) I had the company of my devoted husband, an adorable, sweet friend, Matthew, for whom we were all walking, and his wonderful family. I enjoyed talking with others and most of all just getting to walk with some really nice people!!! Crystal & Bryan, I love you and your little man so very much!!! Thanks for letting me (and Rob too) join Matt Matters and allowing me to love your little boy and be a part of his life too!!!!!

So back injury, hurting knee, and crazy work/college schedules aside, I am not a failure. I, me, Rebekah Rose Thomas- I can do this!!! I was really having a hard time lately with my back and life being so crazy and feeling like a failure. I got in the car and realized what I had done and started crying tears of happiness. For the first time, I felt what I think was a little pride in myself. I hope you'll understand- it's not the sinful, puffed-up kind of pride- just happy that I stepped waaay out of my comfort zone, didn't let my obesity rule my actions or limit what I did, and happy that I have stuck with exercise now for three months. :) When I started I was only walking 3/4 mile and huffing and puffing at the end of that. Today I walked over three miles and did it while talking, laughing and ended with a smile. :)

And if you'd like to give to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, it's not too late. Rob & I had each set a goal of $100. I have reached that goal thanks to an anonymous donor and my sister. You can still give to me or help Rob reach his goal of $100 or just give to our Matt Matters team. Thanks!

a very happy Beka :)

Happy Birthday Momma

April 8 the greatest Momma ever to live was born.

Happy Birthday Momma mine!

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so very thankful for you in my life!

Smile, it's almost Friday :)

I have done a killer lesson planning session this evening. Stayed at school until about 7 PM planning out my rotations and independent work and working on copying. Then came home and wolfed down some yummy supper- thanks to my old/young men for cooking a yummy dinner- and went back to planning. I finally have that done! :) Well, mostly, I still have guided reading to do- maybe. :) I missed seeing my Barbara Rose though as she was gone to work when I got home. :( I am not staying late more than one night a week anymore (I used to stay so late- but I can't say here how much/how late or I'd get in trouble with my Momma) :) :) :), and I hate having to do that. As it is, I am not compliant in several paperwork items I am supposed to have done, and will probably get written up for it, but with meetings five or more times a week during the day and after school, I don't know when we're supposed to do all this stuff.

For now, it's time to take my headache to bed. Nighty-night world!

My :) for today:

• We went to the symphony today- so neat! I've only gone to the symphony once a few years back when my parents took me - just them and me, oh, that was such a fun night, getting to go out with my parents as a grown-up, no kids, just my Momma, Pop, and me. :) Today brought back those good memories and made me smile thinking of them.
• Beautiful music- thank you God for music!!! They played music from various places around the world- loved that! My favorites were the African drum piece and the Argentinian dance piece.
• My class was almost saintly today on our trip. I was prepared with my "mean Mrs. Thomas" face (seriously have to share that story), but only had one episode with one student and the rest were GREAT, GREAT, GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOO proud of my kids! And soooo thankful that the "mean one" didn't have to come out today.
• Helped out another teacher who was called to jury duty. Made me feel good to be able to help someone else. I guess it might be conceited, but I like to feel needed and useful.
• Laughing with Rob while he read to me from one of our favorite teacher blogs as I worked. I did that for him last week while he worked; tonight was his turn. CRACKING me up!!!!
• And last, but not least, tomorrow is my Momma's birthday!!!! Happy Birthday Momma! :)

Sharing a thought

I read this the other day, and it was so timely, so what I needed. I asked the author if I could share it here.

You will be blessed I am sure!

Rebekah :)

My :) List today:

• Thai food with my young men tonight- just momma and her boys :) :) :)
• seeing Barbara for a few minutes as I took her to work- I miss the kids when they're gone so at least I got to see her tonight. :)
• having papers graded and entered into the grade book early tonight- yes!

:)

I have had another day at work, but I wanted to post some :) for myself.

