A Sunset Rainbow

(This photo doesn't do the rainbow we saw justice, and the colors aren't quite as true as the real thing, but it was still a neat picture.)

I've NEVER seen one like this before. There was no rain out there, just a partly cloudy sky as the sun set. But as Matthew & I drove home from VBS, we saw this rainbow on the edge of a cloud. WOW!!! We hurried home to grab the camera just in time to catch it as it disappeared with the sun's last rays.

I just LOVE rainbows. They so make me think of God and how faithful He is, even when we are not. He keeps His promises, even for centuries and centuries, even when the person He made that promise to (Noah) is long since gone. If only I can be just a part of that kind of faithful to those in my life.

Another Night in the Nuthouse

Okay, so only in my house can one hear the following and all within a five minute period (and at 11:30 at night)! :)

• video clips of dry humor, British comedy shows found on the net compliments of Dad
• three guys laughing hysterically
• three guys quoting lines, one right after another in rapid-fire fashion, from some of the world's stupidest movies- Strange Brew, Wayne's World, Napoleon Dynamite (I am sorry to have to include Napoleon in that list- though it is a very stupid movie, I kind of like it, but the other two I HATE)
• one girl giggling hysterically and shouting at the top of her lungs while she wears her "daddy's" sound-cancelling headphones
• in the midst of all this, a son start commenting, sarcastically, about the Corsicans. ??? Where in the world did that come from???
• two teen aged boys playing a combination of soccer & keep away with the sister's cell phone

I sure do live with a bunch of silly males and one goofy teen aged girl! :)

Yeah, just another night in the nuthouse called my home. Got to love it! :)

New Donorschoose.org Projects- Please help me spread the word

(This is a just a sample of the supplies I am purchasing- with my own $- to include in each homework backpack. This will help my students & families be able to complete homework projects and have a few materials to be creative with while they have the backpack at home. There will be one of these in each backpack so that each time a child takes home a bag, they will have access to these materials.)

My first Donors Choose project was fully funded recently, after only a week on the web! :) In late September/early October I should receive BIG boxes of books and learning materials, and the "hard" work of assembling and organizing my homework backpacks will begin. Let me tell you that I am SO, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY excited!!!!!!!!!!!I have two new projects which, when funded, will help me create more homework backpacks for my students and their families to borrow. If these are funded in time (before December), then I will have enough backpacks for the whole class for the school year- one bag per kid per week (mid-October through April, not including December). I'm getting a lot of questions from fellow teachers and staff members, so I'm hoping that this project will be very successful in helping students learn, families grow closer and stronger, my parent-teacher relationships grow even closer, and that it won't prove to be an organizational or time nightmare for me. I'm working on figuring out the logistics of all that!

If you would like to donate or know anyone who might, please view my projects at these links:

Project #2-http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=190939

Project #3- http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=192414

My students and their families will receive HUGE benefits from these donated materials, and I will be eternally grateful! I do plan to be able to use these bags each year, and am putting a significant amount of my own money into them. I have already, eagerly, started buying school supplies to stock them with all year as well as notebooks for the student/family journals, and backpacks to keep all the items in. I will be making lots of hand-made learning materials for each bag as well. :)

Thanks for just taking a look, considering it, helping me spread the word, and maybe even donating!
Rebekah :)

Barbara Helps Out

The kids have all spent a day with me in summer school helping my students and me. :)

Today, Barbara came back to help. She worked with the kids on sorting and later, helped them create their own books about their homes. :) She also went with us on our "Shape Hunt" and took lots of photos for us too. :)

Thanks Barbara for all your help! I had a nice day having you there with me. :)

Robert's Back in Business

Cool thing today- on my way home from work, while I was driving on the interstate, Barbara shouts out that she sees Robert on "his road" (a long story) which parallels the highway for a few hundred feet. It sure was! He & I called each other on our cell phones and met up for some pictures of him cycling.

So, almost healed up from his bike crash, here he is riding away once again.

Dexter & Samson

Jessica, these are for you since you asked me about the dogs.

Samson- 1 1/2 years old

(lab & border collie mix)
Dexter- almost 7 years old

(lab & basset hound mix)

Sunday, Sunday

Oooohhhh, yum! To end this day, I am enjoying the BEST cantaloupe I ever ate and these yummy blackberries, both of which Barbara and I bought yesterday at the Farmers' Market.

I was violently sick today and left church early. I just barely got home in time to visit the toilet. My stomach hasn't hurt that bad in a long time. My ears were ringing so loudly! I took my anti-nausea medicine, read Psalm 91, and slept all the rest of the morning and afternoon.

Thank God I am feeling better now!!! I have done my lesson plans for this week, and am going to now eat my delicious bowl of fruit and watch a Jane Austen movie- my favorite author!

AAAGGGHHH- Okay, now breathe- Okay now :)

I gain more and more appreciation and understanding of my own momma as my kids continue to grow up and now, enter the world as young adults. But, aaaaaahhhhh- sometimes I just could scream.

This evening was a wee bit stressful as first, Robert, and then Barbara and I had a few "words" - some heated, some not- about college, jobs, $, school, choices, and the future. They just know that they know and I don't. I know that they don't know as much as they think they do and that, though I don't know it all either, I know a few things, and shock of all shocks- I might even know some important things!

Feelings get hurt, and tempers flare, and words are said, and attitudes rear their sometimes ugly heads. But, in the end, we are all okay, and all is right with the world again, or at least I think so. :) Whew! I weathered another parent storm.

