We planted a small garden in the yard this year hoping to get some food to help our summer budget. We are amateurs for sure, and we didn't have a tiller so there's a bit more grass in the plot than we'd like but we will keep working on it & learning. I hope to freeze up some vegies later this summer. The food is starting to come in. Thank you God for fresh vegies grown by our hands and blessed by You!
our second picking of green beans
The tomatoes are coming in; soon we'll have a bunch. I can taste picodegallo already! :)
grape tomatoes for our salads
romas for pico & homemade spaghetti sauce that Robert is going to cook for me :)
the "big boys" for just eating- I plan to eat a bunch & fry some green ones up too; it's making my mouth water just thinking of their juicy, yummy goodness.
my prairie flower to remind me of home- Echinacia- Oh how I miss home!
Our yellow squash & zucchini are blooming like crazy!
peaches!!!
My poor little peach tree is so full, I am not sure the branches can hold it all. We keep thinning them out so the tree doesn't fall over, but I hate to pitch the peaches... Hoping they are edible. :) Going to make a peach cobbler if they are good and plan to sit outside and eat some fresh ones too.
The kids and I went in together to get Rob this bike he's been eyeing and wanting since last September. He seemed very surprised when we gave it to him yesterday. He is enjoying it and getting some good exercise in too. :)
This day is a little hard for me as Mothers' Day & Fathers' Days are for a lot of people.
But I wanted to say Happy Fathers' Day to my wonderful Pop who took on the challenge of helping to finish raising two girls who were not even his own. He didn't have to do it. He could have just treated us girls as his stepdaughters, but he loved us as his own and he is our much loved Pop/Dad. He is the only grandfather my children have ever had or ever will. He is a dad to Rob. He has been there for my sister & I when our other family couldn't or just wasn't. He has been there for Rob & I when other family couldn't/wouldn't be. I am thankful for him- more than I can express through a few words.
Happy Fathers' Day to my best friend & hubby. Rob, you've been a wonderful father to our children, and I am so grateful for the children God blessed us with and the joys and laughter you've added to our lives. I am blessed to have you as my husband and the kids are blessed more than they know yet to have you as their Dad/Daddy. You have supported me as a mom, a wife, a daughter, a teacher, a student... You have stood by me and your family through the hard & ugly times. You are loved Rob!!!
God, please tell my Daddy Happy Fathers' Day for me. I know You don't have these kinds of holidays in heaven (or I guess you probably don't), but please let him know that I have not forgotten him, his love for his family, his laughter or ornery smile, how he taught me to fish, pushed me to do/be my best, and the example of seeing him in church, worshipping with his guitar and voice, working to help build the church building, struggling to quit smoking and letting God help him. I have so many good memories of him, and God though it hurts to think much about him, I am thankful you let us have him for a short time. Please tell him for me.
And God, please be with my cousins who also lost their dads. Today is just a hard day when you've lost a loved one. Be with those who are mourning today or who are remembering loved ones with tears in their eyes or sorrow in their hearts. Beka :)
I wrote here a while back about trying to get some technology for my classroom- an LCD projector. I am totally thrilled to report that I received FULL FUNDING for this project a couple weeks ago. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so thankful to God for blessing me and for all the family, friends, and strangers that helped me!!!! If you were one of those, please accept my deepest thanks!
I have written another grant for some tech hardware that will turn my classroom whiteboard into a giant mousepad- interactive with my personal laptop through this new LCD projector. I can do some pretty neat stuff with it- make my lessons more interactive, create lessons for students to work on while I teach in another part of the room, and more stuff I have to learn about as I get going here on my adventure into technology in the classroom! I am super, super excited!!!
The price tag is a bit hefty, but if I can get 231 people to each give $5 I can get this baby funded and into my classroom. I am trying to find donors that can help me have this wonderful tool so that I can start the school year ready to roll and get my new kids pumped up about technology and learning.
Can you help me spread the word? If you know anyone who might give anything - even $1- would you pass this info/link on? If you know anyone who would be willing to email this note or pass my info/link on to their friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, bosses, businesses, etc. would you pass it on to them? WITH MY THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Friday! I hope you all have a great weekend!
I am having a wonderful day with my young people. :) We went to Biscuitville together for breakfast and then went to get Rob's gift for Fathers' Day. It was so nice as the kids and I are going in on something nice together- something Rob wants, but I can't say more now, not yet. :) Barbara wanted to look for a swimming suit and the boys didn't want to wait on her to try them on, so she & I went back to Walmart for some "mommy time" as she calls it. Hit the post office & bank in there too. We had lunch together at home and then have all been working on deep cleaning together.
Matthew helped me move EVERYTHING out of my kitchen & bathroom except the table so I could deep clean the floors. I know this might sound silly, but I love the smell of Pine-Sol. :) And I LOVE having tile floor so I can just dump soapy water on and scrub. Barbara is tackling the laundry pile and the laundry room. Robert scrubbed down all the downstairs doors and the walls & baseboards in the bathroom and kitchen. I still need to rinse the floor- the water was awfully soapy, but boy is it going to look great (for a day- hahaha), and then Matthew will have to help me put everything back.
We are doing a little bit each day, and in about a week my house is going to look 100% awesome again! I don't know about any other teachers, but spring cleaning always seems to get put off here until it's a summer cleaning.
