big ideas...

i've been working hard on break (don't worry family, it's been a great, relaxing, fun, creative kind of working hard). :) i've been creating lots of card sets for my site and have made a bunch of winter/snowman/snowflake cards as well as valentine's sets... then this week i did a lot of business research, found some sites where i can order supplies in bulk and save money, made my first bulk order of adhesive (next month envelopes, then in march i will start ordering cardstock online), bought my 1st really bigger price/size piece of equipment, and found a couple new projects to try to teach myself. so yesterday i tried something new and have made (and already sold!!!) these cute boxes with little note cards in them...

started thinking hard about an idea that was suggested to me a while back by a friend of my momma's and ran it by a few people today, and just keep thinking and thinking and thinking. my sister gave me a TON (literally) of feedback on the questions i sent her and took my simple idea and stretched it out to be even way cooler and better...

so here's the deal. i'm TERRIFIED and EXCITED and NERVOUS and EXCITED all at the same time. i know i am not as talented as so many other people out there- i have always wanted to scrapbook but have not been successful in actually doing it. i have only been making cards for a few months, and when i look at other's cards online they are so much more detailed and in-depth and beautiful than mine- i keep mine simpler out of lack of funds on my part and because i'm also trying to start turning a profit eventually... i feel a little like it might be conceited to think i could start a business when i've not been doing this for very long. i am afraid i will look silly to myself, to others who know me, to people who might be watching...

but i'm going to start taking this thing i've started to a new level very soon i think. i will be sharing as i go i'm sure. until then, i would sure appreciate any prayers you can give because i'm nervous and excited and terrified (did i mention that yet?)... it would be so neat to really be able to make money and get a business going out of this. it would be so helpful to our family if i could start to make money and actually make this viable... well, i'm just excited and so thankful for my family that is here in nc who has to look at everything i make and tell me what they think, help me figure out the little problems when i get stumped or can't get a design to lay out the way i want, and to my family back home who has been supportive of my new idea, bought some cards and helped me spread the word to their friends, and who are now listening as i bounce ideas off of them and offering me their constructive ideas...

FAIL!!! :) :) :)

We were on our way home from the movie theater today when we found this sign (HONEST) at the Walgreens near our home. HILARIOUS!!! Rob pulled into their parking lot so we could get photos of it because it cracked us up!

Someone suggested I post it to failblog.org so I did. You can go see it here and leave a comment if you'd like. I'm hoping they'll post it to their webpage. :)

Christmas Eve 2009

I'll post photos tomorrow. For tonight, I will say that though I am so homesick and it's not the same 1000 miles from "home," I am so VERY thankful to be spending my first Christmas in my own home. One year ago tonight, Rob snuck out of the rental home we lived in without my knowing it and put one of my Christmas bows on the door of this house (that we had signed a contract on and just begun the buying process on) and took me out on Christmas day to see a "surprise" he had for me. :) He reminded me of it tonight.

It was a nice, quiet day. Last night Rob and I stayed up until 2 AM lying in bed and talking. Then we woke up this morning and talked some more for a while. We are too old for that, but it was nice. :) Robert made a big pot of minestrone while Matthew, Rob, Barbara, and I put together a vegie tray, fruit tray, cheese, bread, and crackers. I filled my tummy with fresh vegies and fruit and cheese- YUM, and the soup was DELICIOUS!!! We ate early since Robert had to go to work this afternoon/evening. Matthew and I baked a cherry pie and an apple pie for tomorrow. I made double batches of chocolate chip and "snowball" cookies this evening and made up containers of cookies/candy for our neighbors which Rob will deliver tomorrow. I also finished up the 8 sets of cards I started last night, and Rob put one in the mail for me. I posted the rest to my etsy site and am trying my hand at ebay as well- posted three sets there to see what will happen.

I am having a lot of mixed emotions about things- missing my family "back home" but so very grateful and appreciative of the blessing of a home here that God gave us and very aware that it might not have happened had we not been willing to pack up and leave there to be here. So thankful for my own family- I am very, very blessed with a wonderful husband and a strong, wonderful marriage and three terrific young adult children. I am thankful God helped Rob and I stick it out through some rough parts to make it to this "good stuff." I am, as I usually am at this time of year, a little melancholy too though. I miss my daddy, miss the family I used to have and the memories of all that which was lost when he died, miss my cousins on my momma's side especially and all the family gatherings we used to have. I know life would have changed anyway even if he hadn't died, it's just a loss I feel more at Christmas for whatever reason. I saw something today on facebook that made me really miss "the way it was," but again, I am so blessed, so I will do my best to not dwell on the past. I am blessed, more than I ever deserved.

Christmas isn't about money, gifts, food, a pretty tree, or even really about a large family celebration, though being with your family to celebrate is wonderful and what I really wish for.
It is about Jesus. It is about His love- a love so great that He left heaven and came down here with all of us sinful, wicked, undeserving people. He did that because He loved us each one in a way I will never understand this side of heaven. Thank you God for coming to earth, for giving up Your heavenly treasures and the things You had there that I cannot even begin to fathom. Thank You for the multitude of sacrifices You made for me. Please help me to be mindful of them on this holiday, Your birth-day, but also all year long. Let me never forget what You did for me.

Thank You for coming Jesus. Happy Birth-day. Merry Christmas Jesus!

Merry Christmas Daddy, Momma, Pop, Jessica, Scott, Sandy! I love you all!!!! Very, very much!!!

thank God for donorschoose.org and for all those who have given!!!

rob and i just got funded, AGAIN, today on donorschoose!!!!!! hooray!!!!

i am so thankful for all the family, friends, and strangers who have given to our classrooms this year. this calendar year alone, rob has had 22 projects funded and i have had 16 projects funded. this is amazing!!!! each project has brought at least $100 worth of teaching tools/learning materials to our students. it's just really something to think about. i am so amazed and thankful!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

card making marathon weekend!!!

I've been a VERY busy girl this weekend!!! :) I made over 130 cards- a new record for me. I had so much fun creating and not having to do schoolwork and only this creative, fun stuff. I made a bunch of cards for gifts, but I can't say to whom or identify which cards yet 'cuz the recipients haven't gotten theirs yet. :) I can't wait to surprise them though, that's for sure!!!

all the cards I made

I recently bought my first embossing materials and have been learning how to do that. I absolutely LOVE these cards. SO pretty. I'm going to have to make myself some of these!!!

Can you see it? I'm also experimenting with the photography part because a couple customers now have told me that my etsy site doesn't do the cards justice, so I'm trying to improve the photos I take to help get my sales going.

