How I see God...

This is a prelude to the next thing I want to journal about. It is part of a conversation I had with my momma today via email.

I have struggled for years with how I see God. How I got there is a loooong, boring story full of melodrama and silliness, and to be honest I hate female drama- see it plenty in my classroom and workplace. So moving on! I see God as a loving, kind God who obviously loves us so much. I mean He came down, lived as a human, allowed Himself to be beaten and murdered... puts up with us wicked humans, puts up with me and somehow still chooses to love us, bless us, and even more amazingly use us. But sometimes I feel like God is mad at me, that He isn't speaking to me- sort of a God-silent-treatment, that He isn't proud of me, or that He is disciplining me for some secret/hidden/unknown sin... There's a long story to that, but it doesn't really matter here.

But I don't only see God that way. I have that issue when I am low, struggling with lack of sleep, sickness, and hit life's speed bumps. I know it's a trick of the enemy to get me down and discouraged, and I'm learning to fight it. But, as I frequently tell people in real life, I "ride the little bus..." I'm a slow learner when it comes to God. :) I promise when it's my "time to go," God is going to send a little bus to pick me up.

I see God in many wonderful ways though, in all seriousness. And here is how I put it to my momma today in an email.

"I also see God as amazingly loving. Blessing beyond description. Kind. Merciful. Amazingly creative.

I see Him in the laughter and smiles and hugs of my children and my students and the kids at my school. I feel Him more than anywhere when I hug a child and get loved back even more than I could give. I see Him and His kindness to me EVERY SINGLE day when I get to go home and see my bright red, cheery car sitting in the parking lot and when I pull into the driveway of this really pretty home and know that He gave them to me. I see Him through my parent's lives and the examples they lived and continue to live (more than what they've ever said to me). I see Him in the trees gently swaying in the wind, in the clouds as they float by, and in a pretty sunrise on my way to work each day. When we visited the ocean I saw His great power. When we traveled through the mountains I saw His beauty and art and appreciation for diversity. I see Him in my flowers in the backyard, in the snow that falls gently and covers the earth with His cleanness and quietens the noises that surround us. I see Him even in something silly like our loving, devoted dog or the adorable kittens that were born in our home.

I see Him as especially kind to me, which in fact I've been struggling with as well. I know God does not have favorites, but I cannot explain why He would bless me more than others, or seemingly so.

• I had a father who loved me very much.
• I have a mother and pop who love me dearly and would do anything for me.
• I have been raised in a good, secure home by loving people who provided for my needs and many of my wants, who taught me how to love and live for God, who gave me a good, moral compass, taught me how to care about others, helped me seek God's will for my life, and who have supported me my whole life.
• I have a husband who loves me deeply and has for 21 years of marriage.
• I have three beautiful, wonderful, funny, compassionate young adult children.
• I have known pain, death, loss, hunger, financial problems, marital problems, health problems, but God has kept me/us through them and it could have been oh, so much more, terribly worse.
• I was born into a free nation that is so much more monetarily blessed. I could have been born into any number of countries where even a loving family wouldn't have been able to keep me safe from the horrors of war, rape, murder, famine, disease...
• I have never had to stand on a street corner and beg for money or food.
• I have never had to spend a night on the streets, in the woods, or have to worry about where to go at night.
• I have never known the rejection of a parent or suffered abuse or neglect by their hand.
• I know that my parents and family are very proud of me.
• I have material blessings too numerous to name.
• I am free to worship without having to worry about death, imprisonment, or persecution.

I see Him in a most loving, wonderful way. I just am painfully aware of how little I deserve it (I know that's the point of the whole thing- I'm just saying.). And I am very aware of how guilty it makes me feel to have all these things and see/know/work with/read about those who don't have so much of God's blessings.

100th Day

i had very little sleep last night and am going to try to be in bed by 10 so i better make this quick. :)

today was the 100th day of school! my kids BEGGED me to do a pajama party. with the craziness of snow days almost all last week, some of the kids forgot but we had a great day! they even bugged me to wear my 'jammies and i humored them. it was a comfy way to spend my day in my warm 'jammies and robe. :) and the kids were so cute seeing their teacher in her pajamas. i think maybe they didn't know i sleep too. :) haha

i had a new t.a. start today. it was a lovely day. :) only a couple negative comments from people, but i tried to head it off at the pass.

i've done a bunch of school work tonight and am ready to try to sleep now. wondering what tomorrow will bring since we're forecast to get some freezing rain and snow/sleet early in the morning before turning into just a cold rain. wonder if it will be a late start or no school again.

so goodbye 100th day. good night world! hope you all have a terrific tuesday!

Happy Saturday

yeah, it's saturday! :) i started the day fixing the family a big breakfast/brunchy feast complete with bacon/sausage, some chorizo, potatoes, eggs, and pancakes for those who wanted them. we don't do that very often because it's not healthy of course, but it was a yummy treat! :) we've been jammin' to tom petty & the heartbreakers this morning too. i LOVE when we just have music playing through the house!!!! i've facebooked and emailed back and forth with my momma so now it's time to get to some serious work on grad school assignments and readings. ugh!!! so without further ado i'm off to read, read, read, write, write, write, and start completing this HUGE geometry assignment plus find/create a triangles task to turn in, comment on the readings on the forum. then do my lesson plans and prepare for 100th day!!!

happy saturday all!

snowday #4

we went back to school today, but are already called off for tomorrow. unbelievable! :)
tomorrow's plans include a card project i'm late on, grad homework is a MUST, and mailing out resumes. i MUST be productive tomorrow. i MUST get motivated and accomplish these biggies!!!

if it's not too bad out, i really should try to venture out with the southerners and clean up my table and get ready for 100th day which will hopefully be next monday. :) wonder what next week will bring as they're already predicting more wintry something for next tuesday! i will be starting the week with a new t.a. hoping and praying that goes well.

happy friday all!