Well, it's time for my little friends to arrive for babysitting and tutoring time. I better get going. Hope the floor is ready to rinse soon. I'm getting a bit high on the smell of Pine-Sol. :) hahahaha
Hope wherever you are, it is a wonderful summer day for you too! BekaBoo :)
Today was my 1st day of summer vacation; my summer school job fell through due to the state budget crunch. So this summer, I am working from home- babysitting, tutoring & working on my card business. Today I:
slept in until 8:30- aaahhhh, how awesome that was!
did a grocery run for the rest of the month's food with Barbara & Matthew
went to Walmart and picked up some cloth & thread- found a simple pattern for smocked sundresses- going to try to make one and see if I can do it well enough to sell some to help our family's summer budget
babysat & tutored my two buddies- oh what fun! We walked to the neighborhood playground and Robert, Barbara, & Matthew went with us too :), had our "school time," made a card for the kids' dad, and after all that the two little ones & I played with Mr. Potato Head & his friends and then we made a tent for them to play in.
Tomorrow I need to work on homework BIG TIME! We are also going to go pick out Rob's Father's Day gift. Though I needed the job, I am thankful for the time I also truly need to rest and relax. My body had hit its limit this year! God knows what we need more than we do! :) So glad He sees it all even when I don't!
Thanks to my two youngest children, Barbara & Matthew, I am done! They helped me pack my room up, clean, pitch and move everything to one corner as we're supposed to do every summer. I was able to walk out today and won't have to go back until I am ready to start reorganizing and moving to wherever I am going next, once that is decided.
I had many moments this year when I didn't think I would get to this point, but God helped me get through it all. Now I can reflect on the year, figure out what I am going to do next year, rest, exercise & take better care of me, and focus on being a wife & mom, babysitting & tutoring, and my grad studies.
Thank you Father for helping me get to this point. I am so grateful.
Rob & I hosted a backyard party yesterday for my coworkers. We wanted to do something fun for everyone after the long, hard year it's been. I think everyone had fun! I prayed for good weather, and God blessed that. The party was from 12-3, and the storm clouds rolled in at 3PM just as everyone was leaving.
lots of talking :)
Momma, this is Mary, one of our ESL teachers (the one who teaches my kids & one of my favorite people at our school!!!) Mary's little one loved our dog; he crawled all around the yard following Samson. It was so sweet!
We turned on the sprinkler for the kids.
Some of the kids found a ball and played basketball on our driveway.
i am so tired and have so much i want to record for myself and things i want to share... but for tonight i have one more dvd to burn for my students tomorrow and i must get to bed. it has been two or three weeks of not enough sleep and i'm exhausted.
earlier in this rough school year i didn't think i would make it, but God has helped, a change in the staffing in my room was made in February and here i am- the night before the last day.
tomorrow will be "poofing" day in my classroom. i need a godo night's rest to poof all the kids out of my room and onto their new adventure next year!
"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." JRRTolkein
I do not want to be counted as faithless. I believe in them, and will not give up on them. God help me to be strong, and on that day let me found to have been faithful to You and to children You placed in my path.
I overhead this conversation last week as we were walking back to our classroom...
"Mrs. T, is kind of like my stepmom." "Nuh-uh, she is not!" "Yes she is!" "No she isn't! Mrs. Thomas, you're not his stepmom are you?!?!?!" "Yes she is... aren't you Mrs. T?"
I just grinned, and said something about how I wasn't really his stepmom, but at school I am kind of like a mom who looks out for them all, takes care of them, and loves them all very much.
Then my little man looked up and asked me, "Mrs. T, can you be my sister?" I replied, "D, I can be whatever you want me to be." "See, she is my sister!" "Mrs. Thomas is NOT your sister!" "Well, aren't you really my sister in God's way, kind of???" "Yes, D, in God's way, I am kind of your sister." :)
pause... silence as he thought...
"Mrs. T, can I call you sis?" "D, you sure can."
And since then, I have been a combination of Mrs. T and "Sis," to which I have been replying, "Bro" and we both smile. :)
Work- well according to a lot of people, we teachers stink and nothing we do is good enough. We are villains and worse....
BUT, I don't care what anyone says, I have to be doing something right. And though it won't show up on any state EOG or any little "number" these "experts" want to throw around to judge us, I had living proof of my successes and the successes of my students today! And, boy did it make me smile and cry a couple tears of joy!
This week, two of my littlest, youngest, and struggling kinders read their first book with "real" reading or great improvements. One of them was really reading- not just making up a story that matches the picture or memorizing the words, but going back and fixing "boo-boo's" (that's what I call mistakes). And my other little one was pointing from left to right and reading from top to bottom and though it wasn't word-for-word matching YET, it was very, very close, and he was using the pattern of the story and the pictures to help him. These are HUGE, HUGE, HUGE steps I tell you!
We read for anyone and everyone- Barbara (who was volunteering today, and two other staff members that I called to come over and listen to my newest readers. My two little ones were positively beaming and one was jumping up and down with excitement and pride in himself. He even asked if he could read to our whole class.
So these two little ones sat down in front of my whole class of mixed K's & 1st's and read their first book to the group. Part way through, several of my 1st graders realized they were "really reading" (quoting one of them who mouthed this to me) and they were cheering and clapping after each page. When it was all done, my 1st graders, spontaneously got up to their feet and were clapping and cheering and gave these two kinders a standing ovation. I have never taught them this and I did not coax them to do so, but I did join them in it.
That was such a HUGE success for us all- for the boys who are learning to read and things are starting to "click." I LOVE these "lightbulb" moments!!! Oh what joy they had on their faces!!!! And success for my 1st graders who are learning to be supportive, caring, compassionate children. And success for me. A long time ago, I set out to help these children become a little family and to learn to care for one another and support each other on the good days and the bad days. I have succeeded.
My children made me proud today- each and every one of them.
And yes, I stood, unashamedly crying in front of all 16 of them!!!
I saw this video here, and wow- it is sobering. God please let me not forget and may each of my moments in each of my days count for something to someone and to You.