This was my favorite picture today. I loved the angle and the way the card looked. I like the charms I found for these cards too.

Well, two more days of teaching and then I'm home for a little bit! I wonder what I'll create over break????

It's snowing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's snowing in NC in December!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO WOO HOO WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are forecast for up to 4-8 inches. We'll see, but I'm SOOOO hoping it happens. It won't last until Christmas I'm sure to make a white Christmas like I would so love, but it's close enough, and it's just what I needed to help with some homesickness which has been really bothering me this month.

No, snow doesn't take the place of my momma or pop, or being home all together our whole family (Momma, Pop, Jessica, Scott, and us five crazy people), but it does make it seem more like Christmas time with some more cold-ish weather and pretty white stuff. It's just hard to believe it's Christmas when you don't have to wear a coat and the most you might need is a light jacket.

So, pardon me while I cheer, cheer, cheer and hope, hope, hope for lots more of the stuff to come. Right now we're getting some HUGE snowflakes. I'm off to go stand at my door and watch and enjoy.

midweek prayer

Hi God, it's me again. It's Wednesday night, and I'm really dreading tomorrow. I had a great day with kids and only a couple bad things today, but once again I left school feeling like a big flop. I cried all the way from High Point to Winston to pick up Matthew today. :( I'm NOT the teacher I want to be or that I have been. I feel as if I'm making excuses for myself when I try to remind myself that I am teaching two grades, that I have no assistance, that I am also very loaded with other responsibilities, jobs, etc., but that is no excuse. I feel very lonely, not really a part of anything (which is my fault too), but I also feel like an embarrassment to those who work around me. I'm pretty sure none of the teachers around me really like me much. Then there's the situation in my room, and well, God, I just feel like I've failed in so many ways this year.

Now I'm tutoring and it's quite challenging dealing with the behaviors of a couple students, and frustrating because the other two really want to learn...

I need to spend a lot of time in my room to get it rearranged and organized. It's not that I'm a slob God, but I can't keep up with things when I have no time for anything it seems. God I just want to quit, and it's not the kids God. It's me, it's the negativity and the chaos of someone else that is driving me crazy. God I need something to change. Please God, please. God I don't know how I'll even make it to next Tuesday, let alone the end of the year.

a note to my class

Dear Kids,

Do you know how much I love you guys?!?!? I had so much fun watching you today at the assembly! You were such good audience members, so polite, so attentive, and I was so very proud to be your teacher at that moment! I always am, but was especially so today. You were so cute to watch as you listened to the music and the story and imagined the picture in your mind.

I had a lot of fun today from the assembly to making our special "surprise" for Ms. Melissa, to being a lunch buddy with someone, to writing letters with you to Donors Choose, to the chilly playground where my constant shadows were hanging out with me as I watched the rest of you climb the dinosaur and run and play and laugh and try to stay warm.

Thank you for having such a great day, for the good attitudes some of you are focusing on keeping and the hard work you do most of the time :), for your love of learning and school, for your happiness and joy you share with me, for your enthusiasm, and most of all for loving your "Mrs. Thomas" even when she is cranky, tired, sick, or stressed out. Your love has made a difference in my life each and every day. Your love and smiles and hugs are what has kept me going through one of the hardest school years of my life. You are truly the one and only reason I come to work every day, and I do adore you more than you will ever know!

Love now and always,
Your "Mrs. Thomas" (Mrs. T, Mrs. "Omas," silly goose, and all the other silly names you have for your goofball teacher)

missing you

i am missing my parents a lot.

the holidays, though a beautiful, wonderful time to reflect on God's gift to me, make me feel melancholy at times. i wish this weren't so. but i think it's probably just part of life (i hope i'm not just mental). :)

i miss my daddy, long, long gone now. funny, how you could know and love someone for only a part of your life and yet miss them so deeply even years and years later.

i miss my momma and pop so much too and long to be home and all of us together for Christmas, but it is not to be again this year. i hope that someday we won't have to be apart for the holiday.

overwhelmed

i came home feeling utterly tired and overwhelmed and disgusted- another banner day. i turned off KLove on my way home at the "feeling" i should, and just was quiet for a bit, then told God that i truly, truly wanted to throw in the towel but can't. i didn't get any answers or sudden inspiration, but i felt like i was supposed to just talk to God and tell Him how i feel. i did.

robert had asked me to take him somewhere to get rob's Christmas gift, so i pulled in after work and we took off again to do that. it was nice to walk around and just talk with him and look. i came home, had some good food cooked by matthew tonight (may i just say my boys can cook!!!), and started on grad work. i have no clue if i'm doing it "right" but i'm starting to put a small dent in this big, final assignment. less than a week and i'll have this course done. two weeks and i'll be able to be home again for a little bit! i'm going to spend part of Christmas break at work trying to get things ready for the new year. i have no help in the classroom and with two grades, picking up my kids after work, tutoring... i'm just not keeping up very well and it's getting to me!

going to call it a night now. good night God, good night world.

just a quiet December Sunday

Our backyard today at 5:30 PM. I just thought the different shades of blue (which don't show as well here) and the silhouette of the trees was pretty.

It has been a quiet Sunday. We're starting to have to get used to the two olders being gone more. Between their church activities, work, and college, it's getting to be Matthew and us more and more. Matthew is our "quieter" child so the house is definitely changing as we enter this new phase of our lives. In a couple more years we will probably start losing some or all of the kids, so I'm trying to get used to this new silence. :)

As I said it was kind of quiet around here today- Not a creature was stirring, not even the animals. Here are the girls, Emily & Charlotte. We still have not found homes for them and cannot bring ourselves to take them to the pound. I know we're suckers!!! And Samson, who never lets me take his photo, even was relaxing! :)

I was working to fill orders today and made some extras while I was at it to post on my etsy site. I just loved "Frosty!"

Trying my hand at making gift tags.

Now it's time to prepare my tutoring plans and start (YIKES!!!) my last HUGEMONGOUS grad class assignment due in one week!!!