This part of parenthood is a bit strange and new for me- parenting young adults. I have no clue what I'm doing and just when I thought I was getting parenting figured out, well there's a whole new set of problems, dynamics, and scenarios to figure out! Parenting, as I am learning, is a never ending job I guess.

Glad my momma didn't kill me when I was this age and just knew I knew and she didn't! Thanks Momma!!!!!!!!!

Meditations

Psalm 121:1-3 I lift up my eyes to the hills; from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber.

Psalm 91:1 & 2 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.

I trust You God, no matter what. I will try to just stay in Your shelter. I need to learn to live day by day, and for today, I thank You that You will help me and that You do not sleep or grow weary. If anyone would make You weary, it would have to be me, but thank You that You do not.

Bath Time Is For the Dogs

Here are my :) thoughts for today:

Rob decided the dogs needed a bath- I should tell you that Dexter got a bath the other night at 11:30 PM or so when he got loose, yet again, during a storm. Rob tracked him down and somehow he had gotten into a storm drain or something and, well, he was a bit "ooo-ey"- we'll leave it at that. Poor Rob, standing outside at almost midnight in a storm to hose the dog off in the dark. :( I wanted to help him, but was a "bit" sick and could not. :(

So, Samson goes first tonight. He wasn't too thrilled as you can see. But he's the absolute sweetest dog, and he took it pretty well.



Dexter, went under the deck when he saw Rob go for the hose, but when he realized it was Sammy's turn, well he came back out, got some undivided attention from us, and then just enjoyed this peach as if he hadn't a care in the world. He didn't look at Samson again or notice him, until Sammy was done and trying to follow Dexter around and shake off the water all over Dex. :)


Now it is Dexter's turn. He HATES bath time, but has quit fighting Rob over it. Barbara helped wash both the dogs this time.


Barbara went running when both the dogs tried to come give her some "attention" and shake off all over her. She hid behind the screen door and just stood there while they both watched her and waited for her to come back out. :)

I was going to post the "post bath" photos, but Blogger and I aren't getting along. Oh well, I've bored you enough with these dog pictures I'm sure.

Though I've been really sick this week, I'm feeling better today, and enjoyed a nice day at school, a nice meal (I picked out the recipe & Rob made white chili which was a first for us, and it was great!), and now a nice, quiet evening while the kids are at youth group. Rob and I are going to go burn some fossil fuel and money which we don't really have and just go for a ride, but I'm not driving. I'm ready to quit driving myself anywhere because I am just getting too stupid. Tomorrow is grocery day, plus lesson planning, preparing for my part of VBS (which isn't that much really), and hopefully I'll be feeling good, even better than today and I can be a "real human being" for a change.

P.S. What a beautiful night for a drive. We went out and found some country- NC country anyway. It was so pretty! We had to take the long way back because they closed the interstate back into G'boro, so it was even better! I heard frogs and crickets and locusts and all those creatures! We drove with the windows down, talked, listened to K-Love and sang and worshipped together. It was so nice! When we came home, the dogs came in to say "hi" to mom and get a treat. Here they are with Rob.

Robert Crashes

Robert had a bike crash today, thank God it didn't include a motorized vehicle!!!!!!!!!! Just in case you want to see the gross close-ups of his "boo-boos," well knock yourself out!

OUCH!!!!!!!!! That has to burn!

More road burn

Yeah, he banged up both legs too and has a knot on his shoulder where his shoulder blade took a hit to the curb!

So, our evening ends with Robert's version of "Thinking Man." He is thinking about how much this hurts & how "proud" he is of his first bike crash injuries (??? weird, I know, but the boy thinks Lance Armstrong and all those Tour guys are awesome!), and besides he has ADD! :)

Seriously, thanks God for keeping my boy safe and not letting this involve a car or letting him get run over while he was crashing/getting up & off the road. Please continue to keep my son safe while he's cycling out & about.

Happy 4th of July

First of all, I'm so happy to have taken my first fireworks photos successfully! They may not be the best, but I'm just thrilled to have gotten some at all!

Second, and most importantly, thank you God for freedom! Freedom to worship You and live for You without the fear of imprisonment, death, or any other punishments. Please help me to not take that for granted. Thank you for a country, though not without many faults, that allows its citizens freedom. Please help me to remember my brothers and sisters in other nations who do not have these same freedoms.

Third, thank You Father for the men and women who have served my country to give us these freedoms, who have served faithfully when their country called them, and who have given their lives either through death or through life-changing injuries for our nation and citizens.

I always think of my daddy on the 4th. Tonight I also thought of my cousin's husband, Phillip, who was severely injured in Afghanistan two years ago. Of his injuries and the pain he has been in. Of how his life must have been completely and totally changed as a result of his faithful service, and not just his life, but the lives of his wife and children and family. How many other soldiers' stories are like that, and how much are they appreciated? I know what I must do tonight before I go to sleep, thank that soldier and his family.

Thank you God!

Rob is too good to me

So this weekend was not the best I've ever had. I'll spare myself and anyone who might read this the details, but I was just not a happy camper. It did not help that I woke up on Sunday and shortly after that, while trying to get ready for church I got pretty sick and felt really LOUSY all day. Lousy, like "somebody just shoot me now" and "I thought this machine was supposed to be making me better and now I feel horrible again" kind of sick. Then to add injury to insult, my face is completely a mess from the mask I am wearing at night! I just felt sick, hideously ugly, exhausted and just plain awful!