Last Thursday our oldest son, Robert (20 years old) graduated from Guilford Technical Community College. He has two classes this summer before he'll receive his diploma, but he was able to march in the ceremonies last week. We are so proud of him!!! While going to school full time, Robert has held down, at times, two jobs and worked an average of 30-35 hours a week, thus enabling him to pay his way through school. He is a great young man!
This has been a killer week... EOG's (end of grade testing). Robert's graduation ceremony last night plus keeping two of my favorite kids from school. I am sick and have grad school this weekend plus Robert's graduation lunch for his church family and friends on Sunday. I have photos to post of cards and flowers (for Ruhiyyih) and our oldest son graduating from college (for Momma and everyone else)... I promise I'll be back with those in a couple more days.
But for me, tonight, I wanted to jot down a memory. This week was EOG week. I made cards for the third, fourth, and fifth grade teachers and classes- just something super simple to encourage them on this big, stressful week. Not a big deal really! I had so many kids ask me "Why did you do that?" I was surprised at their asking. Several kids were excited about it, and one class called me and put me on speaker phone to shout a big thank you to me. :) All of these made me feel so wonderful! But I think, without a doubt, the student that touched my heart the most was a third grader that did not attend K at my school so I didn't know her by name (I know almost all the kids from K to 4th now at our school). She wrote me a letter back and she made me cry (no biggie I know!). She wrote, "You are the nicest teacher I never had." I am blown away by the love of children and the love of God He gives me through them! And people say God isn't in public schools. :) They are so, so wrong.
it was so nice this morning to be able to sleep in a bit! :) thanks, God!!!!
i have started the stamping on some graduation cards and when i get back from a mom's taxi run i will start doing major lesson planning and homework time. if money allows, i think i am going to go buy myself some plants for my front porch flower pots too.
each month as i drop the bills that i've paid into the post office box around the corner from our home, i say a prayer thanking Him for providing for those bills to be paid. it's not a ritual i go through, but something i do to let Him know i'm a grateful recipient and that i do not take His provision for granted.
today my prayer went like this; i put each bill in the box one at a time and said: God, thanks for taking care of us.
for the money to pay these bills in my hand.
for jobs to earn the money.
for a warm, safe place to live that provides this sanctuary away from the world where my family can live in love and laughter.
for insurance that protects our home and cars in the event disaster should ever strike us.
for Rosie (my car) and Toto (Rob's car). There was a time in our lives and not very long ago at all when we couldn't even qualify for an auto loan on our own. we are so grateful.
for water and power and heat and a.c. thank You for living in such an advanced place where these technologies make our lives easier and better. please let me not take it for granted.
for phones to be able to communicate with our kids and each other in the middle of all our many obligations and most of all to be able to just talk and share and hear our "back home" loved one's voices from so far away and not totally lose touch with them.
for internet to stay in touch with our family, do work at home, go to college and study.
for these medical bills- well, God- thanks for insurance that paid for most of the bills in hand. thanks for insurance that helped provide much needed medical care for Matthew when his leg was broken. without it he might have not gotten the care he needed- the surgery to fix his broken leg. he could have been in pain and had a badly healed break or been denied care and ended up with a bone sticking out of his leg, or an infection, or so much worse. in another place or time he would not have had that option. thank You that You provided healing for him and now provide for us to be able to pay a portion of his medical needs.
God, thank You that You take care of what we need TODAY! i may now know about tomorrow's needs, or next month's or this summer's, but You already do and just as you keep taking care of us one month at a time, You will continue to provide our needs. You have never left us, and You won't start now. Thank You for that!
There are two songs that are really speaking to our hearts right now (that'd be Rob and me). One I blogged about the other day here... This song (Let the Waters Rise by MikesChair) is similar and reminds us both that we are doing what He called us to do. It is getting harder than we either one ever would have imagined, but we are trying our very best to remember that He is here with us in the storm and that He promised to never leave us or forsake us.
Some of the lyrics that really jump out at me:
"There's a raging sea right in front of me, wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees. So let the waters rise if You want them to, I will follow You. I will follow You... I will swim in the deep 'cuz You'll be next to me. You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea... God, You know where I've been, You were with me then. You were faithful before, You'll be faithful again..."
My Momma has been sending me verses this week on facebook and it has encouraged me a lot! I found another one today as I was talking with God and thinking about things. If you're going through a hard time, maybe they'll touch your heart to. I hope someone else will be encouraged.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned..." Isaiah 43:2
"You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble..." Psalm 32:7
"If the Lord had not been on our side when men attacked us, when their anger flared against us, they would have swallowed us alive. The flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away.... Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 124: 2-5, 8
This Tuesday, May 4, there will be a court hearing that may decide the future of my school, and will most definitely affect the children who learn there. It may decide the future of the teachers who work there. Please pray.
so much to do tonight, but here's a quick peek into my brain for today:
turned in my last assignment for this semester's grad course- WOOHOO!!!
have one week without grad school before the next two courses start- double WOOHOO!!!
robert (our first "baby") graduates from community college on May 13- WOOHOO again!!!
assessments have started already at school- please pray for good results for all the children at my school and for us teachers who may lose our jobs regardless...
payday is in 30 hours- but who is counting?
got to talk to my pop today- two times- so enjoyed our talk!
parenting teenagers is fun, rewarding, challenging, and sometimes frustrating.
my dear husband is working four jobs (three part time, temporary jobs plus teaching) right now and so tired. please pray for him to have strength and get rest in the midst of all that work. i miss him.
trying to trust God and figure out how to pay our summer bills with no summer work for me and only Rob's one part timer this summer.
thinking on how to do my own "Big Mama's Boot Camp" program to help a certain someone grow up and get with the program. :) hahahaha
that'll about do it for tonight. going to go do a little weeding and planting seeds and then tackle some school work. have a great rest of the week!!!