Happy Sunday all!

a very nice birthday

I had my 39th birthday this week, and it was a very nice birthday. My students were absolutely sweet to me. They kept asking me all day if they could sing to me, and I heard the Happy Birthday song at least three or four times from my class- too cute! I received a bunch of cards and pictures and a craft stick snowflake from the kids who worked "in secret" trying to make things for me. :) They were adorable! They didn't know I could see and knew what they were up to, and I didn't ruin their secrets for them. ;)

I celebrated with my family the night before since Robert & Barbara had to work on my birthday. We couldn't really afford it, but we spent the money and went out to an Italian restaurant near our house that we've never eaten at. R & B bought their own meals (thanks you two!!!!) and that helped a lot! Then we went out and found our Christmas tree, got some sonic for dessert and came home to put the tree up and string it with lights. A really nice family evening together!!! We laughed and laughed; and I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die laughing. :)

My momma called my phone and left a voice mail on my birthday and sang Happy Birthday to me about the time I was born into the world- a family tradition I hope to carry on with my kids. I checked the message very quickly while my kids had snack to make sure that there wasn't anything wrong with Pop who is recovering from his heart attack and close call with death. My students are absolutely sweet. Several of them were asking me while I waited for the phone to dial (I had explained that I needed to check this message from my momma to make sure everything was okay.) "Is your Pop okay, Mrs. Thomas?" "Mrs. T, is Pop going to be okay?" They were truly concerned, and that made me feel so good. When I realized it was Momma singing to me I turned my phone onto speakerphone so they could hear my momma's voice. One of them said, "Oh, that's what your Momma sounds like?!?" :) They thought it was funny that my momma would be calling me to sing happy birthday to me. Too cute!

I took my class on a "field trip" in the rain the other day to go to "Rosie" (my car) so they could help me carry in the tons of stuff I bought at Walmart for school. I haven't made a shopping trip like that in ages, but I needed to buy things for their Christmas gifts and materials for the kids to make thank you Christmas gifts for our two volunteers and treasure box and class store items as our stock is getting depleted... The kids were so excited when I said we'd go on a field trip to Rosie. They LOVE my car and wave hello to Rosie when they see her in the parking lot. :) Didn't you know that teachers actually live outside of school too, can drive, go out to stores and restaurants, and even have a home and a mommy/daddy/husbands/wives/kids too!!! These things all amaze them!!! They LOVE to hear about my life outside of school!

Cracks me up how I can take almost anything that is not a big deal and make it a big deal by just being excited and presenting it in a hyper kind of way! They were really excited!!! HILARIOUS!!! So we went out and it was raining and that made it even more adventurous; I mean come on, there were puddles to avoid and raindrops to catch on your tongue and the wind was blowing. It was fun!!! And a neat little break in our rainy day. Plus there was the excitement of knowing they were bringing in their gifts and things for the treasure box! Oooohhh!!! I know, I know- it doesn't take much for me to get excited either! :) I'm just as silly as the kids which is why I belong with little people. :)

no answers

I care very deeply for the people I get close to- I mean truly, very deeply. That includes so many kids I cannot even name them all anymore. Most of my days are filled with lots of joy and love, hugs and fun and laughter as I learn and work with my kids in the classroom and on the playground and wherever we are.

But sometimes there are moments of great sorrow and hurt. Sometimes a child opens up and shares things that break your heart; often they don't even know how to express it or you have to learn to read the behavior, the attitude to see beyond that to the heart. Recently I was asked "Mrs. Thomas, why does ___ have to cuss me out everyday when ___ drops me off? Why?!?!?" The hurt in the eyes of this child broke my heart and made me want to cry, but of course I couldn't do that there in class.

Sometimes there just are no answers you can give. Sometimes you can only listen and care and be there. Those moments are hard, but I am thankful that I get to be the one who is there. I just hope and pray that my being there will somehow, in some way, make a difference.

Thanksgiving break 2009- photo memories

This is picture heavy. It's just a bunch of photos that show the fun we had together as a family on Thanksgiving break. It was a much, much, much needed break. We are so thankful for our first home, our first big holiday in our home, and for our family (though we often argue and get on each other's nerves- we do really get along well and love each other and their company alot!!!)

Robert and Dad pretending to fight- goofy boys!

Matthew "breaking it up" :)

my little "ducklings" all grown up now!

Matthew guarding this bridge- "None shall pass."

Late November and there are still beautiful leaves. I just can't get used to this even after 5 falls here in North Carolina. :)

my goofy son, Robert

I love my kids!!!!!!!!!!!! And our dog, Samson too!

I love this man!

We went for a walk at the Arboretum, and I saw these pretty berries- American Beautyberries.

Samson and Matthew explored the little creek that runs by the Arboretum.

my hubby and best friend

my sweet, happy-go-lucky daughter

It was NOT anywhere near cold enough to be dressed like this. We teased her a lot about it, to which she replied, "I'm being cute! It's called style!" :)

I just liked these pretty steps. :)

Sammy is happiest when he is with us, and he LOVES LOVES LOVES going for rides!!!

our 1st Thanksgiving in our 1st home! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our backyard still has tons of leaves falling down and not yet fallen- we'll be raking leaves all winter at this rate!

Robert makes the funniest faces! We kicked off Thanksgiving break with cookies & milk and game time.

the 1st holidays in OUR home :)

On my list of things I am thankful for this week was, once again, having a home of our own. It still seems like a dream to Rob & I even after 8 months. I keep thinking every once in a while that it's been a while since the landlord called to complain about something. :) Or I wonder how much our rent will go up when we renew the lease. :) Or has the landlord been by to inspect the house/property? :) Or can we hang this up on the wall? Or how much will the landlord charge us when we leave?

I am so very grateful for a home- a warm place to live and keep us safe from the wet, cold, windy, hot weather. But I am so very grateful also for a place that is ours (or will be in 30 years). :)

And now today, the kids, Rob, and I are about to begin to decorate our home for its first Christmas with the Thomas family. :) I will post photos later. I get so homesick for the family we left behind, but I am hoping that making my new home pretty for Jesus' birthday will be another reminder to me to keep being thankful, to keep focusing on Him who brought us here, who has blessed us with a home of our own, but most of all who blessed us all with His love, His unending merciful, adoring love.

That is the most important thing in the world to me and the biggest blessing to be thankful for- way more than a roof over my head, mine or not.

THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I made it Momma, made it to Thanksgiving break...

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. 2009. Time sure continues to move by at such a quick pace.

A few weeks ago, when I was teetering on the edge and about to have a nervous breakdown or something, I called my Momma and she told me to just focus on making it to Thanksgiving. Well thanks to God's help and my husband and momma listening to me (and my kids too) so many times I can't even name them all, I made it! Thank you God, Rob, Momma, and my kids!!!! I would NOT have made it without your support and listening and prayers for me!!!

Thanksgiving break. Last night we played Yahtzee together, the five of us. It was sooo much fun. Today Barbara went with me to an appointment then we ran an errand of hers and hit the store for last minute things. We were all home together this afternoon until the two olders had to work. I helped with leaf collection in the backyard this afternoon for a little bit- boy do we have a HUGE pile of leaves going back there in our compost area!!!! Tonight I am making pumpkin pies and I also wrote some new donorschoose proposals for my classroom.