Odell

rob and i went to borders today to get some books for my tutoring group. i promised them i'd buy them some books at payday. while we were checking out a young lady came in and was worried about an old man in a wheel chair out in the street. rob and i knew it was odell.

odell is a homeless vietnam vet we've met and talked with at different times. he hangs out at the corner of the borders' parking lot. sometimes he is quite friendly and enjoys talking. sometimes he gets angry at people as they pass him by or ignore him. i admit that at one time he scared me too when i heard him screaming at passersby. he made me laugh one time when he called some guy who ignored him the "spawn of satan." but then i really thought about it- God loves odell. he is someone's son. maybe he had kids or brothers/sisters. how did he get to be here? what happened to the young man who served our nation? how does a veteran end up like this? so rob and i started talking with him and taking him food sometimes when we can find him. he likes chicken sandwiches, dr. peppers, and strawberry shakes from mcdonalds. he has a place he sleeps he told me once in some woods. he never refuses food from us and he has never begged money from us. he always tells us "God bless you." and once when barbara was with me and we got out to talk to him for a minute, he told us "I'll never refuse food from two beautiful women." :) his mom lives in an apartment complex for seniors that is just a couple blocks from us, and sometimes we have seen him over here. he told me he goes to visit her sometimes and can stay there a night or two a month. my two oldest have seen him on their way to/from the bus stop and have talked with him too.

tonight rob went to check on him while i finished paying after the young lady said he was slumped down in his wheelchair in the street. i walked down there after i paid. he was definitely not sober, and even me with my naive and ruined nose/sense of smell, i could smell the liquor before i even got up to him. we took him some dinner back and he was out cold. rob tried to wake him up without startling him, but he was out. so rob left the food by his bottle on the ground. hopefully he found it when he woke up. i felt horrible leaving him there. we had a bad situation the last time someone came to our house with me in the car, so rob won't let us bring him home.

God be with odell tonight. keep him safe out on the streets and wherever he sleeps. help him to find You.

snowday #3

this is so silly, but we were out again today. we actually saw a snowplow on our street today, though the warm temps and rain did the job mostly anyway and much better than the plow. :)

Toto, we definitely aren't in Kansas anymore. :)

tomorrow we go back with a late start. wondering about friday as we're predicted to get ice/snow again. hmmm... at this rate we'll be going to school all summer.

snowday #2, also known as germ warfare

we're out again today... i am supposed to go in on these "snow days" or take leave but didn't even try to go in as i was up all night with a sick husband. :(

barbara started this nastiness on sunday then was better by sunday night. rob said he felt bad yesterday off and on but wasn't sure if it was just being tired. well at midnight we found out, and he was up and down all night. ICK!!!!

robert and i went to walmart today to buy gatorade, sprite, juice, broth, chicken noodle soup and crackers for the sick ones. i also bought a big thing of clorox wipes and more bleach cleaner for our bathroom. i usually keep one in each bathroom and one under the kitchen sink. i didn't know if we were out in the kitchen but my bathroom was.

we came home, ate and went to work bleaching anything and everything we could think of- doorknobs, faucets, counter tops, banisters. i even bleached the shower and bathroom trashcan.
DIE GERMS DIE!!!!! :) the dishes were washed by me too so that i could put them in super hot water and now matthew is helping me wash blankets and clothes.

tonight i better get those bills paid and i hope i will sleep! tomorrow is another day out of work- grrrrr..... don't know if i'll go in or not. this is going to be a lot of make up days and a lot of makeup time on top of that. double grrrr..... oh well, i'm glad we were off when this sick stuff hit and after last week i needed the time away from "the crazy place" as i call it. i would have ended up having a nervous breakdown if i'd had to go in. :) wonder if we'll ever go back. this is truly hilarious to us midwesterners!!!

snowday

today was a snowday. :) tomorrow we'll be off again. we're supposed to get freezing rain & ice in the morning, and maybe more ice & snow this weekend again. i have a card project to finish and ship tomorrow and maybe work on lesson plans for next week. i have a lot to do for grad school, and will try to work on that too.

i've been a bum this weekend. i feel guilty about it a little, but after the past couple weeks i'm trying to tell myself it's okay. i wonder- is this how burnout feels???? good news is i finished reading my book robert got me for Christmas about Rwanda. i started reading The Shack last night. i think i'll do some more reading tonight. :)

i have sure enjoyed the beauty of the snow. today rob and i drove out for a little while. the snow was soooo beautiful and sparkly in the sunshine. it looked like thousands of diamonds lying around catching the sun's rays. in one place we drove there was snow falling off of a pine tree in the tiniest bits like sprinkles or powder falling and they sparkled as they fell. it was truly beautiful!!!!

Snowstorm 2010

our snowstorm photos:

i love icicles...

We actually got a good amount of snow- the most we've seen in five years and to the people down here a big deal. :)

my herb garden is almost all covered except for this lavender and another one (i can't remember which one we planted there)

rob and i had to take barbara to work... we played around being silly (i don't like photos of me, but thought i'd oblige my family) :)

the front porch is buried deep in a drift

i love our home that God gave to us- in every kind of weather :) i still almost a year later can't believe we live here, that we don't rent it, that it is ours, that what was impossible was given to us by God's good grace... and now on this snowy, icy, cold day, here i am, sitting here curled up under my fuzzy blanket enjoying a pretty fire and am so thankful for His provisions.

and in other news, matthew gave himself a mohawk (ten years after he started asking me for one...) :)

snow, snow, snow, snow, SNOW!

it's snowing- "real" snow- here in NC! :) WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! rob and i woke up around 7 AM this morning and there's a lot of snow on the ground- more than we've seen in five years since moving here to the balmy south.

the t.v. meterologist is saying 6-8 inches has fallen so far here with another inch or two to come. it's mixing with bands of sleet now too.

we were down to close to bare cupboards and fridg since it was the end of the month. today would have been my normal monthly grocery shopping day, but with the "storm" i was afraid i wouldn't be able to get the food- everything has shut down here. so rob and i braved walmart last night - OH MY WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talk about culture shock. i have never in my whole midwestern life seen so many people in a store- not at Christmas, not at Black Friday, not the day after Christmas- never! it was HILARIOUS!!!! you'd have thought the rapture or Armageddon was about to happen or something. :)

EVERYTHING is closed- even the hospital is scrolling across the tv screen with some sort of emergency plan in place. my coworkers are talking about us not getting back to work for quite some time- HILARIOUS, and from what i've seen even when we do go back i'm sure we'll be late starting everyday. the late start part i don't mind, but the missing i do- we'll be going to school until july at this rate.

as i've said often since moving here, "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore." ;)

today my heart broke

7:50 AM- The school day has just begun. My classroom is a busy, bustling place filled with happy faces and busy children & teacher. We are preparing to leave for our various "Reading Club" classrooms. It is Spotlight Breakfast day and two of my children are being honored and receiving awards from me. One of them came back early, slamming the classroom open, stomping in, and throwing his award into his cubby quite angrily. Before I knew it, this very, VERY tough little boy who does not like hugs or accept physical attention/affection but rarely is in my lap, head on my shoulder, sobbing. And so was I. I think I felt my heart break.

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might...

Okay, first off, I have NEVER done this before, but Ruhiyyih did a post on her blog about her wishes, and it got me to thinkin'. So, I hope she won't mind but I am stealing her idea and doing the same. If you would, leave me a comment and let me know something you're wishing for and I'll pray for you too along with all my other wishes (which for me are really prayers).