I need to start this journal entry with a disclaimer. Here goes:
I do not claim to be some wonderful person, or an excellent example of what a true Christ-follower looks like.
I have never been an all-trusting, "God is great all the time," "Praise God and pass the mustard" kind of Christian. My walk with God has been rocky at times. I've questioned Him and doubted Him and been angry with Him and told Him so too. I'm not proud of that, I'm just saying... I don't understand a lot of things. I tell Him. I ask Him things. I tell Him when I'm angry about the injustices I see or hurt for the lives Rob and I work with. I am honest with God- it may not be pretty, and I'm working on it. So far He hasn't struck me down or abandoned me. He hasn't given up on me yet, and for that I am eternally grateful. Maybe there is hope for me.
But may I be honest??? I have a hard time with people who are so spiritual that they aren't "real." I know that's wrong. God loves them, and is proud of them. I should love them too. Maybe those people are what I should be like. Maybe they have struggled too and have just reached a higher plane, and maybe someday I'll get there too. I just hope I NEVER forget where I've been. Never forget the hard times. Never forget how much hurt there is in the world. I'm afraid if I do forget these things I won't be any good to God or anyone else. I have no pat answers. I have no great advice to give. I have no great Christian-ese that I can share. All I have is the knowledge that God loves us- a LOT, and that He is always with us- even when it doesn't seem like it, maybe even more so then- and that is what I have. That, and a big set of shoulders and a pair of leaky eyes that will cry for people I know and don't know- even when I try to fight it.
So what kind of walk do I want to have?
Honestly, though it means pain sometimes, I want the kind of relationship with Christ that makes Him proud of me. And not on the easy days- anyone can say "Praise God" when the sun is shining and the coffee is good and the bills are paid.
I want to make Him proud of me on the worst days- when it's pouring rain and I have a broken umbrella, when I lose my job and can't pay my bills, when my kids are fighting and driving me nuts, when the dog pukes all over the floor and I step in it, when the kids I love are suffering and I love them through the ugliness, when my coworkers aren't happy and the "judge" or the state or the feds may can us all. When life is hard- if I can say "I love You Father and I'm trying my best to trust You..." and my life can show His love through and in spite of my crabbiness or emotions or tiredness... then I will know that I am walking the walk I want.
I have been using DonorsChoose.org for almost two years now. I have been BLESSED with so many learning materials for my classroom and my kids!
homework backpacks
TONS of learning materials to put in those homework bags (I currently hae 15 lending bags for the kids to check out to use for homework- each has at least one book and puzzles, games, and other learning activities that center around the theme of the bag: colors, numbers, shapes, rhyming, alphabet, family, art, etc.)
a sand/water table
a listening station
TONS of science materials: an incubator & egg turner (which we are using right now!), a butterfly habitat, a see-through garden window box, life cycle materials, and tons more!
a photo printer & lots of ink
a classroom digital camera
Now I am trying to get some technology for my classroom. I am starting with this proposal. It's my goal to find tech tools that will help make the learning even more fun & engaging but more important will allow the kids to use and learn about technology as they will be surrounded by it in their adult lives and will need to know how to use it.
If you know anyone who would be willing to give any amount at all, I'd be so appreciative if you'd pass the link on. The really neat thing about Donors Choose is that donors can give any amount - even $1, and it really does add up. So even though my grant proposal is more than I could ever afford to do on my own, if I give, and a lot of other people give even small amounts, my children could be the recipients of some GREAT learning!
Today one of my kids (at school) stopped working, looked up at me and said, "Mrs. Thomas, you're still a kid in here," and then pointed at his chest (heart). Oh how that made me smile! I've been told something similar before by a little boy who told me I was "brown on the inside" then he paused and added, "where it counts."
Oh how these little moments (tiny seconds of time) bring joy to my heart and lighten my load at the moment. They let me know that I am important to someone. I know I am to my family, but outside the Thomas/Lane/McCracken household I don't matter much to anyone but God. I'm not well-known and will never have any far-reaching effect or change the world. I am just me, a very large, big-mouthed, child-adoring, crazy-silly mom, wife, daughter, teacher kind of girl. But to some little people I matter; I am important. When I think about it, this is so much more important than feeling like I fit in with my fellow teachers and coworkers, more important than having friends or not as the case may be, and more important than almost any of the stupid, little things that sometimes get me down. I love and I am loved. And in the end, that's all that really matters!
It's like an amazingly awesome little circle- God loves them through me, and I get loved back by God through them. He's just amazing to me! Thank you Father for Your love, for the love You give to me for children, and the love You give back to me through children! I am forever grateful!
Three years ago, I did a project I have always wanted to do with my students- we hatched chicks, well we tried to. Chicks take 21 days to grow in utero and then hatch. The project went beautifully. We shared it with a lot of the other children and teachers at our school; it was truly WONDERFUL. We watched the chicks growing inside (Did you know you can see inside the egg with a special light? We made one and could watch them moving inside! So utterly amazing and beautiful!) Then hatching day arrived and it was so amazing to watch. I stayed late that evening and watched almost all the chicks hatch successfully, only to come in the next day to disaster. My t.a. (God bless her) and I drove the dying chicks to a nearby vet and paid for them to be put to sleep. She and I stood there crying messes (me mostly) with a box of dead & dying chicks; it (I) was pathetic I'm sure!
I never did the project again; parents and students asked me to, but I've been too afraid. Jump ahead to last summer when I, for some strange reason, wrote a donorschoose grant proposal for an incubator and egg turner- it was funded. So now I'm about to start this project again. "Why?" I am sitting here asking myself. Why????
Because, Rebekah, you've always told your children and "your children" that they cannot let fear stop them, that they have to always keep trying even when it's hard and they're afraid. So am I going to be a good role model or am I going to just be another person who talks the talk but doesn't "walk the walk?"