Tomorrow we will all work together to make cornish hens, some ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, spinach supreme (my FAVORITE!), and vegies. And we will play a game and I'm sure watch some football and movies, and my kids will tease me but I'll try to watch the parade in the morning just because I always used to as a kid and then as a young mom. They don't like to watch it anymore and they like to tease me about it, but I'm nostalgic like that. :)

I so wish we were all together with the rest of our family, but I'm thankful for being alive. Thankful for my Momma still being alive and with us and doing well after the big C. I'm thankful that Pop is still here after the heart attack a couple weeks ago; he could have not made it and my Momma would now be facing a major holiday alone, and that would hurt her. So I'll focus on what I have and not the distance between us... or I'll try to anyway. :)

I have plans to relax on my days off but also have to do a BIG assignment for my grad class, finish up my lesson plans for next week and make some more Christmas cards to sell (hopefully). It's been a nice break so far, and I'm so thankful for it!!! I don't know how I'll get through the rest of the year, but I'm trying to focus on just today and not think too much about the big picture. :)

Thanks God for time away from the stress of work. Thanks for helping me to focus on what I should be thankful for and not on all the other negative things. Thanks for helping me to make it, for my family, for being loved, and for Your love above all else!

Thankful it's Friday :)

I have never been so thankful for a work week to come to an end!!!! It's Friday night, I'm snuggled up warm under my favorite throw- the super soft, brown one given to me by a very sweet "old" student I nicknamed Red 2 (her older brother is Red 1 and I tease her that we will have to call her baby brother Red 3). I have on my pajamas and even took a short 15 minute doze, but am now trying to stay awake so I won't have too many sleep problems later tonight.

This weekend's agenda:

• buy items for and make the family gift bags for Monday's 1st Grade Family Night- started stamping and making gift tags for the bags too, nothing fancy but hopefully they'll look okay
• do as much of my grad school homework as I can so I won't have to spend too much time over break on it
• update/fix any changes to my lesson plans
• finish my Momma's cards and try to make a couple more sets to post for sale (I hope to make and post a bunch over Thanksgiving)
• visiting our daughter's "friend's" church Sunday :)
• asking God for enough grace and strength to make it through two more work days until Thanksgiving- my momma told me to just try to focus on making it to Thanksgiving- only two more work days until then Momma. Then I'll try to make it to Christmas, and then the long haul will start. I dread that, but I'm going to be like Scarlett O'Hara- I'll think about that tomorrow- well maybe. :)

He is With You- Mandisa song/video

i heard a new song on the radio- well it is new to me anyway- a song by Mandisa- He is With You. i LOVE this song. and it caught my attention because of the way it starts... "There's a time..." fits with my new verse up there on my header and how i have been feeling of late.

here's a link to her video if you aren't familiar with the song or just want to hear it anyway.

hard questions

today i found myself trying to answer some hard questions my two oldest asked me. i tried my best, but in the end it only left them still not understanding and i don't really either. how am i supposed to answer them? i don't think there is an answer, oh how i wish there were. something i could say to explain it to them, to explain it to myself. it hurt to hear my kids express a loss they've never expressed before- hurt more than i can say. now i'm left with a big old, very old wound and feeling like i've failed once again somehow, that i should have done more, should have tried harder, reached out more, picked up a phone, or made a trip, or done something- i don't know how or what or even if it would have worked...



i know we just have to take what comes to us and make the best of it. Lord knows i've tried and will keep trying, and they will continue to make good in their lives and hopefully (prayerfully) live for Him their whole lives. i will pick myself up tomorrow and move on, what more can i do, but for tonight i hurt for me, for my family, for my kids, for the unknown. i regret the past and all that ol' damn water under the bridge. i wish the bridge would go away and the water would dry up and we could all go back to the way things used to be, but then, "the way it used to be" wasn't really real either- it was just a dream, a dumb idea of a dumb kid who was too stupid to know it was just fake- all an act. maybe that's what i'm grieving- the idea that was never really real, the family i thought i had that i didn't really ever have.

praise You in this storm

God is with us even in dark places, even in scary times, even when you feel all alone. He is with us when we are far away from our family and can't get home in emergencies. He is with us when we are sick, when we are hurting.

God, I will praise You for always being there when I need you. I don't deserve it. Thank you.

He Gives and Takes Away

That song has been going through my head all week.
"... He gives and takes away... still my heart will choose to say, "Blessed is Your name...."

This weekend He gave me a chance to meet someone from my daddy's family, someone I haven't seen since I was a little girl, the first person in my daddy's family I've seen in over ten years and the first "real" visit, truly positive meeting I've had with anyone in his family since I got married. It's been quite a weekend- awkward at moments, nerve-inducing, but filled with laughter, tears, and fun. I'm truly grateful for a chance to know someone who carries some of the same dna as my daddy. I hope he is in heaven smiling down on his cousin and my family tonight.

Then I am awoken (is that even a word????) at 12:30 with a call from Illinois- which can only mean something bad is going on. My pop- the man who has loved me as his own for all of my adult life, the only grandfather my kids have ever had, Pop- is lying in a hospital bed having a heart attack, and it sounds bad. I can hear it in my momma's voice, and I so need to be there for her, for him, for me. I'm trying to be ready for anything- the good or the awful. Trying to be where God wants me to be and be content here and yet wanting to be home right this instant to be there by my momma's side as she waits in a hospital waiting room in the dead of night for news good or bad. What if's are trying to roll through my mind, and I'm trying to not focus on them.

God, I know death is part of life. I know it's something we all must face- our own death and the deaths of loved ones. I know he has lived a pretty long life so far, and if You chose to take him home right now, he's ready to meet you. I know we have no guarantee of tomorrow or this afternoon or our next breath. I know You are so wise above me and You see the big picture when I can't see the next step I'm supposed to take... God, what else I know is that right now my momma who has buried one husband is sitting in a waiting room trying to be strong and feeling all kinds of emotions. I know I'm not there to hold her hand or let her cry on my shoulder or just sit with her and keep her company. I know it's not about me, she is a big girl, a grown woman, she has a daughter there, and no one needs Rebekah swooping in "to save the day..." Please just be with Pop, whatever it is please help the dr.s and nurses caring for him to have wisdom. Help Pop not to be too scared or in too much pain and help this to end as quickly as possible. Please God, PLEASE be with my momma right now. Comfort her as You always have in her times of need. Let her feel You sitting there right beside her in the waiting room. Give her strength to face whatever it might be. Be with my sister and her husband who are also there, with my sister who lost her daddy too already and doesn't want to lose another one. And God, if it's possible, please don't take away just yet. And if it's Your will to do so, please help us all to make it through.