I wish & pray for the world:

• that people would come to know Jesus' love- not just about Him or to think about all the bad things they know about Christians or the church or whatever their preconceived ideas are & associate that with HIM, but that somehow, someway they would just come to KNOW His unending love.
• that the horrors of war, genocides, famine, starvation, and tragedies would come to an end- I've been reading more about Rwanda most recently (been doing a lot of reading about war-torn African countries in the last couple years)- it breaks my heart. How it must sadden God.
• that no one would go to bed hungry.
• that orphans around the world would find love and forever homes like my nephew has.
• that the homeless would find shelter, food, friendships.
• that the world would learn to set aside their differences, their political views, their ideas about race, gender, likes and dislikes and learn to live peaceably with one another.

I wish & pray for my students ("my kids"):

• that God would somehow help me find ways to reach through the learning difficulties, past drug and alcohol damage, past hunger, past dysfunctional homes and hurting hearts and teach my children and help them grow and reach their full potential. I pray this a lot as I work throughout the day, when I hug the kids, when I sit down at the table to teach, when I see them struggling to understand something I am saying.
• that God would keep my kids safe from harm at home, in the world, wherever they go.
• that God would comfort A tonight whose heart is sad because of the death of his cat.
• that God would bring K safely back to us from his faraway trip.
• that God will bless & help my children grow up into happy, confident, responsible, and most important of all compassionate adults who bring up their families to be the same.
• and that God would be with kids whose names/initials I will not list but whose lives are not good. That somehow He would love my children through me and heal their hurts and mend their small, so young, but already broken hearts and lives.

I wish for my family:

• that my children would continue on the path God has chosen for them, that they would seek His will for their lives and continue to live for Him and serve Him. That they would make Him proud of them!
• that my momma and pop will continue to live healthy, active, long lives. I'm so, very, utterly thankful for the "extensions" on life God has recently granted them, and I would just like to have them as long as we can. (Okay, that's a selfish "me-wish" also.) :)
• that my sister and b-i-l would be blessed by God and granted the desires of their hearts!
• that God will allow our family to serve Him and please Him all the days of our lives.
• that our family will have "enough" of the things we need.

I wish for me:

• that Rob & I would see clearly God's path for our future and follow it.
• peace at work (either at the current place or a new one).
• to be acid/heartburn/ulcer free (which means a less stressful workplace I believe)
• to really have the stick-to-it-iveness to do what I need to do.
• that I would take care of me and live to be an old lady. (On that note, I am trying really hard to make some serious life changes, but don't want to say more until I prove it to myself).
• that I would be a more gracious, loving person.

whew, i'm just not that smart!

today was the first face-to-face session for my new class- a geometry course. i knew that being geometry it might be a bit more challenging... i am the only teacher in the cohort who has been solely a lower elementary teacher and i have forgotten sooooo much geometry!!!! i felt so stupid and was the only one who was not understanding/remembering some of the stuff they were all talking about. i sat there several times thinking, "oh, i know that i learned this in high school..." or "oh, wow i used to know this..." but that knowledge is lost in some deep recess of my mind that has been locked so long it's rusted shut. :) then the prof gave us this "talk" about how we were graduate students now and it was time we started reading/writing/being more intellectual, yada yada yada... i'm just not that smart!!!

this course will end at the end of april/beginning of may, then we will start two courses at the beginning of may while we are entering one of the most crazy busy, stressful times of the school year! on top of the already stressful things going on at work, it's going to be a very interesting 2nd semester. i have to make some decisions about what i'm going to do after this program in the next couple months as well. if i'm going to go ahead and finish my master's degree, then i have to apply this spring and take the gre (which TERRIFIES me!!!).

then there's the whole job hunt thing too. praying for wisdom about all that too. resumes are going out this week!

i came home and my brain is just totally fried. i have managed to redo my lesson plans for this week (that's a whole 'nother Oprah!). i still have paperwork to do for the tutoring company, but to be honest i'm thinking about putting it off. i haven't even gotten paid yet. if they don't get me a paycheck soon, i'm going to quit and look for a tutoring job elsewhere. after working for them since the beginning of December, i think i should have a check, don't you?

well, i'm dead tired. it's been a long week. i hope this one quiets down.

Proposition for God

So it's Friday night and I'm reading some boring, dry math stuff for my class tomorrow.

So I have 30 pages to go and I am telling myself, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

So God, um, how about this? I will read the 4 page article with bigger print, and You can do the 20 something page with tiny print that's got lots of big words... ???? Deal???


hahahahahah, I crack myself up sometimes. Hope I make God at least grin once in a while. :)

Night all, back to the work. Tomorrow will be grad class from 8-3:30.

Ponderings of the Heart

I've asked these questions many, many times before over the time I've been a teacher. This is nothing new. But the intensity of the sorrow I am feeling I think might be more than I've ever felt before. Maybe it's just the lousy school year, the stress, my age, or hormones contributing to my feelings, I don't know. But the questions, I think, are good despite the emotions, I think. ???? And whether they are good or not, I am still pondering and asking....

Why God? Not why do bad things happen to me (as I have been guilty of selfishly asking before). But why did You bless me with so much in life? Why did you give me a safe home, parents who loved me, parents who taught me about You from birth, parents who never mistreated me, who always took care of my needs and never neglected or abused me? Why did you give me a stepfather who took me in and loved me as his own, who didn't abuse me or mistreat me? Why did you give me a good, loving, God-loving husband (yeah, I know I asked for that one in prayer) who has stuck through the hardest times with me and never left me, cheated on me, abused me, or stopped loving me? Why did you give me three great kids who love their parents, honor and respect them, are usually, most of the time, obedient and now trying to live for You? Why jobs? Why a nice home? Why food on my table? Why an education? Clean water and disease free living? Why me here in America where I am safe from famine, wars, genocides, starvation?

I mean, yeah we've had our share of "bad" things too. We've gone through unemployment, no food to eat, almost being homeless, almost losing our marriage and love for each other, serious health issues with the kids, sicknesses, money problems, credit problems... Yet, Rob and I have still hung on to each other. And now, today, I sit and blog on my own laptop in my own home. Right now, Rob and I are facing some serious money issues, yet I am still making payments on two vehicles and a house, things I thought were impossible even three or four years ago. My momma lost her husband; my sister and I, our daddy. We were, for whatever reason, separated from a whole family for years. We saw dysfunction on all sides and the hurt that it caused. Yet, we were loved and have turned out okay (well mostly :) haha).