So, tomorrow we fire up the incubator, build a wet bulb thermometer and prepare to receive a batch of chicken eggs that will- PLEASE GOD- hatch successfully in three weeks into some cute and fuzzy chicks. If you are a praying person, please, please please pray for my chicks, for my students and others who may visit, and for me (to be brave and not a nervous wreck!), but mostly please pray that our chicks hatch well and have no complications like the last time but have a high survival rate this time around. I will be more crushed than I can say if disaster strikes again.
And this week, I will share those old, original posts for myself and anyone else who wants to go there with me. I need to remind myself of the wonder and beauty and joy of life and the amazing lesson I learned from a 5 year old last time around.
This is such a neat & FREE way for you to help out a teacher/students you know or don't know, near you or far away. DonorsChoose is a nonprofit that teachers can submit grant requests to; then donors can go online to their website and find projects they want to give to. Donors can give anything from tiny to grand ($1 to the-sky-is-the-limit!). Once a teacher has reached full funding, DonorsChoose orders and ships the materials to the teacher, the teacher and students take photos and write thank you letters to send to their donors. It's AWESOME! I've given and received through DonorsChoose, and it is just a great experience all the way around!
Here's where the FREE part comes in. If you go to www.earthdayphotocontest.com you can choose your favorite photo, provide your email and birthdate and Microsoft sends you a $5 giving card to use on a project of your choosing. So, let's review- all you have to do is vote for a photo and enter your email & birthday. Check your email and get the online code for the gift card and go visit DonorsChoose to choose the class/teacher you want to give your $5 to. You can do this EVERY DAY until April 19th. What a great deal!!!
If you've never given to this organization, I promise you that you will TREMENDOUSLY bless a teacher when you do, not to mention his/her students! I've written and received about 20 funded projects in not quite two years and have so many wonderful, rich learning materials now that have helped my kids learn so much more! It's AMAZING!!!
And if you don't know a teacher and have no idea who to share your money with, you can just choose a teacher/class from their site or I "just happen" to know this great guy, named Rob, who teaches in the inner city, rough part of Winston-Salem, who is trying to get a document camera for his students. :) :) :)
Today we were told we are in even more trouble. We may be closed or all fired. Someone must go to court to represent our school. We were told, "our usual 'excuses' will not be acceptable anymore." We were told, "You cannot blame the kids; you cannot blame the parents. It is your fault."
I, for one, do not blame the kids. I do not blame the parents either. I am not saying I am perfect, or have never done these things, but I always have given a lot of credit to our kids and to their families. I firmly believe that all but the smallest percentage of parents care deeply about their kids, but not all are well equipped or ready to deal with the issues, stresses, and commitment involved in parenting, let alone parenting well. Many are dealing with their own issues and problems. Many are working multiple jobs to just keep a roof over their head or food on the table. Many are dealing with drug or alcohol addictions or trying to stay alive or facing abusive situations or trying to make bad relationships work. Many parents care a great deal, but just don't know what to do or where to turn. Whether "the judge," or the county higher-ups, or the president, or anyone else for that matter, likes it or not, these are not excuses, they are facts. The facts that so many of our students live with. The facts that many of us teachers are trying to find ways to work around. That many of us teachers are trying to help our students rise above.
Unless we acknowledge these facts, nothing is going to change. Making the teachers the scourge of society, blaming it all on us, and even firing all of us will not fix this mess of an education system either. All that is going to happen is politicians keep their jobs a little longer because they can put it on our backs. But in the end, the children will be the biggest losers in this reality show that's not a "show" but true reality. That is what is most discouraging to me.
Dear God, Thank you just doesn't say what my heart wants to express. How can I ever in my lowly human form express it? There is no way. No way I can even really understand Your love for me. No way I can ever, this side of Heaven, fathom who You are, the sacrifices You made, the depth, breadth, unconditional, unending love.
Thank you for coming to our world. For living as a weak human and experiencing what we do so that You could really understand who we are and how we think, feel, and all we must go through. For suffering a most horrible, gruesome, torturous death. For rising again and sharing all that will be with us. For being so long suffering and merciful, even when I am slow, stubborn, just plain stupid, and just plain wrong.
My dear cousin, Regina, came to see me this week. She even brought us Roma's pizza all the way from Bethalto where I went to high school!!! OOOOOHHHHH, Roma's has the best pizza ever, and I had forgotten how good it is!!!!! The best thing she brought to us, though, was her love and these two sweet little ones who call me "BekaBoo."
Thank you Regina, Bella, and Sarah for coming to see us. Thank you Phillip, Paige & Caleb for sharing your wife/mom with us! I love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The girls loved our pets, and were especially fascinated with Cinnamon. They tried to coax him downstairs to play with them. Here they finally got him to come down for some cat treats. Bella is a sweetheart! She loved posing for me every time I snapped photos. Such a cutie!
Look at that grin! How could you refuse such a face??? She's a doll, and her voice is even more adorable, especially when she said, "BekaBoo, I love you!" awwwwwww
Bella loved picking the flowers on the "mountain" at the school playground behind our house.
Loved this photo of Sarah! She was playing in the playhouse at the school playground, and I snuck around and caught her photo through the window.
Blowing the dandelion to make a wish
Matthew was a good sport and played Hide & Go Seek/ Tag with the girls.
my baby girl, Barbara Rose, a.k.a. PippiLongstocking :)
Regina and me
Joe Cool just chillin' while we play
Loved this one! Bella copied Matthew soaking in some rays on the hillside
Please see my heart when you read this (if you read this). I am honestly not trying to be melodramatic, but just sharing where my heart is at this point in my life.