I'm going to try somehow to sleep now God. My alarm clock will call me soon enough, and somehow I've got to teach and go on tomorrow no matter what happens.

a big day

today i will meet a cousin that i haven't seen since i was kid. today will be the first day in more than a decade that i will have seen anyway even remotely related to my daddy. it will be a big day...

to do lists & accomplishments

one of the things that has been suggested to me is that i need to begin to learn to make lists for each day and mark the items off as i accomplish them. the hope being i will feel good at the end of the day at what i've accomplished, i'll learn to see (perhaps) that i'm doing too much and to prioritize what's truly important, and ultimately learn to let go the things that don't really matter so much and learn to say no...

so here goes. here is my weekend's to-do list. God help to me get it all done.
Friday night:

• eat supper & clean up after myself (or leave it for my kids- ha ha ha)
• make a card for my hubby before he gets home to tell him how good he is to me (he cleaned the whole house from top to bottom today!, went out and bought a turkey roast and made me a yummy supper- turkey, boiled potatoes, black eyed peas & asparagus), and fixed some things around the house too
• make one set of Christmas cards
• make a grocery list for November's shopping trip tomorrow
• lesson plans for as far into November as i can get

Saturday:

• grocery shopping for November
• family time 12-4 (silly, yummy "Halloween" lunch- "Bat Wings" (homemade boneless chicken wings), "Franken Fingers (homemade potato wedges), Eyeballs (grapes), Spooky Salad & a ghost story movie- "The Others"
• GTCC class- 2 or 3 lessons
• Grad school- read, read, read, & post
• type EQ's for school and make guided reading plans
• late night movie and family Halloween tradition of Grinch Night when the kids get home from work around midnight... Since the kids were little, we've always watched Grinch Night and had "Grinch milk" and oreos... This story is an old Suess book that was made into a video, oh, I don't know maybe in the 60's. I bought a copy when the kid were little, and we've been watching it for years now... They are now 19, 18, & 17 years old and without fail, they still ask us if we're going to do this with them- they want to! Robert asked us to please wait for him to get home from work & do it late at night since it wouldn't be the same if we did it in the afternoon, so we're having a late night family time too...

Sunday:

• pay bills
• read, read, read for Monday's class
• make more Christmas cards & post them on the web for sale

So, I'm getting off of here and on to this list. Busy, busy, busy

On a happy note, I want the whole world, or the 3 people that come "see" me here to know that I went ALL week and only had 2 diet cokes all week long (from Sunday morning to tonight!!!!) TWO PEOPLE, TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's a major miracle for me! I had one the other night in the hopes of breaking a 4 day headache that I believe was caffeine withdrawal-related. Nothing else was helping, and I broke down and had one. Then I had one this afternoon as I had to hit the drive thru on my way between a workshop and school. But I'm still sipping on it now- 6 hours later. I'm doing it!!!! I'm doing it!!! I'm doing it!!!!

YEAH for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And even bigger- YEAH FOR GOD who is helping me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

changes

i haven't changed the header on my blog in quite a while. i really liked that old picture i took from my road trip with barbara and the verse i had up there, "I look to the hills from whence cometh my help...," well that verse has been a help to me more times than i can say...

but for whatever reason i decided that this new verse fit with where i am in my life now and i like that fall photo i took a year ago (before we knew for sure if we could buy a house at all!) wow, what a lot has happened in just one year!!!

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace."

my 1st set of Christmas cards

i'm working to make Christmas cards- my own and some to sell. i have three teachers (two from work and one from another school) that want me to make their cards, so i'm really excited!!!!

trying hard...

well i'm doing it- it's so hard, but i'm trying. my momma will be thrilled. "they" (whoever they is) say the 1st step is admission... so i admit it- i'm a diet-coke-aholic. and i've not had one since saturday night. ugh, i want to go get one sooo bad but i'm trying. i'm telling myself that if i can be good all week long, then on friday i'll let myself get one big one and then go again another week...

i'm also trying to stop the insanity of work as much as i can... i'm practicing saying "no" to some things, only doing what is most important each day and letting the rest go until another day or whenever... i've asked to be excused from an obligation that i was being drug into last minute this week with no info or help with the prep work so i just said it would stress me out too much and to please excuse me... i've dropped a workshop that i wanted to take- i'll take it another time. i think two college courses plus all the mandated training/meetings they are making us go through at work is enough for right now... so far i haven't gotten written up, i've aggravated a coworker or two i'm pretty sure, but they haven't stayed too upset with me. the world hasn't come to a screeching halt or the sun fallen from the sky.

i am learning to speak up a little, though i've still got to learn how to do it in the best way and to learn how to take the outcome (good or bad)... this year is a BIG learning year for me. i just hope i survive it. :)

but i'm trying. and praying God will take my feeble attempts and make something good out of it all.

teacher education according to me

rob & i were talking this morning about stuff we've seen in schools we've worked at over the years. we've both been called "veteran teachers" recently, and we were just thinking about all of our experiences and the many places we've worked and the good & bad we've found... it got me thinking about a lot of things... here is one thing (silly i know, but i'm kind of serious too)

if i could design a course of classes for upcoming teachers i would create some new courses. i think they'd be a lot more helpful than what many of us took in college... some current teachers could even take them too... and believe me, if these courses were offered somewhere i'd be signing up for some refresher courses in a couple of them myself. in fact i'm sitting here reminding myself not to judge because i'm sure i'm guilty of some of these things myself. God forgive me...

how about?