I told Rob I wanted to go live in the mountains, seriously. If I could be a hermit I wouldn't have to deal with stress, people, anything I didn't want to. I know that's fairy-tale land and not reality, but I really do wish we could afford to live up there, find a nice, simple home with a beautiful view of the mountains or a lake or stream on the land. I know that wouldn't solve all my problems, but if I could escape to a beautiful, peaceful place I could just gaze at God's workmanship and feel more at peace.

Anyway, I'm rambling on. Rob had to work on Sunday, and he beat us home from church by a little bit. When I came home I was greeted by these photos:

This sign was hanging in the doorway to our living room.

Some very pretty roses- I have never seen an orange rose so pretty as these!

This was the sweetest thing. Rob had run to the store and bought brown craft paper to make "mountains" (he was even going to do some drawing to make it look more real) and put in the window, but somewhere along the way, in his hurry to get it done before I got home, he misplaced the roll of paper between Walmart, the van, and the house. So he ran downstairs and found this snowflake wrapping paper, and he made these "snowy mountains" and taped in both our windows.

I know it might seem simple, and even a bit goofy, but this simple act of his was truly one of the sweetest things Rob has ever done for me. It meant more to me than a card or anything else he could have done! I will cherish this memory forever! And, though it didn't make me feel physically or emotionally better or solve all my problems, it did lighten my load a great deal! He is way too good to me, and I truly don't deserve this. But, God, I'm so thankful for a loving husband!

Blah!

I'm just not very happy tonight. I just wish I had the money to move to the mountains and stay to myself.

My New Nighttime Pal

Okay, for Momma who asked me to take a picture, here you go. I'm no beauty I know, and the picture quality isn't too good, but you'll get the idea. For those who don't know it, I was diagnosed with OSA (obstructive sleep apnea), and this is a CPAP machine and mask to help me breathe all night long like a person is supposed to. CPAP stands for Constant Positive Airway Pressure.

Okay, now for the ugly part, here is me with my mask all strapped on. I'm learning how to adjust it and get used to it. I still have a red welt/bruise on my nose from the first night with it where I had it on way too tight.

Thanks Momma for praying for me and about the insurance issues we had with this. With God's help I'm going to really start feeling better very quickly; I already do feel better! :)

Well, good night all. Sweet dreams for you and hopefully for me.

Rebekah :)

donorschoose.org

I just made my first proposal (kind of like a mini-grant)! I'm waiting to hear from donorschoose and hopefully in a week or so my proposal will be up and taking donations!!! If it gets fully funded, I will be starting the homework backpacks I've thought of making for years but never had the money for! I've already started making my own materials to go with the ones I've asked for, and will be looking for more books & items I can find/make/buy to make more.

This is really neat! I may have taught for a long time now, but I'm still learning too. Cool!

----------------------------------UPDATE--------------------------------

My proposal was accepted, and is now "live!" YEAH! Click on the title to go see it! :)
Hands-On Homework Bags-I

I Am Scared But Trying Hard to Please You God

In just a few minutes I am leaving for the MRI test I have to go through to rule out some problem I may or, more likely, may not have. To say I don't want to go is an understatement of HUGE proportions!!!!!!!!

The dr. gave me the (at this point especially) much cherished "happy" pills, and I will be taking the first one shortly. I am just nervous, what if they don't help me relax, what if I am still quite aware of the machine's closeness to my big, massive, obese self, what if I can't stay still in the tube, what if it takes forever, what if I can't handle it, what if I get stuck (silly I know, but seriously)...

God,

I know I am so very undeserving of even asking any favors, and I so feel like I cannot ask You for anything for myself. I don't have that feeling when I pray for others, but don't like to pray for me. But, I also know You have taken care of me even when I couldn't see it, and I know You are with me now, even if I feel so very undeserving or if I don't understand Your plan. I also know that sometimes Your plan includes pain or suffering or hard times or hurt so that we can minister to another person in our journey. I'm ready for that, I want that, and I'm not afraid of a diagnosis, I just want to make it through this test and know what's up.

So Father, would You please calm my racing heart, my fears and insecurities? Would You walk with me through this test? Would You please stay beside me in the MRI machine where my husband can't go to comfort me and hold my hand? (I know it will be a tight fit with You and me both in there, :) but I know You're skinnier than me. :) Come on God, You know You are laughing at me, Your silly child!) Would You please help me not flip out from the fear of this extremely tight space? Would You just let me rest in You and, literally, rest and just sleep through it all? And most of all God, would You in Your wisdom and love please let there be an answer in this test, even if it is a disease or a label, Lord, I'd really, honestly, rather have that than a bunch of $ and tests and still no answer as to the problems I'm having. Because I know You can heal me of a disease or a name or You will help me live with it if that is what You want. Most of all, I just want to know what's causing me to feel so bad, You heal me of it or provide me with a way to live and deal with it, and hopefully I will let You shine through me in it all. Please God, let me get this one right. Let me please You.

With much love,
Your goofy child, Rebekah

Listening

I'm in a week long training for mentors, and today one of the trainers read us this piece on listening. It says a lot of what I feel sometimes about people I've confided in, friends, family, and I know it is something I need to remember when others are talking to me. So I hope that I have become and will continue to become a better listener. For those who might read this and know me, I apologize for times when I wasn't so good at listening to you.

On Listening (an excerpt by Ralph Roughton, M.D.)

When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen; not talk or do- just hear me. I can do for myself. I'm not helpless, maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and feeling of inadequacy. But when you accept as fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious, and I don't need advice.