But when I look at what's happening in the world, when I see the horrors of wars, famines, genocides, nations and cultures crumbling around their citizens' feet, earthquakes that destroy lives by the thousands.... I want to ask "Why me God?" I don't even have to look that far either. Right here in the "God bless America" nation of our own, when I look at the children's lives that Rob and I see each day, I have to ask again, "Why me God?" Why was I born to the parents I was? Why was I born into a nation that gives its citizens so many freedoms? Why was I given the opportunity to grow into a healthy child, to be loved, to be free, to get an education, to have clean water and grow up in a disease-free environment, to have books and learn the love of reading?

I know that the Bible says God is no respecter of persons. I know that I've always thought God doesn't play favorites. I know there is more, so much more to life, than material blessings, but I am really talking about so much more than the stuff I could accumulate here. I know the Bible says that "to him who much is given, much is required." I would say that I am one to whom much was given, but why does God give more to some and less to others? Why? I want to know. Why was I chosen as one of those who would get more? I'm so very undeserving of it. Truly, I am. I know it, God knows it.

I wish I understood these things. Everyday, I try to live up to the "requirement" for what God has given me, but I wish I understood. It's so hard to take some days, coming home to all the good that God has given me when I know that just down the road are little ones who are going home to a family/home where there may not be food for supper or where there may be food but the parent, for whatever reason, may not cook any. It's so hard to come home and hear Rob talk about a student who is being made fun of because he has no way to wash his school uniform, or hear his hungry student stories, to know that many of his kids are involved in gangs and drugs and to think of the future (or not future) they may have, or to watch as students I have taught change in the older grades into tough, hardened students who will not be successful. It's so hard to see kids hoard food and know that the little I can do is still not enough or to hear a child say "I wish you were my mom," and feel your heart breaking as you hug them and know that you would take them in but can't. Some kids literally haunt my heart. I see their faces and the pain in their eyes, and I think I always will. Did I do any good? Did I really do anything that will really help them survive abuse, neglect, hunger, danger or help them become the human beings God planned for them to be?

God it's an ugly, ugly world we've made- from a beautiful thing you created. It just seems to me it gets uglier and uglier as we go. We humans are ruining everything. God my heart is breaking, and I am tired. I am so thankful for all you have given me, please don't take me as anything but grateful. I just don't understand Your ways. I know the suffering that is on the planet isn't You, it isn't Your will. I know it is the evil that man brings- wars, diseases and all that garbage. I know natural disasters are just a part of this fallen world. But God, how can You stand it? How can You even bear to look down here and see all the suffering that is occuring throughout the world? Why do some have to suffer so much? I mean just look at Haiti. God isn't it enough that they have little/no clean water, that they are a horribly poor country, that there is so much civil unrest already there, that they are hit by hurricanes? Why did they have to have this on top of it all? Rwanda, Somalia, Sudan, Uganda... Why God?

I could just not look at the news or read about what is happening in the world. I could just turn my eyes and focus on my own happy little life. Though that might be better for my mental health, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be self-absorbed. I want to care and to do some good, but God what can I really do? How am I supposed to solve all these problems? I can't. Only You can. But God what am I to do? They're only children, helpless children, who can't solve their problems either. I mean I love on them for You, like You've told me to. So does Rob in his own ways. But God the simple love we can give (a hug, an encouraging word, a little food, washing a student's clothes, school supplies...) can't fix all this garbage. It can't fix dysfunction, can't help a child grow up to be a happy, healthy adult. Your love can, but I am so limited in what I can do. Teaching kids to read, write, do math, understand history and loving them while we do it, is that really all there is? I'm so confused God, so confused. Please help me to understand.

Haiti

Please consider giving to help the Haitian people. There are many ministries working there to help. I posted a link to a ministry our family cares about that is in Port au Prince on the right hand side of my blog, but there are many organizations you could choose from.

a nice end to a truly bad day

friday night- i came home in a very stressed and frustrated frame of mind. i'll just say it was a truly awful day at work. 'nuf said. i was very, very glad to be home with my family, except that my family is all off and gone to their various places so it's me and the animals tonight. not liking this alone-ness i'm having to learn to adjust to. i will get there, it's just that i've never been alone. i went from 17 and living with my family to 17 and married and living with rob to 19, 20, 21 and having kids and i've never lived on my own or been without people around. i need company; our son, robert, is like me in that way.

so there i was starting to have a pity party in the car when matthew didn't want to get dinner with me before he left for youth group.... started to get my feelings all hurt. i came home and began fixing myself something to eat, trying not to be silly, trying not to allow myself to wallow in a pity party, told myself to knock it off and get over myself. :)

(okay, the picture's not too hot- it's a cell phone photo- but it was delicious even if i do say so myself and i just threw it together)

i did the dishes (would you think i was weird if i said i kind of like doing dishes???). i took myself and got a very much needed, VERY past due haircut. it is the best haircut i think i've ever gotten- i LOVE it!- and then i stopped at the mcdonalds where our daughter, barbara, works which is across the street from the beauty shop and surprised her and got myself an oreo blast. i had never had one and they are good too. i have come home and gotten my post-haircut shower to get rid of all that itchy hair, lathered myself up in some vanilla body creme (oh that smell is my favorite!- yum, yum), put on my favorite clothes item- my pj's, am curled up in my recliner under a fleece blanket and now i am feeling so much better- body, spirit, and soul-wise. i feel more human again now that i've shed all that hair. i ate a healthier meal that was prepared with all fresh vegies. i did a small chore. i am comfy in my pj's and under my warm blankie, and have this delicious scent wafting around me... i am feeling much, much better. thank you God!!!

i am going to load a movie on the computer while i start scoring reading and writing samples and begin all the work to complete report cards.

i'm really glad i didn't let myself wallow in some stupid self- pity thing all night. i am really thankful i took some time to take care of me- i feel so much better. thanks God for helping me out of the pit before i got into it. :)

have a great weekend. :)

heard today in my classroom

"Mrs. Thomas, I have the hippups!" :) Picture about the tiniest little 5 year old you can imagine and you've got it! :)

lonely

i am lonely. i am homesick and lonely.

busy, busy, busy

whew, i'm tired, and i still have a lot to do before bed! just popping by to say hello. i am still feeling run down and feverish and achy. :( but the good news is i made it through the day, got a lot accomplished at school and here at home. after driving from work to pick up barbara at the college, then to winston to get matthew, then home to pick up robert and then dropping the two olders at work, i came home and matthew and i fixed dinner. yum, yum!!!!

i worked on card projects while dinner was cooking and just finished up several small sets and even posted them to my store. i'm trying my hand at making cupcake decorations, waiting for them to dry- not sure if they'll turn out... hmmm..... hoping to work later this week on some monogrammed note cards and invitations that i could post and sell...

am working like a crazy woman at school on getting ALL of the assessments completed this week with the kids. i promised them if they helped me get them done we'd celebrate with ice cream on friday.

okay, i better get going. need to get tutoring stuff ready, look over the assessments from today and get to bed. i hope these chills go away. i wore my jacket all day in class today and i NEVER do that- i'm sure i looked a little silly...