• Let It Go 101- a course to help people learn to not be so anal and helping them to identify which battles are worth fighting and which ones are better let go to fight another day or to just never worry about again...
• Prioritize 103- a must for today's teacher- this course would help teachers understand just what they will really face (not what college profs tell you, but the real, nitty-gritty truth of teaching) & how to look at each day/week/month's demands, figure out what is the most important thing(s) and start there and leave the little stuff for later or never... this is a lesson i'm learning now after giving myself high blood pressure and killer acid/heartburn/ulcer-ish symptoms these past two years... wish someone would have offered me this course a loooong time ago (oh wait, my parents tried & i was too dense to get it!) :)
• Open Your Mind & Close Your Mouth 302- this class would be for those teachers/teachers-to-be who need to learn to engage their brain and close their mouth to help them learn to not say stupid things to or about students and their families.
• Let Go of Pettiness 457- this course would help teachers learn to not be petty about things that don't change what they do or affect their work in the least; teachers will learn to not worry about other people's planning time, who is the principal's "pet," or who gets the credit for stuff but just to go to work each day, focus on the kids and do their best; teachers will learn to celebrate others' successes, to cheer for their fellow teachers and support each other in the hard times; teachers would sign a contract to help them remember that negativity and gossip will cause a school to fail just as quickly as any other factor
• Walk a Mile 228- this class would teach participants that it's easy to judge when you've not walked in someone else's life or circumstances but better to give compassion & grace to each student & family regardless. it would provide hands on learning activities in humiliating life experiences with the goal of helping participants to build a "bank of compassion" that they could draw from even when they don't understand or approve of their students &/or families' lifestyles or choices. these hands-on experiences would include: buying groceries with food stamps & listening to other customer's & cashier's comments &/or see their disapproving looks, going to the welfare office & filling out an application for assistance, being refused medical care for lack of insurance or because you have a medicaid card, standing in a food line at a shelter or food bank, going without meals because there is no food, living in a car or on the street or sleeping in a shelter because you are homeless, dealing with an angry child who acts out and having to have a conference with the teacher &/or school where they judge you & make you feel like less... the focus of this course would not be similar to the ruby payne "poverty" course that so many educators go through, it would be real & dirty and hard, but participants won't have an "understanding" of the "culture of poverty" when they're done, they'll understand, 1st hand, how it feels to be judged, looked down on, put down & disliked just because they're poor and in the end, they'll look at students & families in a totally new way.
• Give a Damn 400- this course would teach teachers to actually care about their students' lives beyond the school campus, beyond their classroom walls, to see each child's "big picture" and take it into account when looking at and dealing with their problem behaviors, their lack of learning, their family history... and it would teach teachers to show a little care, a little love, a little compassion to every child- not just the best or the brightest.
• RESPECT- Give It To Get It 499- this would be the final course for all teachers; teachers would learn that they cannot get the respect they want and deserve if they don't give it to ALL students ALL the time. this course would help teachers learn that students are wiser than they realize and that children can see through us, through what we say to how we act and how we treat their fellow classmates. this course will help teachers realize that when we talk about respect to our children, but then treat one student poorly, the children see right through our act, they watch what we do much more than they listen to what we say. when they see us treat others with less respect they learn to treat others poorly themselves, thus breeding disrespect and unhappiness. the final exam for this course would be to provide daily doses of respect to every single child, regardless of their behavior, their social standing, their parents' lives, their looks, clothes, smarts, whether they "deserve it" or not in the teacher's book, but to give it because EVERY SINGLE human being on the face of the earth deserves love & respect just for being alive.

God help me to be a better teacher than I've ever been. I can't fix all the problems of society, of my community, school or even my own classroom. All I can do is work on me with Your help, and I'm sure wanting to improve this teacher. Please help me to be better next week than I was last, to fix the things You're showing me that need fixed and keep my eyes on You, the final prize, and on what's most important to me- the least of these that You love. Help me to remember all this and do better.

Happy 17th Birthday Matthew

Today is my "baby's" 17th birthday!!! :) He is 17 and 6'4" and hopefully he'll stop growing one of these years. :) We've had a nice evening. Barbara & I took Robert to work (the only down part of it all- us not all being together) then we met Rob & Matthew at the army-navy surplus store where Matthew was able to get a combat uniform in the air force tiger stripe pattern that he wanted thanks to his brother and sister helping us; we all pitched in and got that and an Air Force t-shirt for him.

Matthew and I went to Wally-world and picked up some things we needed for his supper. Matthew wanted to cook supper tonight so while he did that I made his birthday cake and a HUGE batch of pico de gallo for us and for work tomorrow.

I'm soooo sleepy, and going to just call it a night soon I think. It's been a nice day. A quiet, peaceful, no-stress and no conflict day in my classroom. My kids were soooo well behaved, and that even in spite of having to be in the room without specials today. They were so quiet you could hear a pin drop for a while. I'm not the kind of teacher that is bothered by noise, but it was kind of nice for a few minutes to have such peacefulness. Then even when they worked in learning stations they were quiet. And no one was shh-ing us which was soooo wonderful!!!! That was absolutely heavenly. Shh-ing just has been like fingernails down a chalkboard to me this year- never knew that before about me... Oh, and one of my kids did sooooo well today on assessments... I almost fell out of my chair in excitement and the thrill of pride I felt for him!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So this was a wonderful day- for me and hopefully for my birthday boy! Thanks God!!!!

My Momma, the writer

My momma writes for the local newspaper in the area where she lives. She's been sharing her journey through the land of Cancer, but recently she wrote about something different, something weird, paranormal, a little frightening, and definitely very strange- ME! :)

http://www.qconline.com/archives/qco/display.php?id=462198

prayer request

please pray for ruhiyyih and matt. they are getting married in a few weeks and matt lost his job today. they both need God's provision and peace in this time of major life changes and stress.

struggling

I just realized that I haven't journaled in a while. I have had plenty of thoughts, just not enough time and quite honestly I've been feeling pretty discouraged so I didn't want to post anything because it wouldn't be all upbeat and happy and positive. Who wants to read that?

I know it will get better. I will be fine. Life is good, it really is! I am so thankful for all the many, abundant blessings I have been given in my life. I have so many, many things to be appreciative of and please believe me when I say I am.

I just don't like me much at all, I don't like the person people see or who people think I am. People say things about the person I am, and I realize it's not who I think I am or not what I want people to think/see/feel about me. I try to change, but am not doing a good job. I want to be so much more than I am, a better person, a really Christ-like person. Work is very, very stressful, and I am trying not to let it be that way for my students. I'm tired of feeling like my best is not enough. I can't give any more than I already do.

I am really struggling right now is all I can say. I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I'll be back when I'm a decent human being once again. :)

Fall Is Here at last!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer lasts forever here in NC!!!! But fall is finally getting here, and I am soooo ready!

The wind is blowing a nice, cool breeze. I am sitting here listening to the leaves blowing in the wind and can see a few falling down. The rain is falling. The air just feels so good!

Hello fall, I'm so glad to see you!!! I am definitely in love with the fall!

One Month Ago

School's been in session for about a month now. Interesting to look at the last month and think about all that's happened in the last 4-6 weeks.