Our Graduate

Well, graduation was wonderful (mostly), and we were all so very, very proud of Robert!!! The day was busy but great (I didn't know my house would hold so many people), and I think he had a nice weekend with his family and youth group and friends. I would have posted photos sooner but didn't want to spend the time our family was here sitting on the computer, so I waited.

Robert played with the band for his last time. Here he is (far right) getting a picture with his band teacher, Mr. Butler, and the other senior band members.

My shot of him getting his handshake and diploma turned out lousy, but this one I like. He was walking back to his seat.

Robert, the new high school graduate!

My three kids!

:)

It still doesn't seem like it's real (that's how it's been everytime) but in about an hour, my momma, pop, and sister will pull into my driveway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I left work early a bit to get the kids and do last minute chores and such and finish my report cards. I'm going to go do the printing of those now so I can try to have that done before they get here! I'm so happy they're here, even though my head is spinning and I feel lousy. I need a momma right now to love on me and be here with me for graduation.

THANKS GOD for allowing them to be here!

This afternoon while wrapping up our day in class with my kinderkids, I realized that today was Robert's last day of high school. Bad mom me, I meant to make a big deal with him this morning and tell him mushy stuff and all that. (Robert's probably thinking, "Yeah, saved by the forgetful mom.") Originally I had thought Rob & I could get up way early and take him out for breakfast; yeah, that didn't happen either.

So I made sure I was there for him when school got out, and instead of breakfast I let him choose what kind of after school treat he wanted. We ended up at Starbucks later (after a few sidetracks- that's another Oprah!).

So, no more high school for Robert. He has grad practice on Thursday morning and a breakfast after and then he's done. Tomorrow he's going to my school to help and hang out. It will be his first day as an "official" volunteer- complete with signing in in the office and wearing a volunteer tag.

So begins the next stage of my motherhood- having an adult child. I can't think of a better way to start this leg of the road, and what an honor that Robert wants to spend his first day out of school with me at my work!!!! He'll never know how much this means to me!!!!!!!

Thanks God for, well, everything!

It's almost here

This time next weekend, I will be cleaning up from Robert's graduation party! I am sure I will be exhausted and quite happy. My momma and pop, and sister too, will be here. I will have seen my first child graduate from high school. I will have served home-made lasagna and all the other requisites of a lasagna dinner to 30-50 people.

It's going to be a BUSY week! Today we are busy getting the house ready, buying food for ourselves, for our company, and for the party, plus Matthew and I did our decorations shopping too. On Friday, I'm taking a personal day to visit with my family, get all that food ready to go, decorate, and somehow in all that, I'm going to try to squeeze in a quick trip to the strawberry patch to meet my class on their last field trip. (I sure hate to miss a field trip, but my kid and family are more important).

I still have to pick up and put away a bunch of school stuff that's been piling up, update and balance my checkbook, and pay all my bills too tonight. Plus, I've got all that assessment stuff to record, enter online, document.... and report cards to do this week too. (Yeah, and think, I only teach K!) My list of things that have to get done in this week at work is overwhelming too, and I know I am going to have to make some choices this week about what I can and can't do. I'm learning that I just can't do everything that I want to, and though I hate not being the best and perfect at what I do, I'm slowly learning to accept that I can't be perfect, just the best I can be. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I do not know how I will ever get it all done, so I better get going. I still have a second job which hasn't been getting any hours from me either. YIKES!!!!!!!! I'm just not as good at that as Rob is, but that's another thing I've learned to accept- I cannot be as good as Rob or my mom in many things no matter how hard I try. I am not trying too hard anymore, just learning to be me.

Okay, I'm leaving this rambling thought process now as I have to get going on this list of things.

Graduation is coming! Graduation is coming! Graduation is coming!!!

Senior Awards Night

Getting ready to go- "Is this tie too long?

My handsome soon-to-be-high-school-graduate

Robert and Miss Junior Marshall (yeah, she's only a LITTLE excited about this!)

Graduation is almost here! I better go buy a BIG box of tissue!!!!!!!!!!!

Lovely Lambs Ear

Barbara says I have a love affair with this plant, but I do really love it. It is up there on my list of favorites. Its leaves are SO SO SO soft!!!! I had planted three last year, and this year they're blooming!!! I didn't even know they bloomed!!!!!!! I think they are so pretty, and I do love them! Here are some shots of my lambs ear from near the carport. I bought several more to put in the backyard this spring, so next year the backyard should be full of them too!!!

Very tiny blooms up close

Can you see how soft they are from this photo? OOOOhhhh!!!!

Another Day to Remember for Barbara

Today Barbara was inducted into the National Honor Society! Rob & I were both able to leave work early enough to be there for her. I teasingly told her that if she was honored for anything else I didn't care- I wasn't leaving work. :) :) :) She did have an awards program this morning, but I couldn't do both.

Here are some photos of both of my NHS students! I love my kids, and I am so proud of them!!!

And with Ms. Weinkle, one of their teachers and the NHS advisor.

Fish Funeral

Today at school I helped the children have a fish funeral. It was probably a little silly looking to any other adult, but it was sweet.

Hi Ho Hi Ho It's Off to the Hospital I Go

I'm off to Wake University/Baptist Hospital for my second night. :( I miss my family, and HATE being away from them. I'm supposed to sleep and rest, but will not do either very well without my family near me. Oh well, I'll make it.

I just feel really lousy again, can't miss work, and don't want to go. Waaaaaa....

Okay, shower time and leaving.

Barbara's Special Day

Barbara was inducted into the National Beta Club last week. This honor was the result of her good grades and the recommendation of a teacher. Rob and I were both able to get away from our schools to be there for her. It was a nice time to show her our support and be a proud dad & mom.