Barbara's 1st Marriage Proprosal

My daughter, Barbara, has volunteered her last week of winter break in my classroom. She has done an AMAZING amount of work for me and our class; I mean seriously more than has been done - copying, laminating, making games, organizing.... For this tired teacher of two grades with effectively no assistant and a kind of messed up situation.... well it's been so refreshing to have help and really good help who is good with kids and has the patience and joy to work with them (though she says she doesn't, she's been great!). On top of that it was just a wonderful experience to have a week together working together and having fun... She said she has "learned a lot" about teaching, about what I do and why I say & do some of the things I do... :)

This afternoon, one of my kinders asked my daughter (who is about to turn 19), "Miss Barbara, will you marry me when I grow up?" It was the sweetest, funniest, cutest thing I've heard in a looong time. :) She handled it really well. I had to work hard to not bust laughing, it just tickled me so much. Barbara told me later he had been trying to smack her on the behind all day (I had no clue!) and when we got ready to walk to the buses, he BEGGED her to walk out with him and he literally grabbed her hand and held it all the way to the buses.

Too cute!!!

school night sleepover

i have had a lovely afternoon/evening today!!! i brought home one of my kids from last year who is now a big 2nd grader and his older brother. i was helping out their mom who had to sub in the afterschool program. she's a TERRIFIC mom!!!! and her kids are great so i was more than happy to help. when we were getting in the car to leave the boys said they wanted to stay the night, so a few minutes of conference with their mom and a few minutes of their family talking and voila- we were all on our way home. we stopped at wally and got pizza, mac 'n cheese, and vegies, and of course dessert and headed home.

WHEW! i had forgotten about having to sit and help kids with homework, but we are having a great night! a well balanced meal fixed and served, homework (they even got to type their spelling words on my computer!), a little playstation after homework, ice cream too. We're about to put in a movie and crash (well they are, i still have a bunch of schoolwork to do)...

this was a great, fun night! i have so enjoyed the sounds of little boy laughter in my house once again- it's been a long time!!! praying they will both be able to truly sleep and be comfy here tonight away from home. up early to eat breakfast and go pick up their mom and head to school...

thanks God for a fun evening with all these boys (my own and these other "adopted" kids) :) and thanks for some fun time and memory making with one of my "old" kids- it's so nice to have these friendships with all the little people- they mean more to me than all the world!!!!

a new year wish

i've been thinking this morning- maybe deep things- i will leave that to my sister to measure. :) she is my swimming instructor for deep thoughts. ;)

this time of year brings all the usual well wishes for a happy new year and all those other wishes and good thoughts. people wish you a whole list of things: prosperity, blessings, health, etc... on facebook, i myself wished for others a year of blessings... but, this has started me thinking do i want all those things? if someone could really wish something for me and it come true, what would it be that i would really want? what should i wish on others? what is the most important thing?

i could wish for myself and others prosperity. sure i'd like to be prosperous. i looked that word up- it means (according to merriam-webster) marked by success or economic well-being. who wouldn't like to be prosperous? i hope to be successful in my roles as mom/wife/daughter/sister. i want to be a highly successful teacher that helps her children grow to their full potential, and i'd like to be recognized as such by my administrators and coworkers. i am starting my own business, and i want to be successful in that too bringing added income to my budget and helping provide for my family. i want our finances to be prosperous so i can do for my kids and meet all their needs. i want to get out of debt as much as i can, i want, i want, i want...

but then again, when times are hard and i have failures in my work, in my relationships, in my adventures, doesn't it also make me grow and learn? if i wish for only prosperity, then don't i remove great learning experiences too. i've become a much better person for having faced adversity and hardship. i wouldn't want to be a rebekah who hadn't lived through some of those things because i'd like to think it made me a better rebekah, one more able to help others.

do i want to wish for blessings? i have tons of those already- a God who forgives me and loves me unconditionally, a dear family that brings me much joy, a great marriage to a man who has stuck with me through bad & good, a roof over my head, good food to eat, i don't go around naked (the world thanks God for that!), a reliable, nice vehicle to get me to work, a job to provide for much of what we need as well as a few wants... the list could go on and on. i've been without food, without a job, without a decent vehicle, without electricity or water... i have been blessed abundantly. i'm careful in saying this because i don't want to tempt God, but truly do i need more blessings than i already have? if God didn't do anything more for me, shouldn't what He's already done for me be enough? not that God has to quit blessing me either, but maybe i should make sure i'm completely and totally grateful for what He has already given me before i wish for too much more.

wishes for health? that i could probably use, but again i need to take care of the health He gave to me. i won't even get into that one as i'm very guilty of that and need to fix it before it's gone.

wishes, wishes, wishes... i could wish for love, but i already have tons of that- His unending, unconditional love that can never be taken away from me, the love of my family, and the love of so many children i have known...

i think for 2010, i would like to wish for myself and for others, a year of His peace in the hard things, a year of His joy in the midst of sorrows, a year of His love in the midst of hate and hurt, a year of little blessings that we might not think about normally

i think this says it best. so for me, my loved ones and everyone, i wish you enough.

Goodbye 2009

We are home alone tonight, just Rob and me. Robert is at work and the other two are at his church for the lock-in with the youth. He fixed us a good, simple meal and we ate a quiet dinner together in the kitchen with a small candle and cleaned up together. This is how life will be in just not that much longer.

Then as we cleaned up the last things he took me in his arms and said a few things about 2009 and then asked me to blow out the candle with him. I said goodbye to 2009.

2009 has brought us bills and more bills (many I can't figure out how to pay) but God also brought us our own home (a major miracle and a first for us). It has brought us a job Rob is not the most thrilled with, but on the other hand God brought us a job that provides a roof over our head when he lost his job and could have been without work. It brought us difficult work situations, but then it also brought us the joy of helping kids. It has brought us lots of blessings for our classrooms through family, friends, and strangers who gave to our classroom projects online. It has brought hard times, good times, sorrow, hurt, and joy. But God has been in it all.

God is more than a year on a calendar and He has blessed me oh so much more than I deserve.

Goodbye 2009. Thank you God for all You've done for us, for how You've been with us in it all, and always have in our whole lives, for the good times to rejoice and the bad times to grow. Thank You for another year to be alive and live for You.