One month ago

• i heard from a teacher friend who was writing to say goodbye because she had two months left to live.
• i was spending the weekend in the dr.'s office/hospital with my son who was having emergency surgery.
• i was just starting a new school year with my new and old kids, and then missing the 2nd week of school to only start over again.
• i had my 1st grad class in nc in this math licensure program
• we had recently decided to leave our church and begin to look for a new one
• my daughter had recently started college
• my youngest son started his junior year and begun his military adventure with the JROTC program
• i began the school year with a new coworker and was very nervous and eager to make that work well for us both
• i had begun a small business idea out of my home

one month later:

• our friend died this past friday
• matthew is healing well and already progressed out of the plaster cast, off the crutches, and out of the walking boot and is in a brace
• i've started school and then started over and then had to totally revamp my schedule and start again- my kids and i are learning how to be flexible that's for sure! :)
• i've turned in two big homework projects for my grad class and gotten A+'s on them both :
• we're still looking for a church
• the kids all seem to be doing well in school so far... barbara is loving college and is working now too! (THANK YOU GOD!) and managing her 18 hour course load and a part time job... matthew likes school, has caught up from his week out of class and just got his 1st military uniform... robert is in his last year of school and continues to do well managing a 30-35 hour a week job and school
• work- well, it's going to be a long, not easy year, but i'm learning that i can't please everyone, that i shouldn't try, and that's it's okay if everyone doesn't like me, in fact... i was ready to quit last week, but God won't let me and i'm not a quitter so i'll tough it out and see what He has in store for me down the road...
• the business journey will be a learning one for me too, as i learn how to get much, much better at what i'm doing and as i wait patiently for word to spread and figure out how to find cheap ways to advertise, etc

randomness

it's friday night at last! aaahhhhh this week has been excruciatingly long!

it's a drizzly, cool but humid evening. it finally feels like fall is coming here- the dogwoods are even starting to change colors already! my house is empty because robert is working, barbara is babysitting, and rob has left to pick up matthew from his high school homecoming football game where he marched with his jrotc unit in uniform. he'll be home in a while, and i'll see him in uniform for the first time. i'm sitting here in my favorite pj's and warm, fuzzy-soft robe and wrapped up in my fleece blanket- oh so comfy cozy!!!

i finally received the grades from my 1st two assignments in my grad class - i am so EXCITED- two A+'s!!!! and some really, really nice comments from the prof too- which made my day!!!

i stood up to some bullying from a coworker today and it felt oh so nice! maybe bullying is too harsh a word, but it's pretty much the adult equivalent. she wouldn't take no for an answer when i told her i wouldn't be doing something she wanted, and when she tried to push it on me i just politely thanked her and went on with my business. it was kind of funny to see the reaction... rob will be proud of me for this! it was the goal for the week for me set by my husband, though with another person in mind, still i did it!!!

barbara's teacher, Mrs. Fansler, who had been such an encouragement to her and to me last year has been dying- we just got word that she died this morning at 9 A.M. she was a great lady. can't say more about this.

i'm going to work on my homework for my classes. have two assignments to do for my photography class, plus have to do this big project and prepare to teach it to my students this next week then write it all up... nicole (another 1st grade teacher at my school who is also in this grad program with me) and i are going to swap lessons when it's done so we'll have 2 instead of just ours.

there's church somewhere on sunday, and then somewhere in this weekend is lesson planning, prep work, a HUGE pile of papers to check, donorschoose packets to prepare and mail. i'd like to do some cardmaking too- i have some new fall & halloween decorations and paper and i'd sure like to see what i can do with that and make some more cards. oh, there's just never enough time to do it all, so i guess i'll see what i can do this weekend. i hope you have a great weekend wherever you are!!!

Matthew- at not quite 3 weeks

Matthew's steri-strips have fallen off, so we can see his "boo-boo" again. It's getting better, although it still looks pretty yucky if you ask me. It just hurts me to see it, but he's doing well, and God was good to him and us! He blistered some underneath all the plaster and where the boot has rubbed, but that has all popped and dried off too. He's still pretty swollen, but the dr. said that he'll have that the rest of his life off & on. He's getting there day by day... One more week and he will step down to a brace that fits inside his shoe that he'll have to wear for a few months.

not a good day

work stinks right now, but i'm trying to remember that i am thankful for a job! :)

i just sat here and wrote a long piece expressing my frustration, but then thought about it and realized no one wants to read that. :) so i just saved it. later on in the year i'll look back on it and see how much improvement has happened and be thankful, so it's a private journal entry i guess.

i'm trying to remember that i do this for God and for the kids and families i serve, that it is a service, that service jobs are dealing with people and are not always pleasant or easy, but that it is a worthy and noble thing i do... even on the hard days.

i'm trying to remember all those things. and God is here trying to encourage me too. the songs on the radio on my way home (K-Love & a local Christian station) well, WOW, they were just the perfect songs for this day!!!! i pulled over into the park down the road from my home, and cried and let off a little steam before coming on home. thanks God for that. i need it!!!

now to go try to figure out yet another way to make this thing work for my kids and me... it's hard when things out of your control mess you up... but i've got to find a way for those 17 kids who call me their "Mrs. Thomas." they're counting on me, and i can't let them down.

my kids can cook!!!!

My kids can sure cook some good food!!! This was Robert's night on the menu (each kid has one night that is their night for which they plan a well-rounded meal of their choice and cook it). Barbara likes to cook vegetarian/meatless stuff but she also likes to cook some of our old standbys and make herself a vegie version- hamburger pie, pasta salad, salad and bread, homemade pizzas. Matthew is our grilling king, and he is getting GOOOOD!!! He makes the best grilled chicken ever; he seasons it with fresh herbs from our herb garden plus other spices in our cabinet. Each time it's a little different, but always yummy. He also cooks a great poached fish! Robert loves to cook foods from all over the world; he has a whole collection of world cookbooks that we've been getting for him for birthdays & Christmas gifts for a couple years now. I think we started this one! :) So tonight's meal was an Iranian dish- Chicken & Eggplant Kouresh with steamed rice and asparagus with hollandaise sauce (I helped him make that part- YUM!).

My Not Perfect Kids

It's Monday. Obvious, I know. :) I do NOT feel good, I'm afraid I've got some bug, and I CANNOT miss more work. Booo...

Allow me to tell you about my kids tonight.

I have THE BEST kids. I know if you have some of your own, you think your kids are the best, but you'll just have to accept that mine are actually the best in the world. Mine are by no means perfect; lest you think that, let me assure you otherwise. I've always wondered about those people who have the "perfect" kids- you know those kids who never talk back, don't seem to argue, make the best grades they can make, do all the sports and clubs and all that, send food to starving children around the globe, smile and ALWAYS behave in church... I've worked with a few people who had those kids, or at least acted like they did. Can we say ANNOYING?!?!?!