Every once in a while, you hear a song that just grabs you. This year has been probably the hardest year I have ever had as a teacher so far. It has torn me to pieces and made me question a lot- about God, about myself, about my calling and who I am. I've been praying about my future and talking to God about why we left home and came here and what He wants and why it matters (and does what I do even really matter to Him or make a difference for heaven??? 'cuz it sure doesn't seem like what I do can have any eternal, lasting effect most days), and where He wants me to go from here... for a long time, this year He was quiet (please know I am NOT saying He wasn't there, wasn't listening, or that He didn't care, just that He was quiet for the time). Then I heard this song on the computer one day when I had K-Love streaming in my classroom after the kids had gone home. I sat down at the computer and cried my eyes out. It was like God finally spoke to me, directly, and He had my attention!!!!
Though we are so blessed here in America (a fact I am keenly aware of and do NOT take for granted!!!!!), Rob & I do work with some very broken kids and families. Children who are not loved, children who have no food at home or parents to take care of them, children who have to parent themselves and their younger siblings, children who have seen too much of an ugly world many people out there have no idea exists. Children who have given up and are just trying to survive. Children whose eyes haunt me sometimes with the pain in them. Children who have captured our hearts and who will go with me to my grave in my heart and in my mind's eye.
Since that day I have heard this song on the radio many times. This past two weeks it has been playing in the mornings as we've gone to school a LOT- Rob & I have both heard it on the radio at the same time on a morning when we were both really struggling (Rob's school and my school are both "under fire.") I have heard it four of the last six days on my way to school. I suppose it might just be a coincidence, just the radio station playing a popular song, or just a total fluke... but for Rob & I it has meant a lot. And whether God was using a song that just happened to be written and just happened to be played at the exact time when we were both in the car (not something that usually happens with our school schedules) or at the time when I was on my way to the "battleground" each day, or whether He would have taken the time out of so much more pressing things to hear me and answer me, I cannot say.
This is what I do know- this song is true. How can I complain? I cannot. And the Bible says something to the effect of "if you've been given a lot, then a lot may be asked of you." I have been given a lot. How can I not, then give a lot? I cannot.
And I cannot turn away, though it would be easier for me- so much easier. It would mean less heartburn, less sleepless nights, less heartache and tears shed. It would mean less pain for me to not know, to just go teach in a "better school" where the kids and families are more intact and less "impacted" (just love that term- NOT!), but I do know now. It's like the homeless people I pass on the corners... I cannot pass them by and turn my face. I may not be able to solve all the problems of this world and the things my kids face, but they deserve to not be alone in their time of need.
So until God sends me somewhere new, I will "follow You" with all my heart God.
Follow You You live among the least of these The weary and the weak And it would be a tragedy For me to turn away All my needs You have supplied When I was dead You gave me life So how could I not give it away so freely?
And I'll Follow You into the homes of the broken Follow You into the world Meet the needs for the poor and the needy, god Follow You into the world
Use my hands, use my feet
To make Your kingdom come To the corners of the earth Until Your work is done Faith without works is dead On the cross Your blood was shed So how could we not give it away so freely?
And I give all myself I give all myself I give all myself to You
i hate feeling jealous. but i confess i have my moments. of jealousy. wrong i know. dwell on it i don't. but sometimes i just am. jealous.
jealous of the ones who got to know them, and we didn't. jealous when they talk about all their happy, wonderful, good times, and we had none after him. jealous because they know each other and we don't. jealous because i remember them and they probably don't even know we exist. jealous of their memories and the good times they represent. jealous because something that should have been, could have been was stolen from us and we can never get it back. no matter anyone's good intentions now, it's gone and can never be given back.
i don't wish any of them ill. i am happy for them that their memories are so wonderful, happy that they have them, happy that they have a better relationship and family ties.
tonight my three guys and i went for a walk at the bog gardens here in g'boro, and i went looking for "signs of spring." things are a little later coming out this year, probably because we had more of a "real winter" (by n.c. standards that is) than in the past few years since we moved here. but we definitely had fun and saw some signs of spring making its appearance. the earth is waking up once again.
here are some of my favorite photos from tonight...
grrrr... blogger is being a pain tonight and i have spent way too much time trying to load photos. i'll be back soon with more photos from our hunt for spring. i have some pretty ones!
Happy 1st Day of Spring everyone! My condolences to my momma who is getting snow on her first day of spring. :) I can't send you real flowers right now Momma, so I'm "sending" you these to make you think of spring until the real one gets to you there in the cold north. :) I took this photo a couple springs ago and thought you might like it. It's been a busy but good day. I had my Saturday grad class today (ugh!). The weather was absolutely GORGEOUS today! Last night I came home from school and put together two dishes of lasagna and put them away for today. Rob took care of making some bread and a salad and put the lasagna in the oven for us. When lunch break came, three classmates came home with me and we ate on our lunch out on the deck. It was so nice and so hard to go back to class after that. :) The afternoon crept by so very slowly!
Rob had to take Matthew to K'ville for a study group at 2:00, come back to G'boro to drop Barbara off at work at 3:00, and go back to K'ville to pick Matthew up at 4:00. I got out of class and my after class study group in time to spend a few minutes with Robert who practiced driving himself to work. Then I came home, pruned the artemesia in our flower beds, pruned my peach tree, did a little (very little) raking and cleaning out the leaves, sat on the deck with my feet propped up and began working on the next round of grad assignments, readings, and projects. I sat there working and thanking God, once again, for the blessings He has given me and for the wonderful blessing this house is to us. I don't know how He did it or why, but I know there could not be anyone more grateful than I am to Him for this home He gave us!!! Even now after a year of living here, it seems just almost too-good-to-be-true at times!