• It stormed pretty hard for a few minutes last night- tore up a lot of trees in the area, power out... so thankful this morning that our home was still standing, no damage to the roof (we have to get a new roof in the near future), no trees down, no home or car damage, but most of all we were all safe and sound.
• Though she was terrified, our 20 year old daughter needed her "mommy & daddy" last night when she woke up, realized we were under a tornado warning and heard how bad the storm was. She came in our room and grabbed me. I hate that she was so frightened, but it felt good to still be needed by my child who is now grown. :) I hope she always has a need for her mommy. :) I know I still need mine!!!
• I know a lot of damage was done last night, and I am not happy for those who suffered from it, but I do love storms. I miss that so much since we moved here- being able to watch storms build and come in from miles and miles away. Watching the lightning and wind and rain come down.
• Students who give me lots of love too. I don't do my job for that, but it sure is nice- especially on the hard days when I deal with so many other issues.
• A special student who was absolutely perfect today!!! So proud of him!!!!
• God, who loves us all, in spite of our imperfections, our sins, our mistakes, our silliness and stupidity, our unworthiness. I have a lot of questions about God and a lot of things I used to think I knew that I doubt very much now. But I haven't given up on God, and I am thankful that He hasn't given up on me. I may not understand most things about Him. I don't have to. I'm counting on His unending mercy and grace.
• Rob, who has been my lifeline of late, especially. I LOVE YOU Rob Thomas!
• Our dog and cat playing- too cute! Poor Cinnamon gets tired of Samson sometimes, but he's also figured out how to get in tight places where Sam can't go. Cracks me up to watch Sam try to figure out how to get in there and when he can't listen to him give his short little bark, like "No fair! Come out & let me chew on you!" :) :) :)
• In a few more weeks I will see my family, the ones I love so dearly! I don't feel like I can make it, but I'm trying to hang on until then.

Good night! Praying you are well wherever you are! Don't forget that God loves us all! I know I'm trying to really remember that even though my feelings are all over the place right now!

Love,

Beka :)

the wall

I think I have found that proverbial wall I've heard people talk about. You know, the one you hit where your body says, "No more!"? Yeah, that one.

My back is healing but still giving me some pain, especially at night. :( Making for poor sleep. Add to that my already insomniac mind, the huge amount of work I had to do this weekend for work and grad school which kept me up way late, some food-poisoning ick over the weekend, some people I love and am concerned about, and I am now very sleep-deprived.

I started feeling my energy say "Adios" at lunch and by the second grade level meeting today, all I wanted to do was go home and crawl in bed. Which is exactly what I did. I left straight after the meeting and went home and crawled in bed. Rob and Matthew came home about six and found me there still. That is so not me.

I've got the bills paid finally now, and am going to grade a few papers, print a couple things I need, and make one math paper for my lesson tomorrow and I'm going to bed. I want to feel better and be sleeping well with a pain-free back.

Praying for some very special people who are facing life challenges or making important decisions. You know who you are, and I LOVE you!

Dear Zoe

Dear Zoe,

It's been a while since I wrote to you. How could your Aunt Beka let that happen??? You will soon be two months old! How can you let that happen? :) You are growing up so quickly, and I miss not being there to see each little change you go through, each stage of your life. I'm going to miss a lot of that, but please know how very much your Uncle Rob and I ADORE you!!!!

Your momma and daddy took a video of you and daddy talking last night and put it on Facebook. Uncle Rob and I have sat and watched it over and over and over since then. You make us just smile and smile and smile. You are such a pretty little girl, and your smile melts my heart! I loved hearing your voice trying to talk to your daddy.

I cannot wait to hold you, and talk with you and see you smile. Your Aunt Beka is a silly, crazy lady, so I know I'll make you smile a lot. I imagine all the fun things we can do together when you are here and when you visit us throughout your life. Momma says someday she's going to let you come spend summers with us. Uncle Rob & I talk about the things we'll do with you, things like go to the beach, camp in the mountains, go watch baseball games, and take you out to eat at our favorite restaurants (the Thai place, Rio Grande, Elizabeth's, Applebees- oh I'll have to get you hooked on the hot wings there!). The bookstore will be a MUST every time you come! I'll do crafts with you, and Uncle Rob will play ball or go for bike rides with you. We can read together or do puzzles or play games. We can make playdough and bake cookies, and I will have to teach you how to make a big ol' pan of lasagna so you can do that for your mommy who loves lasagna!

Until you're old enough for all that, we'll have to be penpals. I'll write you here but I'll write you "real" letters too. I can make you handmade cards, and you can draw or paint beautiful pictures for me to hang on my refrigerator and at my desk at school.

Speaking of school, I have to tell you a funny story. I am a teacher, so is Uncle Rob. This year I teach third graders (they're big kids compared to you). They were the first people I told about you the day you were born, and they cheered with me. We were all so excited that you came, and they bug me all the time to show your pictures to them. They love you too. :) I got a little netbook for my class a couple weeks ago, and my students were fussing at me that I didn't have your picture on it like I do my own computer. So finally, I took a few minutes to load some photos of you on there for them. I forgot about it. The next day at school, the computer was sitting on the little cart and we were all working at our desks/tables, when all the sudden a big group of kids started RUNNING to the computer and "ooohing" and "aaaahing." I couldn't figure out what they were doing until one of them shouted, "Hey guys, it's Zoe!!!! aaaaaawwwwww!" The kids were sooo excited to see you again, and they think you are beautiful too!