I'm sure my kids have been the source of more than one after school conversation between teachers at their schools as well as a few of mine. Oh well. My kids are mouthy, argumentative, VERY opinionated, LOUD, sometimes very lazy, definitely very messy. They have made horrible grades at times (one of mine holds the family "grounding record" for longest consecutive time grounded because of grades & is proud of that too let me tell you!), and not-their-best grades their whole lives even though they are all very smart young people. They have done things I am ashamed of and would never talk about to anyone. They have been to the principal's office many times, destroyed private property (there's a good story there), been in ISS, stayed after school, told the teacher off (another good story), climbed toilet stalls & urinals just because someone told them to... In fact, just this afternoon I sent one young adult child to timeout, as it were, for mouthing off at me when I was stupid enough to break up an argument between two of them because they sounded EXACTLY like two of my six year-old students today. Yup, my kids are definitely hard-headed, stubborn, obstinate and HAVE TO HAVE THE LAST WORD AT ALL COSTS!!!!!!!!!!!! I've lived through parenting nightmares, hard times, times I cried all night long, times I wanted to pull all my hair out, thought I'd commit murder or suicide because of the embarrassment they've put me through. I've used almost every implement known to man as a spanking tool- you name it, I've probably tried it.

My kids are far from perfect, and I am thankful for that. Perfect is boring. If my kids had been perfect children, I'd have missed out on some free entertainment, would have no good stories to laugh at and share with others, no memories to cherish, no life lessons learned, I'd be a lot worse parent for the perfection. My kids have taught me so much about God- sooo much and they don't even know it. My understanding of Him has a long way to go, but it's so much better than it was 20 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child. My kids have taught me so very much about life- what really matters, time management, joy, happiness, how to deal with stress and hardship. My kids have made me a better teacher- a lot better! I understand kids more having raised mine and seen all the stages of development a kid goes through, having helped mine learn to read, add/subtract, print, and all those other teachable things. I have learned more about parents from being one, and it has definitely paid off in my work. I can build better relationships with my families because of my kids' imperfections than I'd be able to if my children were the rose-colored model of kids. My hard times and embarrassments as a parent have helped me better understand parents, helped me lessen other parents' mortification when their children have acted up at school. I think it has helped me be more "real" and given me credibility with parents/grandparents. My kids have taught me what love is, how to love, how to give love, show love, be love.

Now those same kids who have at times put my patience to its limits and beyond, who have listened to me lecture, scream, throw a few of my own tempter tantrums (for like them, I am not a perfect mom- poor kids, maybe I am the problem ;) ha ha), those same kids have learned to give back to us, to those around them, to complete strangers, and this mommy could not be more proud of them or more thankful for them than I am now. They help take care of more housework than I do and have for a very long time now. They all know how to do laundry & do their own plus Rob's & mine many times. They can all cook and take turns planning their portions of the menu, planning their part of the grocery list, and preparing their meals for our family, they help contribute to our finances and help out with grocery money, gas in the car when it's low, and now helping pay our phone bill. And remember, they are not perfect, so sometimes they grumble about having to do the dishes or clean the bathroom or any number of other things, but I am seeing them grow up and become thankful and appreciative of their dad & I. And I am LOVING this maturity in them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I say LOVING it???

And as my life is beginning to creep into a new phase, I'm so very thankful for my very imperfect children. So thankful for my time with them, for the memories- good, bad, & ugly. So thankful for the love we have known together and thankful for whatever time we will have together down the road.

Yeah, I am really, truly thankful for stubborn, loud-mouthed, attitude-y, argumentative kids who love me, who give back to me each in their own way. My life is good, no better than that! I am so grateful for my children- imperfections and all. I wouldn't have them any other way!

honesty

"Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue. Honesty is hardly ever heard. And mostly what I need from you. I can always find someone to say they sympathize. If I wear my heart out on my sleeve. But I don't want some pretty face to tell me pretty lies. All I want is someone to believe." Billy Joel

I'm truly, honestly very discouraged tonight. That's me being honest.

One Week Later...

Matthew's leg & foot one week after surgery. We are so thankful to God that the dr. was able to do all the work he needed to do without having to open up the other side too, which he originally thought he was going to have to do. I can't imagine having this on both sides of the leg.

Matthew's week

Grrr... I'm so mad at my computer!!! It just "ate" all these photos I've taken. I had a bunch, and they're gone to somewhere. I was viewing them on the computer as they uploaded and when I went to edit them, the whole batch is gone. Grrr..

Oh well, these are a few of what's left to show how Matthew's week has gone so far. Went to the dr. today for a checkup. I want to warn you, if you're the type who doesn't like icky stuff- blood, wounds, etc. don't look down at the bottom. I am putting a closeup of his incision site and injured area there. It's pretty icky looking still.

a lot of napping :)

the youth group came over to see Matthew after he got home from the hospital on Sunday- this means soooo much to us!!!!

playing on mom's computer and doing homework (which is what he's actually, really doing here)

Matthew's incision site and wounded area as it looked today at his checkup after they took off the plaster cast and cotton protective stuff... the whole area is swollen and red, blue, purple. i told him he looks like Frankenstein now :)

heading home

as soon as some more meds drip in through the iv we are going home. i'm still a little concerned because of some minor complications, but i'm being reassured this is all normal and we'll be fine. so home we go, and somehow i've got to figure out how to be super-mommy/teacher and be at home with my child and at school with my children at the same time. yeah, i wish. :)

okay, it's official, i don't like this at all

it's 3:45 a.m. i couldn't get to sleep, and finally at 1:00 i thought i had to try a little harder, gave myself a lecture, put on some music on my computer way down low and tried really hard to get comfortable on this hard cushioned bed/thingy in the room. i dozed very little and laid there pretty uncomfortable mostly, getting up to help my baby :) when he needed something. about 45 minutes ago, he got very sick and almost passed out on me in the bathroom. i called the nurse for help, and when she got there she had to use smelling salts a couple times to revive him and took some vitals, and called for the rapid response team for assistance. talk about SCARED TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm trying not to let it show, but i'm really not liking this.



not. at. all.

Father, I know he really is Your child, and I only get to have a short time with him. I know You already know all this, but our baby needs Your healing and help. And, if You can spare it, I need a little rest tomorrow- when it's all over. :) I know You love us, and I'm so very, very thankful.