So now I'm off to do something, I don't know what. I'm so tired and might just relax a bit tonight before working like a mad-woman. Who knows with me, I like to live dangerously like that. ;) hahahahaha
in response to what i wrote on here this past friday night, i saw this tonight on another blog, and it JUMPED OFF THE SCREEN at me and screamed, "hey dummy, look at this!!!!"
Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
thank you God for this. oh my soul, let me remember this all week.
Yum, yum. I am enjoying some clam chowder in a bread bowl! So delicious, especially with this horrible cold I have! It's going to be a crazy busy couple of weeks, and though I am super sick I am going to fight this bug to "the death" of it so I can be ready for my cousin's visit in TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!! My cousin, Regina, is coming to see us, and she is bringing her two youngest kids (Bella and Sarah). I could not be MORE EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!
I have grad class this next weekend, so this week is the last week to get the huge-mongous list of readings, assignments, and projects done. I've kept a good pace these past weeks and am well on my way to being ready- I "just" have to finish my clinical interview paper (at 13 pages now!) and read a book on assessment (oy!) with only five days left.
I start 3rd quarter assessments tomorrow too. Praying God blesses me and gives me some good news in that realm so I can bless families with good news on report cards this quarter! I've been working my fanny off with the help of my new t.a. (God bless that woman for all the blessing she has been to my kids and me!!!!), and I am hopeful that our hard work will produce some good results on our tests.
I've got a card order to fill and am finishing two card sets for my church's ladies retreat and for an old high school classmate's church's silent auction. I want to finish those tomorrow night and get them ready and out the door on Tuesday morning! I get to use my new BekaBooCreations stamp on them- YEAH!!! It's so pretty! :)
Sometime soon, I MUST find time to do our taxes. Praying about that too. God knows what we need, more than I do, so I'm trusting He will provide all we need.
Well, I hope you all have a TERRIFIC week! Hope to have time to write again soon, but it might be a few days.
i am a teacher. i have the honor (and often the challenge) of being a small part of a child's life for 180 days a school year in the hopes that i make some sort of life changing impact that extends far beyond those few 180 days.
sometimes this job is fun, filled with laughter and wonderful memories that i cherish dearly.
sometimes this job is hard, filled with frustration (with self, with students, with families, with administrators or other coworkers or the "big wigs") and in the last year and a half filled with a lot of heartburn, unfortunately.
sometimes this job is filled with heartbreak over the things our children face and must deal with, things i cannot possibly fathom or ever understand and most certainly don't want to accept.
this week was just another typical week in the life of this teacher. lots of wonderful times, laughter and joy. laughing so hard i wet my pants at some of the cute (and not so cute) things my kids say or do. one of my kids made a dress out of tissue paper with heart stickers for buttons and even made tissue paper boobs to stuff it with- HILARIOUS!!!!! one of my kids invented new words i had never even thought of before. others made me cards and gave me hugs and cared for me while i was sick this week.
there were also times this week i had to keep a smile glued on my face so i didn't let the kids know that inside my heart was crushed. how God can stand the sight of so much ugliness and hurt in His creation i will never understand. it turns my stomach; how does it not His? it saddens me to think of how we pervert and twist and ruin this wonderful creation He made us to be (myself included in that statement!).
i don't know how i can ever help combat all that "stuff" when it is so dark and horrible. i don't understand how the simple love and affection of one silly teacher can ever do anything against so much hurt. and it hurts my heart.
more. deeply. than. i. can. express.
yet i trust in Him who called me to this job. i don't understand how simple love can do much, i truly don't. but i know when i hug a child, i am really not the one doing it- it is Him. when i show compassion it isn't really me, it is Him. when i care, i am not really the caring one- it is Him. so i hope and pray that He is shining through me, and that somehow that simple love will somehow stick with my kids and in the darkest of places, they will see His light and remember and see Him.
i have to trust in Him. or i have no purpose and no reason to get up early each morning and drive to school.
please God. please let Your simple, profound love be enough for my kids and the whole world. please.
today has been an ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL day- spring is really here, and it was so pretty out. i ate lunch with my class outside today before i left to come home and sleep. i am sick and feeling pretty blucky right now (fever, sore throat, congestion, cough, body aches) but i'll live to see another day thank God. :)
robert is doing a lot of practicing on his driving and has been a help to me while getting his practice time in. yesterday and today he drove (with me in the passenger seat) to get the other two kids from their assorted places and it gave him some driving time while letting me just be a passenger. he's just about got this manual transmission thing down. he's improving very quickly and God willing, he should be a legal, licensed NC driver in just a couple more weeks.
barbara has been an absolute sweetheart!!!! she is giving up her spring break to sleep, be a bum, watch t.v. and do nothing and is getting up with me each day and volunteering in my classroom. she even went in yesterday and helped my t.a. while i stayed home sick!!! she stayed today too and helped when i came home early. she and my new coworker have really hit it off! it's so nice, and just another confirmation to me that God is with me and things work out in the end with His help (thank you Father for that help!!!!)
now i'm going to do some more homework and stay bundled up under all my blankets, sleep and pray that when morning comes i am all better :).
happy wednesday all! i hope wherever you are, spring is finding you also. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
today we had some (not THE, but some) of the worst words we would have never imagined said to us. it might just be me, but the word "stabbed" and your child's name should NEVER be uttered in the same sentence!
but thanks be to God that all is okay, the damage was not great, and we are going to live to survive yet another parenting experience. and when my kids are out of the house, i'm moving to barbados and not leaving a forwarding address. :) haha
One year ago today, Rob & I signed the papers to make us official 1st time home buyers! :) So today is our first "house-iversary." :) :) :)
Thank you God for blessing us with a home of our own after 20 something years of marriage. It has been a year and we are just as thankful, grateful, and appreciative 365 days later as we were on that day. It still seems like a HUGE blessing and sometimes like it's not possible we're living in our own place! You are way too good to us!!!