I told them you were coming to see us, and they are thrilled. They cannot wait to meet you. I think they like you maybe more than me. :)

Well, as you'll learn about your Aunt Beka, I talk too much sometimes. I think I better go work on my lesson plans and homework for college. I love you Zoe! Very much!

Until we get to meet, keep smiling and talking. We have lots to talk about.

Love always,

your Aunt Beka

My Boys

He's been gone for a very long time. I only knew him as a child and through the stories and memories of my momma. We had very little connection to anyone else who could keep him alive for us. So all these years later, it still strikes me as odd how strong the desire to have a connection to a person gone so long. Here I am a 40 year old woman, mother of three young adults, wife, teacher... and without warning, I can be that little girl who wishes he was still here and had not gone away.

I have no idea if my children really have any of him in them, or if it is merely wishing that they did that makes me want to see something of him in them. But tonight, as I worked on lesson plans and EOG prep work, missing my youngest son who is gone to take his military physical exam, I heard from upstairs the sounds of my oldest playing a song he created on his guitar. It is one of my most favorite pieces of music in the world. I don't know if Robert knows just how much I love his song. I looked up from my work and saw the family portrait taken the year before he died. I teared up, though I tried not to.

I know this will sound completely silly, but this 40 year old woman put down her schoolwork, took that portrait off the wall, sat it on the steps below the boy's bedroom, and and sat down beside it to listen to the music. I cried as I wondered what he would say about his grandsons. One plays a guitar like he did, loves music and church and is a hard-working young man. Robert has his feet and is hairy like he was. :) Matthew is trying to enlist in the military and has been strongly influenced by both his Papa and by this man he never knew but only heard about sometimes. He is tall- taller, even than his grandpa was. He has a sweet, gentle side, but also a hot temper. Both my boys have a good sense of humor and neat laughs and like to joke around and play pranks.

Oh, how much it can still hurt after all this time. I'm thankful for all my blessings, and I wouldn't have Rob or my children if he'd lived. But it still hurts. Even 29 years later.

Matthew

It's getting later and I need to be asleep. Story of my life, huh? :)

Just wanted to write down for myself to look back on. Tomorrow Rob will drive our "baby" - our youngest who almost didn't make it- to the Army recruiters' office where he will leave for Charlotte to go through MEPS. We are eagerly/anxiously/nervously/excitedly/ and a bunch of other -ly's waiting to hear the outcome of his physical. He scored VERY high on his military aptitude test, so he is off to a good start.

I have a lot of emotions and thoughts about all of this, especially since he is just 18 and soon to graduate high school. But above all, I want Matthew to choose the life path God has in store for him. As long as Matthew never parts company with Christ, I am at peace with the life he lives. If he pleases God, strives to stay as pure as one can, and looks to Him for guidance in his own life decisions, what more could I ask? Nothing!

I've not really "gone there" as there was just no need to cry, worry, stress, etc. over something that might or might not happen. I have no explanation except that I feel a peace about it- that whatever comes from it all, God will be with Matthew and God will be with us. In that sense, I am okey-dokey. :) I just am starting to realize that my child, my youngest child, my first child to leave, may be leaving me sooner than I had ever pictured. I have to start getting ready to say the "big" goodbye. The momma in me is not ready for that, but I know I'll be okay.

God, you gave him to us. He almost was taken from us, but for whatever reason, You spared his life, and I am thankful- oh so thankful- for the 18 years we've had together with Matthew Lane. He's yours, I know. I give him back to you now. We've done what we were commanded to do- raise him up in the knowledge of You and train him to have a relationship with You. Now I do my very best to release him back into Your hands (in whose hands he's been all along), and I have to trust You. Help me to do that. Help Rob to do that. Help us to let him go when the time comes - be it to Uncle Sam or whoever/whatever.

Thanks God!

42 years

Today would have been my parents 42nd wedding anniversary. I am so thankful for parents who loved each other and us girls.

So thankful for a Momma still with me (she almost wasn't) and a few good memories of a daddy who loved us.

Momma, if you read this, Happy Anniversary. Thank you for everything you gave up for us girls, for the love you have given and always will give us, for your Godly example, for being my friend.

With much love,

your BekaBoo