This is Barbara and our "adopted son" Dunamis. :)

Barbara and her "peeps."

A Wish Rewritten

I recently received a forward that contained this message in it:

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~
A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself.
An unexpected phone call from an old friend.
Green stoplights on your way to work.
The fastest line at the grocery store.
A good sing-along song on the radio.
Your keys found right where you left them.

Though it's nice, it made me think about what I would really wish for someone, a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, a family member, someone I love deeply. Though I am among the top of the list when it comes to enjoying, and some days craving, an easy day with everything in its place and life running smoothly, are these the truly important things I would really want to wish for myself or someone else? And are these little things really miracles?

So I think I'll rewrite this wish:

• A bird's gentle, sweet song to wake you.
• A beautiful sunrise on your way to work that helps you reflect on the Maker and His beauty.
• An opportunity to smile at a stranger or to tell them "Good morning," and see them smile back.
• Seeing someone in need and being thankful for the food in your pantry, the clothes on your back, the roof over your head, & the job that provides you money for all those needs (and maybe even the joy of knowing you fed someone who would have gone without supper otherwise).
• A song in your heart to lighten your load.
• Wisdom to deal with all life's hassles- from the lost keys to the unbalanced checkbook and unpaid bills, the arguing kids and the looming deadlines.
• Peace in the storm & in Him who can keep you safe in His arms.

The Future

Something has been "suggested" to me now several times, but today it became a bit more of a possibility. I don't want to say more here yet, but likely will as God reveals my future to me. But I sure want God to show Himself to me, reveal His will and the path He wants me to take and the plans He has for my future.

God, show me Your way, and guide me in Your paths.

So Tired

I have never been so tired in my whole life.

Thankful for Being a Mom

I am so very thankful, beyond the words I can write here, to be a mom. Our kids mean more to me with each passing year. They have taught me a great deal about God's love, about life, about being a mom, about love and acceptance, about joy and happiness. I never knew I could love so deeply until I became a mom, and I never knew I could love so deeply until the years started passing me by and they've become almost grown. That love I felt when I felt my children move inside me or when they were handed to me after they were born has only grown each year; I had no idea how much I would love these children.

I enjoy being home with my family more than anything, more than any place I could visit, more than any other activity I could do. No one else fills me with more pride and joy. It has been a thrill to watch them grow and learn and experience life, and though I am feeling some small bit of sadness to know I soon have to let them go, I am thrilled to watch them grow and become the young adults they are. I look forward to the future and seeing them graduate, finish college, start their life's work and ministries, date, marry, and begin families of their own.

I know my time with my children at home is drawing to a close, and though I will hate to see it end, I know the next stage of my life as mom will be a wonderful and joyful one.

Thank You God for allowing me to be a mom. Thank you for all the little moments I've had to enjoy: the little handfuls of flowers, the cards and pictures and creations I've received, the snuggles and the night-time "company" we sometimes had, the laughter, and yes, the times of pain and worry and stress, the many, many memories and stories I have to remember our time. Thank You for teaching me about Your love through mother-hood; there has been no other method in my life that has helped me understand You and Your love more than being a mom. Thank You for it all, Father.

A Gift

I must have a gift for upsetting people. In the past three weeks I've had three people unload a lot of anger, frustration, hurt at me, and I continue to never know if I will upset or offend those I work with or not on a daily basis.

I've decided that I must have a knack, a gift, or special talent for upsetting people. The thing that bothers me most is that I haven't tried to hurt people, didn't intend to, deliberately or sneakily try to say or do anything, and wasn't even aware that what I had said or done did offend until I got nasty emails, voice mails, or told off in person or behind my back and within earshot. Maybe I've got some subconscious thing going on where I really am an ugly person who means to be hurtful and mean.

Yesterday was my final straw- I left the cafeteria in the middle of setting up for our Mothers' Day Tea and went to do my paperwork to take leave. Stuck it in my boss's hand and told her "I've had enough for one week. I've been sent an ugly email and just yelled at all before 7:15. I'm done for this week. I'm going home." And I did take a half day and went home to be me and a mom for Barbara.

I must be a real witch just hiding behind my pretend smile and kind face. I am really going to re-evaluate the person I am because I'm tired of people telling me off via email and tired of being told how ugly a person I really am.

Yeah, it's back to that Momma. I don't like me again, and to be honest, right now, I don't like people (in the adult form at least). I'm tired of everything!

Robert's Concert video clip

I've got a longer clip, but am having trouble uploading it. Here is a short clip of last night's band concert. Robert is sitting on the end of the second row from the right.

The First of the Lasts...

I've been recording some of the firsts of Robert & our family lately- his first election, our first senior pictures, and such. Well tonight marked the first of my "lasts." My last band concert with my oldest child. I was a bundle of emotions- from prouder than proud to happy, sad, nostalgic, and more than I could probably even recognize or name.

It's been a long time since we took that young boy to pick out an instrument. From that night when he tried out several and settled on the french horn. From the time when he had his first band concert, and I was so proud of his rough notes and grinned in understanding at his nerves (though he wouldn't admit it then and probably not now). From all the nights and all the concerts and contests. I look back now and think about how hard it was, financially, to provide that horn- a used one at that- for him, but it was a gift I wanted to give my kids, a talent I wanted them to explore.