Christmas 2009

Another Christmas, another day to be alive and thankful. This Christmas I was especially thankful for what Christmas is really about. I get so homesick at this time of year and miss my family, and miss my daddy and miss the memories of family Christmases past and gone. I had to really remind myself of what Christmas really is. Though family is super important, Christmas isn't about presents, about pretty trees and lights, about spending, about good food, or even about being together with family. Christmas is about God giving us the greatest gift there is.

Father, I am so thankful for that gift You gave to us. I didn't deserve Your present, but out of Your great love, You gave it to me anyway. Thank You for that. Help me to remember that this gift is mine everyday and not just one special day of the year. Christmas should last all year long because this gift doesn't just end when we take down the tree, the wreath, the stockings, the decorations. Christmas is with me all year long. Help me to live that way Father.

Merry Christmas Jesus!

__________________________________________________

Christmas morning, Matthew started the fire and was eagerly waiting for us to get ready. :)

We woke up to a slightly white, very wet Christmas day. I just couldn't believe the snow from last week had lasted even this long. I was happy to have even a little snow left on Christmas day; I'm sure this is the closest thing to a white Christmas we'll ever get in NC.
It rained a lot throughout the day. Our yard was flooded, and it has taken a whole week to dry out. There was a LOT of water out there. Poor Samson couldn't even find a dry place to go out for his restroom breaks.

Loving this fireplace- our first "real" fire and so pretty on a chilly Christmas morning
Loving our first Christmas in our first home- a special one that I will cherish in my memories always

We tricked Matthew (naughty Mom) and this was a surprise to him after all. We did the whole "Christmas Story" kind of thing to him. He was thrilled that we actually went ahead and bought him this air rifle with plastic bb's. :)

Robert had said he'd like an electric razor; looks like it was just in time too. :)

Rob has been needing new slippers for months, so now he has new ones.

Barbara and her new watch set with interchangeable faces/bands.

The kittens were thrilled with the wrapping paper we had accumulated. You can't see her in this photo, but Charlotte is under the paper in this photo, hiding from her sister, Emily, and her daddy, Cinnamon. In this photo, Emily is trying to figure out why the paper keeps moving, and Charlotte is hiding and reaching out at Emily and popping back under. It was too cute!!!
My family blessed me with tools and items I will use and need for my cardmaking projects, and Robert knows I am always eager to read anything on the genocides, wars, and social issues of Africa so he bought me this book about Rwanda.

Robert all dressed up and waiting for his ride to church.

One of the girls all curled up under the tree. They love it under there! A quiet end to a beautiful day.

Christmas Eve in photos

We had a nice, quiet Christmas Eve, just the five of us here in NC.

We fixed a healthy meal- vegie & fruit trays, a big pot of minestrone- YUM, cheese, crackers, summer sausage...

I baked cookies- chocolate chip, snowball, brown-eyed Susans... These were yummy while they lasted. :)

Rob and the Barbara and Matthew played Life while I baked cookies. The only bummer part of the day was that Robert had to work, but we ate early so we could all be together and the day was still wonderful. Just a quiet, peaceful day.

Matthew and I baked pies for Christmas day- an apple pie and this cherry pie for Rob.

Christmas Eve night- all the creatures were asleep and Mrs. Claus was enjoying the pretty lights in a dark room.

Introducing....

BekaBooCreations is blogging- I stayed up waaaaayyy late and made a blog for the business and linked the etsy store and ebay auctions and posted photos and started getting things set up...

big ideas...

i've been working hard on break (don't worry family, it's been a great, relaxing, fun, creative kind of working hard). :) i've been creating lots of card sets for my site and have made a bunch of winter/snowman/snowflake cards as well as valentine's sets... then this week i did a lot of business research, found some sites where i can order supplies in bulk and save money, made my first bulk order of adhesive (next month envelopes, then in march i will start ordering cardstock online), bought my 1st really bigger price/size piece of equipment, and found a couple new projects to try to teach myself. so yesterday i tried something new and have made (and already sold!!!) these cute boxes with little note cards in them...

started thinking hard about an idea that was suggested to me a while back by a friend of my momma's and ran it by a few people today, and just keep thinking and thinking and thinking. my sister gave me a TON (literally) of feedback on the questions i sent her and took my simple idea and stretched it out to be even way cooler and better...

so here's the deal. i'm TERRIFIED and EXCITED and NERVOUS and EXCITED all at the same time. i know i am not as talented as so many other people out there- i have always wanted to scrapbook but have not been successful in actually doing it. i have only been making cards for a few months, and when i look at other's cards online they are so much more detailed and in-depth and beautiful than mine- i keep mine simpler out of lack of funds on my part and because i'm also trying to start turning a profit eventually... i feel a little like it might be conceited to think i could start a business when i've not been doing this for very long. i am afraid i will look silly to myself, to others who know me, to people who might be watching...

but i'm going to start taking this thing i've started to a new level very soon i think. i will be sharing as i go i'm sure. until then, i would sure appreciate any prayers you can give because i'm nervous and excited and terrified (did i mention that yet?)... it would be so neat to really be able to make money and get a business going out of this. it would be so helpful to our family if i could start to make money and actually make this viable... well, i'm just excited and so thankful for my family that is here in nc who has to look at everything i make and tell me what they think, help me figure out the little problems when i get stumped or can't get a design to lay out the way i want, and to my family back home who has been supportive of my new idea, bought some cards and helped me spread the word to their friends, and who are now listening as i bounce ideas off of them and offering me their constructive ideas...

FAIL!!! :) :) :)

We were on our way home from the movie theater today when we found this sign (HONEST) at the Walgreens near our home. HILARIOUS!!! Rob pulled into their parking lot so we could get photos of it because it cracked us up!

Someone suggested I post it to failblog.org so I did. You can go see it here and leave a comment if you'd like. I'm hoping they'll post it to their webpage. :)

Christmas Eve 2009

I'll post photos tomorrow. For tonight, I will say that though I am so homesick and it's not the same 1000 miles from "home," I am so VERY thankful to be spending my first Christmas in my own home. One year ago tonight, Rob snuck out of the rental home we lived in without my knowing it and put one of my Christmas bows on the door of this house (that we had signed a contract on and just begun the buying process on) and took me out on Christmas day to see a "surprise" he had for me. :) He reminded me of it tonight.