it's been a beautiful, late winter day and a crazy busy one like they usually are at our house these days. :) so thankful i have a family that keeps me busy and helps me feel so loved and fulfilled. i know this is such a blessing from God!!! i was reminded of His love and blessings to me today as i spent time talking with our daughter about her life and desires. oh how life has flown. it seems like not all that long ago my own momma was having to have these talks with me.
today looked like this:
get up, start a pot of white chili, get ready for grad class (thanks to my great hubby for fixing me a yummy homemade scrambled egg breakfast bowl :) YUM YUM!)
class, brought home some classmates/coworkers for lunch and back to class
grocery run and great talk with my daughter before i dropped her off at work
dinner (yummy leftovers of lunch) and working on downloading all the materials and readings i need to do my next batch of gradwork (all i'm going to say there is OH MY WORD!!!!!!!!!!!! if i thought it was bad last month, it is NOTHING compared to the workload for the next three weeks!!!)
watching a little ice skating and skiing at the Olympics- i love the winter olympics!!!!
i ordered a personalized business stamp for my card making business
So tomorrow I have to:
go to church & Truth Project bible study
read through my lesson plans and finalize my lesson for the first observation by the bright ideas coach. i am not sure when but one of the "big whigs" will be observing me soon as well and i hope i pass that test- that's a whole 'nother blog, but i'm kind of scared to write about what's going on at work (big brother is watching i'm pretty sure) :) :) :) let's just say things at work continue to worsen and get more intense and pressure-filled. the joys of working at a "low performing school."
finish three card sets- one for a personalized order and two sets i'm making for free - one for our church's ladies retreat & one for a high school classmate's church's silent auction
read, read, read & write, write, write. going to try to get this one HUGE assignment finished and submitted as early in the week as possible.
interims were due thursday and i still haven't gotten them done... YIKES!!!!
is that all??? i have no idea...
hope you all have a great week!!! take care of yourselves!!! (we might get a big snow, but then again we might not)... :)
i love teaching math to my young kids!!! it's probably the thing i'm best at teaching. i do a lot of higher level thinking things with my k's & 1st's. just today a 4th grade teacher was in my room and saw what i was putting out for tomorrow's problem of the day and was surprised at what i was doing. she said most of her 4th grade kids wouldn't even be able to do that kind of problem.
so why in the world is this grad course in geometry killing me????? i have no idea what i'm doing and feel officially STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i weren't so tired and worn out i'd just sit here and cry but i know it won't do any good or solve anything.
God, i sure do need Your help. i honestly don't even understand or know how to answer this crap! for example,
There are a total of 1175 diagonals in a 50 gon. T or F
who really cares????????????????????????
i am trying not to sound like my kids and say "when will i ever use this in real life?" but honestly, i have managed to go 39 years of life so far without needing to know anything at all about a 50 gon, let alone its diagonals.... thinking i might be able to go another 39 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's not like i'm getting a masters degree in math or like this math program is for secondary ed teachers. it's an elementary ed math license people!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay, i'm done for today. good night.
and if you're reading this and are a Christ-follower, will you PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE pray for me. 'cuz right now i'm going to fail this assignment which is a pretty big chunk of my final grade. it's due in about a week and half, and i spent three hours on four-five problems tonight. grrr.... i am going to have to let go this whole "have to have straight A's" thing- shoot, right now if i can pass with a D i'll be thankful!!!!
i remember being so bummed at the beginning of january feeling like the next few months were going to creep by oh so slowly... not sure i could make it to the end of the year... i just realized tonight that it's about the end of february already! WOW!!! the year is going faster than i thought it would.
spring is just around the corner here in my part of the world. (don't be a hater momma!) the sun is rising earlier and setting a little later. i am thankful for more sunlight. i love winter and oh so deeply have missed winter weather (though we've had quite a bit for n.c. this year!), but i'm ready for the dark days of winter to come to an end. i've been hearing birds singing in the early morning hours as we get ready for work and when we leave. definitely a good sign of spring's coming. and today, rob told me my daffodils we brought with us from the old house last spring are just coming up. YEAH!!!! they survived and soon i will see some color in our dead backyard!
the only downer part of this is the allergies that come with spring's coming. i must have been crazy to have tree pollen issues and moved from the fairly tree-less Iowa/Illinios to the southeast. what was i thinking???? :) i am not feeling too hot and the "issues" i have had in the past with my ears, sinuses, tinnitus, dizziness are kicking in. i have a few months of icki-ness ahead of me before it eases back off.
hope you all have a wonderful week filled with sunny skies and good days!
our second picking of green beans
grape tomatoes for our salads
romas for pico & homemade spaghetti sauce that Robert is going to cook for me :)
the "big boys" for just eating- I plan to eat a bunch & fry some green ones up too; it's making my mouth water just thinking of their juicy, yummy goodness.
my prairie flower to remind me of home- Echinacia- Oh how I miss home!
Our yellow squash & zucchini are blooming like crazy!
peaches!!!
My poor little peach tree is so full, I am not sure the branches can hold it all. We keep thinning them out so the tree doesn't fall over, but I hate to pitch the peaches... Hoping they are edible. :) Going to make a peach cobbler if they are good and plan to sit outside and eat some fresh ones too.
lots of talking :)
We turned on the sprinkler for the kids.
Last Thursday our oldest son, Robert (20 years old) graduated from 
It's been a busy but good day. I had my Saturday grad class today (ugh!). The weather was absolutely GORGEOUS today! Last night I came home from school and put together two dishes of lasagna and put them away for today. Rob took care of making some bread and a salad and put the lasagna in the oven for us. When