Where has time gone? How is it possible this chapter in my life is about to end and another begin? I know the next one will be just as good or even better, and I know I will enjoy watching it unfold before my eyes just as I have loved almost every single moment of this chapter in my life. It's not that I'm sad or afraid of the future; I look forward to all that God may bless us with in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. It's just that I really realize that this time in my life is almost over. No more little ones who need a mommy. It's a bit of sorrow for the times I let slip by me, the moments that I might have missed, the opportunities now gone forever. There are so many things I wanted to do with my kids, things & experiences I wanted to share with them, lessons I should have taught them better, examples I should have set, things I did that I wish I could undo. They're not regrets, but almost.

I know I will adjust to this new part of my life and love it as much, and hopefully even more. I look forward to knowing my children as adults and, I pray, as friends. I look forward to watching them start their own lives, make the big decisions, establish themselves in the adult world, touch lives through their work and ministries, start their own families, add to my life more daughters and a son and grandchildren. But, right now, I'm so not ready to let go of this last page of this chapter. I am going to savor these last few lines before I must turn the page. I am going to read this ending very slowly for it will help me look forward to the next one in my life.

God, I am so very thankful for Your allowing me to be the mommy that I always wanted to be. I can never thank you enough for my children and all the joy and love they've given me, the lessons they've taught me, the happiness and wonderful memories I hold dear in my heart. Help me to savor them, but not hold onto the past. Help me to let go now and release these precious ones back to You who gave them to me for a short time. Keep them in You always and help them to grow closer to You and to rely on You always.

Robert's 1st Election

My baby voted yesterday- his first time!

Forgiveness and Grace

My prayer tonight is from another song I love,

"Bring me back to the place of forgiveness and grace. I need You, need Your help. I can't do this myself. You're the only one who can undone what I've become."

Today I was not what I should have been. I am angry and hurt and disappointed in a student who lied and half-truthed about me and a family member who called me and very angrily insisted, more like demanded, on my explanation as well as accusing me of treating this child unfairly. I feel very betrayed especially knowing how much love I have given all my kids, including this student. Knowing that I had shared my heart for children with this person so I thought she knew how I felt about my kids- all of them. Knowing, though only Rob & Kristen knew this before, how much of my own personal money I spent to buy this particular child (and not the others) books to be able to continue her reading since she has surpassed my own classroom library. Knowing how I am the only teacher who does a "class store" and the money someone is upset with me about was my own money given freely to my children from my own purse and bank account... I could go on and on, but I shouldn't.

Today, that child thought she could misbehave and I wouldn't discipline her because of the angry phone call I received yesterday. She pushed every button she could today and looked to see if I was watching and what I would do about it.

I am also tired of feeling like I'm supposed to bring grade level together or that it's my fault if it is not. I'm tired of feeling like the odd duck in the group. I'm tired of feeling like a failure because I am different than my coworkers. I don't think I'm something special or better than anyone else, I'm just me trying to be me and be my best- not better than them, just better than I was a day ago or a week ago.

I am just hurt and tired and angry. Some days those hugs and love just almost don't make up for the rough side of teaching. Thankfully, though, I got a hug from the child from whom I would have least expected it, and it came at just the right time. I'll think on that, pray that prayer up above, and ask God to help me to forgive, turn the other cheek, and be able to go in and do my job tomorrow. I'll pray for the family member who is angry with me too, though that is hard.

Flower Beds- Beginnings

We've been working a little bit here and there to make some improvements in the yard where we rent and live. This weekend, the boys, Rob & I put in a lot of work all helping out. Here are some photos of what we did. We've never done this much anywhere we've lived, but thanks to some unexpected money for being a cooperating teacher, I was able to buy some pretty plants, and we "went to town." Here are some beginning photos of our house and flower beds. I'll put some more up later.


And one other MAJOR accomplishment for me- I only feel slightly guilty spending my money on this and not something else we could have used or more practical. It was so nice to do this! I don't think I've ever spoiled myself like that before! :)



The front of the house has hanging baskets with one of my favorites- fuchsia! I made the window boxes I found at Walmart for $6 each just porch boxes and planted impatiens in them. Then in the flower bed in front of the house there are: hostas, false indigo in purple & yellow, more impatiens, a single fern that we planted last fall which survived the winter and the squirrels, Irish moss, blue star creeper, Aztec grass, and a few petunias. I painted my rusted plant stand and put my houseplants back out for the summer too now that the colder night air is definitely gone!


Matthew wanted an herb garden, so here is his patch. He planted basil, thyme, peppermint, and two lambs ear that I gave him too. I LOVE lambs ear. Plus in the center is the lavender I planted last year. In the extreme drought we've been under it died off, and I thought it was just money I'd wasted, but to my surprise last week, I went back and found it had survived after all and was growing again! :) Oh, and we aren't sure, but we think the stuff in the back is the chives I planted last year too. ??? We're waiting to see.

Okay, I'm turning into Pop. But that's okay. I had the boys help me split/move some hostas. We put hostas and impatiens by the shed in back in the small flower beds. Should be pretty this summer!

After close to three years here, I finally noticed that one of the big trees in the back yard is a tulip tree. In my defense, the branches are not down low enough to see and the blooms rest up on top of the leaves so they are hard to find. My kids had not seen these before. I was so excited to discover this bloom. It was on the only branch even close to my reach. Robert and I had to stretch a bit to get this photo.

I have a few more hostas to split and move. Robert, Matthew, and I will start a row of hostas and caladiums behind the house by the basement windows next. Then I've still got a flat of marigolds and petunias to plant out back. Plus Rob tilled up two patches for me to plant all my TONS of sunflower seeds. We're going to have a pretty yard this summer!