It was a nice, quiet day. Last night Rob and I stayed up until 2 AM lying in bed and talking. Then we woke up this morning and talked some more for a while. We are too old for that, but it was nice. :) Robert made a big pot of minestrone while Matthew, Rob, Barbara, and I put together a vegie tray, fruit tray, cheese, bread, and crackers. I filled my tummy with fresh vegies and fruit and cheese- YUM, and the soup was DELICIOUS!!! We ate early since Robert had to go to work this afternoon/evening. Matthew and I baked a cherry pie and an apple pie for tomorrow. I made double batches of chocolate chip and "snowball" cookies this evening and made up containers of cookies/candy for our neighbors which Rob will deliver tomorrow. I also finished up the 8 sets of cards I started last night, and Rob put one in the mail for me. I posted the rest to my etsy site and am trying my hand at ebay as well- posted three sets there to see what will happen.

I am having a lot of mixed emotions about things- missing my family "back home" but so very grateful and appreciative of the blessing of a home here that God gave us and very aware that it might not have happened had we not been willing to pack up and leave there to be here. So thankful for my own family- I am very, very blessed with a wonderful husband and a strong, wonderful marriage and three terrific young adult children. I am thankful God helped Rob and I stick it out through some rough parts to make it to this "good stuff." I am, as I usually am at this time of year, a little melancholy too though. I miss my daddy, miss the family I used to have and the memories of all that which was lost when he died, miss my cousins on my momma's side especially and all the family gatherings we used to have. I know life would have changed anyway even if he hadn't died, it's just a loss I feel more at Christmas for whatever reason. I saw something today on facebook that made me really miss "the way it was," but again, I am so blessed, so I will do my best to not dwell on the past. I am blessed, more than I ever deserved.

Christmas isn't about money, gifts, food, a pretty tree, or even really about a large family celebration, though being with your family to celebrate is wonderful and what I really wish for.
It is about Jesus. It is about His love- a love so great that He left heaven and came down here with all of us sinful, wicked, undeserving people. He did that because He loved us each one in a way I will never understand this side of heaven. Thank you God for coming to earth, for giving up Your heavenly treasures and the things You had there that I cannot even begin to fathom. Thank You for the multitude of sacrifices You made for me. Please help me to be mindful of them on this holiday, Your birth-day, but also all year long. Let me never forget what You did for me.

Thank You for coming Jesus. Happy Birth-day. Merry Christmas Jesus!

Merry Christmas Daddy, Momma, Pop, Jessica, Scott, Sandy! I love you all!!!! Very, very much!!!

thank God for donorschoose.org and for all those who have given!!!

rob and i just got funded, AGAIN, today on donorschoose!!!!!! hooray!!!!

i am so thankful for all the family, friends, and strangers who have given to our classrooms this year. this calendar year alone, rob has had 22 projects funded and i have had 16 projects funded. this is amazing!!!! each project has brought at least $100 worth of teaching tools/learning materials to our students. it's just really something to think about. i am so amazed and thankful!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

card making marathon weekend!!!

I've been a VERY busy girl this weekend!!! :) I made over 130 cards- a new record for me. I had so much fun creating and not having to do schoolwork and only this creative, fun stuff. I made a bunch of cards for gifts, but I can't say to whom or identify which cards yet 'cuz the recipients haven't gotten theirs yet. :) I can't wait to surprise them though, that's for sure!!!

all the cards I made

I recently bought my first embossing materials and have been learning how to do that. I absolutely LOVE these cards. SO pretty. I'm going to have to make myself some of these!!!

Can you see it? I'm also experimenting with the photography part because a couple customers now have told me that my etsy site doesn't do the cards justice, so I'm trying to improve the photos I take to help get my sales going.

This was my favorite picture today. I loved the angle and the way the card looked. I like the charms I found for these cards too.

Well, two more days of teaching and then I'm home for a little bit! I wonder what I'll create over break????

It's snowing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's snowing in NC in December!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO WOO HOO WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are forecast for up to 4-8 inches. We'll see, but I'm SOOOO hoping it happens. It won't last until Christmas I'm sure to make a white Christmas like I would so love, but it's close enough, and it's just what I needed to help with some homesickness which has been really bothering me this month.

No, snow doesn't take the place of my momma or pop, or being home all together our whole family (Momma, Pop, Jessica, Scott, and us five crazy people), but it does make it seem more like Christmas time with some more cold-ish weather and pretty white stuff. It's just hard to believe it's Christmas when you don't have to wear a coat and the most you might need is a light jacket.

So, pardon me while I cheer, cheer, cheer and hope, hope, hope for lots more of the stuff to come. Right now we're getting some HUGE snowflakes. I'm off to go stand at my door and watch and enjoy.

midweek prayer

Hi God, it's me again. It's Wednesday night, and I'm really dreading tomorrow. I had a great day with kids and only a couple bad things today, but once again I left school feeling like a big flop. I cried all the way from High Point to Winston to pick up Matthew today. :( I'm NOT the teacher I want to be or that I have been. I feel as if I'm making excuses for myself when I try to remind myself that I am teaching two grades, that I have no assistance, that I am also very loaded with other responsibilities, jobs, etc., but that is no excuse. I feel very lonely, not really a part of anything (which is my fault too), but I also feel like an embarrassment to those who work around me. I'm pretty sure none of the teachers around me really like me much. Then there's the situation in my room, and well, God, I just feel like I've failed in so many ways this year.

Now I'm tutoring and it's quite challenging dealing with the behaviors of a couple students, and frustrating because the other two really want to learn...

I need to spend a lot of time in my room to get it rearranged and organized. It's not that I'm a slob God, but I can't keep up with things when I have no time for anything it seems. God I just want to quit, and it's not the kids God. It's me, it's the negativity and the chaos of someone else that is driving me crazy. God I need something to change. Please God, please. God I don't know how I'll even make it to next Tuesday, let alone the end of the year.

a note to my class

Dear Kids,

Do you know how much I love you guys?!?!? I had so much fun watching you today at the assembly! You were such good audience members, so polite, so attentive, and I was so very proud to be your teacher at that moment! I always am, but was especially so today. You were so cute to watch as you listened to the music and the story and imagined the picture in your mind.

I had a lot of fun today from the assembly to making our special "surprise" for Ms. Melissa, to being a lunch buddy with someone, to writing letters with you to Donors Choose, to the chilly playground where my constant shadows were hanging out with me as I watched the rest of you climb the dinosaur and run and play and laugh and try to stay warm.

Thank you for having such a great day, for the good attitudes some of you are focusing on keeping and the hard work you do most of the time :), for your love of learning and school, for your happiness and joy you share with me, for your enthusiasm, and most of all for loving your "Mrs. Thomas" even when she is cranky, tired, sick, or stressed out. Your love has made a difference in my life each and every day. Your love and smiles and hugs are what has kept me going through one of the hardest school years of my life. You are truly the one and only reason I come to work every day, and I do adore you more than you will ever know!