Irises

This was an iris in our yard last week right after a rainshower. When I was little, these were my favorite flower. I think it was our neighbor in Mitchell, but I remember someone had purple irises growing in their yard and I loved them!

I'm enjoying "picking" flowers with my camera. This way I can enjoy them even after they're done blooming and gone.

And Momma you will be getting this one for your book. :)

Whew! I made it!

I know, I know everyone's busy. I know everyone has a lot of things going on and lots of responsibilities and lots to do. Let me say here that I am not complaining. I am just wanting to record our very busy day so later I can look back and see what all Rob & I and the kids accomplished. Someday when my children are grown and gone- which won't be that much longer actually- I might want to remember how life was so hectic and how much I actually did. Maybe I'll actually cut myself some slack someday, nah-- probably not, but you never know. :)

So with that in mind, it was a very busy Saturday:

• Barbara took the SAT test and had to be at the test site about 7:30.
• Kristen graduated at 9 AM from High Point University; I was invited to go and really wanted to attend for her and to see/hear Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, but I had to make myself not go. I felt a little guilty, but I'll get over it soon I'm sure.
• I had to make my menu and grocery list.
• Make the grocery run which means Save-a-Lot first, then home to unload, then to Walmart to get what the first store didn't have.
• Rob worked on yard & house things and shampooed the carpets (boy were they needing it!) and who knows what else he did. :)
• Sometime after noon/1:00, we knew we'd get a call to pick Barbara up from her test.
• I made a stop at Lowe's to look for some plants. I was going to pick something out for myself for Mothers' Day plus I got a check from the university (I was not expecting that!) for being Kristen's cooperating teacher, so I ended up spending it all on flowers. I've always wanted to do that, but never done it in the 19 years we've been married!!! I had so much fun just buying pretty things for my yard and spending time with Matthew who helped me make my choices. I bought so much it filled the car and we had to run home before I could finish my grocery run at Walmart.
• Robert had to be at work at 2:00.
• Barbara was home by then, so she & I did the Walmart run, and boy did I have to rush.
• We came home, Babs and Matthew unloaded the car while Rob & I quickly changed clothes and got ready to leave for Kristen's graduation party.
• We drove an hour to Salisbury, NC, for Kristen's party. Stayed about an hour. It was very nice, and she wanted to introduce me to some of her family. She has the nicest mom and dad, and of course her hubby is a great guy too!
• We had to leave at 5:00, we'd only been there about 45-50 minutes, because we had to be back to pick up Robert from work.
• Barbara had to be at her babysitting job at 5:30, but thankfully they didn't mind to come pick her up this week (usually we take her one way and then they bring her home).
• We made it back to G'boro and Robert at 6:15.
• I should have clocked into work, but the boys and I started working on planting my flowers. We had a nice time working together. Now my front flower bed in front of the house is so pretty. The landlord should be pleased the next time he/she drives by. And for as long as we are here, I will have some pretty perennials to enjoy. I will try to take some photos later and post for my Pop who likes to landscape and do yard work. (Pop, I think I'm turning into you because I had the boys move some hostas to different places, and I found several hostas in the back that need to be split.) :) :) :)
• While we three worked up front, Rob borrowed the neighbor's tiller and worked in the backyard getting our patches tilled up for sunflowers and more.
• I found some vine on the house and it has grown up under the eaves. I started pulling away and cutting it out, when I realized it was poison ivy. I didn't think I was allergic, but came in and washed right away just in case. The way things have been with me lately, you never know. :)

So that was my Saturday. Yeah, it was a busy, but nice day!

One foot in front of the other

That's all I'm doing right now. One foot in front of the other and repeat. :)

I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, but I know I don't have a choice and I know God will help me make it.

For such is the kingdom...

Yes, His kingdom is like this. :) Read on...

My class enjoyed some yummy popsicles and were amazed to see their tongues changing colors. I told them we'd take a silly picture of them sticking their tongues out at me. Ummm.... :) I'm a goofy teacher, but we had fun and believe me, I needed it!

The past two days have not been good for me. I won't record the details because they aren't important for me to remember someday if I look back at this journal entry. It will suffice to say that people can be hurtful, sometimes very much so. I left school today during the middle of the day for about an hour and fell apart after two days of mean and hurtful things; I am exhausted and sick and just came to the end of my rope for this week. I just got on the interstate and drove and cried and prayed and ended up calling my momma before I pulled myself together and went back to work.



I was all prepared to sit down and write it all out, to spill my guts here, but then I've had time to think about it and what I really want to remember is that once again, in the midst of frustration and hurt, God used my little ones to love me and to teach me.

I don't like pictures of me, but I love the kid in this picture, Kevin, my hugger!

Several times over the past couple days Kevin kept coming up to me in the middle of centers, on the playground, at lunch, throughout the day at various times and just bear hugging me for no apparent reason, whispering to me, "I love you." (I need to tape his voice as there are no words that can describe Kevin's voice to you; I absolutely adore it when he talks- it is just simply precious!) Kevin gives the best, biggest, longest, most heartfelt hugs I've ever had. Then Abbie, who likes me I know but doesn't normally give me hugs and such, just came up to me yesterday and today to hug me several times, again just out of the blue for no obvious reason that I'm aware of. Matthew, who has very slowly warmed up to me, brought me a handful of flowers and spent his whole recess today picking me flowers along with Jiquan and posing for my camera.

Matthew's gift to me today- a handful of flowers and silly faces- God used this little boy to make me smile and laugh at the end of this stressful week.