Love now and always,
Your "Mrs. Thomas" (Mrs. T, Mrs. "Omas," silly goose, and all the other silly names you have for your goofball teacher)

missing you

i am missing my parents a lot.

the holidays, though a beautiful, wonderful time to reflect on God's gift to me, make me feel melancholy at times. i wish this weren't so. but i think it's probably just part of life (i hope i'm not just mental). :)

i miss my daddy, long, long gone now. funny, how you could know and love someone for only a part of your life and yet miss them so deeply even years and years later.

i miss my momma and pop so much too and long to be home and all of us together for Christmas, but it is not to be again this year. i hope that someday we won't have to be apart for the holiday.

overwhelmed

i came home feeling utterly tired and overwhelmed and disgusted- another banner day. i turned off KLove on my way home at the "feeling" i should, and just was quiet for a bit, then told God that i truly, truly wanted to throw in the towel but can't. i didn't get any answers or sudden inspiration, but i felt like i was supposed to just talk to God and tell Him how i feel. i did.

robert had asked me to take him somewhere to get rob's Christmas gift, so i pulled in after work and we took off again to do that. it was nice to walk around and just talk with him and look. i came home, had some good food cooked by matthew tonight (may i just say my boys can cook!!!), and started on grad work. i have no clue if i'm doing it "right" but i'm starting to put a small dent in this big, final assignment. less than a week and i'll have this course done. two weeks and i'll be able to be home again for a little bit! i'm going to spend part of Christmas break at work trying to get things ready for the new year. i have no help in the classroom and with two grades, picking up my kids after work, tutoring... i'm just not keeping up very well and it's getting to me!

going to call it a night now. good night God, good night world.

just a quiet December Sunday

Our backyard today at 5:30 PM. I just thought the different shades of blue (which don't show as well here) and the silhouette of the trees was pretty.

It has been a quiet Sunday. We're starting to have to get used to the two olders being gone more. Between their church activities, work, and college, it's getting to be Matthew and us more and more. Matthew is our "quieter" child so the house is definitely changing as we enter this new phase of our lives. In a couple more years we will probably start losing some or all of the kids, so I'm trying to get used to this new silence. :)

As I said it was kind of quiet around here today- Not a creature was stirring, not even the animals. Here are the girls, Emily & Charlotte. We still have not found homes for them and cannot bring ourselves to take them to the pound. I know we're suckers!!! And Samson, who never lets me take his photo, even was relaxing! :)

I was working to fill orders today and made some extras while I was at it to post on my etsy site. I just loved "Frosty!"

Trying my hand at making gift tags.

Now it's time to prepare my tutoring plans and start (YIKES!!!) my last HUGEMONGOUS grad class assignment due in one week!!!

Happy Sunday all!

a very nice birthday

I had my 39th birthday this week, and it was a very nice birthday. My students were absolutely sweet to me. They kept asking me all day if they could sing to me, and I heard the Happy Birthday song at least three or four times from my class- too cute! I received a bunch of cards and pictures and a craft stick snowflake from the kids who worked "in secret" trying to make things for me. :) They were adorable! They didn't know I could see and knew what they were up to, and I didn't ruin their secrets for them. ;)

I celebrated with my family the night before since Robert & Barbara had to work on my birthday. We couldn't really afford it, but we spent the money and went out to an Italian restaurant near our house that we've never eaten at. R & B bought their own meals (thanks you two!!!!) and that helped a lot! Then we went out and found our Christmas tree, got some sonic for dessert and came home to put the tree up and string it with lights. A really nice family evening together!!! We laughed and laughed; and I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die laughing. :)

My momma called my phone and left a voice mail on my birthday and sang Happy Birthday to me about the time I was born into the world- a family tradition I hope to carry on with my kids. I checked the message very quickly while my kids had snack to make sure that there wasn't anything wrong with Pop who is recovering from his heart attack and close call with death. My students are absolutely sweet. Several of them were asking me while I waited for the phone to dial (I had explained that I needed to check this message from my momma to make sure everything was okay.) "Is your Pop okay, Mrs. Thomas?" "Mrs. T, is Pop going to be okay?" They were truly concerned, and that made me feel so good. When I realized it was Momma singing to me I turned my phone onto speakerphone so they could hear my momma's voice. One of them said, "Oh, that's what your Momma sounds like?!?" :) They thought it was funny that my momma would be calling me to sing happy birthday to me. Too cute!

I took my class on a "field trip" in the rain the other day to go to "Rosie" (my car) so they could help me carry in the tons of stuff I bought at Walmart for school. I haven't made a shopping trip like that in ages, but I needed to buy things for their Christmas gifts and materials for the kids to make thank you Christmas gifts for our two volunteers and treasure box and class store items as our stock is getting depleted... The kids were so excited when I said we'd go on a field trip to Rosie. They LOVE my car and wave hello to Rosie when they see her in the parking lot. :) Didn't you know that teachers actually live outside of school too, can drive, go out to stores and restaurants, and even have a home and a mommy/daddy/husbands/wives/kids too!!! These things all amaze them!!! They LOVE to hear about my life outside of school!

Cracks me up how I can take almost anything that is not a big deal and make it a big deal by just being excited and presenting it in a hyper kind of way! They were really excited!!! HILARIOUS!!! So we went out and it was raining and that made it even more adventurous; I mean come on, there were puddles to avoid and raindrops to catch on your tongue and the wind was blowing. It was fun!!! And a neat little break in our rainy day. Plus there was the excitement of knowing they were bringing in their gifts and things for the treasure box! Oooohhh!!! I know, I know- it doesn't take much for me to get excited either! :) I'm just as silly as the kids which is why I belong with little people. :)

no answers

I care very deeply for the people I get close to- I mean truly, very deeply. That includes so many kids I cannot even name them all anymore. Most of my days are filled with lots of joy and love, hugs and fun and laughter as I learn and work with my kids in the classroom and on the playground and wherever we are.

But sometimes there are moments of great sorrow and hurt. Sometimes a child opens up and shares things that break your heart; often they don't even know how to express it or you have to learn to read the behavior, the attitude to see beyond that to the heart. Recently I was asked "Mrs. Thomas, why does ___ have to cuss me out everyday when ___ drops me off? Why?!?!?" The hurt in the eyes of this child broke my heart and made me want to cry, but of course I couldn't do that there in class.

Sometimes there just are no answers you can give. Sometimes you can only listen and care and be there. Those moments are hard, but I am thankful that I get to be the one who is there. I just hope and pray that my being there will somehow, in some way, make a difference.