It made me think a lot about the scriptures where Jesus talked about children and the kingdom of heaven. This is what God loves about children. Though they certainly can be mean- I've seen it plenty of times- they have an ability to love people despite their faults that adults sometimes lose. My kids don't see me as a fat lady, an ugly lady, or any of the other things I've heard in public or even say about myself. My children love me for the person I am inside, the person they see, the real me. Just like my heavenly Father. Azka told me this week, "You're beautiful." Timera said, "You pretty." Maybe God was speaking through them too.


Whatever the case may be, I know God used my children to speak to me in a difficult time and to give me back some of the love I've given away to them. I needed it Lord, it was a "rainy day" for me on the inside, and though you didn't take away the rain, you sent a ray of your light into my little storm to make a beautiful rainbow in my day. I thank you for that. And though I can't give you back much, I offer you whatever I have that I can do or say. And I share these photos as my testament of the love You sent me today on a bad day.

I've Got Peaches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last year for Mothers' Day, the kids bought (with their own money) me a peach tree. We watered that tree as much as we could with water restrictions and even prayed for that tree when it was so hot and dry. :) Matthew just came running in to tell me we've got peaches! YEAH! How cool is that! I've never grown any fruit before, so this is really neat!

Bring the Rain

Mercy Me sings:
"I am Yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above... You who made a way for me, suffering your destiny. So, tell me what's a little rain? So I pray, bring me joy, bring me peace. Bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings you glory. I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise you, then Jesus bring the rain."

Okay, God, no matter what I'm going to praise You. So if you must, well, bring on the rain. I'm ready because I know You go with us. :)

Romans 8:35-39 (my paraphrase) Who shall separate me from God's love? In anything that comes my way, I will finish this journey with Him because He loves me (even when I doubt myself or how He could possibly love me). I am convinced that there is nothing on this earth, no problem, no sickness, no lack of strength, no trial, no person, no power, nothing in the past or the future, no self-doubts or worries that can keep me from God's love.

Nice Evening

Matthew and I just spent some time planting two flower beds with seeds I bought last month in my eagerness for Spring! :) Pop bought good soil and mulch and put it around our magnolia tree last Thanksgiving when they came out, so we planted a mix of flower seeds (blues, pinks, whites) all around under that. Then we planted the bed next to the carport with mammoth and Mexican sunflowers, echinacia, black-eyed Susans, gillardia, shasta daisies, alyssum, morning glories, and moonflowers. I can hardly wait until they all start growing!!!! Last year, the Mexican sunflowers, especially, attracted TONS of butterflies and hummingbirds.

We're going to plant a couple more big patches of sunflowers and more. Just not sure how quickly that will get done in the next couple weeks with all the jobs, drama club, sports, school functions, and more, but hopefully soon. At least, we got a start on it today.

It was a nice evening. Hey, I even felt good enough to cook dinner after too, that's an accomplishment! :)

Night!

It's Done!

Well, yesterday, I drove downtown after picking up Robert from school and before going back for Barbara :) and delivered my packet of TOY portfolios to the human resources office. Whatever the outcome, whatever God has planned for me, I did the best I could and it's done. It's in His hands now.

Momma, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for proofreading, offering your comments and constructive criticism to me. You helped me make it a whole lot better!!!!!!!!!!! I start to say "I couldn't have done it without you," but yeah, I could have, it just wouldn't have been anywhere nearly as good as it ended up being. I got compliments from the two fellow teachers I shared it with, my principal, and our CF at school brought it back to me with this comment, "Only one word, Rebekah, 'outstanding!'" :) :) :)

So now I can go back to being who I am: goofy, quirky, Big Mama, loud, and silly me. :)

Laughing Out Loud- on the inside where it counts

I have to put this down to remember. I'm dying laughing inside, but being the good mommy I should be, I am not letting it show so as to not hurt someone's feelings.

Barbara is doing her schoolwork and just asked me an interesting question.

"Mommy, what's cannabis?" I told her it was pot. Okay, now I'm quoting here folks! "Really? When did they change its name?"

Serious as a heart attack! Oh my word! That kid is so smart, but sometimes she can be a complete and total ditz! :)

HA! HA! HA! I'm dying to tell Rob this one! :)

It's been a beautiful day here in NC (at least this part of NC anyway). :) I drove home with all four windows down and enjoyed the warm breeze and the sunshine.

Rob, Robert, and Barbara are all working for the Greensboro Grasshoppers this year, and ball season has started so there is someone working almost every night now. Rob is tired after teaching all day, running home from school to grab a sandwich and turn right back around to go to the ballpark. I will be starting the second job soon and then things ought to get really interesting around here.

I'm still fighting the dizzies, but I can make it. :) I haven't had to take any of my "zombie medicine" since Tuesday, so that's a plus. I've just been toughing it out as much as I can.

I have my teacher of the year portfolio done and all the copies printed and assembled as instructed, and will be dropping it off downtown tomorrow afternoon. Whew! Glad that's done! :)

Okay, I've said nothing really, but that's okay, do I ever really? :)

Appreciation

There are a few simple things in life I've learned to appreciate more lately:

• taking a shower
• driving down the highway
• taking a walk (and enjoying it)
• feeling good
  
  I'm really tired of this vertigo/meneire's crap! I don't like me, and don't know how my family can even stand to put up with my constant not feeling good. Yeah,
  I definitely appreciate the days when I feel at least less sick.
  
  And, no today isn't one of those days. But, I'll live to take a walk, enjoy a hot shower, drive without weaving or at least feeling like I am, and feel good another day. Thank you God for helping me until then.